Remembering Maya Angelou

She is gone, but
Her words live on:

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.

Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

The love of the family, the love of the person can heal. It heals the scars left by a larger society. A massive, powerful society.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.

Nothing will work unless you do.

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

Thank you The Gaurdian for the quotes and info.



Breathe

Looking Back On Life, Achievements, Career... At 31

31 years is a long time, but not really that long, its about perspective. I just realized it is my birthday this week, and I had nothing planned. I have been so busy with life, work, changes, health, that I totally forgot my flipping 31st birthday.

Oh boy! I've crossed over the 30 hill, and I will say this whole "grownup, non-college student, real life, responsibility is all over-rated. Kids don't know how good they have it, despite having their sugar limits controlled, etc. They need to chill out and enjoy life, moments, when they have the time, because as we grow time flies by faster, and we don't pause and enjoy the moments, and life as much. C'est la vie!

31, what have I accomplished? A couple of degrees, this job, and another job... but they don't seem as important to me as other amazing things I have done. I learned to rock climb, I climbed half way up a mountain and then felt pretty sick, so had to come back down, but I tried, I got half way up. Next time it will be all the way! I learnt from this that Climbing isn't about brute force, its all about the mind, overcoming it, coming to terms with it, and using the brain to figure out how.

There was a spontaneous trip. I went to Yosemite, although just for a day, I went there with my sister. It was our first adventure together! This was a place I had heard about, read about, dreamed about since I was a child. Just being present there was awe inspiring. You can read my blog about it here.

Realizations have been arrived at in my 30th year: I'm a pretty badass, hardworking, strong, and passionate person. Somewhere along the way I stopped believing in myself. Maybe the lack of enthusiasm and optimism from jaded seniors rubbed on to me? Maybe it was that the hard times or the reality that a fancy degree does not mean you land your perfect job. In fact it takes a lot of searching to find that. Finally I remembered why Pree is so awesome! I first quit eating meat when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I couldn't deal with the cruelty. I was able to give up caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol this past year. I did not miss a single Yoga teacher training class, this girl who tries to wiggle out of most commitments, made a commitment that i would keep all my commitments, or be utterly honest about why I was backing out, (even if it was just because I was tired and just needed "me" time).

I am a badass, and always have been. an amazing example is when I was 17: I shaved off my hair (before Britney did)! This was in the 12th grade about Jan or Feb, my senior year, kind of right before the farewell party (kind of like prom). I just didn't want my hair to define me. I was tired of being judged by the way I looked, girls disliked me, guys objectified me... so off the hair came. This experience taught me alot about hair: it grows back, hair on our bodies make so much difference, yet so little. This taught me a lot about people: many people who were my friends, disappeared into the woodwork. I found out who my true friends were, I learned that hair is so easy to have, we hide behind it, it takes so much confidence to be bald. Walking into school was so tough the first day, everyone stared, people asked me dumb questions, like if I had cancer. I told them all to Sod  off. Some people don't care how you look, they love you for you, others are all about judging on outward appearances... hmm! Remind you of the millionaire who dressed up like a bum? So many stories... 

Being bald is tough, carrying yourself with a bald head is tougher than with hair: more reason to be self conscious... or does societal norms make that happen? Days passed by and each day became easier, not because the hair was growing back, but because I learned to carry that head, I knew I was more than just my hair, and looks.

The Olympics, the world cup, yoga, the grand slams of Tennis: I love sports, and have always taken part in sports. A lot of my passions always lay in athletics because it seemed so real to test the human spirit through our bodies, thus mind and soul. Being an athlete takes immense discipline, it has nothing to do with race, genetics, gender... its about your state of mind. I wanted to be a "Yogi", and I am slowly getting there. It's not unattainable. I want to be a runner, I am runner, I might not be Usain Bolt, but I am closer than I was yesterday. It's not about losing weight, its about setting goals, being healthy, and becoming the Pree I want to be. This year I'll be blogging on my journeys through running, hope you'll check in on it! Hope to run a half marathon by September!

Who Moved My Cheese, it was the wake up call, that 'hey changes happen'. However, actual growth is a conscious decision. Of course one could succumb to the societal norms of growth, its the easy way, but every now and then there are those, like me, who chose to grow differently in life. I picked a different path, and I am brave enough to go down it alone, and with loved ones. It takes more conscious of a "I will grow" factor. It's different from going from job to job, it definitely requires getting out of all your comfort zones, making sacrifices... etc. C'est La Vie!

