I am lucky that I have an amazing friend who I can communicate openly too. Actually I have many amazing friends. I feel so blessed. My parents were my first friends, then my sister came along, and gosh was I so glad to have this companion who would grow with me, play with me, and love me because well she had no other choice. Then I began making my own friends... this was tough. I have learnt a lot along the way, and made some very special friends. There's been one special friend who I recently told her "Hey I want to let you know I consider you my best friend. And I worry you don't feel the same way about me. I love you immensely, respect, admire, and cherish your being..." I am glad to know she felt the same.
The key to our friendship is we communicate, share, trust and love deeply and truly. Friendship is as delicate as a rose bush, it requires nurturing, nourishment, care, love, and room to grow. It requires a lot of give and take, it's not a one way act. So both of us are gardeners, both of us are roses. So we talk about our feelings, our actions, the consequences of our actions on others and on each other, and eventually on ourselves. We try to be mindful, but every now and then, we slip. It's human to err, but divine to forgive, as a very famous saying goes. We err, we get hurt, we communicate, and then we forgive. Does anything get healthier than this?
We aren't perfect, there is always room for growth, improvements, and changes... change is the only constant, that is always changing as well. So we keep growing into this lovely friendship of ours. How are we able to be so good at this friendship? We respect each other, see each other as equals, we look up to each other, support each other, and are open and honest with each other. It is easier said than done, it means putting out ego aside, looking at what's deeper than just the mere facade on the outside. It also means becoming humble, and admitting to your mistakes, remember it takes two hands to clap, so there for always keep your side of the road clean. All this can be achieved through mindfulness, meditation, and keeping yourself in check.
Your good friends care about you. Other friends just want to have fun with you, but the good, true friends have fun with you, but also say... "Hey Pree, ok it's time to stop now and take some rest, although we know we could ALL party the night away, we have other responsibilities to take care of the next morning." So friends keep each other in check. Recently a friend stepped up out of nowhere to help me with my Facebook addiction: 2 "statuses" a day. 2 "likes" a day. Logging in only twice a day: once in the morning and once in the evening. She didn't say anything about comments on photos and other people's statuses, but i suppose that must be 2 a day too. The point was, not deleting it entirely, because otherwise I would come back and binge, but disciplining myself to use it less. She understood my problem: "we are CONDITIONED in today's society to respond to
messages as soon as they appear. I am. It's my job to respond to
messages and emails and voice-mails...so it's just another thing to respond to,
Facebook!"
I have been criticized and made fun of by "friends" that I am on facebook too much, having a online problem, but when i try to delete it they say "oh we will miss you". So it becomes a social pressure thing - damned if you do, damned if you don't. We all have a variety of jobs, and the work places have different internet usage policies, ie. back when I used to play the MMO RPG "Lord of the Rings Online", some of my kin friends (online gamer friends in the game, who played and did quests with me) had jobs out in silicon valley programing code, but they could bring their personal laptop in and game on the side. It was even encouraged. They even had a xbox room! I guess they played so much it got boring. Like my friend who decided to help me out said "I totally understand. I sit in
front of a computer all day long. It's more out of boredom most days
that I end up checking it constantly, and because it's easy to log in
and leave it open. Let's challenge ourselves. Let's do it together. I think we can!" So yes some friends realized my problem and were ok with me deleting it, some wanted me to stay on, some mocked me and my job, due to my facebook usage... but out of all the pain comes growth, and wisdom. I thank you all, and myself for this growth and my own understanding to grow from it (Ryan and my dad have been telling me for YEARS now... :-P sometimes it takes more support though).
My friends who mocked me could have been wrong and mean in doing so, however, without it would I have realized how bad my problem was? Am I going to criticize them about something they do wrong to defend my actions and my ego? Or should I just focus on me, my growth, the support I eventually got when I reached out in time of distress, and keeping my side of the road clean? Just things to think about, for me, for you. Healthy relationships and friendships start with you, and being mindful.
Which leads me to the "cool kids" or "good time charlie's" as I had once explained to me. We make a lot of compromises to ourselves and our lives, to be accepted by certain social groups. It is hard to stay true to yourself on occasion. There are always those people, or groups, you may be drawn to, but don't necessarily fit in with. It's always good to find the people who have the best interest for you in their hearts, not someone who makes you look cool on the exterior, just wants to have "big fun" with you. A friend recently told me that they were not up to big groups, but appreciated the on e on one time we shared together. I accept my friends for who they are, their preferences, and I don't feel I need to force them to have fun in large groups with me, but I will make time for them one on one, and maybe even help them get used to big groups, a little bit at a time. Even I have issues coping with big groups sometime. I have made the mistake of neglecting good friends for the "good time charlies" in the past. On the long run, I learned who mattered more to me, the hard way. Through the experience though I have learned who I can count on when I am hit rock bottom, when I am ill, when I am in that dark place of no return, when I am wasted and no one but they will look after me, when I am broke, when my life is changing dramatically, when I make life decisions to pursue a "'dream".... they are there for me, help me, support me, love me, and accept me, understand me... while the cool kids are out having fun. Let them have fun! But I will be there for the person who is there for me, when they are down... as they were there for me...In good times and bad, sickness and health, through love and war!
"Friendship is a gift we give ourselves." - Unknown
"A friend in need is a friend indeed." Aesop's Fables
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
CS Lewis
“Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
Albert Camus
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” Elbert Hubbard
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley
“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have
been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to
grow.” Shakespeare
“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”
Hellen Keller
“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” Aristotle
“I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in,
stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk
away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them
for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith
together. Powerful stuff.”
John Katz
“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not
something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of
friendship, you really haven't learned anything.” Muhammad Ali
“Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find.” Shakespeare
“Can miles truly separate you from friends... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?” Richard Bach
“Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.”
Richard Bach
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of
respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family
grow up under the same roof.” Richard Bach
“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have
drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” Richard Bach
“Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can
meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain
for those who are friends.” Richard Bach
“We teach best what we most need to learn.” Richard Bach
Breathe
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| I forgot to mention, but animals are my friends too... they are beautiful people! |
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| My lovely friend Shelby, and our friend Justin! |
Breathe!
