Paradise on Earth - Yosemite National Park

There are so many fabulous far away places to see...

This one brought me to my knees.

The journey was a rough one. I set out from Ohio on the 7:30 flight via Chicago O Hare, to SFO International Airport. It landed at 12:30 am midnight. My little sis, drove up in her car, having a hard time finding the right terminal and gate etc., it was cute to listen to her navigate and finally find me. I don't remember if we hugged, but I do remember her asking me immediately afterward, "will you please drive back?" I was tired, and sick, and sick, and tired, not to forget hungry!
We found a late night sushi place in Oakland, cause such places exist in cities that are not Cleveland.
We went to Kansai Sushi in oakland (off of 44th and Telegraph Ave.), and ordered a bunch of rolls, including a delicious Ryan roll (cause it was named after my boyfriend, although he had nothing to do with its creation). It hit the spot. After a satisfying short meal, we headed to her little house in the Berkeley hills.

We got home, slept, and woke up bright and early. We went for a walk/ run through a little rose garden, a park, a very steep up hill run, and when we got home we made breakfast. We left for Yoga at the Yoga to the People studio, lunch at Udipi Palace in Berkeley and finally quick stop for groceries at Trader Joes. We were finally done by 3 pm and we set off to Yosemite - Curry Village. The GPS told us it was 3 hours and 40 some minutes away. There was traffic, the weather was wonderful and we did need to stop for gas.

As we got closer to Yosemite we got onto Rt 120, there was a very scary portion of the road after passing "Moccasin Point", (near a place called Groveland), where the road was very windy with hairpin curves and turns, and it was 20 miles/ hour speed limit, and there was no barrier to the steep drop. It was daylight still and we could see this steep drop. I was flipping out, and my sis kept reminding me her GPS was saying 30 miles for the last 30 minutes as we slowly took the curves carefully. Shortly after that nightmare of a windy road, we entered Yosemite National park, but then it became dark. The road was pretty smooth, other than signs for watch out for large herds of cattle- Ok! It was still 47 miles so it took about an hour, and we passed all the great rocks - El Capitan, Cathedral Rocks etc. However we had no idea, because it was pitch black.

Curry Village was cute set in the heart of the Yosemite Valley Village. It has a skate rink, and there are shuttle buses running in the day, all the way up to 10 pm. There are a ton of activities one can pursue there from ice skating, skiing, to bicycling, rock climbing, horse riding and just hiking. I think in the summer there are food and wine events and there are also other fancy lodges there. Anyway we checked in, found our tent, settled in and headed to meet some friends from Ohio for dinner at the fancier part of the Valley Village. After which we were so tired and cold, and cold and tired, we passed out (before which I walked to and from a bathroom three times since I couldn't figure out how to get in. Ah see you would think it would be easy, but the bathrooms have a code!). There is a quiet time after 10 pm however we had noisy neighbors so I had a hard time sleeping, besides having to wake up to go to the bathroom, and having to wake up to shivering, since the bottom of the mattress was not insulated, and also because the warm air rises, so I was warm from above with three woolen blankets, but freezing. It was only a little below 30*F that night (mid-February).

My sis woke up and said- "Hey let's get going", or something to that effect. We got out tooth brushes, some towels, and got ready to go to the bathroom. We stepped out of the tent, and it was a jaw dropping, falling to your knees kind of sight. The tents were scattered in a grove of red woods, which were relatively young. Looming up and around the valley around us, above these young trees were cliffs, chunks of massive rock, greeting us by reflecting the rising sun. I couldn't stop looking, and I had stopped breathing. There's something about that sight. It's gigantic rocks split in half, so odd, yet natural. So normal yet so fantastical... I don't know what it was about that place but it is insane as in, it's unimaginably magical in an inexplicable way.

Finally my sister reminded me we needed to get closer to those things (the rocks), but we had to wash, eat breakfast, check out and then head to the trail. So we did. We had breakfast at the Curry Village Coffee shop very quickly and headed on to "Mirror Lake Trail Head". This is an easy hike, and it leads to this crystal clear lake which gets its water from the depleting glacier, and is thus a mirror to the amazing cliffs around it which include Half Dome. The hike was easy, but since it was in the shade of the cliffs, and in the valley, it was still frigid, and the cold was biting. We kept moving to stay warm. There were other hikers from all over the world; it was amazing to see so many people there in February, I can't imagine what Summer is like. We got to see the amazing sights near mirror lane, we saw the glacier and snow capped peaks beyond the lake. We hiked the loop, got lost, and had to turn around. So what was supposed to be a 2 mile hike max, became a 5 mile hike. Anyway we ended up right by Curry Village.