Online dating does work: I met my boyfriend online, it was a long process, we lost touch, and reconnected, met in person. We clicked, and it's been a wonderful 3.5 years getting to know each other. :-) I will say it did take a lot of men who didn't match what I wanted in life before I met Ryan, but I am glad I waited, and tried. In fact I had almost given up hope with the male kind when I met him. I love him deeply, and dearly. We make such a good team - tandem kayaking, biking, hiking, camping, travelling, moving,  gaming, cooking... and most of all just being!

Pursuing Dreams: it can be done, just takes a lot of growth, mental awareness, and mentally, physically being able to digest that "Wow that's a heck of a mountain, but I can climb it. *gulp*" - it's OK to be overwhelmed, scared, but once you take the first step. You know you can do it. I've been writing my first book, half way through I realized how huge this is, how difficult, tiring, and complicated, but at the same time so simple. So its really about building blocks, taking one step at a time. Phewie - Breathe!

I had no idea what my "dreams" / goals were until I created a vision board. First I stuck pictures that I wanted on there, then pictures I liked, and things which I wished I would / could become. A year and a half later, encouraged by a friend, I finished my Yoga Teaching Studies Certificate, I received a raise at work... it was happening just like the stuff I stuck on my vision board. Now looking to further improve, am creating a new vision board.

My spiritual path, learnings, studies, reflections, and teachings have all deepened while on this journey. I have been able to meditate for an hour a more at least once a week, and practice a daily meditation/ yoga practice. Although my daily practice may range from a short 15 minute to an hour, I make sure i touch upon some form of meditation, yoga or Pranayam. My self discipline has increased, and I impress myself with my abilities daily. On weekends I am a little more laid back, or else I would be burnt out.

I think on writing this I reflect on what brings value to me and my life, especially since I panic after crossing 30. I say, measure yourself in experience and growth, and not in "accomplishments". If we live from one goal to the next, we forget to be, and the journey is the important part. So keep sight of your goals, let them free flow, but always remember to be true to yourself, to be present in each moment, and most of all be happy in what you do.

Can You Take Criticism? Learn How to Handle it Gracefully...

This blog is a repost of an article I read and fell in love with. I just had to share it with my readers!

25 Reasons to Embrace Criticism

--by Lori Deschene


“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing to do with all the things I’ve done.

It’s not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of cardiovascular laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.

When I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backwards trying to win everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback I’ve received, and I’ve lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.

I work at minimizing this type of behavior—and I’ve had success for the most part—but admittedly it’s not easy.

I remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She couldn’t get through a single sentence without me offering some type of argument.

After a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, “Stop talking. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Looking back, I cut myself a little slack. You’re vulnerable in the spotlight and the student’s reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as condemnation.

I realize criticism doesn’t always come gently from someone legitimately trying to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesn’t come from teachers—or maybe all of it does.

We can’t control what other people will say to us, whether they’ll approve or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.

If you’ve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:

The Benefits of Criticism:

Personal Growth

1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. It’s not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if you’re willing to try.

2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.

3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.

4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.

5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.

Emotional Benefits

6. It’s helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelings—generally not a great idea!

7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isn’t always easy when you’re feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.

8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues.Maybe you’re sensitive about your intelligence because you’re holding onto something someone said to you years ago—something you need to release.

9. Interpreting someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking—sometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.

10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, there’s no stop to how far we can go!

Improved Relationships

11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.

12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like ego—bad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.

13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies.Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. It’s liberating to let people think whatever they want—they’re going to do it anyway.

14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, “I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didn’t raise your voice.”

15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher “wrong.”

Time Efficiency

16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.

17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspective—criticism as a time saver—it’s hard not to appreciate it!

18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.

19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.

20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if they’re negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.

Self Confidence

21. Learning to receive false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.

22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that you’re lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe that—and what can you do about it?

23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you don’t feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams.Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes what’s useful, leave the rest, and keep going!

24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you don’t drain and sabotage yourself!

25. Receiving feedback well reminds you it’s OK to have flaws—imperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.

We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.

Somehow accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.

Breathe!

and 

Live!

