Celebrating a Birth through Strenght, Support, Serenity and Sobirety

A note on facebook from my sister, rocked my world today:

"I've learned from friends posts that an actor from Glee (not a TV watcher so not familiar with the show) recently passed away of an overdose. Today I am celebrating two years of sobriety from the same substance this individual allegedly died from. It's a reminder of how scary this (addiction) can be. As i celebrate my spiritual evolution to sobriety, I'm sending loving light to those struggling whether they know it or not. Many prayers and overflowing gratitude.♥" --- Piyali

I learned so much from my sister, and am so grateful she had the strength, support, and serenity to get over her addiction. I have learned that sometimes we take life, health, our bodies, minds, emotions and each other for granted... Today as she celebrates 2 years, I celebrate being able to hug her, have her physically with me for 2 years! I also hope other people find help the way she did. Alcoholics Anonymous, and other Anonymous groups helped her out through this tough time when she was high risk. Her healing process began, healing from inside out, past to present... now she is stronger, and sober for 2 years! I find that amazing.

I remember at first it was very hard for her to tolerate people who drank, but slowly her tolerance has grown. It is difficult as drinking, smoking and other substances have become such a popular culture... you're not cool if you don't drink. However thanks to her, I realized you can be cool without ANY of that stuff. She is the funnest, coolest, loveliest person ever. She spins, poi, does body painting, paints murals, has amazing friends, the list goes on and on!

I love her and I love this sober, reborn Piyali... she inspires me, motivates me, and is my teacher in more ways than I could ever have imagined.


Breathe

Vacation and Limiting Social Networking

I went on vacation this past week. My friend challenged me to go this week with viewing and checking into facebook only twice a day before 9 am and after 9 pm only. Only two likes, statuses, and I wanted to keep the picture uploads to the minimum also. I deleted my facebook app completely from my phone, I kept myself signed out from facebook in general. The hardest part was not liking a lot of different stuff, however it has lessened a lot!

I didn't post any pictures, except two or three, and mostly I emailed or texted them to the near and dear people. Sorry if you weren't one of them, but you gotta earn it! Yep it's a new elite club of getting close to pree. Wasn't it that way before the boom of social media, myspace, facebook, and instagram? No one knew you got married unless you were super rich and had the biggest wedding the town ever saw or if you were in with the people big time, but now EVERYONE knows thanks to facebook, if you or your spouse remembers to update. And usually someone does, or someone posts the pictures, its like your own personal  paparazzi... I get it, I was super excited about the whole thing, until recently. Until I realized how it was affecting me. So it's a good thing and a bad thing, right now am so glad I am keeping it to a minimum.

I kept my statuses to a minimum, and texted, or emailed if I had to communicate with someone. I think mostly my friend and Ryan posted most of the pictures. Oh I had fun though, and was able to be present more because I didn't worry about other stuff. We caught up with news, weather and the world on tv at night, and well Mandy and Ryan checked Yahoo! everyday. It's popular and a favorite for both of them! At times I did look over their shoulders when they facebooked, but I was mindful! Laying on the beach and doing nothing, not even texting, or scrolling through endless nonsense on the phone. If I needed to know something I would wiki it or wait till I got home, or actually think about it. I got a book to help me with things I was interested in.

My holiday was a success, and my rehab is going pretty well. It's just the beginning, and I have a long way to go. I hope to make it through and become "NORMAL" with the help of family, loved ones and friends. To a more healthy living!

Breathe!

Cleaning

Struggling with Addictions

Remember the blog I wrote about social networking addictions? Well I suffer deeply. I was just spending time with my boyfriend this weekend, and he was like put the phone down, and then we can commence cuddling. So I did, begrudgingly, but I knew he was pointing something important out. I have about a 1000 friends, and sometimes I feel the pressure of having to check it. One knows who are the frequent posters, the unfrequent-facebook checkers, some people go through phases, of checking it for a week... I don't know how or why I got so consumed by this. I am known to be a frequent fb user, so I feel pressured when I don't post something. It's been only one month since my facebook hiatus in February. I have a problem.

