Breaking the Chain

This picture was exactly what I was trying to explain to my mother the other day. I was just telling my mom about a website which showed us how USA droned Pakistan from 2004 to now. It showed how drone attacks increased after president Obama came into office (these were the known drone attacks). The target of these drone attacks were always high profile terrorists etc., but the casualties included, children, civilians and "other" (which meant other terrorists I suppose). All in all till date there are over 3000 dead due to the drone attacks.

My mom pointed out, and rightfully so, that the terrorist organizations under attack of the drones, had killed 5000 plus people during 911 attack on the twin towers in 2001. That was a good point. However, I thought deeply about Ahimsa and all the things I have been learning, and I pointed out to her that we can't break the chain like this. Violence begets violence, this perpetuates more killing. The next time they will target 10,000, and we will retaliate and kill another 20,000... and so it will carry on. is that what we really want?

I know this is one of the most difficult things to accept, it is the toughest thing in life to do. Especially if you are the one affected. We hold on to the pain, anger and our hearts are consumed with revenge, hate and vengeance, retribution, justice... in the end though it comes down to what kind of human do you want to be. Retaliation is a good scare tactic, its a good way to get rid of bullies, but what do we want to be - as a person, as a people, as a nation, as a species? In the end it depends on us individuals... Choose wisely.

Breaking the chain can apply to not only violence, but addictions, negative perceptions, being stuck on a  project, friendships, anger, rivalries, egos, and the list could go on. It means taking a different perspective that does not cause another person harm. It means setting the ego aside and filling your heart with positivity instead. Positivity could be love, light, optimism, hope, kindness, caring, sharing... You see those "top 10 things what successful people do" or "top 20 things happy people do different", its this basic attitude that sets them apart. They don't let negativity hold them back, they don't let failure, hurt, anger drag them down. They focus and fill themselves with this positivity. Don't believe me? Try it!

When you focus on getting back at someone, or on sadness, you spiral yourself into that hole of darkness. An amazing example is Japan during the devastating tsunami. They could have been really sad about the tsunami and wallowed in self pity for days, but they mourned yes, they felt sad, but they didn't focus on that. They gathered themselves, and truly kept calm and carried on. ;-) Another example is the Buddhist Lama's they could be so angry, and hurt about China... but no they focus on their practice, their compassion, love and forgiveness and smile and teach others the same. I find this refreshing... don't you?

Forgiveness is not easy, but those who can master this has found some divinity within themselves. I will say forgiveness is higher than any revenge one can muster. I think those wise old guys from the religious and holi texts would agree, they knew what they were talking about.

Matisyahu lyrics

The Should and The Is

My friend and I were discussing today about the difference between what we think we "should" be and what we "are" (the "is"). We found it very different from each other, we spoke about this in terms of Myers-Briggs personality test and life itself. Our personalities in term of the Myers-Briggs changes from year to year, so does our idea of what we "should" be.

Although I am ENFP (extroverted- intuitive - feeling - perception), sometimes I feel I should be more ESTJ (extroversion -  sensing- thinking - judgement). Sometimes I find myself INTJ (introversion -intuitive - thinking - judgement)... so there are many different possibilities, and our lives are dynamic we change within. Our "should"s change to, what we think we should be at that time. Eventually we sort of settle down into one, maybe on or two aspects maybe so ingrained in us that we can't change it, like me and the "intuition" aspect, also i am more feeling than thinking, always have been! We eventually have to come to terms with the "is" and be ok with it, and let go of the "should".

My friend's blog about through hiking the Appalachian Trail this year helped me understand the aspect of coming to terms with the "is" and "should". She talks about her fears of not being able to complete the journey, but eventually comes to terms with what "is" or rather what might be. Either way if she completes it its a victory, if she doesn't there's always a positive side "... if I don't make it to Maine, I'll have some great stories to tell. And maybe I'll even lose a toe, preferably the little one. I never liked it anyway. Or, I could embellish a bear story and even possibly get some hippy trail name that I can change my Facebook alias to."
If its about "should"s "maybe"s of the future, it becomes about perspective and remembering that the journey is what matters, the goal or the peak is but a prize along the way.

Another part of the the blog that tackles "should"s and "is" is that everyone has this idea that we grow up with about what life should be, at least here in US who knows what it's like in war torn Iraq, Iran, Israel or Palestine or even Pakistan. The "should" is often the formula, the "American Dream", I don't know what else it's called, but I have written about it before. We go to school, go to college, go to more college, find a boy/ girl, get married, get a good 9-5 job of $50k preferably more, buy a house, buy a car, buy a lawn mower, have a kid, buy diapers... and then grow old, spend Christmas, thanksgiving and other holidays with your grandchildren. Alot of people follow this "should" and seem happy, some do and fail, some never do. My doctor told me I "should" to get married soon and have children by 31. She said we could take it out after that (refer to my previous blog), solving my health problems. I was polite and said, I'd rather wait. How does one tell another person that their "should" is not your "is"? A tough one, isn't it? It's good to see more people not follow the "should" but follow themselves!

I know a lot of people who talk about how they would be happy just leaving everything behind, and just going to a mountain retreat, to find happiness and peace, when they realize their "is" which was them following their "should" did not work. Do they ever go? Most of them don't embark on that journey and just stay stuck or find a different way with less changes, because they are scared of straying from the "should" and finding the new "is". However it seems more people are going out on the limb and finding and accepting the "is". I sure am. I am learning to accept other people's "is" as well!