Trip to NYC in July

  It was Thursday25th July night, and I realized as I looked at my friend Nikki's (AKA AT trail name Argo) pictures on her FB page, about how she had just crossed the Delaware Water Gap, on her journey through hiking the Appalachian Trail. I would be driving through the Delaware Water Gap on the 26th. IF only we had planned it better I might have met her at the Gap. I felt sad I wouldn't be able to meet up with her on the trail, since my time off from work is limited, and coordinating such a thing was difficult. I resigned and decided that I should accept this. It would be ok. Nikki would be fine, and she would still be my friend, my sister...

The next day, I decided to message her and send her some love because I had come to accept the reality. So I just sent her a message saying -  I love you Nikki Sis! She messaged me back - How is you summer my Indian Goddess! So I began to tell her some story, or the other, and said I wish I was hiking with her. From her reply I gathered many people were finding it hard to coordinate time to hike with her. We began planning future trips, and I happened to mention I was going to NYC that very day. 

Me- going to NYC this weekend how far have u gone from the delaware gap?

Nikki-I'm in newyork... I can see the NYC skyline from where I am!

Lots of hikers taking buses into the city for a few days lol

Me-WHAT!

omg ill be in new york this weekend!

could we meet up?

At that moment I was called into a meeting. I was crunched for time to get work done, before I had to leave, and this meeting was over, but people tend to go over points over and over again. I had to leave work at 12:00 so I could go home and leave to pick up Ryan and head on our way to NYC. It's an 8 hour drive!

Finally when I got out of the meeting I see a missed call, a text message and another instant message all from Nikki. 

Nikki- Lol um maybe... Are you staying with your sister?

Give me a call, I can take an hour and a half bus ride and I'd be there!

I can leave out of Warwick NY

Me-Nikki I was in a meeting!

YES!

We will be staying at my grandparent's place! Or there is also my sister's place!

Nikki- Lol omg would they let a hiker sleep on their floor?

Me- we're all going to sleep on the floor

my sis, me, ryan, my sis' fiance and my mom!

Nikki- Omg this is crazy
Should I ask your mom if this is ok lol

Me-my mom would LOVE to see you

Nikki- I can't stop giggling!
When are you guys getting there ?

Me- we would get there at 9pm tonight

but u cud get there before

you will love my grandmother

Nikki- Just called Paul and told him... He was like ' good luck' what are you going to do there... And I said eat amazing food and be with amazing people

...

We finally met, hugged, and there was giggles and tears all at once! We knew this trip was meant to be... Somehow things had worked out even though I had accepted the bitter truth... but it happened!!! I met her near the trail, and we hiked, explored, bonded and had fun. Not just Nikki and I but the whole lot of us. The three sisters, the mothers, the lovers, the friends... 

What a whirlwind of a weekend we had! We met up with my sister, my sister took us to some cool places, Strawberry Fields, the Mind Tree, where we did a little yoga, Tomlin Square to listen to cool yoga teacher who played Rumba music in the park! We met a few more of her artist friends! Then we went to a cozy - cool bar which had grapes growing atop it and celebrated my sister's birthday. We met her wonderful friend Aric and took cool pictures. We had a wonderful dinner with our family, hit up a bar my uncle went to when he was in college. We even briefly met my cousins Atanu and Antara the next morning, and got a little bit of shopping in! Oh to experience the New York Minute with this crazy lot: Ryan, My sister and her Fiance the amazing artist Chris, My other sister Nikki, Aric, My mom, grandparents, my Uncle and his Girlfriend! Wow!

At the Mind Tree

Yogis at central park!

The Family! a few people are missing!

Ode to My Father

Me on the, ground, and my sister on my dad's shoulders. Circa 1986, Whippany, New Jersey

His smell, is my strongest memory of him from my childhood. It was a distinct smell, which kind of matched my smell... and I couldn't sleep at night without him cuddling me, and I would feel safe, his smell would tell me so. When he would go away I could not sleep, so my mother would put his under-shirt in my bed. I would clutch onto it, and feel safe smell him there.

He traveled alot, to different parts of the world, and I would miss him, but he always brought back presents for my sister and I. He was and is an expert at 6 year old's shaky tooth extraction. He removed many of my sister's teeth. She decided to be his shadow for some reason, and when we went on family vacations she liked being the "model" and would pose for all the pictures he took. I sometimes would get jealous of their bond, especially since she was his "shadow". She followed him around everywhere. She wanted to be just like him, so they would wake up at 5 am and go to the market, go jogging etc. Looking back it was cute that she was his shadow.