We went to some of the scenic stopping areas and took pictures. We were so awestruck we were just taking it all in. I knew this is why we needed a short trip so that we could absorb the shock of the beauty, and let the overwhelming immensity of Nature sink in, so that next time we could hike and see more, without being stunned. I don't know if others experience this, but I sure as heck do and did. This time we did see El Cap, Cathedral rock, and other amazing rocks. The drive back was still scary but the weather was perfect. We said good bye, and vowed to return again soon. I kind of want to live there.

I highly recommend adding Yosemite to your places to visit, and see.

Weather: It Happens

It's subzero again!

There definitely is a threshold somewhere, between 13*f to 25*f which just feels awfully cold, but below 13*f its just cold, and then exhilarating. I have now come to love it, but aah the finger and toe pains. It may be frost bite setting in, but its manageable if you find a place to thaw.

Going to watch "Frozen" today... how apt is that?

Anyway, we always let weather affect us, our moods, our chatter, how about we affect weather! Be happy at it... if anything the happiness will just bounce back and make you giggle. Just don't let weather get you down, cause then things just go downhill from there.

Yeah am pretty sure this crazy weather is a culmination of many factors, geographic, environmental, etc. In the end we have to just deal with what we are handed, so let's make the best of it? Complaining, blaming, and signing petitions... (that last one might help, I don't know), won't really stop the coldness from freezing, or the heat from droughting, so suck it up, pull yourself together and be!
Then choose to be happy!

Breathe!

Brave

Brave is a wonderful animated movie, I would recommend it to everyone to watch. The movie hit a note in my heart: my mother and I. The movie is about Merida and her mother. Merida is a tom-boy, who doesn't want to get married to some guy her parents picked out for her. Another theme I am so familiar with in my own life. This movie resonated with me. As I watched it I shivered, even more, cause apart from the story, there'something about the Gaelic, the Celtic music style, and the Scottish accents, that speaks to my soul. I felt at home, in a different sense. I've always fantasized about the green forests of Ireland, and hills of Scotland, the country side, the dancing, the culture, the people... something about the bagpipes, something about the music, something that sings straight to my heart. What is that something?

(now i'm sitting and listening to as much as Celtic music, or songs sung in Gaelic as possible.)

Thoughts: So often we get so caught up in our identity today, now, me- me - me, I- I- I... ie. I'm a proud Indian, with rich cultural heritage, and I like strawberries, and I like only reading classics, and I like to be well mannered, and I like to wear black boots, etc. etc. Then some one is like, I am American, and USA is a great nation to be from; Or I am Chinese, and Chinese culture and older than India's... and so on and so forth. When I was young I was so enthralled by diversity, culture, languages, religions, practices in the world, that I wanted to be a citizen of the WORLD. As I grew up though I encountered organized religion which told me that one religion was less than another, and that one country was superior to the other. However all these people, and countries had citizens or members who were kind and giving... so confusing! Pride - giving? Ego - kindness? Total opposites? It might be a totally different thought process to meditate upon.

I wondered what if in my last life I was a Scotsman? Or an Irish lass? What if I was once a native american princes? or a Japanese Samurai? What if in another lifetime I was an Mesopotamian trader? DO we lose the big picture when we identify with what we are in this life time? I could have been anyone, thus the saying in Isshinryu Karate - the way of the one heart - We are all one. I could have been you, and you me... 

Then again your religion is better and superior than mine and doesn't believe in reincarnation... so go ahead and be mean to be. But aha all religions preach teach and maybe practice - forgiveness, kindness, giving, and love!

Going back to the big picture... I'm an Indian now and know my culture, but what if I had been an Irishman in my past, and Italian, can I embrace those as ME? or must I be only what my birth certificate says? I know the law is in place to help us, but why not be a global citizen at heart? Why don't we realize that our fates are intertwined with the earth as a whole, with each other, and its not separate? Why do we limit ourselves so? Why aren't we brave enough to embrace all?

Breathe

Any good Gaelic/ Celtic music recommendations? I can't wait to go over there one day!

The Best Year Yet!