Following and accepting your "is" can be in whatever for, from just taking off on a solo journey, to taking that class in martial arts or pottery you've always wanted to, or getting away from that toxic environment, basically it is finding what makes you truly deeply happy. That is your purpose, that is your being, That is you!


Breathe!!!



"Enlightenment is essentially waking up from the should's and looking at what is" - Tanjot

I don't know where I found this, but it works for this blog! and it's cute!

Period

This is a topic which everyone seems uncomfortable talking about, even with our OBGYNs. All women experience it however. I'm glad I can talk to my closest female friends about this stuff. So I am just gonna write my heart out about it, for all those women who don't have someone to talk about it with, or think they are the only ones with awfully painful and icky periods!

Once a month, actually it used to be twice a month, I would feel the pain of being a woman. The cramps, migraine, back pains, bloating, irritation and lack of rationality, mood swings, comfort food binges, nausea, vomiting, depression, zits (pimples), crankiness, increased whining, feeling like your head's in a cloud... These are general period symptoms, and PMS symptoms. Not all women experience this, but many do. Many women have other complications... like endometriosis etc. Everyone knows there's all sorts of women out there, with different body types and shades, colors, features, personalities... we also have different periods!

Some women have a short period, no pain, they barely know it happens. Some women experience ghastly periods,  long painful, heavy. Others have medium periods. There are also all sorts of pads, tampons, and eco-friendly feminine hygiene products to use. Some women just use a thin, tiny panty liner, others use a tampon, other use a thick pad, some women have to use a combination due to super heavy flow.

As lovely as we are as women, beautiful, elegant, we can turn into that loud mouthed, outrageous, obnoxious, rotund auntie every now and then... then again some of us don't. Some women have their period like it's any other day. I envy those women, however at the same time, the pain and bleeding I go through reminds me of how difficult it is being a woman. Yeah it's difficult for me, the pain is crippling, my emotions a mess, and all the PMS symptoms and then some. It's just my body is different and I have to come to terms with it. My hormones levels, uterus shape, etc. are different from other women. No to uterus/ hormone levels are same, and none are perfect! On my period days, it's hard to go to work, hard to even walk sometimes!

The period is a beautiful thing cause it reminds us about the miracle of birth, and the joys of giving birth...or not! Yeah if the period is this bad, how much better can the birthing be? People say the baby is so worth it, I'm not convinced yet. I'm sure my time of "realization" will come, don't push it on me! It's just not now, not today. Yeah the miracle of the human body is what comes to mind, though: how the body knows when to shed the lining, to release the egg because it hasn't been fertilized, let it go... let it flow... breathe!


Women who have problems with their periods, endometriosis, fibroids, PMS, etc. means definitely something is whacky with the hormones. Which means the doc puts you on "the pill". which regulates periods through hormones, and helps out with other complications. Which basically means difficulties in weight loss and other complications are in the books for you by the age of 30. Did you know some women take oral contraceptives, the pill or birth control, just so that they can alleviate period symptoms due to under lying health problems, which are untreatable other than surgery, or so my OB/GYN tells me. Which isn't helpful cause then you are on pills till you want to pop out babies, and then - hysterectomy! So when people are up in arms about paying for birth control, due to religious or health insurance purposes, they need to experience MY PERIOD. Then they will shut up. Forget rape, periods are bad enough!

My Period: it's painful, makes me crumple up in a ball and cry; makes me crave comfort foods, and depression just a few of the things I experience. My period makes me get angry at the ones I love at the drop of a hat; I can from Dr. Jekyl to Mr. Hyde, sweet elven princess to an Orc, I am not kidding. Other than that I loose huge amounts of blood, and have been anemic on account of this. Not to forget that sometimes there are clots, and sometimes messes occur if I don't keep an eye on the clock. Oh how many clothes, and bedsheets I've had to wash/ or ruined. Drinking makes the flow heavier and the mess happens sooner, however the pain becomes easier to ignore. My period has humiliated so many times due to red patches on my white pants, when it sneaks up unexpectedly- breakthrough bleeding! Why does that happen? Apparently due to stress, life, and the body just felt like period-ing. High blood pressure sometimes can be a side effects of periods, which doesn't make sense because you are losing blood. Bloating up and feeling like Jabba the Hutt for 3 days. It's nice cause after that you feel super skinny, plus apparently during menstruation you burn more calories. Nausea and vomiting at the slightest smells, and the olfactory glands change or something... it's like pregnancy almost. Migraines, oh yes with Aura too please! A headache like no other, vision affected, skin sensitive to touch, sensitivity to light... all while your lower tummy area is bloated and aching very much. The last few days its like a crunching, crumpling pain, like its squeezing the remaining stuff out. The first days its a scrapping pain, and the lower back hurts a lot. Throw in a fibroid, endometriosis, and a retroverted and retroflexed uterus: this makes it a little more painful. The shape and positioning of the uterus is hereditary, from birth and it's just the way the body is. I'm glad I can take a medication that makes this a once in three months only thing. It sucks to go through it 12 times. At one point my body was like "oh once in two weeks seems like a good schedule to have a period." I pleaded, "please that's not fair, my other friend has her period lightly once in 5 weeks, why can't we be like her?" My body told me "we're just different, deal with it." I couldn't deal with it for a long time, besides wanting to have a different shaped body! My period has always controlled what I do, wear, my emotions at times even, and my life! So birth control, or "period control" pills were such a dream come true, especially since they will not perform a hysterectomy on a 28 year old, and not even on a 30 year old who hasn't had kids yet.


