The Rape of Shakti

A sister passed away today. She was a survivor of a more than brutal crime against her body, her womanhood, her femininity, her shakti. She was assaulted, and raped, she eventually died from her injuries. This is not the first case. This is just the first outright case of violence against women.

If you do not know what happened, Google Delhi Gang Rape, for more details. The gist: A 23 year old medical student was leaving the movies with her male friend at around 9pm. She was brutally raped by seven men, and it included an iron rod, on a moving bus. He was beaten, and also tried to defend her. They were stripped of their clothes and thrown out of the bus. She survived for 10 days, with so many injuries, and only 5% of her intestines left...

Before I go on, a few women have ruined the case of rape/sexual harassment for the rest of us, by making false claims. Now this has become a common excuse now for the rapists/harassers. Every rape is now questioned for validity, legitimacy... This case was legitimate beyond a doubt, although politicians and such never seize to make outrageous comments.

I always find it strange that in a land that worships Durga, Kali, Laxshmi, Saraswathi, just a few of the powerful Goddesses worshiped in Hinduism, that so many women can be raped. What is it that makes a man do this despite, laws, police, government? I have known for ages, and only recently my eyes have realized that it was the society, the culture. It is not only in India, but in many countries, cultures, and societies.

As a teenager, in India, I was never seen as a "good girl", I always lived on the edge, sought out danger, adventure and never listened to my parents, typical rebellious teenager ... a guy I was dating, his mom forbid me to date him for I was not Indian enough. Another guy's mom said I was too modern. The fact that I dated openly and had guy friends was bad as it is. I got in trouble once with the vice principal for "boys" being an unsuitable hobby (apparently, if I remember correctly, I was caught talking in chapel to my best guy friend, who also got in trouble a lot for being a smart ass with everyone). So she called my mom to come in. My mom obliged, and the vice principal told her "what do you think of your daughter having "boys" as her extracurricular activity?" My mom replied "P has many guy friends, and she is old enough to know what's good for her." Yes I wore jeans and other western clothes, liked hanging out with guys, I dated a few guys too, and liked going out a lot. There were rumours about me, as there maybe about any girl who is seen publicly holding a guy's hand.

I enjoyed dating guys, getting attention, the romance of it all, the fluttery feeling of "falling in love", heck! I was a youngen. I loved the magic I could share with a guy, I don't even know how to describe it, infatuation perhaps? I loved the feeling of being loved... So many reasons why young love is so lovely. However, it did come with many a heartbreak.

Somewhere along the line I began hanging out with some college girls, who introduced me to some of their male friends. We went to the disco many times. Most of the girls my age went to discos (Kids were allowed in on weekends). One night one of the older guys, who I had gotten close to, took advantage of me, while I was under the influence. My naivete got the better of me, and I had no idea what constituted rape, at the time. I thought rape was only when a man beat the women, and he was unknown to her. After a few months I finally told someone that I thought I had been raped by this man. I was blamed for it... I shouldn't have gone to the club. I shouldn't have been drinking (although I had no idea there was alcohol in the "Pepsi"). In the end, we did press charges, I don't think the case went anywhere because someone paid someone else off to have the charges dropped. So was it rape? Not according to the law. It was on me. Yes I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I was to blame.

I was a minor, I knew I did not want to have sex, but he raped me while I was drunk and I had no strength to defend myself, and saying "no" many times, obviously meant nothing or meant "yes" to him. He wasn't brutal, but it was still forceful. I may have liked him as a person, but it didn't mean I wanted to have sex. It did turn out that I wasn't his first or last victim. There were many girls, younger than me, older than me. He never got into trouble for he was rich and married. No rich, married business man can ever do any wrong. My virginity was taken from me that night. Will I ever get it back? No! My first time ever having sex, was very awful, I will never be able to undo those memories. At least I have my life, and health and body. It could have been worse. I feel deeply for that dear girl, it could have been me; but we have survived.

