Paradise on Earth - Yosemite National Park

There are so many fabulous far away places to see...

This one brought me to my knees.

The journey was a rough one. I set out from Ohio on the 7:30 flight via Chicago O Hare, to SFO International Airport. It landed at 12:30 am midnight. My little sis, drove up in her car, having a hard time finding the right terminal and gate etc., it was cute to listen to her navigate and finally find me. I don't remember if we hugged, but I do remember her asking me immediately afterward, "will you please drive back?" I was tired, and sick, and sick, and tired, not to forget hungry!
We found a late night sushi place in Oakland, cause such places exist in cities that are not Cleveland.
We went to Kansai Sushi in oakland (off of 44th and Telegraph Ave.), and ordered a bunch of rolls, including a delicious Ryan roll (cause it was named after my boyfriend, although he had nothing to do with its creation). It hit the spot. After a satisfying short meal, we headed to her little house in the Berkeley hills.

We got home, slept, and woke up bright and early. We went for a walk/ run through a little rose garden, a park, a very steep up hill run, and when we got home we made breakfast. We left for Yoga at the Yoga to the People studio, lunch at Udipi Palace in Berkeley and finally quick stop for groceries at Trader Joes. We were finally done by 3 pm and we set off to Yosemite - Curry Village. The GPS told us it was 3 hours and 40 some minutes away. There was traffic, the weather was wonderful and we did need to stop for gas.

As we got closer to Yosemite we got onto Rt 120, there was a very scary portion of the road after passing "Moccasin Point", (near a place called Groveland), where the road was very windy with hairpin curves and turns, and it was 20 miles/ hour speed limit, and there was no barrier to the steep drop. It was daylight still and we could see this steep drop. I was flipping out, and my sis kept reminding me her GPS was saying 30 miles for the last 30 minutes as we slowly took the curves carefully. Shortly after that nightmare of a windy road, we entered Yosemite National park, but then it became dark. The road was pretty smooth, other than signs for watch out for large herds of cattle- Ok! It was still 47 miles so it took about an hour, and we passed all the great rocks - El Capitan, Cathedral Rocks etc. However we had no idea, because it was pitch black.

Curry Village was cute set in the heart of the Yosemite Valley Village. It has a skate rink, and there are shuttle buses running in the day, all the way up to 10 pm. There are a ton of activities one can pursue there from ice skating, skiing, to bicycling, rock climbing, horse riding and just hiking. I think in the summer there are food and wine events and there are also other fancy lodges there. Anyway we checked in, found our tent, settled in and headed to meet some friends from Ohio for dinner at the fancier part of the Valley Village. After which we were so tired and cold, and cold and tired, we passed out (before which I walked to and from a bathroom three times since I couldn't figure out how to get in. Ah see you would think it would be easy, but the bathrooms have a code!). There is a quiet time after 10 pm however we had noisy neighbors so I had a hard time sleeping, besides having to wake up to go to the bathroom, and having to wake up to shivering, since the bottom of the mattress was not insulated, and also because the warm air rises, so I was warm from above with three woolen blankets, but freezing. It was only a little below 30*F that night (mid-February).

My sis woke up and said- "Hey let's get going", or something to that effect. We got out tooth brushes, some towels, and got ready to go to the bathroom. We stepped out of the tent, and it was a jaw dropping, falling to your knees kind of sight. The tents were scattered in a grove of red woods, which were relatively young. Looming up and around the valley around us, above these young trees were cliffs, chunks of massive rock, greeting us by reflecting the rising sun. I couldn't stop looking, and I had stopped breathing. There's something about that sight. It's gigantic rocks split in half, so odd, yet natural. So normal yet so fantastical... I don't know what it was about that place but it is insane as in, it's unimaginably magical in an inexplicable way.

Finally my sister reminded me we needed to get closer to those things (the rocks), but we had to wash, eat breakfast, check out and then head to the trail. So we did. We had breakfast at the Curry Village Coffee shop very quickly and headed on to "Mirror Lake Trail Head". This is an easy hike, and it leads to this crystal clear lake which gets its water from the depleting glacier, and is thus a mirror to the amazing cliffs around it which include Half Dome. The hike was easy, but since it was in the shade of the cliffs, and in the valley, it was still frigid, and the cold was biting. We kept moving to stay warm. There were other hikers from all over the world; it was amazing to see so many people there in February, I can't imagine what Summer is like. We got to see the amazing sights near mirror lane, we saw the glacier and snow capped peaks beyond the lake. We hiked the loop, got lost, and had to turn around. So what was supposed to be a 2 mile hike max, became a 5 mile hike. Anyway we ended up right by Curry Village.

We went to some of the scenic stopping areas and took pictures. We were so awestruck we were just taking it all in. I knew this is why we needed a short trip so that we could absorb the shock of the beauty, and let the overwhelming immensity of Nature sink in, so that next time we could hike and see more, without being stunned. I don't know if others experience this, but I sure as heck do and did. This time we did see El Cap, Cathedral rock, and other amazing rocks. The drive back was still scary but the weather was perfect. We said good bye, and vowed to return again soon. I kind of want to live there.

I highly recommend adding Yosemite to your places to visit, and see.

Reject

Have you ever felt lonely in a crowded room
Everyone's laughing, talking, mingling,
The room is bright and yet you see only gloom
And in your ear the endless silence ringing.

Have you ever felt left out
Of a circle of smiling friends,
As they make plans without a doubt
Not inviting you, not even an apology to make amends.

Have you ever felt not good enough
Like you were not pretty, thin, or buff
That your friendship didn't count
They only wanted someone they could flaunt.

Have you ever felt hurt
More painful than the deepest cut,
When someone you love pushes you away
Even though they will need you once again, some day.

Have you ever felt abandoned
Not loved or cared for, instead only scorned,
Forgotten in lieu
Of someone new.

Have you ever felt replaced
When they replace you with another face,
What did your friendship mean
Or was this the worst yet to be seen.

Have you ever felt betrayed
Like what happened to Robb and Catelyn, at the hands of the Freys,
To be treated as family only to be stabbed in the back
Those types of people aren't worth jack.

Have you ever felt rejected
Like your own father won't accept you
Like Tyrion his who life, dejected,
Discriminated like a diseased ridden ewe.

It's good to know
These are just feelings
A chemical reaction that may pass.
It's sad to feel, however,
For these are people's feelings,
Of which we should be mindful of, or peace,
is the ultimate goal.



Breathe



Tribute to Tyrion and Penny.

