The Best Year Yet!

Two weeks ago it was the 1st day of the New Year, and I realized a lot of things. On social media everyone was saying Happy New Year, this will be the best year yet, but I couldn't feel that excitement or joy. Why are people so excited for the New Year? Or are they just happy to be at a party? Life flows, I never really see any clear demarcations, some events stand out more than others. From a financial stand point, sure the Newish fical year begins, but hey we still have to pay bills from last year, etc. So what are we really celebrating?

My boyfriend, Ryan, and I had a quiet New Years Eve together, and we watched Space Balls. In the middle we watched the ball drop in Times Square, New York City. It was another year beginning for sure. He played Auld Lang Syne for me on the guitar, which was lovely, as I felt the frenzy and rush to text everyone I know. Highly overrated. I felt the need to drink copious amounts of liquor, cause that just seems the thing to do on holidays.

I was trying to help me feel excited but deep in my heart I knew the truth. If I thought 2013 was tough, 2014 will be tougher still, it maybe my toughest year ever! There are decisions to make, big changes and let's not forget taking risks. So, here I am trying to feel excited like everyone else, but it was not going to happen. I have this enormous task at hand, which is my path, my life, it's no one else's, and it seems really daunting, if not overwhelming. I have so many goals set forth this year- improving my health, losing weight, running more, climbing more, yoga-ing more, writing more, maybe changing my job, maybe starting a business, maybe switching careers...

This year I turn 31; So far I've gathered I'm not a normal human being. Yep, I'm 31 and haven't "settled down", at all, not even in life. Let's say normal is the net in a tennis court, I'm a little past the service court boxes, the weird and outlandish are at the baseline and the crazies are like where Nadal hits his awesome shots from with those grunts, way back near back-screen where the ball boys await. (anyway in tennis, Olympics and football mode since the Australian open is upon us, and World Cup and Olympics soon to be!) Anyway, I dunno why I can't just settle down, maybe cause there's still so much to see, learn, do, experience, live, explore...

So far I think I've been dealing with what this tough year has thrown at me pretty well, I had to give up drinking, cause it was a major downer, and I need me to pick me up! I was overwhelmed, anxious about this new year, I felt bad that I could not say this will be the best year yet. All I thought to myself was this will be a tough year, and I found myself facing the Moguls skiing; hitting each bumps, gaining speed rapidly heading down hill, obstacle after obstacle looming, and me losing control. I should quit right now, I thought, but it was no solution, I knew, and as I tried to take a turn I crashed. Yep no more drinking for me, I picked up the pieces and realized if I don't flip my attitude it would be the worst year yet, if not just the toughest.

This year has been challenging and will continue to be so, and I am ready for it, although I did shed a tear or two, I know I can handle it. I will drive forward into midfield, maneuver through the defense and kick that goal! It will be a long game, so need to build my stamina, strength, and willpower, not to forget motivation and determination, and I know I will see myself through. And tough does not necessarily mean worst, flip that negativity to positivity. Flip that attitude, kinda like a flip in Aerial skiing, always landing on your feet! Bring it!

I hope everyone else has a lovely year! And I know I will too, now, I know I will.


Breathe!

Utterly Honest: My Fat Body

Have you ever had that feeling, when your putting on your favorite pair of slacks and suddenly your ass is in the way, and you're like "What! Where did this globulous-blobness come from?" And suddenly life is different and the wake up call to make a change has rung loudly in your ear.

Struggling with weight... ever since my hormones and ovaries went wacko, my life style changed, and my body changed. Since I fell off the "workout" wagon it was hard to get back on. Finally I've gotten back to the gym, and oh my, it's been tough!

Everyone is always like it doesn't matter what size you are, you must love yourself. Heck ya, I do love myself, my curves, my multiple spare tires, the love handles bla bla bla... but really, I have standards for myself. I rather not buy a new wardrobe with larger clothes sides. I know that my body type, my bone structure and I know there is only so much my bones can carry. There are things I want to do, I must lose the adipose tissue, the fat.