Two weeks ago it was the 1st day of the New Year, and I realized a lot of things. On social media everyone was saying Happy New Year, this will be the best year yet, but I couldn't feel that excitement or joy. Why are people so excited for the New Year? Or are they just happy to be at a party? Life flows, I never really see any clear demarcations, some events stand out more than others. From a financial stand point, sure the Newish fical year begins, but hey we still have to pay bills from last year, etc. So what are we really celebrating?

My boyfriend, Ryan, and I had a quiet New Years Eve together, and we watched Space Balls. In the middle we watched the ball drop in Times Square, New York City. It was another year beginning for sure. He played Auld Lang Syne for me on the guitar, which was lovely, as I felt the frenzy and rush to text everyone I know. Highly overrated. I felt the need to drink copious amounts of liquor, cause that just seems the thing to do on holidays.

I was trying to help me feel excited but deep in my heart I knew the truth. If I thought 2013 was tough, 2014 will be tougher still, it maybe my toughest year ever! There are decisions to make, big changes and let's not forget taking risks. So, here I am trying to feel excited like everyone else, but it was not going to happen. I have this enormous task at hand, which is my path, my life, it's no one else's, and it seems really daunting, if not overwhelming. I have so many goals set forth this year- improving my health, losing weight, running more, climbing more, yoga-ing more, writing more, maybe changing my job, maybe starting a business, maybe switching careers...

This year I turn 31; So far I've gathered I'm not a normal human being. Yep, I'm 31 and haven't "settled down", at all, not even in life. Let's say normal is the net in a tennis court, I'm a little past the service court boxes, the weird and outlandish are at the baseline and the crazies are like where Nadal hits his awesome shots from with those grunts, way back near back-screen where the ball boys await. (anyway in tennis, Olympics and football mode since the Australian open is upon us, and World Cup and Olympics soon to be!) Anyway, I dunno why I can't just settle down, maybe cause there's still so much to see, learn, do, experience, live, explore...

So far I think I've been dealing with what this tough year has thrown at me pretty well, I had to give up drinking, cause it was a major downer, and I need me to pick me up! I was overwhelmed, anxious about this new year, I felt bad that I could not say this will be the best year yet. All I thought to myself was this will be a tough year, and I found myself facing the Moguls skiing; hitting each bumps, gaining speed rapidly heading down hill, obstacle after obstacle looming, and me losing control. I should quit right now, I thought, but it was no solution, I knew, and as I tried to take a turn I crashed. Yep no more drinking for me, I picked up the pieces and realized if I don't flip my attitude it would be the worst year yet, if not just the toughest.

This year has been challenging and will continue to be so, and I am ready for it, although I did shed a tear or two, I know I can handle it. I will drive forward into midfield, maneuver through the defense and kick that goal! It will be a long game, so need to build my stamina, strength, and willpower, not to forget motivation and determination, and I know I will see myself through. And tough does not necessarily mean worst, flip that negativity to positivity. Flip that attitude, kinda like a flip in Aerial skiing, always landing on your feet! Bring it!

I hope everyone else has a lovely year! And I know I will too, now, I know I will.


Breathe!

The Thing About Resolutions...

It's 2014! Happy New Year, readers!

Resolutions? Well I have a few, but the thing about resolutions is after the first quarter it disappears! So why do we make them?

The idea of a resolution is to change our habits, to grow, better, and to make this positive change a habit and integrate it into our being. The thing is if we don't see it as a part of us from the beginning, it's never going to work. One has to be mindful, and conscious of this new aspect throughout the year, until it's an old aspect. Right?

Let's take for example losing weight. People work out for the first 3 months, until they lose 10 lbs! They are like Yay! The thing is then they leave it. The thing about weight loss is continuing with an active lifestyle. Plus eating healthy, etc., as I have mentioned in my other blogs. Kind of like weight loss, lets look at giving up a certain behavior pattern, for something better, ie. being more positive, quitting alcohol. These are tough changes, and more psychological than what a "resolution" represents these days. Instead of trying to become more positive, start by saying I am positive person, and follow through with a positive action. While breaking a bad habit, such as quitting drinking, or coffee, is weaning yourself off it, substituting, and disassociating with that thing (in this case alcohol).

So a resolution is in fact a lifestyle change often, right? Unless it's something like, this year I will connect with my high-school friends, or will go on a vacation this year. Sometimes those too include lifestyle changes, making time for new people in your life, or saving up for that vacation.