More Game of Thrones with Family

Dad- I knew she would tear the paper
Me- The queen?
Dad- yeah and then they captured Ned Stark, what a shame.

Dad- The guy who saved Tyrion is the true king isn't he?
Me- Bronn? No he's a sellsword.
Dad and Mom- What?
Me- A Mercenary. Basically if you send him to assassinate someone, and the supposed victim offers him twice the amount, he'll come back and kill you.
Dad- So the Catelyn gave him money and job no?
Me- But Tyrion can offer twice or thrice as much and more.
Dad- Oh. He prefers stock option... hmm.

Oh Boy!
 
 

Game of Thrones Takes on the Family

My parents finally began watching the TV show "A Game of Thrones". I first tried to get my grandparents and parents watch the show by telling them that George RR Martin based the story on the War of Roses, the history of Britain's succession. By episode 3 everyone was intrigued, my grandmom was grossed out by the gore; not a surprise since she does enjoy softer films. My grandad was hooked, and my mom loves anything BBC or Masterpeice, or British Period films, so she was keen on watching it. My father tags along on whatever my mother watches. At the end of the day she who runs the kitchen runs the remote!

Dad is in and out of the first episode, he's on a business call, then he snoozes, and suddenly I catch him giggling to something Bran says. He is up and watching. My mom is engrossed in it, and has lots of questions, 3 seconds after she asks the question, the question is answered. Episode 2 she asks who's knife was sent to kill Bran? Just as Catelyn has the same question. 3 seconds later, Petyr Baelish says "it is my knife". This happens many times.

Every time they show Bran, my father asks- is this the guy who fell? So now he is known as the boy who fell. Tyrion is ofcourse the dwarf, although they kept asking me who the imp was, whenever the characters referred to Tyrion as the imp. Cersei and Jaime Lannister were named the Incestors by my mom. The King's council became the Venture Capitalists of the olden days; they find investors, and throw large grand parties to run the King's Kingdom. They are both convinced that the the entire King's council other than Ned Stark, is bad, evil, and up to no good. By now they are hooked.

Sansa became Sasha for a while, and the names got confused with Cersei. I have no idea how! They both like Ned Stark, and my dad likes the fat King Robert. I hope they come to like Arya as much as I do. My mother is Jorah Mormont's biggest fan, she might have a crush, and my dad is fearful of Khal Drogo...

Dad: is he Indian? (referring to Khal Drogo and what culture he represents on the show)
Mom: no he's not. He might be french.
Dad: He is Indian!
Mom: No he isn't! If anything he might be middle eastern.
Dad: You know the Syria issue...
Mom and I: Not now!

On the topic of Khal and Dany, on  their wedding night, the Khal whisks Dany away on her horse and consummates the marriage on the beach. The entire time my dad was convinced he was murdering Dany in pretense of marriage. Later in a different scene she is shown alive, and he asked surprised: "I thought she was killed!? Is this a flash back?" Awkwardly I had to explain that it was sex and not murder. Later that night he dreamt that the Khal and his blood riders were trying to take my mother away and he punched and kicked in his sleep to fight them off and keep her safe. Unfortunately my mom had to feel the kicks and pushes!

They are both so hooked, that on Wednesday at lunch break this was the conversation:

Mom- I can't wait to watch the rest tonight!

Dad- don't start the cinema without me!

Me- it's not a cinema!

Dad- it is so long, it's more than cinema!

Then Catelyn took Tyrion prisoner at the inn, both my parents exclaimed shocked: "Why did she do that? He did nothing?"
I had to explain, however the evidence was clear, Catelyn made her first idiotic move.

They predict that Jaime will kill Ned Stark, or Ned will kill Cerse and Jaime. If it was only that simple. Right?

Mom just texted me: Why did the sister still breast feeding?
Me: they are psycho? she has post partem issues?
Mom: Oedipus comlex.

She has a point, but also she coddles her kid too much for some reason.

Mom- who is Baratheon...
Me the dead king and his brothers... (oops i let a spoiler slip)
Mom- K
Mom- how many chpters in each cd?
Me- 2
Mom- thanks. we are on episode 7... omg your father is so hooked on this. he loves it.
Me- what happened on 6?
Mom- the brother got killed. he gets his golden crown.


The joys of getting people hooked on something so good!


Breathe

The Morbid, Morose and Macabre

Winter is Coming... with winter comes the long night especially in the north. Darkness, cold, oldness, shadows, illness and death. One never knows when that darkness will creep up on us. It's always there lurking, and sometimes the sunshine keeps it at bay, but even the sun can be dark. At times.

Recently, I witnessed the love of my life grow pale, and ill in the matter of minutes. He fell upon the floor retching, in pain. I was in a fright, my Ryan, helpless as much as I felt helpless. He recovered quickly a few hours and a day later. The darkness crept, but it was for someone else.

Monday afternoon, a day and a half later, my mother informed me via a text message that my great aunt (middle sister to my maternal grandmother) was in bad condition. I wrote about her in 2011, when I visited her during a business trip to Kolkata. What a woman she was before, how she suffered, and now she is gone. I should be happy she is free, but I mourn my own loss: who will cook for me? Who will make begun bhaja (fried eggplant) and roti (Indian bread) for me? Who will great me with excitement and a major hullabaloo?

I've never lost anyone so close, other than my doggies. Although she suffered seven years, this came as a shock. She was an amazing person, not a word of English but so warm at heart. She had no need or greed, but lived a simple satisfied life. People are what mattered. People and simple joys. Her cooking was exquisite, just like the rest on that side of the family. I can't imagine losing a sister. My sister spends time with my grandmom (dida) and she is shattered. Mejho Dida (my great aunt passed) proves that we are all we have... forget all the other useless material stuff on earth. We need to be good to each other, there for each other, we have time together and then we are gone. How will you spend your time? Are you grateful for the people in your life? The people who have touched your life? Say thanks now before they are gone. I wish I could have talked to her...

She was cremated last night, as the rains flooded the streets of Baranagar, Kolkata. It was a task, getting her to the crematorium, so I hear. For seven years she suffered, and now she was set free to peace, in the rains. Today it rains here so heavily. Does the earth reciprocate our tears? Wishful thinking, but rather blissful... the stormy sky looming, the thunder, the grey gloomy clouds blotching out the sun: it feeds this morose feeling. I add the Requiem Mass in D minor by W. Amadeus M. to breed the melancholy even further. To the tipping point, that I celebrate her life and death in the music, and weather nature has provided. I embrace it as a part of life. I relinquish my needs, my selfishness, and let go. I meditate upon it all: emotions, happenings, family, relationships, memories, illness, health, life and death.