I went through major therapy, psychologists, counselors, and a lot of growing up really quickly. However, the general attitude always was- don't drink, don't go to clubs/discos, and stay away from guys. I was a modern / western girl living in India. I felt like I was such a scar to my family. Even "friends" would kind of say, that I pretty much did it to myself. These friends told friends, and I am sure there were awful rumours about me! I know they did. I shaved my hair off in 12th grade. I didn't want to be pretty anymore. I thought it would make me invisible; I remember girls being nasty to me before, maybe they would stop. They all thought I was a "slut", and they didn't have the best intentions I thought, for I heard rumours of what they talked about me. Now they all thought "wow she really is damaged. Something is wrong with her." Every now and then someone would reach out a "friendly" hand, but it was always hard to know if it was genuine, or a ploy to get information. I don't think the closest of my friends knew, and if they did, they doubted me. I doubted me. I was 16!

I traveled to USA to start college and a new life! I went to a conservative christian college, instead of going to one in New York, because my family decided it would be safer. In New York, I risked getting into drugs, pregnancy etc. The Midwest would be safer. So here I am... everything was going well, and then one night at a party on campus, I got drunk (maybe New York wasn't such a bad idea after all). My friend let me pass out on his couch. When I came to, a guy was on top of me. I was so drunk off of tequila shots, I could not even protect myself. Finally I got strength to push him off, and I ran away. My memories are still fuzzy from that night. I kept it all to myself, once again I did not know if this was rape! No one tells us young girls WHAT IS RAPE. It is such a difficult subject to talk about to young women. All of us think, it will never happen to me. It festered in me for a long time, and I messed up. Again it was my fault for going to the party. It was my fault for drinking too much. It was my fault.

The dean called me, since it affected my studies and my behavior, and asked me what was wrong. I kind of told him since I knew I was wrong for having been drinking on campus. I was more scared of being punished for that. I did what any good Christian would do, forgive the "rapist", it felt more appropriate than having him expelled. Besides it was my own folly. Although it did turn out he was an obsessive, stalker, and creep. It was still my fault. I didn't learn from the first time. I shouldn't have been drinking, I shouldn't have gone to a friend's party. These things are just not safe for anyone. Although I have been to parties where my female friends do get drunk, there are boys around, and we take care of each other. My friend took care of me, but had no idea what his room mate was. Anyway my young self got me in such a mess, and I landed up having to see a therapist again, doing community service, and going to a class for being on academic probation. I just couldn't tell the authorities his name for I thought it WAS indeed MY FAULT, and he didn't need his whole life ruined by me having him expelled. I look back, and realize I wouldn't be here writing this if all this didn't happen the way it did. I was 19, and now I am almost 30... if I knew what I know now about being a woman, things would be different. I am not the only one, there are so many other girls, sisters, survivors like me, who just did not know what to do, and for years they blamed themselves.

My own sister was raped, here in the US, brutally, with a gun to her head. When appearing in court, everyone advised my sister to dress modestly. She would dress formally in a suite, but she did have "high lights" in her hair. Some people thought this would reflect badly on her. Why should she undo her high lights, you ask... because girls who have blonde high lights are usually more partying type I suppose? Anyway he got off not guilty, because he did not take the stand, and therefor his priors were not brought up. My sister lost the case not solely due to her appearance, but for other reasons too. However the defense brought up her appearance as a reason why she was likely raped, as if tempting men, lying to parents, smoking weed all means you deserve to be raped, or that you could be lying about being raped. Luckily because this guy tried to kill one of his baby mamma's baby while it was still in her, he is now on death row. Justice however was not served in the case of my sister, not directly at least.

My sister's case was more brutal than mine, but rape is rape. The med student raped in Delhi, India, was more than brutally raped, it is still rape. She survived, and fought till her last breath. We are survivors, not victims. Did we deserve it? NO! Was a crime committed against us? Yes. Will we get justice- Maybe. But we are survivors. We grew stronger and now we know what we can do to help change things. 

I grew up with the ideas and these are the thoughts WE NEED to change:

- if you are dress skanky/slutty you probably deserve something bad happening to you

- it is usually your fault for leading him on

- drinking is bad, if you are drunk and something bad happens to you it is your fault

- pretty girls are more likely to be raped

- rape is only when the person is unknown, and there is tearing of clothes and utter brutality

- sexual harassment is only when things get physical

- if a girl hits or wrongs a guy she deserves to be raped

- if she was a bad person she deserves to be raped

- its ok to rape a girl who sleeps around with guys

- its ok to rape a stripper, prostitute because they sell it anyway right?