He would take us to the sports fields in various universities (Anna University - Madras, IIT-Madras, Elliot's Beach), and we would play basketball, football (soccer), jog, run, play with our Irish Setter dog - Butch, and enjoy every evening like this. Sometimes when we would get back from someone's house, or a dinner out, he would ask us "who wants to go for a drive at the beach?" and we would all say yes! We would just drive from Kotturpuram, down to Besant Nagar, and drive down the short Elliot's Beach drive. It was nice to just feel the cool ocean air. When we later moved to Besant Nagar, he my sister, and the dog, would all wake up to go see the sunrise on a morning walk. I missed out on these morning walks.

Everything I missed out on, I made up for recently. In 2001 my father came and dropped me off at college. That was the first time I saw him cry; he helped settle me down in my dorm and then he had to leave campus and go to Champagne-Urbana, Illinois, the "international-student orientation", which included parents was over. Our journey together from Chennai to New York, to Chicago, to Calvin College, had helped him slowly learn about me, and me about him. We bonded. I taught him how to use a computer, set up his email, and how to send emails, in the small computer lab in campus. This small act would lead him to learn more on his own, and be able to join this new world of entrepreneurs. He just learnt twitter, but he knows facebook is for social stuff, he's on linkedin, and totally dominates in email sending! He types with chopstick fingers (2 fingers on each hand), but oh what mighty speed!

Once, I was diagnosed with ADHD, (second year of college). My father had not heard of such a thing... "ADHD? What?! You will not take any medication for that. We will combat ADHD with natural solutions, meditation, yoga, gingko biloba, etc." So we began curbing the ADHD, and learning not to go on crazy spending sprees. He taught me how to save, just $5 a week, and slowly increasing it to $20 a week, etc. He also taught me how to take care of my car, work ethics, the good habit of waking up early, how to write good emails... Now I get to work with him, and learn so much. I got to travel the world with him and saw how he can communicate with anyone, how he is energetic even in the face of over-traveling, jet-lag, and being utterly over worked, Superman ain't got nothing... My dad is Superman, and my sis and I might be his kryptonite.

Recently, my father and I were listening to Mahabharata on audio book together, we share great time discussing the wisdom, applying it to our daily lives, and learning new things about ourselves from it. We enjoy lunches watching the news, the stock market and what not, discussing politics, economy and world affairs. We work together as a team in making lunch happen. He always surprises me with jokes, sometimes unintentional, sometimes corny, sometimes hilarious! You may have seen some of my blogs that talk about him!

Babi: We call him Babi, because as a child I couldn't say Baba. It just became Babi. My little sister just followed suit when she had to begin calling him by a name.

Other Nicknames:
We were once playing a game, my sister and I, and we were pretending we were camping in a forest far away. We were hiding from the bad guys at this time, and the leader of the bad guys was the "dirty filthy man". So we were imagining and pretending we were hiding behind a bush, however we were ambushed from the other direction. So we stood up and screamed, turning around pointing the other way "The dirty filthy man!!! Run!!!" For some reason my father was standing exactly where we were facing and pointing, in the distance, so he couldn't hear us. However, this changed things in our game, and we realized he was the bad guy and must run away from him all day. He didn't understand what was going on but when we had dinner together that night, we were still playing that game, and we were thought in our minds, 'the dirty filthy man has now captured us, and forcing us to eat radishes.' It was a random memory, but every now and then we remember it.

He is slightly bald, and actually I found out he has emotions about his lack of hair. He always says when we were born, he gave his hair to us. For that we are thankful. However at some point we joked and said his head was like a Tabla. That got shortened to Tabs and Tabby. We called him Tabby for a while, and ofcourse it morphed most unusually to La Tabs!
Once we were in school in Kolkata, and it was parent-teacher meeting day. Our half yearly results would be shared with only parents. So Babi volunteered to come. We were standing and waiting, and this was the teenage phase when we were both embarrassed by our parents. So we hung back although we saw our dad approaching. There were other random kids waiting for their ride home, or their parents. Some kid behind us commented "hey look at that guy he has a bald head. It's so round!" The two boys chuckled, and the other one commented "Yeah it's so flat and round, we can crack and fry an egg on his head!" They laughed at their joke, and my sis turned around and said "Areeeaaayyeee That's my father! How dare you!" They stopped laughing immediately.