Loss could happen, anytime to anyone anywhere. We can never protect ourselves from it. The impermanence of life: it is but as fleeting as a butterfly's beat of a wing. And we think they have short lives. Best we prepare ourselves earlier on, by remembering impermanence. Remembering to stay compassionate and loving, cherishing our bonds of attachments, that are impermanent, nevertheless remaining grateful.

The sweet baby birds do grow up to become cold blooded killers of innocent earth worms... then we reach the Sanctus: Benedictus and the Agnus Dei, and we see the glory, peace, mercy and acceptance. The sun peeps out. Life goes on. Learning to absorb, embrace and accept the macabre, the morbid aspects of life. The roses do wither and die. Breathe.



Sometimes, though, Breathing is just not enough.

So live!
 
and Breathe... mindfully so.

The storm approaches

some enjoy the rain

darkness falls

storms even engulf royal palaces

others are carried away by the rains...

Ode to My Father

Me on the, ground, and my sister on my dad's shoulders. Circa 1986, Whippany, New Jersey

His smell, is my strongest memory of him from my childhood. It was a distinct smell, which kind of matched my smell... and I couldn't sleep at night without him cuddling me, and I would feel safe, his smell would tell me so. When he would go away I could not sleep, so my mother would put his under-shirt in my bed. I would clutch onto it, and feel safe smell him there.

He traveled alot, to different parts of the world, and I would miss him, but he always brought back presents for my sister and I. He was and is an expert at 6 year old's shaky tooth extraction. He removed many of my sister's teeth. She decided to be his shadow for some reason, and when we went on family vacations she liked being the "model" and would pose for all the pictures he took. I sometimes would get jealous of their bond, especially since she was his "shadow". She followed him around everywhere. She wanted to be just like him, so they would wake up at 5 am and go to the market, go jogging etc. Looking back it was cute that she was his shadow.


He would take us to the sports fields in various universities (Anna University - Madras, IIT-Madras, Elliot's Beach), and we would play basketball, football (soccer), jog, run, play with our Irish Setter dog - Butch, and enjoy every evening like this. Sometimes when we would get back from someone's house, or a dinner out, he would ask us "who wants to go for a drive at the beach?" and we would all say yes! We would just drive from Kotturpuram, down to Besant Nagar, and drive down the short Elliot's Beach drive. It was nice to just feel the cool ocean air. When we later moved to Besant Nagar, he my sister, and the dog, would all wake up to go see the sunrise on a morning walk. I missed out on these morning walks.

Everything I missed out on, I made up for recently. In 2001 my father came and dropped me off at college. That was the first time I saw him cry; he helped settle me down in my dorm and then he had to leave campus and go to Champagne-Urbana, Illinois, the "international-student orientation", which included parents was over. Our journey together from Chennai to New York, to Chicago, to Calvin College, had helped him slowly learn about me, and me about him. We bonded. I taught him how to use a computer, set up his email, and how to send emails, in the small computer lab in campus. This small act would lead him to learn more on his own, and be able to join this new world of entrepreneurs. He just learnt twitter, but he knows facebook is for social stuff, he's on linkedin, and totally dominates in email sending! He types with chopstick fingers (2 fingers on each hand), but oh what mighty speed!

Once, I was diagnosed with ADHD, (second year of college). My father had not heard of such a thing... "ADHD? What?! You will not take any medication for that. We will combat ADHD with natural solutions, meditation, yoga, gingko biloba, etc." So we began curbing the ADHD, and learning not to go on crazy spending sprees. He taught me how to save, just $5 a week, and slowly increasing it to $20 a week, etc. He also taught me how to take care of my car, work ethics, the good habit of waking up early, how to write good emails... Now I get to work with him, and learn so much. I got to travel the world with him and saw how he can communicate with anyone, how he is energetic even in the face of over-traveling, jet-lag, and being utterly over worked, Superman ain't got nothing... My dad is Superman, and my sis and I might be his kryptonite.

Recently, my father and I were listening to Mahabharata on audio book together, we share great time discussing the wisdom, applying it to our daily lives, and learning new things about ourselves from it. We enjoy lunches watching the news, the stock market and what not, discussing politics, economy and world affairs. We work together as a team in making lunch happen. He always surprises me with jokes, sometimes unintentional, sometimes corny, sometimes hilarious! You may have seen some of my blogs that talk about him!

Babi: We call him Babi, because as a child I couldn't say Baba. It just became Babi. My little sister just followed suit when she had to begin calling him by a name.

Other Nicknames:
We were once playing a game, my sister and I, and we were pretending we were camping in a forest far away. We were hiding from the bad guys at this time, and the leader of the bad guys was the "dirty filthy man". So we were imagining and pretending we were hiding behind a bush, however we were ambushed from the other direction. So we stood up and screamed, turning around pointing the other way "The dirty filthy man!!! Run!!!" For some reason my father was standing exactly where we were facing and pointing, in the distance, so he couldn't hear us. However, this changed things in our game, and we realized he was the bad guy and must run away from him all day. He didn't understand what was going on but when we had dinner together that night, we were still playing that game, and we were thought in our minds, 'the dirty filthy man has now captured us, and forcing us to eat radishes.' It was a random memory, but every now and then we remember it.

He is slightly bald, and actually I found out he has emotions about his lack of hair. He always says when we were born, he gave his hair to us. For that we are thankful. However at some point we joked and said his head was like a Tabla. That got shortened to Tabs and Tabby. We called him Tabby for a while, and ofcourse it morphed most unusually to La Tabs!
Once we were in school in Kolkata, and it was parent-teacher meeting day. Our half yearly results would be shared with only parents. So Babi volunteered to come. We were standing and waiting, and this was the teenage phase when we were both embarrassed by our parents. So we hung back although we saw our dad approaching. There were other random kids waiting for their ride home, or their parents. Some kid behind us commented "hey look at that guy he has a bald head. It's so round!" The two boys chuckled, and the other one commented "Yeah it's so flat and round, we can crack and fry an egg on his head!" They laughed at their joke, and my sis turned around and said "Areeeaaayyeee That's my father! How dare you!" They stopped laughing immediately.