- a girl who is raped is damaged goods

- a girl who is raped is outcast

- girls should not go out late at night

- cleavage = rape

- shorts = rape

- one can rape a cousin, neice because they are related

- if a girl is passed out from alcohol, drugs/ fainted/unconscious it is ok to have sex with her

- if you are a wife or girlfriend of a person he may force himself on you

- when a women says no, she actually means yes

- if girls dress provocatively they probably want to have sex and be raped

- its ok to rape people of a certain race/ nationality/ religion

- its ok to rape lesbians / gay men

- its ok to rape a girl who has already had sex

- it is ok to rape a girl who has been raped

- sinners deserve to be raped

- if you are raped God probably is making it happen

- rape and other bad things happen because of karma

- forcing oral sex, or other things is not rape

- rape is only when the women is beaten

- it is not legitimate rape when the women gets pregnant

- women can not get pregnant from rape

- women mostly lie about rape

- its ok rape women when we are at war with their country

...

It goes ON!

Is it really our fault? Is brutal rape more "real" of a rape than party rape? Is molestation less of a crime than brutal rape? Really why do we accept ANY of these? In India getting felt up in a bus, or while shopping at New Market was tolerated, put up with... it was just what happened. Why should we, as respectable women, no matter what our life story, no matter if we are a princess, nun or a stripper, have to put up with this abuse? It's not just in India. It's not that one country's laws is better than another... its the attitude we all have in general toward women. The worst is women judging women.

We need to change the way we think, our attitudes, our beliefs, our laws, our standards for human rights. We need to reverse these ideas, for they are all archaic.
How: Just starting from "Oh my, Leanne is dressed in such a short skirt! What a slut!" We can stop that thought right there! Because that's the thinking, the judging of who deserves what that's the birth right there. If Leanne did get raped, would you think? "Oh that's not surprising, she shouldn't have dressed like that! She was asking for it." The thought should have been "She didn't deserve it."

Instead of thinking: Yeah girls who go clubbing and dress in those skimpy clothes , are sure asking for trouble. 

Think: Wow I am glad she has the confidence to go out in public like that!

Instead of: What did she expect she was getting drunk at a bar...

Think: Maybe if some real men stood up for her and helped her home.

So many such instances occur. We make comments. We have these ideas, and its not just us, but the law makers, the police, the rapists themselves... they use the same thoughts we do. We can not prevent every single rape, we can not change everyone, but we, as individuals, can be more mindful, conscious, and create awareness; tell your daughters, sisters, nieces... and help educate your sons, grandsons, nephews, brothers of how women should be treated equally, respected. Truly, ask yourselves what you believe/think and feel. It starts with you, You and I are society, are the culture, are the attitude. As we change, slowly but surely our policies and laws, on rape and other crimes against women/children, will change.

During this past election we heard some outrageous comments by members of the GOP on rape, and women. This archaic ideology and thinking exists here in the USA, today, and among many many people, not the majority luckily. The fact that it does exist though, is scary enough. Can we really blame India for being like this though? When so many people in this very great nation think the same way as many Indian men, think/behave? If your read a few blogs back, my sister shares her story, her very methodical analysis of how even four years ago we knew there was something wrong with this nations approach to women.

I am trying to figure out how to start this process of changing how we think. I think through Conscious Culture, and other means I can help. I also want to point out abuse and rape does not start and end there, molesting, groping women and children are also as bad. We need to definitley educate children from a young age so they can be aware and know. A child can not tell if they are just being adored by their uncle, or being molested. Also out of fear or respect they may never say anything. We have to start somewhere. I know I will start somehow and somewhere and I welcome ideas, and helping hands who would like to join. Although I feel my rape case was not legitimized by the law of the various lands, I still feel like my words, my story counts. I can help, I can make a difference. We need to keep passing the torch.

Ok I need to let this rest for tonight.

Until then...

Shakti in all her forms elegant, powerfule and terrible... none of them deserve this rape.

So let Shakti rise, and awaken, and her light shine on all to see... heal the survivors, and heal those who attack her. For this rape and rampage has to come to an end.

Breathe.

I finally feel okay sharing my story, and I am not looking for sympathy, but instead help everyone realize that we are all survivors, and more women should help share their stories to help spread awareness. So that we all realize that society, culture, policies and attitudes have to change.

Let's do this!