My dad always said "Women go to work, and they deal with it. You never see a woman taking a day off for her period do you?" When I skipped a class or stayed home from work due to tectonic movements in my uterus- Cramps! I always wanted to reply"you don't know that." or "maybe those women don't have my type of period", but after a few times of trying, I realized he wouldn't understand. Most men won't understand. A man has no place in making those calls whether it is contraception, rape or abortion. You don't have a vagina, or uterus... don't say anything!

I wonder though how many women would take a day off for the first or second day of her period (especially when Motrin helps sometimes, and mostly for a few hours. Also recent studies have shown prolonged use of motrin can cause deafness)? How many women go through such an obtrusive period that they can't do stuff they love? As a kid I remember girls wouldn't want to play sports cause they didn't like it and would use period as their excuse. I love sports, I love climbing, yoga, going to the gym, and my period really gets in the way of me living my life the way I wan to live it. Now a days I know a lot of active girls, how does there periods affect their lives?

Some people tell me, "have kids, get it over with", others would say "do what you have to"... but in the end it comes down to us women and our bodies. I don't think I need to pop out babies so I can get on with it. I will try the solutions available first. I'm super happy that I am in charge of my body, and I am even more in control of it now that I do yoga (I do not recommend yoga on the first three days of the period however). There have been times I have been off the pill, and have controlled the menstruation and flow through eating healthy (no alcohol, caffeine, sugars etc.) and exercise, but it is difficult... it's a whole system, just like losing weight. In fact the endocrine system has everything to do with weight loss- thyroid, ovaries, adrenal glands etc.! Sigh! So lets meditate and breathe into those organs that are out of balance or feeling ill. Perhaps through meditation and yoga I can get my period to manifest less "in my face" type and more subtle like - panty liner only (heavy and obnoxious flow versus, a light and less debilitating flow)! Then again this is what truly makes us the stronger sex putting up with so much!

I have a better picture of this... in fact in Donna Farhi's book there's a much better explanation.

Every Now and Then

Every now and then
you help someone who needs help
Not knowing who, what or when
and suddenly you are the one in a mess - screaming help!

They suck you into their drama
They suck your life out too
They want you to scream for your mamma
They want to keep you in their zoo.

It all starts with your good intent
To help someone who calls out
Little do you think your energy is badly spent
Until they hit you upside your head with a clout.

Who would ever think helping a friend
Would lead to this
When all relationships end
Is a terrible icky sticky pile of a mess.

Lessons learned!

Breathe

My life is like a zen garden!

Numbers Present Themselves...

The show 'Touch' might just be a a figment of Tim Kring's imagination brought to the world by a large television production, however there maybe some strange truth to his postulations on numbers, the universe and some higher calling of humans. Whatever this show is trying to get at, religiously, scientifically, spiritually, existentially, I feel it in my life, there are coincidences, but sometimes those coincidences fall into place, like it was more than a coincidence. Inspect your own life.

Recurring Numbers: Ever feel the same number appears over and over again? Ryan says the most frequent random recurring number is 238. He may be slightly obsessed with it, but it is scary how it is present wherever he goes. Does he create the numbers by some telepathic way? Sometimes it reminds me of the movie "The Rain-man", which I have not seen, but Ryan tells me Sean Penn plays the savant brother - who is a genius at numbers. The other day we were buying cell phone protective casing on an Ebay store. We were the 238th customer to buy that product. Whenever he looks at the clock it some how happens to be 2:38pm. For me however it happens to be 4:44 (the number that angels are watching over me); every time I look, its not because I want to know the time, but its like it makes me aware of it.

It was my birthday and I told I asked my mom what the whole process was... She went into labor the night of at 3am and I was born at around 2pm in the afternoon. Ryan was on me, find out the time on the birth certificate! I found it and it said 2:36pm. 2 minutes short of 2:38pm! So close!

Me: 3/14/83 4/10/1981

what does it mean?

Ryan: they both have numbers?

Me: I'm trying to find the "touch" meaning

Ryan: you can't force meanings into things, you just need to let them present themselves

Meetings: What are the chances of meeting people? With internet, smart phones, and travel made easy, it is so easy to meet people we would not have dreamt of meeting 30 years ago, so easy to re-connect with random acquaintances we would have otherwise never talked to again. People going in and out of our lives is more frequent, but easier to reconnect to. It's up to us how we handle these relationships. Why, How, When, Where, Who... these are all the questions we will never know the answers to at once, but we slowly find the answers along the way, living it through.

My life is a series of amazing connections, re-connections,  coincidental or not so coincidental meetings, strongest friendships made out of casual meetings... I marvel at this amazing pattern of people like me, who share the same heart intent, being drawn to me. Sometimes some misalignments occur with the connections, but I think I learn from it, through pain... It is so interesting.