My dad might be bald,
He might be pudgy,
He might have scolded me, lectured me, embarrassed me, annoyed me, frustrated me, angered me...
But in the end, he's my father.
And as much as I have been a delightful daughter, am sure,
I've also been quite the pain in the @$$,
I know he loves me so much.
He loves me so much,
He would move the continents of the earth for me (if he could, and knowing him, he would make it happen).
He's always been on my team,
Bailed me out of the worst situations,
Lifted us up when we were down,
Toughened us up when we were too soft,
Asked us to communicated when he couldn't understand us (women are different than boys).
He is an amazing man, he is my hero,
He is my superstar dad, and am so grateful that HE is my father, (but not limited to).
He is also my teacher, 
My boss, my friend, my supporter, 
My inspiration, my motivator.
He is superman, 
My lunch buddy, my yoga student, 
A colleague, partner in ideas, 
My educator, my benefactor, 
A lecturer.
He is my guru, and my sishya, 
He is also a contributor to many of my genes, 
He is an encourager of me following my dreams,
A simple guy from a village, and a world traveling entrepreneur, 
He is a leader, a soccer coach, 
My business school professor,  and the best every dirty filthy man ever!

 ... So grateful for my father. in my life.




Breathe

Mommy Texts

Mom: Did you speak to Nandini?
Me: Yeah
Mom: its... YES... not YEAH... not good english!!!!
Me: Good Grief!
Me: I was speaking German duh
Mom: ur German spelling wrong... dah is Russian

my mommy in her hillbilly clothing looking at our house!

Life with My Dad

it's a mourning dove sitting on my parent's deck... yes we know the christmas lights are still up, but it looks pretty in the summer too!

A Good Year - A Good Meal

I look out the window and see these birds cuddling... (there were two, one flew away). I pointed out this "nature's joy" to my dad.

Me: look there are two mourning doves!
Dad: ooh I see. We called them Ghughu Pakhi, when we were kids, in rural Bengal. Ghughu because they make the ghurghur sound.
Me: Oh.
Dad: Yeah when we would see one, my uncle would take out the gun and shoot them.
Me: What!? Why?
Dad: it was good meet, very little but enough for the family.

Astounding!

______________________________________________________________________________

Texting With Parents Massage / Message

Dad texts me, after I taught my mom and dad some yoga from what I had learnt at my teachers' training. Especially a potent relaxing technique using massage, in Savasana (dead body pose).

Dad: I really enjoyed your message - it relieved pain, relieved body stress and helped relax. Maybe 15 more minutes would  have been just perfect. Love you - your Baba.

Me: Massage*


The next day, my dad and i leave work for lunch break:

Dad: so you like your old father to drive you around, ah oh well you did give me a M-A-S-S-A-G-E


Me: If you want, I can drive!

Dad: Well but you always M-E-S-S-A-G-E during lunch break! We can't have driving and massaging at the same time!

Me: What?


______________________________________________________________________________

Allergy Season

Me: Are you sick? I Think you are sick, it's not allergies. I don't want to catch a cold from you, go home!

Dad: No I'm just acting!

Me: For what purpose especially you won't go home and play hookie

Dad: What is that?

______________________________________________________________________________

Patterns

"We hurt the ones we love the most"
Its a saying we always hear,
When we are sad, angry or in some difficulty
We lash out at the ones nearest
They are also the dearest.
By doing so we drive them away
In turn, they hurt someone else nearest
and dearest.


The pain continues
The hate increases
The egos engorge
The tears break.

They will cry alone
You will die alone
Cold and miserable
All because you wanted to be right.

They will appologize
You will stand up with pride
Assert your ego
You were always right!

They shake their head in sorrow
For you will never know tomorrow
You were blinded by ego
To see the simple beauty of a sparrow.

Don't be that person
Don't be the jerk
Tell your ego you're done with hurt
Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!

It's ok to love selflessly
It's ok to love unconditionally
Everyone loves a team player
No one likes the prideful selfish achiever.

When you are hurt or angry
When you are sad and lonely
Remember love
To love yourself first and everyone else.


So Fight back with love
Heal with time and patience
Confront with understanding
Calm the ego altogether.

Ruin the pattern
Break the cycle
Kill the ego
Meditate on being.

Breathe!

Third Decade Complete

On the brink of completing my third decade here as a human being on earth, many thoughts come to mind as I come to this milestone. Some measure life through accomplishments - financial, career, or family creation. Some say age is nothing but a number. Some say life starts at thirty. Some say the biological clock of a woman in her thirties is ticking real fast! Some say ... there are a lot of sayings and interpretations... I maybe behind on the achievements side, but where I lack there... I make up in a number of other fields.

Here I sit, panicked, anxious, and counting my blessings. Seriously counting... Pree, what makes your life on earth, using all these natural resources and air, worth it? What do you contribute? What have you DONE so far? I can compare my self to others and I would fall short, and relative to others still I may have accomplished more. However IS life a competition as to who has done what? Sometimes I think Indians today seem to focus on this a lot, especially the ones I know. Also I guess all people in general want to be proud of their kin, family, children.

I found out from my mom 30 years ago on the night of the 14th at 2am did the contractions begin. Her father drove her to the hospital, and my dad arrived there shortly, however he didn't see me come out, he has a week stomach and would have fainted. They did not know if I was going to be a boy or girl, so I was a surprise! They played Indian classical music as I was born naturally. I loved reading and animals right off the bat, and my favorite Hindi movie was Nagina, where Sridevi acts as a lady who turns into a snake! I remember my sis being born, I called her "Baby" for many years, even when  we moved to India and went to school there. "Baby" was my best friend, sister, and inspiration for many a things! We created worlds together.

I think the major things that I've learnt from completing three decades is how to make good true friends, letting go, introspection, and living, loving, laughing and learning! I learned through all my different friendships and relationships how to be good at them, how to be a good friend and how to appreciate those who are good friends to me. Many a time I failed. Relationships whether family, friends or lovers, can be difficult. Friendships seem simple enough but not always so. Sometimes it can be difficult, sometimes people change and sometimes they are annoying, but always you remember who they are deep inside, and know they have loved you back. Sometimes people let you down, but don't take you personally. I have, taken it personally many times, cried over lost friendships, disloyalty... drama! This leads to the second thing I learned: Letting go. However I am have an amazing group of friends... so glad to have you all in my life!

I learnt (and am still learning) the art of letting go, and that it is OKAY to let go. it's ok to embrace the ebb and flow of the the things, people, places in your life. It's dynamic, its impermanent, exhale and let it go! especially let go of the stresses of the day, any problems that are lingering, let it go for one second. Sure enough if a friend is a friend they come back, sometimes we all need space to grow in other ways. Letting go is tough because we get so attached to things that are external that make us happy. We focus on those so much that we forget that we can find that "happy" inside, if we clear the junk. This leads to the next accomplishment.

