An Autumn Blessed with Many Life Lessons

This month has been one of many many lessons.
Through grief and sorrow, pain, stress, caring, sharing, loving, many a tear, hugs, goodbyes, prayers, loneliness and togetherness; I have made it through.
The sky has been much grey, of late. The sky weeps many tears down to earth.
The trees are naked, all unclothed.
Fall has always been majestic, dreamy, eerie, and even dark.



Looking back:

My grandmother gets progressively ill, and makes no sense on the phone. The sound in her voice says she was crying out for help and mercy. My Father leaves to India, fearing it may be too late. She holds on and he gets there, and she barely recognizes him. He takes care of her and spends much needed time with her, as I balance spending time with my mother who is a little ill due to a cold, and with my boyfriend, who has some health issues himself. After a few days, my dad gets burnt out, and needs back up, as he is at a loss when it comes to geriatric care, however he is managing and is so humbled to be doing so. He emails my sister and I often with notes on how he feels, and the entirety of the experience.

It is the weekend of Durga Puja, the celebration of the Divine Feminine and we celebrate it reluctantly with cousins here. Durga Puja is the main reason my father decided to go to India, to spend it with his mother and celebrate with her.She is unable to celebrate, but he find time to go back to our remote village of Kudra, to observe the festivities there. He tells us in an email, that the people there have so little, but have the biggest hearts, and their warmth is overwhelming. That's the best type of people right?

My mother departs for India and reaches their safely. She is strong and gets on top of things, but the conditions are harsh, and one can get burnt out quickly. I have health issues of my own, which I had been putting off for a long time, and finally I get my appointment after a month of waiting. This doctor is amazing, thorough and personal. She goes over everything with me, my entire history of health to get to the bottom of this problem, this pain, once and for all.

I speak to my uncle, my sister, my grandparents in New York everyday. I don't realize how often I call my mom and dad, until now. Facing these health issues alone, really suck, but it is something we learn to do, or don't. Hurricane Sandy comes and blows through the East Coast... I lose touch for two days from my sis, uncle and grandparents. Anxiety levels rise. I really miss them, and I am in utter pain, it is rather crappy. Who do I reach out to? I have no energy to laugh, love or even pray... I finally was able to cry myself to sleep last night, and what a relief it was to let go. oh what a heavy burden was lifted. I realize that happiness and satisfaction is not through material things or wealth... but the decisions we make in life regarding, loved ones (family and friends), health, awareness and growth in spirituality and truly caring and sharing.

Today I sang some lovely songs to myself and I felt much better, and I was finally able to pray. Praying is something new, I been learning to accept the possibility of a Higher Power, thanks to "The Artist's Way". It is slow but steady progress, and it's so good to be able to love again. There was a drought due to the sadness I feel through empathizing for my my grandmother in India, my dad's feelings as he is present for her, my mother's feelings as she goes to make peace and forgive a demented little old lady, and ask for her forgiveness in return.

A deep reminder that Karma does exist... the decisions you make today weather big or small, will come back to haunt you later in life. Be mindful, be patient, and value the people in your life, more than anything else in the world.

Falling for Fall

It's amazing how our energies change month to month, person to person, season to season... It is always in Autumn that my Chakras seem so activated and open. A sense of calm, understanding, love and acceptance sweeps over me. It's a dream world, these red, orange and yellow leaves; when the wind blows the trees gently shake their blessings of golden hued crispy dust onto me.

The trees themselves, so happy, they get ready for hibernating for the winter. They smile, they look dead to us, but they smile and lay their heads down to slumber through winter.

I remember as a kid I would go sit myself down in a huge pile of red, yellow and brown leaves which my parents would have so meticulously cleaned off the lawn. I would pick that spot to read a book, it just seemed perfect! Why sit anywhere else?! I think I got yelled at for sitting there and ruining the pile.

I remember being mystified by fall, the once green lawn turned red and yellow over night, blanketed in leaves. My parents would make piles and clean them off. The next day there would be yet another blanket of red, orange and yellow... the trees were shedding their next layer. The air wood get chillier and I would see dark shadows rise up in places I never saw them at in summer. The neighborhood dog turned into a wolf, the raccoons turned into vicious burglars, the pumpkin patch was vandalized, the squirrels turned into greedy little hoarders. The deer got braver and appeared majestically between the leafless apple trees. Once my parents brought us down in the middle of the night to show us a badger, badgering about the lawn. It was like catching the thief red handed! He scampered away into the darkness. I don't remember what the hue and cry was for, but it was fun.