What happened? As I said I had health problems, and after a while I just had a hard time going back to the gym, my hormones were off, I was depressed, and it just kept layering on, the fat that is. Until I felt bad going to social events with friends, but still had to, but I was still to ashamed and embarrassed that it had come to this, pushing me into more depression. Thus the vicious cycle, so someone had to help me break it and that was me. People told me while I went through extreme self loathing, and mental/ emotional pain and agony of being unable to love my "curves" that I should accept myself and love myself, and we all come in all shapes and sizes. I get that! I won't be Kritsten Dunst skinny, or like Jessica Alba... those are not my body types. I can accept my body type and hold myself to standards... So I will work towards it in a healthy way.

So yes I love my body, I know I can be better, and no not cause I want to look like a skinny catwalk model, (although it might be nice), I just want to be healthy for me. I want to be attracted to me, I want to do child's pose again and not have my tummy come in the way. I want to look "athletic" to me again. I want to be athletic again. I have goals! Yes I am pretty hard on my self, let alone, family and loved ones telling me I am chubby, need to lose weight etc. I am so hard on myself, to the point it was scary to see myself naked. Now after 4 or 5 weeks of hard work outs, hours at the gym, I feel and see the difference, oh and some muscular injuries too... but results are really in the inches and not the number on the scale.

It's been pretty painful emotionally, mentally, and physically. Next time you see an obese person, think twice about making a rude comment. We don't know their story. Age, medical condition, genes, food availability, access to exercise, information and so many more issues can be the reason for obesity. Yes, sometimes there's pure gluttony, and laziness, but there is also depression, binging on comfort foods, so on and so forth. Sometimes sadness is something that can consume us to the point that we lose ourselves... to eating and sitting. So chubby people need help, kindness and encouragement.

Emotionally, I've had to motivate myself, overcome how I look in shorts and a t-shirt, overcome exercising in public and knowing that my jelly is bouncing around... dealing with my body unable to do what I could once do. It hurts and demotivates, but it takes a lot to just keep going, as Dory in Finding Nemo would say "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming swimming".

Mentally, I've had to just make myself go, shut of my mind, tell it to shut up. I had to shut up my internal critique, my self loathing, my self doubt... and just go through the exercise like I am a robot. However, in the end all the blood is in my muscles, so there is less thinking, and the endorphins just keep pumping out, making me feel better. So hush mind hush, this is a meditative practice.

Socially, I've had to turn down everything, just so I have 4-6 days of work out a week, 2-2.5 hours each day. Yeah at 30 more time is required to burrrrnnn the fat, and get tht metabolism going, unless you're one of those hyper metabolism people, who are magically thin no matter what they eat. Oh my! Anyway the good thing is, it's fall / winter so there aren't too much stuff going on, and it's perfect time to train for summer outdoor activities. Also winter is the time we tend to eat and sit around more, due to lack of stuff to do outside due to cold, snow and whatever inclement weather Ohio throws our way, so gym is great.

Physically, soreness, aches and pains, and initial injuries before the muscles get stronger. Stretch before exercising, warm up its easier on the muscles- basic important rules. Sometimes forgotten, but stretching is so important and yoga helps me so much too. So I go from being tight from working out, to stretchy in yoga... it's a tough body change to deal with. I love both though, eventually though one could almost only need yoga. Balance is always important though even in the yogic world. Listening to my body, not pushing myself too much, or not under-doing it was a challenge, and of course not even being able to do it, and finding modifications was another obstacle to overcome.

Diet: Eating healthy is another big lifestyle change one has to make initially to lose fat. Later we may reintroduce the unhealthy stuff in small amounts, however with thanksgiving it was kind of tough, yes Cheese was consumed. Recently a vegetarian, gave up all meat except fish, how do I get my protein? Oh fish, lentils, beans, chick peas!!!! Yeah so much more. I gave up dairy due to lactose issues, but good cheese in small amounts is ok, gluten gives me instant heart burn, and other problems the next day, so that is to a minimum too. Lots of grains, nuts, and veggies for me, let's not forget fruit. I eat an apple everyday. Caffeine is ZERO! Yes because it slows down metabolism although hypes you up, its the sugar, and whatever. I drink herbal teas like tulsi, and rose. Alcohol is the tough one, but since its mostly gluten I am left with ciders, and I am bored of apples, so wine it is. But it is only on weekends, as a result I am a lightweight! Processed foods and sugars are of course out of the question, especially soft drinks, etc. OUT! So although I have been eating healthy for about a year, exercise is key to inch-loss.