My dad might be bald,
He might be pudgy,
He might have scolded me, lectured me, embarrassed me, annoyed me, frustrated me, angered me...
But in the end, he's my father.
And as much as I have been a delightful daughter, am sure,
I've also been quite the pain in the @$$,
I know he loves me so much.
He loves me so much,
He would move the continents of the earth for me (if he could, and knowing him, he would make it happen).
He's always been on my team,
Bailed me out of the worst situations,
Lifted us up when we were down,
Toughened us up when we were too soft,
Asked us to communicated when he couldn't understand us (women are different than boys).
He is an amazing man, he is my hero,
He is my superstar dad, and am so grateful that HE is my father, (but not limited to).
He is also my teacher, 
My boss, my friend, my supporter, 
My inspiration, my motivator.
He is superman, 
My lunch buddy, my yoga student, 
A colleague, partner in ideas, 
My educator, my benefactor, 
A lecturer.
He is my guru, and my sishya, 
He is also a contributor to many of my genes, 
He is an encourager of me following my dreams,
A simple guy from a village, and a world traveling entrepreneur, 
He is a leader, a soccer coach, 
My business school professor,  and the best every dirty filthy man ever!

 ... So grateful for my father. in my life.




Breathe

Chai and Biscuits

The cream that holds the two biscuits together was what we craved for as a children. We even loved just eating the frosting off a cake. Grown ups would be happy with their chaa and Britannia-Marie Gold biscuits, the cake part of the cake without frosting, and read a fat book on philosophy in the corner of a room, or under the tree.

We needed the sugar, the running around, and occasionally swallowing up an Enid Blyton or other fictional book whole, along with cookies. We didn't understand how as we grow tastes change and we refine our tastes in food and books alike. Where is that marie-gold biscuit now, I wish to dip it in my tea.

That day will never come, when I say no to Oreos or Bourbon biscuit (Britannia). I still like biscuits with cream fillings, but I have learned the pleasures of Britannia-Marie with my chaa or earl grey. I do enjoy sipping my wine slowly now, rather than gulping it down like a boisterous college kid. It took a while to get here, but sometimes I still do and did enjoy the childish craves for sweets, and the college binge drinking. Mellowing out as an adult, does give space for the subtle pleasure of life, sometimes even childish, like laying on the grass reading a book on a warm sunny day and observing a lady bug for hours.

Now I finally get it! Why the grown ups love having chai and marie biscuit on the balcony on the morning, reading the newspaper, or just chatting over chaa. Its a simple pleasure and lovely way to start the morning. I would do that, and do the crossword puzzle at the back now, if I was there. Some kids would come and wonder 'why are the grown us eating marie-biscuit, when they could buy the cream filled wafer biscuit? Lets go storm the cookie cupboard!' I'll go on sipping my chaa, dipping my biscuit, hoping it doesn't fall in, and carry on with the crossword. Now I get it.

From running around playing "police-and-robber", to college parties, to meditation and yoga... life has its medley, some stay on in one stage others move and grow. It's nice to revisit stages every now and then, but growing into the butterfly is most exciting!

Breathe

Every Now and Then

Every now and then
you help someone who needs help
Not knowing who, what or when
and suddenly you are the one in a mess - screaming help!

They suck you into their drama
They suck your life out too
They want you to scream for your mamma
They want to keep you in their zoo.

It all starts with your good intent
To help someone who calls out
Little do you think your energy is badly spent
Until they hit you upside your head with a clout.

Who would ever think helping a friend
Would lead to this
When all relationships end
Is a terrible icky sticky pile of a mess.

Lessons learned!

Breathe

My life is like a zen garden!

The Challenges of Aparigraha

Letting Go!

It's something which has been bugging me, forever, it seems.
Being so attached to not just material things, but also ideas (ideologies), opinions, identity, feelings, beliefs... it causes more pain, angst, frustration and suffering than being attached to thing or even to a person.

I am so attached to my opinions, ideas, and things I have to "say" whether it is oral or written because it defines who I am. Defining the "Who I am" is so important to because in a world full of people we realize we are so alike, but then again we are so different, but the fact that we are alike makes us need to define ourselves via our likes, dislikes, hobbies, opinions, ideas. I think these differences help us attract each other. It's funny because there seems to be a phobia, among some, of people/cultures that are different from us- ie. bigorty, homophobia etc. These people are very attached to their ideas and beliefs, so feel threatened by difference. I wonder if these people care to worry about defining themselves from others or prefer conformity.