Here I am able to finally explain my resolutions:
1) to be more present, especially in the presence of loved ones. This means being more conscious of my actions and behavior over all. I do feel meditation can help me. Staying true to myself too.
2) I will, try to be less attached to my cell phone this year. I will try to curb my Nomophobia.
3) Follow through with my book plans, which means less TV, and less Xbox, more focusing on projects.
4) Lose weight. Going to the gym everyday to get either 15-20 minute work out in, or for a whopping two hours. Whatever the duration of the work out, goal is at least 10-14 miles a week.
5) Eating healthy, it starts at home! I'm going to learn to be happy and satisfied, binge-ing on carrots... actually as my personal trainer says, if you want some cake, have it, 1 small piece, just remember to do the work for it.
6) Save more money, spend less!

Those are my small - big goals! What are your "resolutions"?


Breathe!

Reject

Have you ever felt lonely in a crowded room
Everyone's laughing, talking, mingling,
The room is bright and yet you see only gloom
And in your ear the endless silence ringing.

Have you ever felt left out
Of a circle of smiling friends,
As they make plans without a doubt
Not inviting you, not even an apology to make amends.

Have you ever felt not good enough
Like you were not pretty, thin, or buff
That your friendship didn't count
They only wanted someone they could flaunt.

Have you ever felt hurt
More painful than the deepest cut,
When someone you love pushes you away
Even though they will need you once again, some day.

Have you ever felt abandoned
Not loved or cared for, instead only scorned,
Forgotten in lieu
Of someone new.

Have you ever felt replaced
When they replace you with another face,
What did your friendship mean
Or was this the worst yet to be seen.

Have you ever felt betrayed
Like what happened to Robb and Catelyn, at the hands of the Freys,
To be treated as family only to be stabbed in the back
Those types of people aren't worth jack.

Have you ever felt rejected
Like your own father won't accept you
Like Tyrion his who life, dejected,
Discriminated like a diseased ridden ewe.

It's good to know
These are just feelings
A chemical reaction that may pass.
It's sad to feel, however,
For these are people's feelings,
Of which we should be mindful of, or peace,
is the ultimate goal.



Breathe



Tribute to Tyrion and Penny.

The Two Towers

Remembering...

As my heart breaks,
I feel the pain of thousands again.
Remembering the fear, the shock, the pain,
The anger, and all the emotion this day takes.

Remembering the lives lost,
The war it cost,
More lives were taken,
The whole world shaken.

Remembering the strenght of the masses,
Even though the two towers lay in ashes,
The city lived, and lives on,
The spirit will shine on forever, on and on.

Can You Take Criticism? Learn How to Handle it Gracefully...

This blog is a repost of an article I read and fell in love with. I just had to share it with my readers!

25 Reasons to Embrace Criticism

--by Lori Deschene


“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing to do with all the things I’ve done.

It’s not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of cardiovascular laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.

When I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backwards trying to win everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback I’ve received, and I’ve lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.

I work at minimizing this type of behavior—and I’ve had success for the most part—but admittedly it’s not easy.

I remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She couldn’t get through a single sentence without me offering some type of argument.

After a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, “Stop talking. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Looking back, I cut myself a little slack. You’re vulnerable in the spotlight and the student’s reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as condemnation.

I realize criticism doesn’t always come gently from someone legitimately trying to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesn’t come from teachers—or maybe all of it does.

We can’t control what other people will say to us, whether they’ll approve or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.

If you’ve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:

The Benefits of Criticism:

Personal Growth

1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. It’s not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if you’re willing to try.

2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.

3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.

4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.

5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.

Emotional Benefits

6. It’s helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelings—generally not a great idea!

7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isn’t always easy when you’re feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.

8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues.Maybe you’re sensitive about your intelligence because you’re holding onto something someone said to you years ago—something you need to release.

9. Interpreting someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking—sometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.

10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, there’s no stop to how far we can go!

Improved Relationships

11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.

12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like ego—bad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.

13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies.Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. It’s liberating to let people think whatever they want—they’re going to do it anyway.

14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, “I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didn’t raise your voice.”

15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher “wrong.”

Time Efficiency

16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.

17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspective—criticism as a time saver—it’s hard not to appreciate it!

18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.

19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.

20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if they’re negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.

Self Confidence

21. Learning to receive false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.

22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that you’re lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe that—and what can you do about it?

23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you don’t feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams.Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes what’s useful, leave the rest, and keep going!

24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you don’t drain and sabotage yourself!

25. Receiving feedback well reminds you it’s OK to have flaws—imperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.

We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.

Somehow accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.

Breathe!

and 

Live!