Falls in India were much different, depending on where it was at. In Madras it meant Diwali/Deepavali, Kali Puja, Navaratri, Dashera and Durga Puja (Dashera and Navaratri are Durga Puja but in different names. They all celebrate Shakti). So it meant new clothes, sweets, fireworks, music, art and drama! The days do seem to get longer, and darker at least. The food at this time changes to the more satisfying kichudi, which warms you up to the core. This fall weather lasts through till about February and then it begins to heat up (not that it cooled down much). Fall in Madras meant to me a time of community, art and family. Sometimes a trip to Calcutta for Durga puja.

Calcutta falls, yes it gets chilly and we have to begin to wear our blazers toward the end of October. Fall means Durga Puja! 10 days of holiday in West Bengal. Crowds, road blockages, art, festival, large tents and "pandals" erected in every neighborhood. Shakti is dancing in everyone's hearts. The Mahalaya can be heard on loudspeakers everywhere, then children performing, grownups reciting poems... so much cultural activity. It all ends with drums, dance, and these lovely idols depicting the goddesses being submerged into the Ganges River. The idol is gone, but her spirit stays back with all the people. The arts is washed away, only to re-inspire another year of artistry and hard-work.

Fall in the above the tropics in the northern hemisphere, means bonfires, 'smores, camping, holidays are around the corner, the festivities of hallows' eve, horror movies, hiking weather, blessings of nature... utter beauty and acceptance of change which only nature can give us so freely with love.
Falling for fall: The last of the beautiful bright blue skies, and the last rays of the  warm golden sun, for a few months, until spring. Seems like such a long time from Fall to Spring. Fall colors, smells, the crisp air, warm clothes and the yearning to gather around bonfires and tell stories of Summer!

Greenbrier County, WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier, WV 2007

WV - New River 2010

WV- NRG 2010

The Upper Gauley, WV 2011

My favorite Lothlorien tree at The Point, NRG, WV 2010

Try Love Instead

What do you gain from hate and war?
Nothing, Nothing at all.
Why do you hate, what is it for?
Question deeply before you fall.

Hate leads you to a dark deep pit,
Where your heart will sink and sit.
You lose your light, you lose your friends,
You lose every hope of making amends.

Why do you hate and cause unrest?
You lose all peace of mind to stress.
If anything this is a test
To free your soul, your heart from this mess.

You bear a grudge, and close off your mind,
Do you know that is very unkind?
Unkind, not to others, but to yourself
Because in the end, you're the one that needs help.

Open your eyes and see
The beauty in the world through diversity.
Open you heart and feel
That circle of love will grow and heal.

You miss this chance when you hate and fight,
To love everyone with all your might.
The more you give the more you get,
Just change your heart and your mindset.

Try love instead,
Get negativity out of your head.
Let the toxic out of your heart,
Make room for a fresh and positive start.

Its really not difficult to do,
All you have to let go of what's bothering you.
Look deep inside and see,
The person and things I hated, were in me.
Learn to grow and be strong,
And then with other's you will find no more wrong.



I know all this is real and so true,
What I know even more, is that I love you!

Amends

First we start with forgiveness.

Forgive ourselves so we can love ourselves more
In turn, through loving ourselves, we love others more and can forgive them easily.

It sounds silly even whimsical, it sounds simple...
Be warned it is difficult. To say I love you, to yourself, using your name.
(Unless perhaps you were a narcissist to begin with)
This is not a narcissistic kind of love, but a bigger love.
What is tough at first, becomes more fluid, when practiced often.


Try it.

When you have mastered this, write it. When you can write it, feel it, and be it, try it on the person you are upset with.

Small steps. First imagine it.

Think clearly of where you have wronged them and what you could have done better.
Think of where they have hurt you, and how they could show up for you better.
Learn to let it go. Don't take it personal. Always, keep your side of the road clean.

Write it all out.
Remember to never blame, and remember that you have always had part in the making the relationship/friendship murky.
When you are good with this, and feel a peace when you think of them, you will feel ready to make amends.

Now try telling the person you are mad at that you love and forgive them.

To love you, Oh it hurts...like a cut on my heart, bleeding it dry.

I forgive you my friend, and love you so deeply.
I understand if you don't feel the same. Maybe one day, maybe never... I do hope you find peace however.

Find peace within yourself.

Breathe.

I picked this picture because it made me remember after all we do to the earth and our fellow creatures we must always remember to be grateful for them, their lives and support. We must ask them for forgiveness. They will grant it to us time and time again, no matter how much we hurt them.

Durga Devi Mahashakti - A Poem

Our Reflection in Mahashakti “Dasavuja”

All mankind

is born, aspiring for perfection

and each shall attain it

will he but follow

his nature’s duty,

listen mindfully, like ‘manifest’ glory.