For the most part there is a growing curiosity among people to explore the "different". This was maybe different 20 years ago, but time changes everything! These people are also willing to explore other ideas, opinions, perspectives, and beliefs. Sometimes being open to ideas/beliefs doesn't mean necessarily accepting them as their own, but accepting them  as a possibility. I try to be open, however sometimes my own ideas are so strong, and perhaps its the ego fending for itself... defending...

Letting all of it go is so difficult... it's strange because I am not indifferent I just wish to be more "Ahimsa" like, if not to avoid hurting another person's feelings with my opinion, to protect myself from their opinion. Also with sharing opinions and ideas, comes judgement, which can also hurt, cause relationships to sour. So what is the best approach? Did yogis, maharishis even think of this stuff back in the day?

I think the only answer is to search more in texts to find the answer. For now I find freedom in letting go of identity, although all that I have accumulated to define me in regards to ideas, hobbies, skills, beliefs, opinions, I have come to love myself that way.  So stripping me of all of that... letting it all go, it just leaves another soul in a human body shell. Can I love that?

This past weekend at yoga class I learnt that suffering is caused through being attached. And all these things - the mind, thoughts, the body, are all external... and external things can not being us happiness. Happiness is inside us all... just like the OM... These are just food for thought... healthy thoughts... enjoy!

Be Present

Breathe!

Kanyakumari, India - Dec 2012 Courtesy Piyali Banerjie and Chris Soria

Reflections on Grudges and Letting Go

Anger, hate, and other negative emotions we experience in life, hold us back from growth: spiritual, mental, emotional and even physical growth or well being. Letting these emotions go, gives us room to breathe and grow! Though hard to do, notice how buoyant, and loving you feel after you let it go. Even the most successful or brilliant person if holding onto these grudges, angers, hates, frustrations, will be stunted in their growth, life's work. Find the serenity in you to let go. Embrace love instead!

Mini Buddha...  By Piyali Banerjie

Life with a Polymer Scientist

dad - start the dishwasher

me - you start it

dad - i dont know how to

me - its a machine!

dad - there's too much ... going on the soap etc!

me - seriously? you cna make really complicated materials using a hi - tech  twin screw extruder but NOT run a dishwasher?

dad - well i don't know, there's so many soaps!! and it's so complicated.

:-O

Breathe!

An Autumn Blessed with Many Life Lessons

This month has been one of many many lessons.
Through grief and sorrow, pain, stress, caring, sharing, loving, many a tear, hugs, goodbyes, prayers, loneliness and togetherness; I have made it through.
The sky has been much grey, of late. The sky weeps many tears down to earth.
The trees are naked, all unclothed.
Fall has always been majestic, dreamy, eerie, and even dark.



Looking back:

My grandmother gets progressively ill, and makes no sense on the phone. The sound in her voice says she was crying out for help and mercy. My Father leaves to India, fearing it may be too late. She holds on and he gets there, and she barely recognizes him. He takes care of her and spends much needed time with her, as I balance spending time with my mother who is a little ill due to a cold, and with my boyfriend, who has some health issues himself. After a few days, my dad gets burnt out, and needs back up, as he is at a loss when it comes to geriatric care, however he is managing and is so humbled to be doing so. He emails my sister and I often with notes on how he feels, and the entirety of the experience.

It is the weekend of Durga Puja, the celebration of the Divine Feminine and we celebrate it reluctantly with cousins here. Durga Puja is the main reason my father decided to go to India, to spend it with his mother and celebrate with her.She is unable to celebrate, but he find time to go back to our remote village of Kudra, to observe the festivities there. He tells us in an email, that the people there have so little, but have the biggest hearts, and their warmth is overwhelming. That's the best type of people right?

My mother departs for India and reaches their safely. She is strong and gets on top of things, but the conditions are harsh, and one can get burnt out quickly. I have health issues of my own, which I had been putting off for a long time, and finally I get my appointment after a month of waiting. This doctor is amazing, thorough and personal. She goes over everything with me, my entire history of health to get to the bottom of this problem, this pain, once and for all.