PS:

So apparently my story is not unusual... college girls get drunk at parties and get taken advantage of... should it be accepted? Should we just not go to clubbing, because it is just putting yourself out there at risk? Should we even go to the movies? Once we stop doing things because of safety, and accept that certain things aren't safe for women? Should we live in a bubble? She we never go out, not work, not go to college, not be near men? It's not just at clubs, it could be family, classmates or coworkers...

Or should we work on making this world a place where every place is safe for everyone except criminals? Of course not everyone will change, that would be too idealistic, however if majority changes, that would be enough. Respect; stricter laws on harassment, rape, abuse; we don't want to take advantage of the system we just want to protect our bodies; education; more research on rape victims, on why rape happens; teaching our children early...



I just found this amazing article. do check it out.

An Amazing Cold Remedy

This is my mom's secret cold remedy, its very strong tasting, but if you are sick, and your taste buds aren't working, this is amazing. It's called "Panchon" (5 spices). It will clear you up, help throat pain, a great preventative medicine, and entirely natural, east to make. Just get the ingredients:

What you will need:

Saucepan to cook it in (you can keep it for 2-3 days covered)
Small tea cup / shot glass (enough for 2-3 sips)

Ingredients:

2 inches ginger
2 bay leaf
1 cinnamon stick
8-10 cloves
12 peppercorn

6 cardamon

2 cups of water




Optional to add at the end directly to cup
1 lemon/lime (squeeze in a dash for taste and vitamin C)
1-2 tablespoon honey (preferably raw and local honey, this will help with cold caused by allergies)

Preparation:
Put the saucepan/ kettle on the stove and start it on medium to low heat.
Add all the spices. Remember to take the skin off and grate the 2  inches of ginger. Add the bay leaves in as is. You may break the cinnamon stick. Crack the cardamon open with the bottom of a mug or something solid and add it in, leave the shells on. Boil it for 20 minutes, you can put the lid on leaving a little gap. After 20 minutes, pour some using a strainer into the small tea cup.

Lastly: 

Squeeze some fresh lemon in to taste, and stir in 1-2 tablespoons honey

It is read. it has a very strong smell and taste; very strong. Be brave and know you will feel better.

So take very small doses (1 -2 sips) every 2- 3 hours. If not save it for the next day!

Love!!!

Breathe!

... On My Mind - By Piyali Banerjie

This was written by my sister on October 30th 2008 a few days before Obama was elected. She canvased for him back then and faced so many rude people... I love her so much!

Racism & Other issues in the United States of American, 2008

I moved back to the United States of America in 2002. I had been waiting for that moment all my life spent in India. I was anxiously waiting to come back to MY country finally. The country I was born in. The country I was so proud of. Through reading magazines, newspapers, watching Hollywood movies, listening to the variety of music made in America, and watching the news & media people in other countries learn that ANYTHING and everything is possible in America! Everyone’s dreams can come true in America! Francis Scott key included the phrase “the land of the free, and the home of the brave…” in the national anthem, that we sing with such pride and joy, which grants our citizens freedom.
I was so proud to be apart of a nation that made room for EVERYONE. People from all walks of life: race, ethnic origin, religion, and sexual orientation. To grant these people equal rights and freedom is something that other countries may lack. Living in India exposed me to the lack of freedom and rights given to people who had different beliefs and values than that of society. It was so wrong for a Hindu to marry a Muslim. Woman did not have the kind of support to stand up to an abusive husband, or their rapist. People don’t have too many divorces, and continue to live in their dysfunctional marriages. People are ostracized in their own homes if they ‘come out of the closet’, or police authorities can go to the point of punishing persons for being homosexual. These are a few examples of the lack of freedom that I talk about.
When I moved to the United States, I was happy to see how accepting people are towards other people (externally, they seem to leave others alone and mind their own business). I was happy to see that single mothers have the opportunity to make something of themselves, and give their children equal opportunities that a woman with a husband could. I was happy to see that people care for one another. I was happy to see that a homosexual couple could be seen in public holding hands. I was happy to see people of different colors, nationalities and religions live in harmony.