Memories of Younger Years with My Sister Dear

Today is my little sister's birthday. She isn't little anymore... but I do recall that I called her "Baby" for many a year. I switched between calling her Baby and Bontie through the years, until per chance, me and a close friend of ours began calling her Pig. This blog post is dedicated to my lovely sister - Piyali.

Dearest Bontie, Pig, Baby, Piyali... 
I just want to wish you a happy birthday, but those are cliched words, I really wish you all the joy, love, success and laughter today, this year and forever! I love you so much, and I am so grateful to have you in my life for 28 years! Ok I think we didn't see each other between 2001 - 2002 but after that we have seen each other once every year. It's unhealthy and unnatural for us to be apart... we have some weird familial, historical dynamic... something from our childhood, genetic, and spiritual bonds us. We are telepathic and you know it!

28 years! we've fought, hugged, cried, grown, argued, silent treatment, tickled, giggled, pulled hairs, played, slept, ate, read, wandered and wondered, lost ourselves, found ourselves... we've been through so much, and here we are sharing stories and growing even more. Some memories of our childhood which only we know, secrets, gross stuff, sparkly stuff... locked away in our hearts. Playing with you was always so much fun - imagining castles, our flying horses, and our light sabers... what wonderful adventures we had together, what awesome world's we lived in. Running barefoot in school, playing at the jungle gym, waiting for our car together under the tree and observing those red-diamond bugs, the powder -puff tree, the tamarind tree, climbing the mango tree, Tennis with Raghu, then later with Sundar, Mrs. Menon's singing class, Hindi tuition with Motoraj! Bengali clas,s french, class, German, class, dance class, swimming class... I almost forgot the naughty things we did - put on ma's make up, clothes, and shoes, skipping class, feeding the dog our breakfast under the table, cuddling with the bunnies at night, sneaking and eating all the chocolate, our search for stick-em-stones, the war over the trolls, the "i'm-gonna-be" game... 

I lead, being the older sister, and you followed. You always tagged along on my birthdays, and got gifts on my birthday! But strangely I never got gifts on your birthday, or was allowed to tag along. Some double standard! Anyway, I remember approving of your crushes, and was always wondering why you fell for the geeks! It was because I was a geek! Which I had learned from our uncle first hand.

I remember you being fussy with food, the curly head of hair, the big innocent eyes-oh god- heart wrenching, and you were always a skinny little thing. You always said the cutest things, and the most absurd dreams, oh pig although I never told you then... you were always my best friend. The whole time... even when you were hurt, and they called me from class to go take care of you, I acted resentful, but when I saw you I thought- aww that's my sister (I didn't know the word "aww" back then though) I need to hug her if at all anything. I remember I would just hug you. Heck the whole school thought you were so cute though, they would all tell me how cute you were! Maybe I was a little jealous, but hey I got to tell you stories at night from the upper bunk, and share adventures with you on the weekends!

We were scolded together, and then we grew up and played politics and got each other in trouble. All in all I'm glad we've grown and aren't playing those games, but I do miss the imaginary games we played. Sometimes I think I described things to you as I saw it in my head, and only you know what worlds are in my head! You are my best friend, you are my secret keeper, my sister, my angel, (also ma's angel), my play time friend, my motivator, and inspiration. Thank you for the talk we had the other day, I really needed it.

You always protected me; once we were walking through new market and some guy did what any ingrate low-life would do: brush against my body. And you asked me: did that guy just touch you inappropriately? I confirmed your suspicion, and you were enraged and said no - one touches my sis like that. You grabbed the guy and asked him - aren't you ashamed? don't you have a mother, or sister? you should be ashamed of yourself. You tried to cause a scene, but as we know Calcutta did not and does not care what happens to its women. You were and are my hero pig! Thank you for being there, for standing up for me, and having major balls! I love you!

Pig there's so much I still want to talk to you about, sometimes I wish we could go back and be innocent again and play, and make mud laddos, but we can only travel in our hearts, to relive those moments, revel in the nostalgia. However I want to make new memories and spend more time with you... but time flies so quickly now... Those 100 day summer vacations are gone, they flew by! I know sometimes it seems I don't make enough effort to be there for you... but if I could I'd be there with you making tents out of blankets on a rainy monsoon afternoon, so we could play monster - monster. Or I would be there for you when you called, but grown up life is so different... did we ever imagine this? You've found your prince, and will soon be wed... I never imagined that! I never imagined you being the New Yorker, and me the New Yorker, loving midwest suburbia!