I speak to my uncle, my sister, my grandparents in New York everyday. I don't realize how often I call my mom and dad, until now. Facing these health issues alone, really suck, but it is something we learn to do, or don't. Hurricane Sandy comes and blows through the East Coast... I lose touch for two days from my sis, uncle and grandparents. Anxiety levels rise. I really miss them, and I am in utter pain, it is rather crappy. Who do I reach out to? I have no energy to laugh, love or even pray... I finally was able to cry myself to sleep last night, and what a relief it was to let go. oh what a heavy burden was lifted. I realize that happiness and satisfaction is not through material things or wealth... but the decisions we make in life regarding, loved ones (family and friends), health, awareness and growth in spirituality and truly caring and sharing.

Today I sang some lovely songs to myself and I felt much better, and I was finally able to pray. Praying is something new, I been learning to accept the possibility of a Higher Power, thanks to "The Artist's Way". It is slow but steady progress, and it's so good to be able to love again. There was a drought due to the sadness I feel through empathizing for my my grandmother in India, my dad's feelings as he is present for her, my mother's feelings as she goes to make peace and forgive a demented little old lady, and ask for her forgiveness in return.

A deep reminder that Karma does exist... the decisions you make today weather big or small, will come back to haunt you later in life. Be mindful, be patient, and value the people in your life, more than anything else in the world.

CRASH!

Every so often, we experience something that breaks us down, and then we pick up the pieces, and figure out how to put ourselves together. I call this growth. I build a stronger and matured ME, until the next time I am forced to regroup and rethink my personal life strategy, goals, approach, and self.

Every single time I have had a car accident in my life, my sister has always been with me. When we were children my sister and I were in a car and playing a game in the back seat, when our car was smashed between two buses. Then again we were together, returning from college, in my little Toyota Passeo '92, when a guy rear ended us at a stop sign. The Toyota Passeo came to it's end when she was driving it, and I was following in a different car, at a distance, and someone T-boned the car. It was the scarey, for I heard it all on the phone. The car saved her life, and the lives of friends. Then this past Tuesday we were heading up to Cleveland to install some art, protesting against gun violence in the US, with friends, when I drove into a construction cone, the speed and angle was enough to do damage to the car, but we were safe. And we were there for each other once again.

We proceeded to install the art, and driving through Cleveland, without one functional mirror was difficult, and after traveling and working all day, I was about done. I experienced a catharctic moment and all this vile negativity, and darkness was purged from my system, and my sister had to witness it. We forgave each other, ourselves, and I was able to slowly recuperate.

It is only by passing through the darkest night, and the darkest hour, will we ever see a shimmer of light, a twinkle of hope, and smell the magic, of life. My sister and I, like all siblings, argue, fight, don't see eye to eye and have to come to an understanding. We have a lot of healing to go through together, and the journey so far is, although turbulent, lovely. I would not want to go through it with anyone else. I am glad to be there for her.

One day we will be able to look back at our darkest hours together and laugh at it. We will use our love to change the world into a better place, because that is just who we are. We go through touch periods, but we are mindful to focus on love, light, learning, and laughter. We wish to help others and teach this to them too.

The needed $300 worth of fixing, but I will work hard to pay that bill. My sister and I were safe, and material things come and go, but life does not. We mean more to each other, even with out whining, bitching, crabbiness, than without each other, and all the light in the world. After all the crashes, after all the break downs, we have grown so much, and been there for each other, and that's what counts the most.

Breathe!

shattered glass, only to be rebuilt a new

we do love each other dearly!

On Womanhood

Girls do mature faster than boys. That being said, it is some women not all. I wouldn't be one to judge. I have been learning and still have a lot to learn, but I do feel I am getting there at my own pace. It is not a race.

I realized that I have grown through my travels... it is not the travels the have helped me grow, but "stepping up to the plate" and giving it my best shots; failing and falling with grace, and dealing with challenges life throws at me with calmness and certainty. It took years and everything I have experienced to get this far, and I have none other than me to thank, and of course the strong and lovely women in my life. I thank you and applaud you.

Strong female role models have helped me set my sights on becoming a stronger, wiser, and lovely woman. My mother, Indira, taught me always to love unconditionally, help others, be selfless, and utterly open minded. Her ability to be warm, polite, to never judge, criticize, condemn or complain about anyone, was something I wanted to learn and be too; it took a while but I got it eventually. I also learnt that it is so easy to forget the things I learn and revert back, so I learnt to be mindful. She taught me to eat all that was served to me whether I liked it or not. If I didn't like it I should learn to appreciate it. She taught me to never hate, be negative, to accept everyone, and be the one who includes everyone no matter what. Indira, also taught me to never expect but to always give, whether it was just a smile, or a helping hand.