I witnessed a few different instances of racism, but didn’t think too much of it. But I think I clearly see a miniscule slice of racism in America now that we have a Black man running for President. I did not expect ‘race’ to be an issue, although the last two weeks before Election Day has shown otherwise.
Working for the Obama campaign in medina OH has been really hard, since I hear the ‘N’ word a few times each day. I have often gotten this response: “I am not racist, but I don’t know how good I feel about a BLACK person being our president, he was okay as a Senator though”. Also, the assumption that he is Muslim, or an Arab, or has a “Muslim”/”Arab” name, is both idiotic and sad at the same time. I have many Catholic and other Christian friends from Middle Eastern countries that have “Muslim” first and last names, who are Christian. Never have been MUSLIM, and neither have their Grandparents, or great grandparents or great great grandparents. What does a name mean? Hold? What is in a name?
Also, what if he was a Muslim? So what? What’s wrong with being an Arab? A Muslim? Lets address the Muslim aspect of this first. What about the American-Muslim child who aspires to be the President someday?? Is that not possible, in a country where they preach freedom and equality? On the account of being Arab…people seem to believe that Arabs look a certain way, and are most probably Muslim. Do anti-Muslim Americans know that there are Arab people who are Christian? There are Arabs who look like Caucasians? Also, that not ALL Arab Muslims are religious extremists and follow the words of Syyid Qutb (the man whose ideas would shape Al Qaeda. Please read his book ‘Milestones’ to learn more), or the Al Qaeda doctrines?? (With all due respect to Christians)I often wonder how these people who dislike anything arab would react if their lord’s son Jesus Christ were to descend from the heavens. Would they believe he were the son of god? Would they believe anything he says? Or would they condemn him for looking like an “arab”/”jew”/”israelite”? Because for sure, Jesus Christ was not a white skinned ‘Aryan’, with thin light brown hair. The chances of him having light eyes, let alone blue are quite slim (http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/basic/christ/physical_appearance.htm, http://www.thenazareneway.com/likeness_of_our_saviour.htm, http://www.jesuscentral.com/ji/questions/how/describe_the_physical_appearance_and_generally_how_174.php ) That reminds me, the Ku Klux Klan (the circle clan, founded in TN, 1865), was an all protestant, white cult which had a few leaders who were previously Reverends, who used the lords name to execute hatred, suffering and even death upon anyone who was catholic, black, Jewish and other foreigners. When members of the Klan would burn crosses they would play ‘amazing grace’. What a shame. Now, are these people ignorant? Uneducated? Or correct in what they believe?

The term ‘nigger’ was historically used to describe people of African origin, but also means “an unlearned person”. If these people mentioned above were not ‘unlearned’, then what were they? I do not think that word should be a part of anyone’s vocabulary whether they are white or black. I am very sad to see that people have started using this word again as the election nears (in hatred). I do not think it is right under ANY circumstances. I was called an “N***** lover” last week for supporting Obama by two individuals who claimed that I was too ‘hot’ to support him. They went on to justify how it was okay for them to use the word so loosely. I may not be of African decent, but it does offend me. I do not take racism lightly. When my mother was a little child living in England she was spat on by Skinheads. They told her “Paki, go home!” As a child she didn’t understand, and when she learnt why she was afraid and felt less fortunate for not being ‘white’. That was not the only story that led me to my disappointment.
Isn’t there enough hatred in this world, why hate someone for being another color? Darker people have extra melanin in their skin that ensures protection from the sun as they live closer to the equator. Is that so bad? Can that not be understood?
I would be more understanding of this sort of hatred if racist people were from a third world or a less fortunate country. This is America!! This is a first world country!! This county grants citizen with free or affordable education!! How can educated people think like this?
I am also distraught on how there is a double standard in society. Talking “black” or in ‘Ebonics’ is looked down upon by middle class America. I think that most minorities have to work so hard to gain respect in society. Some examples of these double standards are: Laura Bush talking with a southern accent vs. (if) the Obama’s were to use Black Vernacular or have a “black” accent. Somehow people believe that having a southern accent is more acceptable than speaking in a “black” fashion. Therefore, “ya’ll” and Palin’s famous “you betcha’ (Wink)” is still okay!
Palin’s large family is looked at as “normal” or “average”. Most ‘average Americans’ are NOT known to have five children. Maybe a few years ago, but not today. I wonder if Obama would be considered to be a “typical Black person” had he had five children (?).
Also, if he had a 17year old daughter who was pregnant, would that have been seen as “typically black”? But people seem to be very accepting of Palin’s daughter Bristol’s pregnancy.
How about Cindy McCain’s drug addiction for three years? She lied to doctors, made up fake medical needs for prescriptions to attain pain killers to use it HERSLEF. Where is her penalty? We know that celebrities get lenient sentences,… what if Michelle Obama were to have tricked doctors to get drugs for her own drug addiction, what would middle class America think of that?