Introspection, meditation, analysis, using the logical mind when possible. I often like to delve deep, find meaning, and understand things thoroughly. I am still perfecting this skill, but it has been useful to find understand others, life, myself and love. I'm not the best at this yet, in fact I struggle with my monkey mind. I am told it gets easier, and better with practice. Meditation helps calm the mind body and soul, thus making reality seem clear. Which leads to better living, and loving.

Yes I learned to love. I love this guy, he tries my patience constantly but I do love him. Care for him. We aren't perfect people, but we try to make each other better. We learn and grow together, (he may agree or disagree with this!), we learn together, about life, love and each other! Mostly is learning how to be focused, and heck dealing with a long term relationship! It's been tough, but worth it. Laughing together, that's one thing I have learned and enjoyed! 

Through loving I learned to laugh! Laugh at life, ourselves, and it's OK to laugh a hearty laugh as long as no one gets truly hurt (I used to be hypersensitive and get hurt at the slightest joke remotely connected to me. Lesson learned: be less hypersensitive, or come up with a good reason for that hypersensitive-ness).

There were many things learnt along the way, and many more things to learn! I am now working on my 200 hour Yoga Teacher's Training Certificate, working on a book, and learning to refine all the above mentioned skills. I've learned how to take the reigns of control over my body, and health. Never am I letting that go again (ok we say that and sometimes things happen... but to the best of my ability I will hold on to it). I will climb more, write more, love more! These will be my achievements, different from the norms or whats expected but I feel good about these...

Breathe more!


Om!

My sis and I Yoga Posing! 2012 Summer!

This was also my 200th post! :-) yaay!

Mother and Daughter Cooking Lessons

I've been spending time with my mother these few days, to keep her company, eat healthy, and relax.
So we are sitting there watching her television shows, and the phone rings.Since it's closer to me I answer it, after seeing that it is my sister calling in the caller ID. I am a punk so I answer in my dad's voice ...
Sis- ded give it to ma
Me- how did you know it was me?
Sis- give it to ma I need to talk to her its urgent.
Me- like an emergency?
Sis- yeah.
Me- she's indisposed at the mo. You can ask me I can be your stand in mother-sister
Sis- no I need her!!!!
 
Worried that it is something serious... like "girl problems" or something, I give the phone to my mom. A long conversation ensues on how my sister is trying to make my mom's delicious cauliflower curry, and my mom giving her instructions while she does it.

15 minutes later still listening to the these two banter. My mom is seriously giving my sis a step by step on the phone cooking lesson, as we hear dishes clang and clash in the background. My mom tells her to heat some oil in the frying pan, and in the mean time get the spices ready, and dice up an onion. Also she must set the potatoes to cook separately, and since she has no pressure cooker, she must boil it. 

My mom tells sis - add 3/4 panch pharang, jeere, and diced onion to the hot oil in the frying pan...
Sis - umm this is a little scary (as the oil splatters a little) 
Mom- ... after lowering the heat of the oil.
Mom - this is such a simple and easy recipe, you can't go wrong with it.
Sis - none of this is easy!
Mom - check to see if the potatoes are cooked simultaneously
Sis- they look done...
Mom- no you need to prick it... don't just "look" at it!
Me- stab it you need to staaaaaab it! (I say in the background, with a stabbing motion).
Mom- (bursts out laughing) You two are too cute, well you are a little insane (pointing at me, and she resumes instructing my sis.


Eventually my sister completes the food, but realizes there's nothing to eat it with ie. Indian food is usually eaten with rice/ roti  or naan (types of Indian Bread). She has no rice, but she does have couscous and quinoa. My mom says either is acceptable. She prepares it and sends us a picture and boy does it look yummy!







Breathe

Changing Times at Downton Abbey

Warning: May Contain Spoilers - Don't read if you haven't watched Downton Abbey Season 1,2, and 3. Also please note, this is all written from my interpretation, perspective, and observation of the show. This is also a fictional show, however based on actual historical events.

Season 3 of Downton Abbey, so many changes have erupted after World War 1. Especially for women. A few episodes in (3.06 to be exact), we have Ethel working for Mrs.Isobel Crawley. The could be scandal is that Ethel was once a maid at Downton Abbey, but got pregnant by an officer who was healing at the house during WW1. They were in fact fooling around. He denied the child, and died when he returned to his post at war. So, Ethel having no where to go, shunned by the officers family, turned to desperate measures - prostitution. Apparently "Bastard" children were looked down upon in those days. Are they still?

Eventually Ethel makes the difficult decision of giving up her son to the family of the officer. They would promise him a good education etc. Mrs. Crawley takes her in, out of the goodness of her heart, because she believes in reformation, changes, and second chances. Ethel is her cook, and cooks tea or luncheon for the Crawley ladies, to which Lord Grantham utterly objects. He's very stuck in the old ways, however these women support change, and praise Ethel. So good to see support, and women coming together.

In this episode we also find out that Mr. Bates who was in prison for a long time on account of murdering his ex-wife, is set free, due to the charges being dropped. Sure he is happy, and I am happy for him and Anna, (who is his newly wedded wife), however it's hard to see everyone accept and welcome a former convict, but not give Ethel a second chance, yes she sold her body, and slept around, but apparently its worse to be that, than to be suspected of murder due to a known past of having a vile temper (his ex-wife was just as vile too though). Maybe a comparison can not be made, but it almost seemed a double standard.

Lady Edith Crawley, was unsuccessful at her one attempt at marriage, as her would-be husband left her at the alter for he was embarrassed by comments made by certain people at his age (he being much older than her was unaccepted by some, and her happiness did not matter to them). Though her rivalry and politics with Mary may have made her seem despicable at first, she changes her ways, and sibling rivalry is always present among women! ;-)  During the war Edith took up driving, and helping out with a tractor on the farm. After the war she seemed bored, especially with marriage not having worked out, she begins writing, and she just might be one of the feminists to be published! Her family especially her father is against her writing, he's against most modern things. I wish Lady Edith all the best with her endeavors, in fact I support her. Let's see what the rest of the season has in store for her!