My aunt, Mallika Dutt, taught me how to be strong, focused, driven, assertive, analytical, and entrepreneurial. She may be petite, but she stands tall in her steadfastness and achievements. She made me realize that women can be independent, not have to rely on men, and we don't need to take crap from them!

My grandmother, Maya Rani Ghosal, taught me how to appreciate beauty in everything, she loves endlessly, and in her quiet ways has different perspectives on things than most. She is intelligent and cooks the most wonderful Bengali food ever, I remember her every time I cook. Little things she told me. Her strength and ability to accept and face difficult and negative situations calmly, is something I learnt, if not inherited!

My sister, Piyali, is crazy, and lovely! She taught me to be mindful. Although she is younger than I, she has been to hell and back (a few times to say the least). She is learning, as am I. She taught me to be present, to get my own back, to love myself before others, and to be mindful to not forget these ever, and to become them. Watching her grow and watching me, we aren't perfect, but we try hard to learn, accept and face all challenges in life with positivity.

My grandmother, Mongala Bondhopadhyay, she has been strong, even in these dark days she face now with deteriorating health. From her I learned to be kind always, to love no matter what, to be determined and strong, and to never be dependent on any one despite age, health, finances. Even to this day she is kicking ass!

My other role models have been Jane Goodall (her dedication to the thing she was most passionate about), Steffi Graf (her outstanding legacy in Women's Tennis), Vanessa Paradis (her lovely voice, talent, and grace), The Spice Girls (they aren't perfect but they kicked butt big time), J.K. Rowling (for writing such an amazing series while being totally poor, but believing in her work!), Enid Blyton (for also writing amazing children stories), Jane Austen (for being so different from her time), Rosa Parks (for being standing up)... There are amazing women out there!

Mallika with my uncle and his grandmother.

My sister and I painting at MCRC

My mother

My Grandmother (Mongala) and I

Dida (Maya Rani) and Piyali

Strong Ladies here, beware!

The City of Joy

Calcutta... the city of joy...

its definitely a tad bit dirtier than Delhi, it seems different than Delhi. A week here now, and I feel like I am getting more "Indian-ized"... my English is morphing, and my Bengali and Hindi are getting better. Haven't drank dabber jol yet (coconut water). Calcutta has changed, grown... for better or for worse? As all these cities have grown; grown outward and upward. Cars, People, boom!

Malls, Hotels, High rise apartments, now they want to introduce wal-mart? Hmm bad idea. I will miss the chai valla, the roadside bazaars etc. I guess everyone wants the same conveniences the west has, while the west is beginning to move towards organic farmers markets, etc. Crazy!

Calcutta! Surprised me by springing my teenage years on me. I met Rohitesh, my classmate from tenth standard, (grade 10) in Park Circus, it was a crazy taxi ride to get there. The taxi walla was on his cell phone, talking so loudly. Took me some long way, but apparently it was the right way, the traffic was ridiculous! Everyone thinks his/her car comes first, and they all do whatever they want! Who needs lanes, traffic laws, just do whatever you want!

Rohitesh and I visited the mural my sister painted on Roudon street, right next to the la martiniere girls main entrance. Then we parked and wandered around Park Street; hit new market and then went to the infamous Oly Pub. Never been there but heard about it ever since 11th standard when all the guys would head there. Dont know why I never went there before. Very rustic but awesome in its own way!

Then we headed to Swabhumi which is just outside Salt Lake. Here we found ourselves falling rapidly down the rabbit hole, a twilight zone... an inter-school dance fest... it was wow! All the kids were dressed up, and the choreography was MJ worthy and music mixing was pretty good too for younglings. It was like Indian GLEE!!!! I talked to some of the little girls, (they were 15 or 16 years old) they were so warm, enthusiastic, friendly and ridiculously energetic... not to mention innocent. I think I remember being that age, but it does seem out of reach. All of them so pretty and confident, it was so good to see them, so excited for all of them, and their futures! I hope WE as their leading generation can leave a better brighter cleaner world for them!

This made me happy, and truly it is the city of joy.

Took some lovely pictures, will add them soon.

*hugs*

*Breathe!*