I cannot relate to this double standard. I cannot relate to “average Joe” or the “Joe six-pack” talk given by Gov. Sarah Palin. Why are we lowering our standard, the idea of conservativeness & the idea of an average American??? Do most average Americans have pregnant daughters? Do Average Americans believe that an eighteen year old is ready to be a mommy and a wife? Do Average Americans believe that it’s okay for an individual’s grandchild and child be a little over a year apart? Do Average Americans believe that they MUST buy designer clothes to LOOK GOOD?? Do they think that JC penny’s is not good enough? Really???

I’ll tell you what, the day I was informed that Palin made rape victims’ in the state of Alaska pay for their own rape kits, sent a cold chill down my spine. Who would support that?
I will now state why I am supporting Obama, and why I shall NEVER elect neither McCain nor Sarah Palin to office. A VP is a step away from being president, and if anything were to happen to McCain…Sarah Palin is not fit to be president. Also, McCain’s lapse of judgment caused me to question what other decisions he may make to satisfy certain requirements. She could not name ONE newspaper/magazine she reads. She was wrong at stating the JOB DESCRIPTION of the VP position (Chris Matthews, Hardball CNN). She cannot name ONE Supreme Court ruling she disagrees with. What about Plessey v. Fergusson!?!?!? That’s one we all learn in American High school. I went to American high school for a year and a half and learnt at least that much! Running for VP of the country? Sad !! How can we rely on her? It also does not help to know that their partnership in this race is not working out very well, considering that their aides have been having a hard time getting along with one another.

I have felt strongly about Sarah Palin, since she spoke of rape victims and how they must not be able to have an abortion, also they must pay for their own rape kits (about approx. $200). I do not think she shows ANY sort of support to victims, or to their suffering.

I am a rape victim. This had happened to me in 2003, shortly after I had moved back to the US (moved here Nov. 2002). I was a virgin. I was not dating the guy who had taken my virginity against my will. I was too small to fight back (I am 5’2”, and at the time less than 100 lbs). I was brutally raped, beaten, with a gun held to my head, later drugged (after I begged for my life). I was also threatened not to tell anyone. I came home that night thankful to be alive, having the opportunity to see my loved ones maybe for the last time, and to bid them farewell before possibly ending my life, before HE came back. I did not know how to tell my culturally conservative Indian family about what had just happened to me. Also, such incidents are not really heard of in the Indian community. “Sex” is not casually talked about in our culture. I did not know what to do. The many fears in my heart, one of which was possibly getting pregnant urged me to attempt suicide. So I did. The blow dryer gave out, it didn’t work. I lived. The next day, due to my sickened, sad, scared, disturbed state of my mind, I told two friends, which later led to telling higher authorities in the school. My mother was informed. I was taken to the Nord center, Lorain OH (rape crisis center), where the rape kit was performed and I had moral support too. That was a blessing to me. I had hope to live. I was given the day after pill. The evidence was gathered, and I had a victim’s advocate who was there for emotional support.

Now, what would have happened had my parents never found out? I would have probably killed myself, since I did not know about ‘planned parenthood’, the rape crisis center, or anything about the justice system or emergency rooms services, since I hadn’t lived in the United States for that long. I am not ashamed to tell my story. I would never want any woman, or anyone’s wife, mother or child to go through what I have been through. I also speak for many Indian, Arab, Muslim,…,woman from culturally conservative backgrounds. I know of some who have been raped by family members whose parents STILL know nothing about it. Fortunately they have not had to bear the burden of pregnancy since they were raped before puberty. Still that DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT OR OKAY.
I don’t think that a rape victim should have to bear the burden of being a mother to a child, if they had not intended to consent to sex. If sex had been enforced on them, there is no need for the victim to give up goals in life to be a mother. I believe that they must have the right to choose. This is one of the most compelling reasons why Republican Sarah Palin, the hockey MOM will not get my vote. Senator McCain has taken a ‘cheap decision” in choosing Sarah Palin without a detailed due diligence and that is certainly WRONG JUDGEMENT. Hence, he will not be getting my vote for President of this great nation. I respect Senator McCain for all the great things he has done in the past, but from the RNC – convention – he has demonstrated wrong judgment in more than one occasions.