In the previous episode Lady Sybil passed away due to preeclampsia, on the eve of her giving birth. A sudden complication, overlooked by the knighted Ob/Gyn, but diagnosed by the family physician. It was frustrating to see a bunch of men stand around and make health decisions for women. Isn't this still the case, politically? So many patriarchal societies still exist? Will women ever be "equal" to men? Which goes back to the sibling rivalry, and the tricks that Mrs. Grantham's maid O'Brien is up to, constantly trying to bring others down. Rivalry between women, in a  world where women still get the worst end of the deal, why must we bring each other down? I think this will continue due to some women's catty nature, however I am glad we can stand up and support each other for the most part.

Lastly at dinner The Crawley's invite The Rev. Mr. Travis over to see if he can convince Tom, to change his mind and have Baby Sybil baptized as Protestant. However many of the ladies stand up to the Rev. and question him intelligently with regards to the correctness of Catholicism, and even other religions. This was empowering to watch due to the new independent thought processes that were awakened. Mary eventually revealed that Sybil had confided in Mary and asked her to see that the baby was baptized as Catholic. The questions still remained, is Protestantism superior to Catholicism?  What about all those truly good Catholics? Is Protestantism superior to other religions? What about all those good people in India and China?

So looking back at that episode, how much have we really changed? Would we shun Ethel today? What if you found out your waitress was a former prostitute? Would you object? You find out your son's best friend in 1st grade is a bastard child of a lady who works a lowly job, would you tell him to befriend someone else? Do you believe your culture/religion/race is superior to others? Why is your life more important than anyone else?

I personally enjoy watching Downton Abbey, and other period films, including reading the British literary classics, for they often depict a great "change" - ie. The Tale of Two Cities, Pride and Prejudice, and many more. It's amazing to go into that different time, and live, travel, adventure with these characters, and come back to the present day, relieved that we have so much freedom. From the stoic and stern times, when women were to be seen not heard, to now where women are applauded for walking down the catwalk in their lingerie (Victoria's Secret pageant thing), Beyonce sing awesome empowering songs (Independent Woman, Single Ladies, etc.) in that oh, la, la, la, leotard at the Superbowl, or that I can write my blog and not be looked down on for being a woman putting herself out there through writing, or even Facebook! Social networking existed then of course, but not like it is today, and perhaps clubs were more prominent with men, women would meet quietly and play bridge or something. People could be private as to just stay in a room forever and never come out (Jane Eyre, the Secret Garden etc.). We can still be private, but if you choose to live loud, then people don't mind. There will be criticism, not everyone is as open, but its more accepted now... and what do you know burlesque is making a come back as an art form! Who wudda though!

Girl Power!


<3 to Downton Abbey!

Breathe!

The Characters of Downton Abbey

The Crawley Sisters

The Staff

Mr. Bates, in prison... Les Miserables

The Rape of Shakti

A sister passed away today. She was a survivor of a more than brutal crime against her body, her womanhood, her femininity, her shakti. She was assaulted, and raped, she eventually died from her injuries. This is not the first case. This is just the first outright case of violence against women.

If you do not know what happened, Google Delhi Gang Rape, for more details. The gist: A 23 year old medical student was leaving the movies with her male friend at around 9pm. She was brutally raped by seven men, and it included an iron rod, on a moving bus. He was beaten, and also tried to defend her. They were stripped of their clothes and thrown out of the bus. She survived for 10 days, with so many injuries, and only 5% of her intestines left...

Before I go on, a few women have ruined the case of rape/sexual harassment for the rest of us, by making false claims. Now this has become a common excuse now for the rapists/harassers. Every rape is now questioned for validity, legitimacy... This case was legitimate beyond a doubt, although politicians and such never seize to make outrageous comments.

I always find it strange that in a land that worships Durga, Kali, Laxshmi, Saraswathi, just a few of the powerful Goddesses worshiped in Hinduism, that so many women can be raped. What is it that makes a man do this despite, laws, police, government? I have known for ages, and only recently my eyes have realized that it was the society, the culture. It is not only in India, but in many countries, cultures, and societies.

As a teenager, in India, I was never seen as a "good girl", I always lived on the edge, sought out danger, adventure and never listened to my parents, typical rebellious teenager ... a guy I was dating, his mom forbid me to date him for I was not Indian enough. Another guy's mom said I was too modern. The fact that I dated openly and had guy friends was bad as it is. I got in trouble once with the vice principal for "boys" being an unsuitable hobby (apparently, if I remember correctly, I was caught talking in chapel to my best guy friend, who also got in trouble a lot for being a smart ass with everyone). So she called my mom to come in. My mom obliged, and the vice principal told her "what do you think of your daughter having "boys" as her extracurricular activity?" My mom replied "P has many guy friends, and she is old enough to know what's good for her." Yes I wore jeans and other western clothes, liked hanging out with guys, I dated a few guys too, and liked going out a lot. There were rumours about me, as there maybe about any girl who is seen publicly holding a guy's hand.

I enjoyed dating guys, getting attention, the romance of it all, the fluttery feeling of "falling in love", heck! I was a youngen. I loved the magic I could share with a guy, I don't even know how to describe it, infatuation perhaps? I loved the feeling of being loved... So many reasons why young love is so lovely. However, it did come with many a heartbreak.

Somewhere along the line I began hanging out with some college girls, who introduced me to some of their male friends. We went to the disco many times. Most of the girls my age went to discos (Kids were allowed in on weekends). One night one of the older guys, who I had gotten close to, took advantage of me, while I was under the influence. My naivete got the better of me, and I had no idea what constituted rape, at the time. I thought rape was only when a man beat the women, and he was unknown to her. After a few months I finally told someone that I thought I had been raped by this man. I was blamed for it... I shouldn't have gone to the club. I shouldn't have been drinking (although I had no idea there was alcohol in the "Pepsi"). In the end, we did press charges, I don't think the case went anywhere because someone paid someone else off to have the charges dropped. So was it rape? Not according to the law. It was on me. Yes I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I was to blame.

I was a minor, I knew I did not want to have sex, but he raped me while I was drunk and I had no strength to defend myself, and saying "no" many times, obviously meant nothing or meant "yes" to him. He wasn't brutal, but it was still forceful. I may have liked him as a person, but it didn't mean I wanted to have sex. It did turn out that I wasn't his first or last victim. There were many girls, younger than me, older than me. He never got into trouble for he was rich and married. No rich, married business man can ever do any wrong. My virginity was taken from me that night. Will I ever get it back? No! My first time ever having sex, was very awful, I will never be able to undo those memories. At least I have my life, and health and body. It could have been worse. I feel deeply for that dear girl, it could have been me; but we have survived.