Why do we call it weight loss when muscle actually weighs more than fat, and fat is actually all inches! We should call it Inch Loss! This entire thing has been such a mind job, and I have to keep going. I have goals that I want to reach, ie. running a race with my bestie next year, running a lot, biking alot, climbing alot, yoga-assana-ing alot, and who knows what else! Most of it is looking at my bi-weekly semi-naked selfie which Ryan helps me with, and saying I love you, and hey we can get through this!

Ok now that I'm done being utterly honest... I can get the rest my body needs.

Breathe!

You Are What You Eat

I have been studying Yoga for the past 7 months, and there have been a lot of things I've learned and changed in my life. I have changed too: increased patience, calm, understanding... Sometimes I do lapse into old self, but I am working hard to get to my "Ideal Self". That "Ideal Self" keeps changing, and the challenges increase, but I am growing, getting better, and it is full filling.

One of the things which has resurfaced through out my life is: to stop consuming my friends,(a reference from the original Doctor Dolittle musical with Rex Harrison), what most people would call vegetarianism. I was successful for a few years, during my childhood, after watching the butchering of a chicken. It didn't last though. I just don't want to be a part of that cycle of cruelty, and now a days it is the very heart of obesity and other diseases.

As intrigued and curious as I was as a child, I was very aware and in about 6th grade I was headstrong about studying Factory Farming. We are talking about 1995; and the information was very limited to child without internet and the resources available these days. However as I grew and information was available as the industry was slowly exposed, my suspicions were confirmed. How we treat our or other animals defines us as a culture as a species. We are monsters.

Today I stumbled upon this video. It's only 6 minutes long. I don't want to brainwash anyone, eat whatever you want, but be AWARE. I was sitting on the fence for a long time now, and with my whole plan to be more active, healthy and eat healthy, my decision has been made. I will be vegetarian until and unless the event comes to pass, that there is no more vegetarian food and I must scavenge and hunt (ie. a survivalist scenario) for food, I shall. For instance if I go back country backpacking with Ryan, and we get so lost, and don't have food, I will eat and do what needs be done for survival. For now, I quit.

I have always been a lover of animals, being such an empath, as it is how could it be avoided. I was so fond of the original Doctor Dolittle with Rex Harrison, where he spoke to animals and rationalized, do we eat our friends? The book was written in the times when people were becoming aware of Animal Cruelty, same as Black Beauty. I wanted to grow up and work on the Rainbow Warrior, joining Green Peace, PETA etc. And then they went and did some extremist things, and I had to evaluate how I felt about the entire thing. I love animals, but I did not condone their actions. I had to weave my own path. My compassion extended to humans too, so I had to see an all encompassing view of animals and humans. I felt geography and planning was a good option, sadly it's hard to find a job in urban planning where I am. Plus building, planning often is not approached with the perspective of animals and their habitats, but more so politics, economic gain etc. No wonder the PETA people go batty!

That's my decision. I am sorry if the video is shocking, but it is eye opening, and goes full circle. Also in light of the obesity and health care issues in USA, and ALL over the world, we must be even more vigilant, active, aware, and mindful. Next time you order your food think about where it came from. Factory farming... makes me want to go to the farmer's market, but oh the prices. Sometimes it's so hard living in Ohio, the options of places to eat are not enough, especially for vegetarians... but THESE are all excuses for not living healthy, eating healthy, and being mindful and aware. We need to unlearn, unwork and undo these unhealthy lifestyles we've created. Let's make the change!

Like Animals - Doctor Dolittle -1967 - click for more information about the movie
I do not understand the human race.
It has so little love for creatures with a different face.
Treating animals like people is no madness or disgrace.
I do not understand the human race.

I wonder why do we treat animals like animals?
Animals treat us so very well.
The devoted ways they serve us and protect us when we’re nervous –
Oh, they really don’t deserve us, all we give them is hell!

Tell me how else man repays them, do we ever think to praise them?
No we don’t, and this dismays them, you can tell.
They're riddled with ingratitude, we give no love or latitude,
In every way our attitude is, well, like animals.