I spoke to a friend who told me "try to avoid confrontational situations, just chill." When I explained further, he said " you just sound vexed". So he commented "first of all facebook is stupid. Stop fucking commenting on random shit that doesn't affect you leave FB alone. All it will do it annoy you later." We have helped each other through tough times, and continue to do so, he was one of the few who recently helped me figure out that whole "shoulds" and "is" issue. He diagnosed me after listening to how "wired" I am. He said "You have it worse than a alcoholic or a druggie!!! A person who is constantly distressed by her accomplishments and shit and is on fb every 3 hrs connected via phone, laptop... !!!! Close your fucking account!" (Sometimes harsh language helps jolt stuff into your head, subtlety is at loss.). Strangely my sister advised the same, so after much gerrymandering I accomplished (due to spotify now being connected to faceboo, so annoying!).

 My friend went on to point out "Do a poll of all your friends.The most chilled out dudes, I'm sure barely ever get on fb.Getting on fb is a choice YOU are making!" Which is kind of true, live life more, internet less, fall less in the "busy trap"... busy doing what? Rule of thumb, and when joining any any any social network remember "you can not post stuff on fb and not expect to see peoples opinions on it, then some idiot will say something that bugs you." Which is true, which we forget. Election times are the worst, all other times are pretty tough too.

About idle time he suggested "if you are bored find healthy stuff to surf." To prevent me from re-activating it in a day he said "I know you will reactivate it in a day... every time you check facebook an animal dies a painful death ok!!!! That should help you." And it does, I remember the same tactic used to curb children from masturbating which is actually healthier than other stuff kids do today (Steubenville, Ohio)!

Why is this a problem? Often time it leads to a difference of opinion, ego bruising, and even confrontations. I know among kids it could lead to break ups, bullying etc. Personally I've lost friends, and its the worst thing to lose friends over, the silliest of arguments blow up into a volcano. I think social networking, facebook, meme's increase the likely hood of ruined friendships. Often times one can successfully show another person "hey you can look at the issue from this perspective", and that person acknowledges. Then you think you can take it further and change the world. Which leads to worse stuff. Social networking is now used to push ideas, products, political parties, etc. etc. *sigh* What happened to good old friendship? It's a tough world, and facebook, the internet and media, bring that world into your place of solace. Yikes! We can't fight it, but we can choose to let it not affect us. I know I let it affect me, just as my friend said. I need to distance myself and let it go. Seeing things for what it is and not getting wrapped up in the chaotic allure of it all... so difficult to do sometimes!

There seems to be increasing effort and research in studying the use of technology as an addiction, in fact there is a program now which focuses on internet, electronics addictions.

Other helpful links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html
http://sobercollege.com/2012/social-media-young-adult-addiction-treatment
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/032210p8.shtml
http://socialtimes.com/fight-social-media-addiction_b4552
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933810708464
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/troubling-social-media-addiction-statistics

I realize not everyone has this issue. Most people are able to balance things in their life for the most part right? So I just need more help than others! It's my problem, am helping my self!

:-)


Breathe!

Dualities of life... finding the balance
Picture courtesy Piyali

The Social Networking Drug

Remember NOMOPHOBIA?

Well I am using this post as as my unofficial  FBA meeting (Facebookaholics Anonymous), I am admitting to overdosing, being addicted to and abusing FB to the point that my life is at risk - career, writing, mental health etc. Yes I admit. We all have addictions, examine your life closely.