I met Mandy through a name mix up... two Amanda's on the same floor!
Ryan and I connected through the internet and then again through spam emails!
I meet non-KFI, Krishnamurti followers!
Meeting Shelby and her bubbly energy at the national park visitor center where I told her we could meet after work for a hike!
Meeting an amazing group of friends through a simple suggestion of "join the Cleveland climbing meetup!"
A childhood friend and I reconnect over climbing!
Finally my language skills falling into place
Finding value in my cultural heritage, it all making sense
My sister and my path's criss-crossing in our interests
Reconnecting with the lady who came to my birthday when i was a baby
My dad reconnecting with his friends, relatives (he's not so technologically adept, so its truly miraculous for him!)
Yoga in my life from the start


The list goes on and on and on! I guess the question is then, is it coincidence or is there something to these numbers? Is there a pattern? Is there some invisible web? Do we attract people into our lives? Food for thought.


Breathe

Bees and their numbers! Their Magic!

Magical Places

The Call of the East

Firstly back by heightened interest, need and more participants is the 5 minute meditation project blog!

What amazes me, warms me, and makes me bubble up over flowing with love, is how i have come to find a mass of people who enjoy learning, living, loving the philosophies and teachings I grew up with (which I so rebelliously shunned as a teen)! I'm talking about yoga, meditation, chanting slokas, ॐ, Sanskrit (as a kid I thought - what is the use of this!), Bhagavad Gita, Mahabharatha (I watched the entire series in the 90s with my grandmom who fluctuates in and out dementia), etc. Being Indian, and growing up with the whole family, and mom sending me to Bhagavad Gita classes, Bengali classes, singing classes, made no sense then, and was a lot of learning, information (we thought the internet was full of information) overload! My mom always said, "you will thank me one day" with that all-knowing tone. I guess that day is today. I can pass on my knowledge which I acquired begrudgingly, but now cherish and nurture.

So recently I picked up (on kindle) Jaya by Devdutt Pattanaik, which is a version of the Mahabharata, to refresh my memory on the story. I forgot how complex it was, getting lost in the Maya of life; story within story within story, that you forget where the original story began. Perhaps that's how the movie 'Inception' was conceived.... dream within a dream within a dream... basically Maya. Will write more on this as I get lost deeper in the maya of this book.

Then I also found the old Srimad Bhagavad Gita by Swami Tapasyananada (Ramakrishna Mission Publishing) I learned from. I was in 6th or 7th grade when the Bhagavad Gita classes started. Every Sunday afternoon after lunch, when a kid just wants to snooze, heavy mind boggling Gita philosophy and the heavy Sanskrit, deconstruction, and just taking it all in. Our teacher was and is a historian but also a Sanskrit scholar. He is very learned, and I still ask him when I have any doubts, questions, and need help refreshing my memory. After that class, we had chanting class, so more Sanskrit, understanding slokas and deep philosophy (as a teen this wasn't fun, we just wanted to go out and play or take a nap as we were taught as a child). That was the heavy stuff, which helped me stay on track, and also helped me identify the things I needed to rebel against as a teen (because that's what teens do to be cool), but later on in life, helped me stay true to myself, beliefs and remain a good person. Something did manage to sink in despite all the rebelling during teenage years.

I'm so glad that I can read Devnagiri, Bangla, Tamil (this one I am a little slow at), and can understand it because of the combined knowledge of all four. They are so interlinked, so culturally founded, and the fact my family is so bong (slang for Bengali), this knowledge is passed down - Gayatri Mantra, the gotrams, lineage, connection to the whole shenanigans of the Sapta Rishis (yes I said that!), the mantras, the yamas and niyamas, even the eightfold path... I guess it is all taught, when I took Buddhism classes at CSU, I was excited to tell my parents about three jewels in buddhism - Buddha Dharma Sangha, and of course my dad knew all about it and recited it in Sanskrit with his Bengali pronunciation Buddho, Dhormo, Shangho! Maybe he's an exception, because he was lucky to have been sent off to Sri Ramakrishna Mission in Puruliya, and maybe that where all this knowledge was bestowed onto him, but often times parents try to teach their kids, but kids partially take it in?!?!

My point is, there is this growing desire in the west to learn all the above, and I find it amazing, and heart warming. When I came back to the USA in 2001, I was enrolled in a Christian college where I was told my birth religion was wrong, so were all other faiths. I was told that Christ was the only way to heaven. My argument was as long as you are a good human why would you be denied heaven, especially if the religion taught you how to live as a good human? I was told that was just the way, and God wanted us to find him through Christ and Christianity only. My idea of an open, accepting and appreciating America, was shattered. This is why I am happy to learn so many people accepting teachings of Hinduism, Buddhism, the Gita, Patanjali, the Upanishads, the Vedas, into their world. It restores my faith in mankind... To accept something so alien as Sanskrit into your life (it's a different script, and sounds like gibberish, hard to pronounce, thus alien), and recite the words with so much love and joy, its pretty amazing to me! Thank you all for inspiring me to appreciate the culture I come from. I see it with fresh eyes. I wish the rest of India would do the same... the beauty it came from has become twisted and dirty. If this group in Northeast Ohio can do it, everyone and anyone else can too!

Breathe!

Picture courtesy Piyali Banerjie

Picture courtesy Chris Soria

Picture courtesy Piyali Banerjie

Picture courtesy Chris Soria

2 Week Goal: Yoga and Cardio Results!

It's been 2 weeks and guess what I lost 12 lbs total!
Very happy. Also not only has yoga and the Vinyasa flow become easier, but muscles stronger and smoother motions, stamina has increased (I can't run like a marathon, but I can do an hour of moderate cardio on the elliptical or the other thing, see picture below), and so has lung capacity. I want to say the lung capacity is a result of the OMs, but I think it's everything combined.