To more adventures and journeys together!


I love you little sister and hope to see more of you!


Your Dedly deds/ didi ...

Forever!



 ps: loved doing yoga with you!

waiting at the dentist! 2013 July 19th

Breathe!

Bicycles, Accidents, and Meditation

IIt has been over three years since my bicycling accident in 2009 (read about it here), and I had no idea how much it still affected me.
I took up riding again, well even looking at my bicycle a little less than a year, after it happened. It took a lot of courage to start riding again by pedaling down the drive way. Since then I had biked only on the sidewalk or the Towpath trail, and most of it was flat or very gently sloping... never any paved area like those hills.

This past weekend, Ryan and I decided to explore the All Purpose Trail, that runs through, connecting all the Cleveland Metroparks. This is the "Emerald Necklace" of Cleveland; we were at the Redford Reservation of the Necklace. We had never biked here before, the only one we have biked is Hinckley, and the Towpath part of Brecksville. Both are very mild when it comes to hills. We began at Hawthorne Parkway and Richmond Road, and biked West towards the main reservation.

We biked the eastern portion of the Bedford Reservation, which was mostly flat, and ever so slightly sloped, enough to get that little uphill workout; entering the main reservation with a sharp turn to the right, and the trail here is all shady! The trail here was a bit more hilly. With wide curves that hugged the road.

When we finally neared the "Bridal Veil Falls" parking lot, I had a panic attack going down the hill. The hill here is steeper than the previous ones with a sharp curve almost. The trail touches the road here. Ofcourse the hill is steep here, this is where the river cut through the land. I didn't peddle, and the bike sped up, building up momentum. I checked my speedometer, it read 23 mph, the trail and the road were one at this area, and the cars were flying past. The situation made me recall that day, the feelings right before the crash, I stopped midway up the second hill, and began dry heaving as nausea and something ugly tied my stomach up in knots. I kind of froze, and could not stop tears from running down my face. I walked the rest of the way up, as Ryan had already reached the top of the hill, using the momentum from the ride down to get easily up the other side.

I couldn't ride anymore. I was having a hard time breathing, like asthma but something else was crushing my chest. I don't want to remember that moment, cause it was like utter fear had clutched me... and it was JUST A HILL. The accident back then in 2009 was funny now, so WHY was I so afraid?

Ryan talked me back on my bike, and helped me calm down. We decided to turn around, for we had 5 or 6 miles back to the car. So I took the ride down the hill slow, and by the time I was half way up the crest of the next hill I threw up. Ryan says it was like out of a movie... I threw up as I halted. I can see it being funny, but my lungs, my muscles and my mind were still writhing in fear. I felt sick. Ryan made me drink some water. He talked me somehow on to my bike again - reasoning, logic, calming me, going over a strategy to get over and around the fear. Whatever he said helped, and we biked a few hills, and went down a few, until we came to a place where there were monkey bars. I love monkey bars, so we did a few rounds of them.

While swinging, and moving across the monkey bars using only my arms, I remembered why I loved to climb. I also realized what I needed to do to get over this residual stress caused by the traumatic accident (also known as PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome): Meditate on it. I got over my fear of heights by climbing, meditating on it and taking it slow. However biking, can't really take it slow, so I have to meditate on speed and control.

Ever since the accident I've been less sure on my bike, more shaky and full of self doubt. I was much better before, and I am getting better. Practice, meditation, and whatever other therapy it takes others to over come it, how can I forget, a little help from Ryan! This is something I must work on if my far fetched dreams are ever to be achieved. Which got me thinking is there any therapy for recovering bikers? There has to be since biking as an activity has increased over the last 10 years.

I've loved biking since childhood, it was always an integral part our daily activities for my sister and I. I was not and am not willing to give it up on account of an accident. Although before I was less inclined to wear helmet, and other protection, now I realize how a camelbak - back-pack and bladder can protect the spine, and those silly looking helmets can save my life. I hope to make more memories on my bicycle, as I remind myself with memories of how awesome bicycle has been throughout my life!


Breathe!

and meditate!