Anyway I tried just lessening the use of, monitoring myself, but then my phone would show me I had comments! Or I would stalk the "frenemy" (The friend who is not a friend but an enemy). My writing was becoming into trolling around FB for information... whatever it was unhealthy, now I am stopping it. When i get back maybe I'll delete a bunch of people I keep around for good grief knows what! It's just not healthy. I know some people who are addicted to twitter, constantly twitter updating, or the text-a-holics, there are workaholics, adrenalin junkies... (maybe some of these are better than the rest of the addictions out there, but don't fool yourself, it IS unhealthy too).

Balance.

The Middle Path.

That is the keyword for all these addictions, if you can not balance, then eliminate it entirely.
I think I can learn to balance eventually. For now I am going into my own rehab and just letting go of Facebook. May I be more productive. May I live more. May I be more present.

Love.

Breathe

How many of us waste time on this? How many of us are addicted? Sure it helped the Jasmine revolution etc. but I suffer... do you?

So many people... so many people... so many lives... so much information...

Namaste - Prana Workshop

This past weekend my sister visited. She and I held a workshop, for meditation, yoga, art, song, and healing. Piyali has been holding such gatherings and workshops in central park, New York for the entire of summer. I was lucky to be a part of one such workshop during the celebration of her graduation. We did this under the mind tree in central park. She was visiting Ohio on business, and meeting with the co-founder of her organization Kevin (More information about their non-profit can be found at this link Conscious Culture). She asked me to organize one of these so I invited almost everyone I knew in Cleveland area. Sorry if I left someone out, it was a rushed project and wish we could have found a bigger place. About 15 people were present and we bonded through the following activities:

We began by introducing ourselves and sharing how we felt at this moment in one word. Everyone said their name, and expressed how they felt right then - examples nervous, calm, excited, open, curious, energetic, anxious. This helped us make ourselves aware of us NOW, making us present.

Next we prepared for the rest of the session by calming our minds and energies through meditation. We sat straight at a place we felt comfortable and closed our eyes for ten minutes, as Piyali led us in meditation, guiding our thoughts, and breathing.

This was followed by Yoga, particularly the Surya Namaskar (sun salutation). My mother, who teaches yoga out of that very basement, led us in one of the many variations of the Surya Namaskar. This variation incorporated the warrior poses, trikonasana, downward dog, plank, cobra and stretching. It was very relaxing, a work out, some people felt loosened up, lighter, meditative.

Forgiveness and introspection was the next activity by means of art and horse stance. We began by forgiving ourselves and through forgiving ourselves, forgiving someone we are in conflict with at this time. We had to recognize what we were upset with the other person about, and make sure our side of the street was clean. We then wrote a loving letter to ourself, or to that person we were in conflict with.

Next we sang songs! Kevin shared a Yiddish song with us which his grandmother would sing to him and his brother when they would fight. It was about non-violence. Piyali taught us a few songs, "All I ask of you is to forever remember me as loving you", "Deep in my heart I've got this everlasting light" and the "Circle Song" which we sang at the end with the angel walk. Sarah shared a song with the group, where we went around in a circle and opened our eyes and hearts to each other it was lovely!

The Angel Walk (in this case Angel Circle) was last and it was emotional, overwhelming, and so much love! This was how everyone finally bonded. We stood in a circle, and a person would go to the center and spin themselves with their eyes closed. This person in the center would receive love from everyone around them. Each person would go up to them and share love, from a pat on the shoulder, a whisper in the ear, a hug, a kiss on the cheek. I was the first to go to the center, at first it felt awkward, but then everyone was singing "Oh Priyanka we love you so, Oh Priyanka we want you to know, there's a circle of love around you, there's a circle of love in your heart. there's a circle of family around you. There's a circle of love in your heart..." Hearing my name and the word "love" over and over really dug deep. I kept getting hugs, kisses, and people touching my face in caring, and whispering "I love you Pree" in my ear - touched me deep in my heart. And i let myself receive this love and began crying. It was very powerful, moving, overwhelming, and one of the best experiences ever. I will draw my strength from this lovely cathartic moment. As of that moment we opened up to each other, and we became a family!