What is this thing called? Whatever it's great!

It's not a stepper, it's not the elliptical, is it a cross country ski thingy?

Anyway, carrying on with this schedule, hopefully I'll be back to normal, and great physical condition again!


Breathe!

Stitch - A New Trilogy to Read

Stitch Synopsis
Her heart races, her muscles coil, and every impulse in Alessa’s body screams at her to run… but yet she’s powerless to move.
Still struggling to find her footing after the sudden death of her parents, the last thing college freshman Alessa has the strength to deal with is the inexplicable visceral pull drawing her to a handsome ghostly presence. In between grappling with exams and sorority soirees – and disturbing recurring dreams of being captive in a futuristic prison hell – Alessa is determined to unravel the mystery of the apparition who leaves her breathless. But the terrifying secret she uncovers will find her groping desperately through her nightmares for answers.
Because what Alessa hasn’t figured out yet is that she’s not really a student, the object of her obsession is no ghost, and her sneaking suspicions that something sinister is lurking behind the walls of her university’s idyllic campus are only just scratching the surface…

The opening installment in a twist-laden trilogy, Stitch spans the genres of paranormal romance and dystopian sci-fi to explore the challenges of a society in transition, where morality, vision, and pragmatism collide leaving the average citizen to suffer the results.




 
Stitch is about a college going girl, Alessa, who finds herself wrapped up in a ghost  love story. Alessa is identifiable, a college student with a tragic past, trying to figure out a life and college when things change all of a sudden. The life she thought she lived unravels into a bigger plot of social control, a dystopic future, and adventure.


What really got me was that Alessa, the main character, is a strong determined character, and smart (unlike Bella Swan and Ana). She takes charge, is intelligent and will do what's right, not wallowing. So that's what drew me in. Secondly the slow building of relationships, between her friend, and the ghost. Third the mysterious dreams that haunt her, it reminds me of my dreams. The fourth reason was it would help me with my book. The fifth is when you get to the twist... it gets you! I thought it would be supernatural, or worm-hole type sci-fi, but it turned out ... different. It really picks up from there on out, and you want more. I am scared to even finish reading the book because I cant wait 6 more months for Shudder. I did wait for the Harry Potters, and other books. I suppose I shall finish it!



I began reading Stitch, after emailing the author Samantha, who also happens to be my cousin's wife. She helped me out with some writing issues I had been having myself. It was so helpful talking to her, also finding out we have books, TV shows, music and video games in common, intrigued me to the point I had to read this book. Then I found myself identifying with the heroine and her approach to college life, studying etc.

The beginning starts off slow, but its necessary for the plot, plus it building up to something big. The story unfolds one way, and the characters develop, which leads one to see patterns. So the main character is a messy girl, who is trying to get through classes, days, find purpose in her life after her parents die in a car accident, seeing ghosts in her dorm room, and Janie (her bestie) has her life together and is immense help to her friend Alessa. Then the twist happens... and a juicy twist it is. It flips the whole story. I have read this sort of a plot twist very rarely, and it is hard to do, without gaping plot holes. Also remember this is fiction.

If you have time, looking for a book to read, enjoy science fiction, a book with a strong female character, a futuristic dystopian setting, a lite read, definitely pick up Stitch!



About tips on writing, this article by Sam really helped me: On Bad Reviews.



Oh I hope to help her with promoting her second book in the trilogy! So stay tuned for more on Stitch, and Shudder!

Mother to Daughter

My mom's text to me today:

"u know what?...30 yrs ago today i had this terrible pain in my stomach...something pushing from the inside....gosh...so painful, i had to go to the hospital. Dr. Thakkar said push it out.... push... then i pushed and out came this wiggly thing... moving its arms and legs... and the doc said "look what was in ur tummy, THIS...." and plopped the object on my tummy .... i looked ... and my heart was fulfilled.. i saw the most cutest...adorable...moochiest...motsiest...mochon... i was so relived...not finished... the saga will continues"

 Love you ma!!!!

My mom cooking my a lovely dinner of veggies! the eggplant (bengan) was amazing, not to forget the amazing payasam!

A Winter Morning Hike

An 8 mile hike through Cuyahoga Valley National Park, Ohio. 9:30 am start time end at 1:00 pm almost. Good friends good walk!

Third Decade Complete

On the brink of completing my third decade here as a human being on earth, many thoughts come to mind as I come to this milestone. Some measure life through accomplishments - financial, career, or family creation. Some say age is nothing but a number. Some say life starts at thirty. Some say the biological clock of a woman in her thirties is ticking real fast! Some say ... there are a lot of sayings and interpretations... I maybe behind on the achievements side, but where I lack there... I make up in a number of other fields.

Here I sit, panicked, anxious, and counting my blessings. Seriously counting... Pree, what makes your life on earth, using all these natural resources and air, worth it? What do you contribute? What have you DONE so far? I can compare my self to others and I would fall short, and relative to others still I may have accomplished more. However IS life a competition as to who has done what? Sometimes I think Indians today seem to focus on this a lot, especially the ones I know. Also I guess all people in general want to be proud of their kin, family, children.