Now that he holds it

he knows this treasure

above all others.-

Faith so certain

shall never be shaken.

Heaviest sorrow-

vanity, violence-

Pride, lust, anger so bemused-

all possessions though not tainted.

The sense is ego, that matters-

endowed ‘shakti’, let man acquire,

embrace, “Mahashakti” so epitomized.

Endearing and blissfully

ESPIRIT DE CORPS- SO UNIVERSAL,

wonders visibly.

Seer provider omnipotent

our Ma Durga.

Being so obsequious

each of us inspired-

ordained by the nature.

Born out of your showering

noble gifts “Mahagunas” as every.

Empowered to unearth

materials transformed, tranquilled

in our mind & spirit, forever,

surely help us reinvent, bare.

“Mahatman” unfolds austere-

forbearing strength and wisdom

infusing firm faith

to prevailing the truth in us!

Thus our enamoring deity

so ordained by the nature-

mighty and bold

unflinching and fearless

becoming the subtlety of skill

making us a resolute mentor

to work for all humanity

the endeavor, honour

inner strength of mighty deity

help us win the battle of life.

To work for all men-

with humility- “As more we learn,

the little we know”

deserving benediction

-such is the duty of ours

ordained for the serves of

“Mahashakti Durga Devi.

By

Dino Nath Ghosal

This is a poem my grandfather Mr. Dino Nath Ghosal wrote but a few days ago. I hope you enjoyed it. 

 

Power of Fiction

Have you ever want to escape from your reality and go somewhere else, where what you do makes a difference? Where you are on an epic adventure in far off lands battling a beast that threatens all of your kind? Ever wish this mundane life was more than it is?

I have.

...and I wish it were all so more often than not. Someone once said to me "you're an escapist".
So I am! I can go to lovely places just by closing my eyes. I go on amazing adventures, I save the world from epic disasters, I can fly, I can travel between universes, I have met the creator.

I'm driving down the road, and suddenly I hear "May it Be" by Enya. I am immediately transported to Middle Earth, the gas station turns into an evil base camp of the orcs of Mordor, the trees are the sign that there are ent kind and the Lorien elves near by. I am safe for now. I journey on, and I reach a destination, only to find Urukhai have invaded my camp site and my friends are all missing. The Misty Mountains are far off in the distance, and the Shire, far beyond that. It's too late to think of turning back and going home. I lose hope. What would Samwise do? What would Gandalf say? How would Aragorn approach this situation? They are all a part of me and I learn through their characters, their stories.

Since the Hobbit is being released soon, Ryan and I have been listening to "The Hobbit" on audiobook. Every time we drive somewhere we are transported to the Shire; the tunnels beneath the Misty Mountains where we faced nasty goblins and riddled with Golem; The Mirkwood forest where we battled large gross spiders; The mountain top on which Smaug lives... We're almost near the end of our adventures, but deep inside we don't want it to end. Luckily for us, there are three more audiobooks, the Silmarillion and other works by JRR Tolkien. After reading the book, we will hope the movie can live up to this amazing adventure we just experienced!

Perhaps my ability to imagine fiction and make it so real to me is an skill only I have? I really hope more people can imagine like I do. It's an awesome thing. For a while I stopped, I felt ashamed of being an escapist, embarrassed that my mind could go from being a 30 year old to a 5 year old in less than a second. I enjoy being able to see things no one else can see, I am glad I can still experience books like children can. The Wind in the Willows, Last Fairy, Charlotte's Web, The Incredible Journey, Where the Red Ferns Grow, Call of the Wild, The tale of Benjamin Bunny, Enid Blyton Books, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Xanth series ... there are just some of these took me on adventures, met lovely people, and went to different lands.

Maybe I should do book reviews for those of you that like to escape, that enjoy the occasional fantasy world, the epic adventure, interactions with talking animals! Join me in these world's and let us play there for a while, and bring that experience to the real world.

Breathe... Imagine!

My sis and I could never figure out the hat

What did the house which was tucked into the roots of a tree look like!

Caras Galadhon

Caras Galadhon in Lothlorien

This was a lovely depiction of Caras Galadhon as well

Ivy Bush inn in the Shire, in Lord of the Rings Online (the MMORPG)

The Last Fairy by Fred Hancock

I love maps in books! Even maps / layouts of ships!

I remember reading this exact copy... Javis (the queen) looks so manly!

Love these books!

almost forgot about Nancy Drew and the Hardy boys!

My sister would remember this story we heard over and over again!