I went through major therapy, psychologists, counselors, and a lot of growing up really quickly. However, the general attitude always was- don't drink, don't go to clubs/discos, and stay away from guys. I was a modern / western girl living in India. I felt like I was such a scar to my family. Even "friends" would kind of say, that I pretty much did it to myself. These friends told friends, and I am sure there were awful rumours about me! I know they did. I shaved my hair off in 12th grade. I didn't want to be pretty anymore. I thought it would make me invisible; I remember girls being nasty to me before, maybe they would stop. They all thought I was a "slut", and they didn't have the best intentions I thought, for I heard rumours of what they talked about me. Now they all thought "wow she really is damaged. Something is wrong with her." Every now and then someone would reach out a "friendly" hand, but it was always hard to know if it was genuine, or a ploy to get information. I don't think the closest of my friends knew, and if they did, they doubted me. I doubted me. I was 16!

I traveled to USA to start college and a new life! I went to a conservative christian college, instead of going to one in New York, because my family decided it would be safer. In New York, I risked getting into drugs, pregnancy etc. The Midwest would be safer. So here I am... everything was going well, and then one night at a party on campus, I got drunk (maybe New York wasn't such a bad idea after all). My friend let me pass out on his couch. When I came to, a guy was on top of me. I was so drunk off of tequila shots, I could not even protect myself. Finally I got strength to push him off, and I ran away. My memories are still fuzzy from that night. I kept it all to myself, once again I did not know if this was rape! No one tells us young girls WHAT IS RAPE. It is such a difficult subject to talk about to young women. All of us think, it will never happen to me. It festered in me for a long time, and I messed up. Again it was my fault for going to the party. It was my fault for drinking too much. It was my fault.

The dean called me, since it affected my studies and my behavior, and asked me what was wrong. I kind of told him since I knew I was wrong for having been drinking on campus. I was more scared of being punished for that. I did what any good Christian would do, forgive the "rapist", it felt more appropriate than having him expelled. Besides it was my own folly. Although it did turn out he was an obsessive, stalker, and creep. It was still my fault. I didn't learn from the first time. I shouldn't have been drinking, I shouldn't have gone to a friend's party. These things are just not safe for anyone. Although I have been to parties where my female friends do get drunk, there are boys around, and we take care of each other. My friend took care of me, but had no idea what his room mate was. Anyway my young self got me in such a mess, and I landed up having to see a therapist again, doing community service, and going to a class for being on academic probation. I just couldn't tell the authorities his name for I thought it WAS indeed MY FAULT, and he didn't need his whole life ruined by me having him expelled. I look back, and realize I wouldn't be here writing this if all this didn't happen the way it did. I was 19, and now I am almost 30... if I knew what I know now about being a woman, things would be different. I am not the only one, there are so many other girls, sisters, survivors like me, who just did not know what to do, and for years they blamed themselves.

My own sister was raped, here in the US, brutally, with a gun to her head. When appearing in court, everyone advised my sister to dress modestly. She would dress formally in a suite, but she did have "high lights" in her hair. Some people thought this would reflect badly on her. Why should she undo her high lights, you ask... because girls who have blonde high lights are usually more partying type I suppose? Anyway he got off not guilty, because he did not take the stand, and therefor his priors were not brought up. My sister lost the case not solely due to her appearance, but for other reasons too. However the defense brought up her appearance as a reason why she was likely raped, as if tempting men, lying to parents, smoking weed all means you deserve to be raped, or that you could be lying about being raped. Luckily because this guy tried to kill one of his baby mamma's baby while it was still in her, he is now on death row. Justice however was not served in the case of my sister, not directly at least.

My sister's case was more brutal than mine, but rape is rape. The med student raped in Delhi, India, was more than brutally raped, it is still rape. She survived, and fought till her last breath. We are survivors, not victims. Did we deserve it? NO! Was a crime committed against us? Yes. Will we get justice- Maybe. But we are survivors. We grew stronger and now we know what we can do to help change things. 

I grew up with the ideas and these are the thoughts WE NEED to change:

- if you are dress skanky/slutty you probably deserve something bad happening to you

- it is usually your fault for leading him on

- drinking is bad, if you are drunk and something bad happens to you it is your fault

- pretty girls are more likely to be raped

- rape is only when the person is unknown, and there is tearing of clothes and utter brutality

- sexual harassment is only when things get physical

- if a girl hits or wrongs a guy she deserves to be raped

- if she was a bad person she deserves to be raped

- its ok to rape a girl who sleeps around with guys

- its ok to rape a stripper, prostitute because they sell it anyway right?

- a girl who is raped is damaged goods

- a girl who is raped is outcast

- girls should not go out late at night

- cleavage = rape

- shorts = rape

- one can rape a cousin, neice because they are related

- if a girl is passed out from alcohol, drugs/ fainted/unconscious it is ok to have sex with her

- if you are a wife or girlfriend of a person he may force himself on you

- when a women says no, she actually means yes

- if girls dress provocatively they probably want to have sex and be raped

- its ok to rape people of a certain race/ nationality/ religion

- its ok to rape lesbians / gay men

- its ok to rape a girl who has already had sex

- it is ok to rape a girl who has been raped

- sinners deserve to be raped

- if you are raped God probably is making it happen

- rape and other bad things happen because of karma

- forcing oral sex, or other things is not rape

- rape is only when the women is beaten

- it is not legitimate rape when the women gets pregnant

- women can not get pregnant from rape

- women mostly lie about rape

- its ok rape women when we are at war with their country

...

It goes ON!

Is it really our fault? Is brutal rape more "real" of a rape than party rape? Is molestation less of a crime than brutal rape? Really why do we accept ANY of these? In India getting felt up in a bus, or while shopping at New Market was tolerated, put up with... it was just what happened. Why should we, as respectable women, no matter what our life story, no matter if we are a princess, nun or a stripper, have to put up with this abuse? It's not just in India. It's not that one country's laws is better than another... its the attitude we all have in general toward women. The worst is women judging women.

We need to change the way we think, our attitudes, our beliefs, our laws, our standards for human rights. We need to reverse these ideas, for they are all archaic.
How: Just starting from "Oh my, Leanne is dressed in such a short skirt! What a slut!" We can stop that thought right there! Because that's the thinking, the judging of who deserves what that's the birth right there. If Leanne did get raped, would you think? "Oh that's not surprising, she shouldn't have dressed like that! She was asking for it." The thought should have been "She didn't deserve it."