I found out from my mom 30 years ago on the night of the 14th at 2am did the contractions begin. Her father drove her to the hospital, and my dad arrived there shortly, however he didn't see me come out, he has a week stomach and would have fainted. They did not know if I was going to be a boy or girl, so I was a surprise! They played Indian classical music as I was born naturally. I loved reading and animals right off the bat, and my favorite Hindi movie was Nagina, where Sridevi acts as a lady who turns into a snake! I remember my sis being born, I called her "Baby" for many years, even when  we moved to India and went to school there. "Baby" was my best friend, sister, and inspiration for many a things! We created worlds together.

I think the major things that I've learnt from completing three decades is how to make good true friends, letting go, introspection, and living, loving, laughing and learning! I learned through all my different friendships and relationships how to be good at them, how to be a good friend and how to appreciate those who are good friends to me. Many a time I failed. Relationships whether family, friends or lovers, can be difficult. Friendships seem simple enough but not always so. Sometimes it can be difficult, sometimes people change and sometimes they are annoying, but always you remember who they are deep inside, and know they have loved you back. Sometimes people let you down, but don't take you personally. I have, taken it personally many times, cried over lost friendships, disloyalty... drama! This leads to the second thing I learned: Letting go. However I am have an amazing group of friends... so glad to have you all in my life!

I learnt (and am still learning) the art of letting go, and that it is OKAY to let go. it's ok to embrace the ebb and flow of the the things, people, places in your life. It's dynamic, its impermanent, exhale and let it go! especially let go of the stresses of the day, any problems that are lingering, let it go for one second. Sure enough if a friend is a friend they come back, sometimes we all need space to grow in other ways. Letting go is tough because we get so attached to things that are external that make us happy. We focus on those so much that we forget that we can find that "happy" inside, if we clear the junk. This leads to the next accomplishment.

Introspection, meditation, analysis, using the logical mind when possible. I often like to delve deep, find meaning, and understand things thoroughly. I am still perfecting this skill, but it has been useful to find understand others, life, myself and love. I'm not the best at this yet, in fact I struggle with my monkey mind. I am told it gets easier, and better with practice. Meditation helps calm the mind body and soul, thus making reality seem clear. Which leads to better living, and loving.

Yes I learned to love. I love this guy, he tries my patience constantly but I do love him. Care for him. We aren't perfect people, but we try to make each other better. We learn and grow together, (he may agree or disagree with this!), we learn together, about life, love and each other! Mostly is learning how to be focused, and heck dealing with a long term relationship! It's been tough, but worth it. Laughing together, that's one thing I have learned and enjoyed! 

Through loving I learned to laugh! Laugh at life, ourselves, and it's OK to laugh a hearty laugh as long as no one gets truly hurt (I used to be hypersensitive and get hurt at the slightest joke remotely connected to me. Lesson learned: be less hypersensitive, or come up with a good reason for that hypersensitive-ness).

There were many things learnt along the way, and many more things to learn! I am now working on my 200 hour Yoga Teacher's Training Certificate, working on a book, and learning to refine all the above mentioned skills. I've learned how to take the reigns of control over my body, and health. Never am I letting that go again (ok we say that and sometimes things happen... but to the best of my ability I will hold on to it). I will climb more, write more, love more! These will be my achievements, different from the norms or whats expected but I feel good about these...

Breathe more!


Om!

My sis and I Yoga Posing! 2012 Summer!

This was also my 200th post! :-) yaay!

The Challenges of Aparigraha

Letting Go!

It's something which has been bugging me, forever, it seems.
Being so attached to not just material things, but also ideas (ideologies), opinions, identity, feelings, beliefs... it causes more pain, angst, frustration and suffering than being attached to thing or even to a person.

I am so attached to my opinions, ideas, and things I have to "say" whether it is oral or written because it defines who I am. Defining the "Who I am" is so important to because in a world full of people we realize we are so alike, but then again we are so different, but the fact that we are alike makes us need to define ourselves via our likes, dislikes, hobbies, opinions, ideas. I think these differences help us attract each other. It's funny because there seems to be a phobia, among some, of people/cultures that are different from us- ie. bigorty, homophobia etc. These people are very attached to their ideas and beliefs, so feel threatened by difference. I wonder if these people care to worry about defining themselves from others or prefer conformity.

For the most part there is a growing curiosity among people to explore the "different". This was maybe different 20 years ago, but time changes everything! These people are also willing to explore other ideas, opinions, perspectives, and beliefs. Sometimes being open to ideas/beliefs doesn't mean necessarily accepting them as their own, but accepting them  as a possibility. I try to be open, however sometimes my own ideas are so strong, and perhaps its the ego fending for itself... defending...

Letting all of it go is so difficult... it's strange because I am not indifferent I just wish to be more "Ahimsa" like, if not to avoid hurting another person's feelings with my opinion, to protect myself from their opinion. Also with sharing opinions and ideas, comes judgement, which can also hurt, cause relationships to sour. So what is the best approach? Did yogis, maharishis even think of this stuff back in the day?

I think the only answer is to search more in texts to find the answer. For now I find freedom in letting go of identity, although all that I have accumulated to define me in regards to ideas, hobbies, skills, beliefs, opinions, I have come to love myself that way.  So stripping me of all of that... letting it all go, it just leaves another soul in a human body shell. Can I love that?

This past weekend at yoga class I learnt that suffering is caused through being attached. And all these things - the mind, thoughts, the body, are all external... and external things can not being us happiness. Happiness is inside us all... just like the OM... These are just food for thought... healthy thoughts... enjoy!

Be Present

Breathe!