Namaste - Prana Workshop

This past weekend my sister visited. She and I held a workshop, for meditation, yoga, art, song, and healing. Piyali has been holding such gatherings and workshops in central park, New York for the entire of summer. I was lucky to be a part of one such workshop during the celebration of her graduation. We did this under the mind tree in central park. She was visiting Ohio on business, and meeting with the co-founder of her organization Kevin (More information about their non-profit can be found at this link Conscious Culture). She asked me to organize one of these so I invited almost everyone I knew in Cleveland area. Sorry if I left someone out, it was a rushed project and wish we could have found a bigger place. About 15 people were present and we bonded through the following activities:

We began by introducing ourselves and sharing how we felt at this moment in one word. Everyone said their name, and expressed how they felt right then - examples nervous, calm, excited, open, curious, energetic, anxious. This helped us make ourselves aware of us NOW, making us present.

Next we prepared for the rest of the session by calming our minds and energies through meditation. We sat straight at a place we felt comfortable and closed our eyes for ten minutes, as Piyali led us in meditation, guiding our thoughts, and breathing.

This was followed by Yoga, particularly the Surya Namaskar (sun salutation). My mother, who teaches yoga out of that very basement, led us in one of the many variations of the Surya Namaskar. This variation incorporated the warrior poses, trikonasana, downward dog, plank, cobra and stretching. It was very relaxing, a work out, some people felt loosened up, lighter, meditative.

Forgiveness and introspection was the next activity by means of art and horse stance. We began by forgiving ourselves and through forgiving ourselves, forgiving someone we are in conflict with at this time. We had to recognize what we were upset with the other person about, and make sure our side of the street was clean. We then wrote a loving letter to ourself, or to that person we were in conflict with.

Next we sang songs! Kevin shared a Yiddish song with us which his grandmother would sing to him and his brother when they would fight. It was about non-violence. Piyali taught us a few songs, "All I ask of you is to forever remember me as loving you", "Deep in my heart I've got this everlasting light" and the "Circle Song" which we sang at the end with the angel walk. Sarah shared a song with the group, where we went around in a circle and opened our eyes and hearts to each other it was lovely!

The Angel Walk (in this case Angel Circle) was last and it was emotional, overwhelming, and so much love! This was how everyone finally bonded. We stood in a circle, and a person would go to the center and spin themselves with their eyes closed. This person in the center would receive love from everyone around them. Each person would go up to them and share love, from a pat on the shoulder, a whisper in the ear, a hug, a kiss on the cheek. I was the first to go to the center, at first it felt awkward, but then everyone was singing "Oh Priyanka we love you so, Oh Priyanka we want you to know, there's a circle of love around you, there's a circle of love in your heart. there's a circle of family around you. There's a circle of love in your heart..." Hearing my name and the word "love" over and over really dug deep. I kept getting hugs, kisses, and people touching my face in caring, and whispering "I love you Pree" in my ear - touched me deep in my heart. And i let myself receive this love and began crying. It was very powerful, moving, overwhelming, and one of the best experiences ever. I will draw my strength from this lovely cathartic moment. As of that moment we opened up to each other, and we became a family!

After everyone had a chance to go in the middle - Indira, Eric, Nikki, Sarah, Pedro, Justin, Shelby, Stuey, Kevin, Summer, Nino, Debbie, Gina, Jala, Ryan and Piyali; we proceeded upstairs to have a delicious snack. And snack we did, everyone had brought such lovely healthy snacks, and my mother and sister had prepared Quinoa as a Kichudi (indian rice dish). There was salads, fruits, veggie chips, angel fruit cake, apples with caramel dipping sauce, and chocolate covered popcorn!

People began leaving however Piyali began her fabulous face painting and hoped to spin some fire. I had a crash course in safety and had to be her safety! It was my honor! There was a small music malfunction. Jala, Shelby, Justin, Sanjay and Ryan were lucky to stay for dinner cooked by Kevin, my mom and I. Which was Kale chips, fish cooked in vodka, wheat spaghetti and sauce. There was also lovely salad again. Justin helped out in the kitchen as well! This was mighty lovely.

Lastly Sanjay ended the night for all of us with a lovely Carnatic Raga. He explained to us about how Carnatic music, is different from north Indian- Hindustani music, and from Western Classical music as well! It was lovely and educational.

We all said good night and left as Piyali and Kevin had 5am flights the next morning. It was all quite a wonderful time, and I hope everyone learnt from it, received from it, and gained from it as much as I did!

I hope to host more of these soon. Let me know if you are in Cleveland and would like me to host one of these! Just invite the people, and set a venue.

Baby Buddha