Why do we treat animals like animals?
How can people be so inhumane?
Cows and chickens work to feed us, dog and horses show they need us
And though cats don’t always heed us, their affection is plain.

What do we do?
We neglect them; we do nothing to protect them;
We reject them, don’t expect them to complain.
We ignore them or we beat them; when we’re hungry, then we eat them.
It’s appalling how we treat them, it’s insane!
Like animals!

We humiliate and murder and confine them.
We create their wretched status, then we use it to malign them.
I mean, why should we say, “preening like a dog”?
Why should we say, “working like a horse”?
Why should we say, “eating like a hog,”
When what we mean is “eating like a man”?!
Don’t we? Of course!

A man of ill repute is called a “weasel” or a “rat,”
A woman you dislike becomes a “vixen” or a “cat.”
A family that is blessed with healthy reproductive habits
Occasions the remark, “Well you know them, they breed like rabbits”!

“He’s as stubborn as a mule!”
“He’s as stupid as an ox”
“He’s as slimy as a snake!”
“He’s as crafty as a fox!”
Remarks like that really get my goat!

Why don’t we say, “noble as a frog”?
Or, why can’t we say, “wealthy as a hen”?
True, we say, “devoted as a dog.”
What we should say is: “chic as a giraffe,” “pretty as a pig, eh?”
That’ll be the big day, won’t it?
But when? But when?!

When will we stop treating them like animals?
Is the human race entirely mad?
Women see a baby goatskin, or a lambskin, or a stoatskin!
And to them it’s just a coatskin –
Oh, it’s terribly sad!

When you dress in suede or leather, or some fancy fur or feather,
Do you stop and wonder whether, for a fad, you have killed some beast or other?
And you’re wearing someone’s brother,
Or perhaps it’s someone’s mother in which you’re clad!

Like animals, like animals, like … animals.
Well, it’s true, we do not live in a zoo.
But man is an animal too.
So why can’t you, like me,
Like animals … animals.



The Vegetarian - Doctor Dolittle -1967   - click for more information about the book

The day that I became a veterinarian
I had a sudden overwhelming wish,
To be a pure and simple vegetarian
And give up eating all that meat and fish.

So now I live on healthy food instead
Like apples cores,
And Parsnip juice
And chunks of plain brown bread.

When I see my fellow men
Consuming sirloin steak,
And I find myself enjoying tea and dundee cake,
There is really only one conclusion I can make
I'm a devoted vegetarian.

When my host at dinner offers
Succulent roast beef,
Proudly I refuse it. People stare in disbelief,
Lost in admiration as I nibble on a leaf,
A very noted vegetarian.

I don't even eat horseradish, in case I upset the horses.

I stay away from deviled ham on principle,
I wouldn't eat roast duckling if I could,
Will power has made me invincible!...
My word, those sausages do look good.

Turnip pie and peanuts-
That's the sort of filth I eat,
Any sort of rubbish
That is wholesome and discrete
Why don't I admit that my hypocrisy's complete?!
If I should live to be a centenarian,
Become our most adored humanitarian?
I'll never make a decent vegetarian-
I'm a cheat
I love meat,
I'm a cheat
Yes I am!
I love red bloodied juicy chunks of meat
Legs of lamb!
Sides of beef 'n' chops 'n' steak 'n' veal
And pork of course - my favorite meal!

And then I hear poor Gubgub squeal!
Oh me, Oh my,
A reluctant, but sincere vegetarian,
Am I.





Breathe

Be Aware

Live And Let Live.

Siblings

Animals are beautiful people too

Action shot! We love to play too! and take jump shots! (thanks to the people who share these lovely pictures online)

We can be friends!

No words for this one... the cuteness has stunned me!

Even cuter... how can I ever think of...

Ahimsa yawl Ahimsa!

Mommy turkey and baby turkey!

turkeys are cute too!

Baby cows cast spell with their big innocent eyes! How can we...?!

The egg came first I tell you!

We are friends, why can't you be my friend too?

Yep they definitely want to be friends and not food!

LOVE and Happiness

cuteness... siblings...

good grief adorable

Children and parents

my childhood friend...