Kanyakumari, India - Dec 2012 Courtesy Piyali Banerjie and Chris Soria

Reflections on Grudges and Letting Go

Anger, hate, and other negative emotions we experience in life, hold us back from growth: spiritual, mental, emotional and even physical growth or well being. Letting these emotions go, gives us room to breathe and grow! Though hard to do, notice how buoyant, and loving you feel after you let it go. Even the most successful or brilliant person if holding onto these grudges, angers, hates, frustrations, will be stunted in their growth, life's work. Find the serenity in you to let go. Embrace love instead!

Mini Buddha...  By Piyali Banerjie

2 Week Goal: Yoga and Cardio

I stuck to this! Ok I did eat some crappy food on Sunday (burger, tiramisu)  but I did eat healthy all other times. Regardless, I must say the results are almost in!
This was what I did since the 25th of Feb 2013:

At least 30 minutes everyday!

M-yoga
T- cardio
W- Yoga
Th- Cardio
Fr- Cardio
Sat-Yoga
Sun- Cardio

That's what I did. I rested Sunday though.
Dropped 7 lbs to 142lbs but my scale at work (which is calibrated) said I was 135 lbs! So I don't know. My arms are more toned and the rest maybe TMI! Either way it's not about how much I weight, but how I feel, fit and follow through.

Overall I feel better, active, lively, positive, happier, and that I am losing inches little by little. Not even noticeable. Slowly but surely like the tortoise. My body is different from another person's. I did 35 minutes to an hour of cardio, and an hour of yoga every other day. Everyone's body responds differently. This weekend I will do about 2 hours of yoga, a 2 - 3 hour hike hopefully, eating healthy the whole time. This is my follow through, which will continue beyond. This will also help me prep for bicycling in the summer.

My old pants fit a little better, I feel more muscle underneath, and more fat can be flung off and away into oblivion... especially off the hips and middle area. Of these "child bearing" hips which is so genetic. However even with the larger clothes I did purchase, there is noticeable difference as to how I fit into it!


Breathe!

This is not me!

Healthy Food can be SO Delicious!

Bean Salad Recipe

Ingredients:

1 can of Kidney Beans
1 can of Garbanzo Beans/ Chick Peas
1/2 bunch of fresh parsley chopped
1 Green Onion chopped (some people don't like the onion)
1 seedless cucumber chopped
1 tomato chopped/ diced
1 red/yellow/green pepper diced

Dressing:
1/4th tsp salt or to taste (I like less salt!)
1/4th tsp pepper or to taste (I like more freshly ground pepper!)
1-2 cloves garlic or to taste - minced (some people like very garlicky!)
1.5 tsp olive oil or whatever other oil / to taste
1 - 2 lemons freshly squeezed / or bottled - to your taste (some people like more tangy!)

Chaat Masala is available, just a sprinkle!

Mix it all together and you have a delicious healthy meal!
If you want to make a larger batch add 1 can of fava beans and 1 can cannelli beans, and use the whole bunch of parsley. Add the dressing to your taste!

Breathe!


Great with hot chamomile tea or iced green tea with honey!

What I Miss From My Childhood

1991-2001

Walking barefoot in the wet mud, the grass, the hot sands of mid day, the gravely path...

Morning Assembly and sitting on those yellow bamboo mats, cross-legged, straight back; singing, listening, sitting in silence...

Nature walks, enjoying the little things in nature

Having time to notice the tiny things in life- little bugs that move about, grains of sand and their different colors, enjoying a pebble's smoothness...

Running to play; running to feel the wind in your hair, and sand between your toes... running to feel free

Climbing trees just to climb and mangoes, tamarind, were just the bonus

Going to the library to read and reading with friends, exploring books, exploring worlds...

Lazy Sundays and laying out on the terrace with the dog and sister, and doing homework

Tennis and swimming with my bestie and sister... world's best coaches!

Imagination during play time with my sister, creating different worlds, songs, and art...

Yoga class at the Chennai Sivananda Center every evening with my sis

Sitting on the balcony and feeding pigeons

Short hair all those years...

Wearing those absurdly loose comfortable clothing all the time

French classes, German class, Choir, Bengali Class, Hindi tuition!

Walking around the Green Tower's compound with friends in Golf Green

Playing basketball, throw-ball, softball, dodge-ball, cricket, football, badminton during "games" at the end of the day... I liked playing barefoot!!

Licking Glucon D and Glucon C from our palms on sports day

The sandpit

the strange area of limbo between the UKG-LKG building and the senior quadrangle

Freeplay!

Trips to mahabalipuram and muttokaddu on the weekends

Enjoying the coolness of the hill-stations in the summer - horse riding, boating, hiking, and nature preserves

The celebrations, business, guests, hustle-bustle during Durga Puja

Taking the dog for a walk through IIT campus, and AC Tech College

Going birdwatching ridiculously early to cool places... and seeing amazing birds

Going on turtle walks all night long, and playing with the luminescent phosphorous the Bay of Bengal spat out...

Floods during the monsoons, the large puddles which would let my paper boats sail far and wide

Music on cassettes meant you had to listen to the whole thing, and B side...

Good lyrics in good songs with good music...

The Doberlane concert series and meeting amazing musicians in a half asleep state...