Celebrating a Birth through Strenght, Support, Serenity and Sobirety

A note on facebook from my sister, rocked my world today:

"I've learned from friends posts that an actor from Glee (not a TV watcher so not familiar with the show) recently passed away of an overdose. Today I am celebrating two years of sobriety from the same substance this individual allegedly died from. It's a reminder of how scary this (addiction) can be. As i celebrate my spiritual evolution to sobriety, I'm sending loving light to those struggling whether they know it or not. Many prayers and overflowing gratitude.♥" --- Piyali

I learned so much from my sister, and am so grateful she had the strength, support, and serenity to get over her addiction. I have learned that sometimes we take life, health, our bodies, minds, emotions and each other for granted... Today as she celebrates 2 years, I celebrate being able to hug her, have her physically with me for 2 years! I also hope other people find help the way she did. Alcoholics Anonymous, and other Anonymous groups helped her out through this tough time when she was high risk. Her healing process began, healing from inside out, past to present... now she is stronger, and sober for 2 years! I find that amazing.

I remember at first it was very hard for her to tolerate people who drank, but slowly her tolerance has grown. It is difficult as drinking, smoking and other substances have become such a popular culture... you're not cool if you don't drink. However thanks to her, I realized you can be cool without ANY of that stuff. She is the funnest, coolest, loveliest person ever. She spins, poi, does body painting, paints murals, has amazing friends, the list goes on and on!

I love her and I love this sober, reborn Piyali... she inspires me, motivates me, and is my teacher in more ways than I could ever have imagined.


Breathe

Life with Mom

Mom - please pick up a protein drink mix for women, 50yrs +

Me - well I'm sure we can get a one year supply, but ma 50+ yrs? That's more than a truck load!

Mom - I meant for women 50+ yrs of age! duh

 

 In my defense - I do shipping, export and imports as my day job

Manifest Your Dreams

"Dream Big
Start Small
Act Now"

These were the words I heard multiple times by my high school Principal Mr. Hartnett. It was something so inspiring, but I had no idea what it truly meant until recently.Sometimes it takes time to grow into a quote, words of wisdom. The time and circumstances has to be right, otherwise it means nothing.

This is the power of now, being present, and mindful: picture your dream, your goals. What you want to do/be 2 years from now. Imagine it. Let it go.


Start NOW, don't wait till tomorrow! Why would you put off your dreams, or something that leads to your dreams for another day, year? This is why we end up regretting, we live others' dreams, goals, ideas, visions, and advice, and neglect our own. When you believe in your dream it can happen, you just have to act on it, and act right.

The key is starting small. You can't just dream of being a millionaire and expect it to happen, you have to start somewhere. So start small, and in the end as long as you act on it, you will grow closer to your vision.

I tried it and it worked on the small scale, now to manifest it bigger.

Breathe

Ode to My Father

Me on the, ground, and my sister on my dad's shoulders. Circa 1986, Whippany, New Jersey

His smell, is my strongest memory of him from my childhood. It was a distinct smell, which kind of matched my smell... and I couldn't sleep at night without him cuddling me, and I would feel safe, his smell would tell me so. When he would go away I could not sleep, so my mother would put his under-shirt in my bed. I would clutch onto it, and feel safe smell him there.

He traveled alot, to different parts of the world, and I would miss him, but he always brought back presents for my sister and I. He was and is an expert at 6 year old's shaky tooth extraction. He removed many of my sister's teeth. She decided to be his shadow for some reason, and when we went on family vacations she liked being the "model" and would pose for all the pictures he took. I sometimes would get jealous of their bond, especially since she was his "shadow". She followed him around everywhere. She wanted to be just like him, so they would wake up at 5 am and go to the market, go jogging etc. Looking back it was cute that she was his shadow.


He would take us to the sports fields in various universities (Anna University - Madras, IIT-Madras, Elliot's Beach), and we would play basketball, football (soccer), jog, run, play with our Irish Setter dog - Butch, and enjoy every evening like this. Sometimes when we would get back from someone's house, or a dinner out, he would ask us "who wants to go for a drive at the beach?" and we would all say yes! We would just drive from Kotturpuram, down to Besant Nagar, and drive down the short Elliot's Beach drive. It was nice to just feel the cool ocean air. When we later moved to Besant Nagar, he my sister, and the dog, would all wake up to go see the sunrise on a morning walk. I missed out on these morning walks.

Everything I missed out on, I made up for recently. In 2001 my father came and dropped me off at college. That was the first time I saw him cry; he helped settle me down in my dorm and then he had to leave campus and go to Champagne-Urbana, Illinois, the "international-student orientation", which included parents was over. Our journey together from Chennai to New York, to Chicago, to Calvin College, had helped him slowly learn about me, and me about him. We bonded. I taught him how to use a computer, set up his email, and how to send emails, in the small computer lab in campus. This small act would lead him to learn more on his own, and be able to join this new world of entrepreneurs. He just learnt twitter, but he knows facebook is for social stuff, he's on linkedin, and totally dominates in email sending! He types with chopstick fingers (2 fingers on each hand), but oh what mighty speed!