After everyone had a chance to go in the middle - Indira, Eric, Nikki, Sarah, Pedro, Justin, Shelby, Stuey, Kevin, Summer, Nino, Debbie, Gina, Jala, Ryan and Piyali; we proceeded upstairs to have a delicious snack. And snack we did, everyone had brought such lovely healthy snacks, and my mother and sister had prepared Quinoa as a Kichudi (indian rice dish). There was salads, fruits, veggie chips, angel fruit cake, apples with caramel dipping sauce, and chocolate covered popcorn!

People began leaving however Piyali began her fabulous face painting and hoped to spin some fire. I had a crash course in safety and had to be her safety! It was my honor! There was a small music malfunction. Jala, Shelby, Justin, Sanjay and Ryan were lucky to stay for dinner cooked by Kevin, my mom and I. Which was Kale chips, fish cooked in vodka, wheat spaghetti and sauce. There was also lovely salad again. Justin helped out in the kitchen as well! This was mighty lovely.

Lastly Sanjay ended the night for all of us with a lovely Carnatic Raga. He explained to us about how Carnatic music, is different from north Indian- Hindustani music, and from Western Classical music as well! It was lovely and educational.

We all said good night and left as Piyali and Kevin had 5am flights the next morning. It was all quite a wonderful time, and I hope everyone learnt from it, received from it, and gained from it as much as I did!

I hope to host more of these soon. Let me know if you are in Cleveland and would like me to host one of these! Just invite the people, and set a venue.

Baby Buddha

I Pray

I ask to be filled with unconditional eternal love
I wish to share this love with the world.

I ask for an open mind, a receiving soul, and a warm heart
I wish to share these gifts with the world.

I ask to be able to let go of my grudges, to forget the past, and share my sorrows
I ask to be able to teach this ability to those who suffer.

I ask for the armory of tolerance and barrels of peace
I wish to share these with the world.

I ask to be forgiven for mistakes I committed in my blind rage, my blissful ignorance, and my immaturity
I pray for others who have done the same and realized it after.

I pray for those who can not feel love, who can not let go of their anger and hate, those who do not see the light.
I ask that they see this, in time.

OM!

Breathe.

Raise Your Vibrations!

Meditation On My Mind

As well as meditating, I am also giving up alcohol for so many reasons.

I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I do think I do have a problem - self medicating.

Many of us use alcohol, yes we enjoy it for the first few sips, but then don't know when to stop, right?

Whatever.

I'm almost 90 days sober, my boyfriend has been an awesome help in the process, however lately I've been thirsty. Sometimes I feel the thirst out of the need to relax, calm my nerves, or just because all my friends are doing it. The cool kids are doing it. I'm not a "cool kid" anymore cause being sober is not cool.

It's so difficult to not judge them, or not let me imagining them judging me affect me. It's twisted really. Try being sober for 90 days, and your brain will get clear, and sometimes even over analyze? Or maybe it's because I don't have anything to placate my hormones anymore. There is a definite change in body, mind and soul.

I ask for courage, from the unknown, for it is sometimes so hard to say no. Its just a drink right? Its legal. I don't have a problem...

Hmm so much of life to contemplate with those few sentences, and when I look at why i am changing my self for all the above questions, I begin applying it to others, and I see so many people who have problems! And I feel - If I am fixing myself why shouldn't they?

It's not easy.
The first four lines of the serenity prayer have been so helpful to meditate on.

"____, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference."

Meditation, and the prayer, help me remove the negative feelings which arise sometimes out of being sober, or observing other people drinking. I see myself counting drinks others have, but then I breathe, close my eyes, or just smile, and think to myself. I am good with the way I am. I am strong. I am a loving caring person. Reach out and make sure everyone gets home safe.

Just like in climbing, we get rid of the fears, panic. I try to condition myself mentally, to love, accept, and even though I see clearly now, understand and accept myself, before judging others.