Bicycling for the fun of just wandering the neighborhood, bicycling with bestie, and sister, finding puppies and kittens along the way

Ice cream on special occasions only

The random drives to Besant Nagar beach (Elliot's beach), just because my dad felt like it

Making apple pie with my mum, and all my friends loving it

Making fruit salad in a watermelon basket with my mom and all my friends loving it

Sitting under the tree at the car-park and waiting for the car to show up, enjoying the bark of the tree, enjoying the curious red beetles with diamond designs on their backs...

The flock of parrots that fly over head

Eating puchka (Golgappa)

Going to the stationary store once in 2-3 years and getting a new pencil box, sharpener, eraser, pencil

The yearly notebook and textbook buying for school...

Going to dad's work and getting scrap paper to draw on...

Those old printers and the noise it made, was like music, and I could almost dance to it

The Video Cassette rental store and the different worlds it held

Getting a phone call from a friend on a week night and sister picking up the parallel line and eavesdropping on the plans for the next day!

Going to the dentist/ doctor, and seeing what I could be afraid of this time, or what I would become a hypochondriac about

Spending time with my dogs, napping with them, feeding them, walking them, barking with them...

Talking to my sis all night long...

My awesome neighbors in Kotturpuram

Bus rides to and from school with the best bus people in the school

Playing indoor cricket

Playing leg cricket

Dosa, Idly, Sambar, Rasam, Chutney, Vadai, Mullagai Podi, Korumbu

Biryani

The rare summer time family trips to the most boring places like "The Himalayas", "Corbett National Park", "Agra", "Kolkata", "New York", "Ooty", "Kodai", "Mysore", "Coorg", "Pondicherry", "Delhi"...

Grandma's cooking

Going to Mama'r baari in Boronagar, Kolkata

Begun Bhaaja, Alloo Bhaaja, Bhaat aar Ghee... Iktu dal - simple satisfying meals

Dadu taking us to "bara" to the most random-est places...

Going to the book store with mom, and wishing to buy all the Enid Blyton books... or all the children's books in general

Reading non-stop during Summer Holidays

Reading non-stop during the term

Taking part in plays, the drama, the hustle, the thrill of performing...

Creativity - art, pottery, weaving, dance, gymnastics, writing, acting, singing

Calls from my uncle Danny in USA

My uncle introducing me to "outer space", "physics", "astronomy", "star wars" and being cool in general in a nerdy way!

Never missing the internet or smart phones... and Prince of Persia was the only fun thing on computers.




 Breathing the whole time! Loving every second of it!

Visiting Our Childhood - Piyali Banerjie

Ego

I hide from plain sight,
I hide so well even when it's not night.
I seem all warm and fuzzy
Come close and I burn you with my fury.

I snap out in a flash when I feel threatened,
Diminished, belittled, hurt of forgotten,
My punches blow holes through your metaphorical mind,

At my peak I am very unkind.

I simmer down like a mouse, I hide in wait,
When the time is right, I stride up in a flamboyant gait,
I tower above you, transforming from mouse to lion,
Devouring you,just another meal for the dragon.

Oh why did you think you could win against me?
From now on just grovel on one knee. 
I always knew I was superior,
You're genes are simply inferior.

I am the one that feeds my master,
I am her protector, keeper and defender,
I fuel the fire, and encourage the flames,
So that I always win, and you are the one to blame.

Survival is my middle name,
Being the fittest is my game.
I run the fastest race there is,
I hold the peace for my id.

Some people quiet me down,
Some people let me drown,
Into a bottomless pit I will be lost
They meditate till I am forever tossed.

I do lurk in that deepest darkest hole,
Waiting for a day I will come back and be whole,
A day of opinions, discussions, ideas,  and arguments
A day when frustration surmounts and we need to vent.

I'm always there the devil in disguise,
I am the ego and the will await the demise
Of that beautiful angel that guides you
Away from my conniving way and more to pure truth.

I See You For Who You Are
Picture Courtesy Piyali Banerjie

 Let go!






Breathe

M for Mommy Madness!

Last night I took my mom out to eat Indian food with all my friends, and it was super fun. However I was almost late, because I left work late, then I got to pick up my mom late, and had to stop and change my clothes too. I rushed my mom, cause when I got there she was still in her scrubs! She hurried and changed into a nice sweater, and pants.

Later that night I noticed a little circular M sticker on the left side of her chest. Yes her sweater was spanking new, and she missed one small sticker. I would have tried to take it off there, but it might have looked like I was doing inappropriate things to my mother's breast!

When we finally got home, I tried to remove it and she was shocked as to why I was trying to molest her! So I said "Ma look at your shirt!" She still didn't get it, because looking down, apparently it looked like a logo. I persisted in trying to remove the sticker and she finally saw it was an M when I took her to the mirror and pointed it out.

She was so embarrassed. "I had an M on me the whole night and you didn't think of telling me?"
Me-"Ma what was I supposed to do? Say 'Ma you have an M on your boob?' And I very well couldn't take it off!"
Mom- "You could have told me in Bengali!"
Me- "I forgot about that trick! At least now everyone knows you're a medium!"


This morning my mom tells me she had nightmares of "M" all night, and it woke her up and she couldn't get back to sleep!

I love my mom!

M for Mom!


Breathe!

Also, this lovely lady, believes she saw a a foofie/ fuffy the other night. She was experiencing insomnia and got out of bed and looked out the window and saw a Foofie cross the road rather slowly. A foofie as she calls it, is a fluffy, furry, cute, gopher like, free, creature that has a long bushy tail... I still think she was hallucinating, that often happens to people who have insomnia. :-P