Instead of thinking: Yeah girls who go clubbing and dress in those skimpy clothes , are sure asking for trouble. 

Think: Wow I am glad she has the confidence to go out in public like that!

Instead of: What did she expect she was getting drunk at a bar...

Think: Maybe if some real men stood up for her and helped her home.

So many such instances occur. We make comments. We have these ideas, and its not just us, but the law makers, the police, the rapists themselves... they use the same thoughts we do. We can not prevent every single rape, we can not change everyone, but we, as individuals, can be more mindful, conscious, and create awareness; tell your daughters, sisters, nieces... and help educate your sons, grandsons, nephews, brothers of how women should be treated equally, respected. Truly, ask yourselves what you believe/think and feel. It starts with you, You and I are society, are the culture, are the attitude. As we change, slowly but surely our policies and laws, on rape and other crimes against women/children, will change.

During this past election we heard some outrageous comments by members of the GOP on rape, and women. This archaic ideology and thinking exists here in the USA, today, and among many many people, not the majority luckily. The fact that it does exist though, is scary enough. Can we really blame India for being like this though? When so many people in this very great nation think the same way as many Indian men, think/behave? If your read a few blogs back, my sister shares her story, her very methodical analysis of how even four years ago we knew there was something wrong with this nations approach to women.

I am trying to figure out how to start this process of changing how we think. I think through Conscious Culture, and other means I can help. I also want to point out abuse and rape does not start and end there, molesting, groping women and children are also as bad. We need to definitley educate children from a young age so they can be aware and know. A child can not tell if they are just being adored by their uncle, or being molested. Also out of fear or respect they may never say anything. We have to start somewhere. I know I will start somehow and somewhere and I welcome ideas, and helping hands who would like to join. Although I feel my rape case was not legitimized by the law of the various lands, I still feel like my words, my story counts. I can help, I can make a difference. We need to keep passing the torch.

Ok I need to let this rest for tonight.

Until then...

Shakti in all her forms elegant, powerfule and terrible... none of them deserve this rape.

So let Shakti rise, and awaken, and her light shine on all to see... heal the survivors, and heal those who attack her. For this rape and rampage has to come to an end.

Breathe.

I finally feel okay sharing my story, and I am not looking for sympathy, but instead help everyone realize that we are all survivors, and more women should help share their stories to help spread awareness. So that we all realize that society, culture, policies and attitudes have to change.

Let's do this!

PS:

So apparently my story is not unusual... college girls get drunk at parties and get taken advantage of... should it be accepted? Should we just not go to clubbing, because it is just putting yourself out there at risk? Should we even go to the movies? Once we stop doing things because of safety, and accept that certain things aren't safe for women? Should we live in a bubble? She we never go out, not work, not go to college, not be near men? It's not just at clubs, it could be family, classmates or coworkers...

Or should we work on making this world a place where every place is safe for everyone except criminals? Of course not everyone will change, that would be too idealistic, however if majority changes, that would be enough. Respect; stricter laws on harassment, rape, abuse; we don't want to take advantage of the system we just want to protect our bodies; education; more research on rape victims, on why rape happens; teaching our children early...



I just found this amazing article. do check it out.

6 O 7

I ask my dad what time his flight is...
Dad: 6 O 7 (I hear it as 6 or 7)
Me: what?
Dad: 6:07
Me: 6:07? What kind of time is that?
Dad: I don't know. It is strange. I guess 7 minutes after 6 am?
Me: uhuh.

An Autumn Blessed with Many Life Lessons

This month has been one of many many lessons.
Through grief and sorrow, pain, stress, caring, sharing, loving, many a tear, hugs, goodbyes, prayers, loneliness and togetherness; I have made it through.
The sky has been much grey, of late. The sky weeps many tears down to earth.
The trees are naked, all unclothed.
Fall has always been majestic, dreamy, eerie, and even dark.



Looking back:

My grandmother gets progressively ill, and makes no sense on the phone. The sound in her voice says she was crying out for help and mercy. My Father leaves to India, fearing it may be too late. She holds on and he gets there, and she barely recognizes him. He takes care of her and spends much needed time with her, as I balance spending time with my mother who is a little ill due to a cold, and with my boyfriend, who has some health issues himself. After a few days, my dad gets burnt out, and needs back up, as he is at a loss when it comes to geriatric care, however he is managing and is so humbled to be doing so. He emails my sister and I often with notes on how he feels, and the entirety of the experience.

It is the weekend of Durga Puja, the celebration of the Divine Feminine and we celebrate it reluctantly with cousins here. Durga Puja is the main reason my father decided to go to India, to spend it with his mother and celebrate with her.She is unable to celebrate, but he find time to go back to our remote village of Kudra, to observe the festivities there. He tells us in an email, that the people there have so little, but have the biggest hearts, and their warmth is overwhelming. That's the best type of people right?

My mother departs for India and reaches their safely. She is strong and gets on top of things, but the conditions are harsh, and one can get burnt out quickly. I have health issues of my own, which I had been putting off for a long time, and finally I get my appointment after a month of waiting. This doctor is amazing, thorough and personal. She goes over everything with me, my entire history of health to get to the bottom of this problem, this pain, once and for all.

I speak to my uncle, my sister, my grandparents in New York everyday. I don't realize how often I call my mom and dad, until now. Facing these health issues alone, really suck, but it is something we learn to do, or don't. Hurricane Sandy comes and blows through the East Coast... I lose touch for two days from my sis, uncle and grandparents. Anxiety levels rise. I really miss them, and I am in utter pain, it is rather crappy. Who do I reach out to? I have no energy to laugh, love or even pray... I finally was able to cry myself to sleep last night, and what a relief it was to let go. oh what a heavy burden was lifted. I realize that happiness and satisfaction is not through material things or wealth... but the decisions we make in life regarding, loved ones (family and friends), health, awareness and growth in spirituality and truly caring and sharing.

Today I sang some lovely songs to myself and I felt much better, and I was finally able to pray. Praying is something new, I been learning to accept the possibility of a Higher Power, thanks to "The Artist's Way". It is slow but steady progress, and it's so good to be able to love again. There was a drought due to the sadness I feel through empathizing for my my grandmother in India, my dad's feelings as he is present for her, my mother's feelings as she goes to make peace and forgive a demented little old lady, and ask for her forgiveness in return.

A deep reminder that Karma does exist... the decisions you make today weather big or small, will come back to haunt you later in life. Be mindful, be patient, and value the people in your life, more than anything else in the world.