Once, I was diagnosed with ADHD, (second year of college). My father had not heard of such a thing... "ADHD? What?! You will not take any medication for that. We will combat ADHD with natural solutions, meditation, yoga, gingko biloba, etc." So we began curbing the ADHD, and learning not to go on crazy spending sprees. He taught me how to save, just $5 a week, and slowly increasing it to $20 a week, etc. He also taught me how to take care of my car, work ethics, the good habit of waking up early, how to write good emails... Now I get to work with him, and learn so much. I got to travel the world with him and saw how he can communicate with anyone, how he is energetic even in the face of over-traveling, jet-lag, and being utterly over worked, Superman ain't got nothing... My dad is Superman, and my sis and I might be his kryptonite.

Recently, my father and I were listening to Mahabharata on audio book together, we share great time discussing the wisdom, applying it to our daily lives, and learning new things about ourselves from it. We enjoy lunches watching the news, the stock market and what not, discussing politics, economy and world affairs. We work together as a team in making lunch happen. He always surprises me with jokes, sometimes unintentional, sometimes corny, sometimes hilarious! You may have seen some of my blogs that talk about him!

Babi: We call him Babi, because as a child I couldn't say Baba. It just became Babi. My little sister just followed suit when she had to begin calling him by a name.

Other Nicknames:
We were once playing a game, my sister and I, and we were pretending we were camping in a forest far away. We were hiding from the bad guys at this time, and the leader of the bad guys was the "dirty filthy man". So we were imagining and pretending we were hiding behind a bush, however we were ambushed from the other direction. So we stood up and screamed, turning around pointing the other way "The dirty filthy man!!! Run!!!" For some reason my father was standing exactly where we were facing and pointing, in the distance, so he couldn't hear us. However, this changed things in our game, and we realized he was the bad guy and must run away from him all day. He didn't understand what was going on but when we had dinner together that night, we were still playing that game, and we were thought in our minds, 'the dirty filthy man has now captured us, and forcing us to eat radishes.' It was a random memory, but every now and then we remember it.

He is slightly bald, and actually I found out he has emotions about his lack of hair. He always says when we were born, he gave his hair to us. For that we are thankful. However at some point we joked and said his head was like a Tabla. That got shortened to Tabs and Tabby. We called him Tabby for a while, and ofcourse it morphed most unusually to La Tabs!
Once we were in school in Kolkata, and it was parent-teacher meeting day. Our half yearly results would be shared with only parents. So Babi volunteered to come. We were standing and waiting, and this was the teenage phase when we were both embarrassed by our parents. So we hung back although we saw our dad approaching. There were other random kids waiting for their ride home, or their parents. Some kid behind us commented "hey look at that guy he has a bald head. It's so round!" The two boys chuckled, and the other one commented "Yeah it's so flat and round, we can crack and fry an egg on his head!" They laughed at their joke, and my sis turned around and said "Areeeaaayyeee That's my father! How dare you!" They stopped laughing immediately.

My dad might be bald,
He might be pudgy,
He might have scolded me, lectured me, embarrassed me, annoyed me, frustrated me, angered me...
But in the end, he's my father.
And as much as I have been a delightful daughter, am sure,
I've also been quite the pain in the @$$,
I know he loves me so much.
He loves me so much,
He would move the continents of the earth for me (if he could, and knowing him, he would make it happen).
He's always been on my team,
Bailed me out of the worst situations,
Lifted us up when we were down,
Toughened us up when we were too soft,
Asked us to communicated when he couldn't understand us (women are different than boys).
He is an amazing man, he is my hero,
He is my superstar dad, and am so grateful that HE is my father, (but not limited to).
He is also my teacher, 
My boss, my friend, my supporter, 
My inspiration, my motivator.
He is superman, 
My lunch buddy, my yoga student, 
A colleague, partner in ideas, 
My educator, my benefactor, 
A lecturer.
He is my guru, and my sishya, 
He is also a contributor to many of my genes, 
He is an encourager of me following my dreams,
A simple guy from a village, and a world traveling entrepreneur, 
He is a leader, a soccer coach, 
My business school professor,  and the best every dirty filthy man ever!

 ... So grateful for my father. in my life.




Breathe