I am currently an agnostic. I lost faith, and was an atheist shortly after the incident mentioned above. Sometimes to the point to where it may have reached blasphemy (not in the literal sense, but I hated ‘god’ for not being there for me). I am trying to give the bible a chance since I am dating a lovely boy who has strong faith. Of course, I would ideally like to share the same faith or even a little close. Even if I were to be a Christian someday, I would always leave room for people of other religions. I don’t think it’s all about ME, and what I believe in. I’m sure there are other people who believe that the Koran or the Gita,…etc is the word of god. I am also sure that those people do not seek to be ‘saved’. Therefore, I disagree with the Christian fundamentalists who try to control the governance of this great country. I do understand how these people (with all due respect to Christianity—since not all religious people are the same) can support a war in a foreign country. Defense is different than WAR. Killing living people yet trying to save ‘unborn’ children? Makes no sense. (In no way do I support abortions to be used as a form of contraception; in fact I believe that it is an awful form of concealment, to cover up a mishap. Although I still feel that just because I FEEL it is wrong doesn’t mean that other woman who think different can’t make the choice to support it or have an abortion).

After much research I have come to the conclusion that racism exists, but it is a miniscule population. Even though it is disturbing and disappointing to be still present, I am thankful we have moved forward. More Americans are accepting of different racial, ethnic and religious citizens. I find myself grateful for the movement away from the past of emerging neo-Nazism and KKK groups. (44% of white voters are currently supporting Obama).

Just an observation: the crowd gathered to hear Barack Obama is beautiful, colorful, and full of character. THAT I BELIEVE is AMERICA. Blacks, whites, Hispanics, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Europeans, Christians, Jews, Jains, Buddhists,…….Sikhs(with turbans), Muslims, homosexuals, the rich, poor, labor unions, celebrities,…. Yes, that’s the AMERICA I want to live in. That’s the America id like to see. That’s the America that has room for EVERYBODY.
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

I am not trying to tell anyone that this is the right way to vote. These are just my thoughts on issues lingering on my mind. I just thought I would share them with people, especially since I have voiced my strong opinions on this election on facebook. I respect how people feel, but these are my reasons for voting in this direction.

LONG LIVE – THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

R.E.M. at Jone's Beach, Long Island, 2008

R.E.M. was performing at Jones Beach Amphitheater, Long Island; my close childhood friend called me and told em we were going. So I booked a ticket and flew over to NYC. We met up and decided to spend an hour on the beach before the concert. From Manhattan, to Brooklyn, to the LIRR, to a bus... We finally got to the beach, and then walked to the Amphitheater.

There were a lot of REM fans, all of them traveling from far and wide like Adi and I. Modest Mouse, and The Nationals were the opening bands, and as the night grew darker, the wind from the Atlantic Ocean blew in some crazy clouds. Soon the music was competing with the voices, the guitar, the bass, cymbals, snare drums, and the deep boom of the kick drum bass... oh what a battle of the bands!

The band rushed off the stage when lightning stuck the stage, and the power went off. We were all sitting ducks, in an amphitheater which was made of mostly metal. This huge storm was right on top of us, Modest Mouse was only half done playing, when everyone was evacuated out of the stadium into the parking lot. So where do we go? To our cars? We didn't have a car, we had a friend coming to pick us up later that night. Many people were in the same boat as we were.

People were super nice to each other, and suddenly there were raincoats, and ponchos for sale (where do these people appear from, really!?). Since we were wondering around in the rain, we bought two ponchos and waited to see if R.E.M. would still go on. $100 tickets! We stuck around, soaked from the rain, poor Adi had brought his fancy SLR thingy lens and all, and he couldn't take it in. I had a bag full of wet clothes from the beach, it would have helped if I had more dry clothes. The crowd knew R.E.M. would not desert their fans. I think it was about 2 hours of herding the crowds back in, and out of the building, until R.E.M. got on.We just wanted R.E.M.! They played extra long for us too, although it was mighty late All the awesome songs - Songs from Accelerate, The One I love, Get up, Stand, etc... Michael Stipe spoke to us all, he did a little campaigning for Obama, and gave the loyal audience all the dry t- shirts he and the band still had. There were a lot of Obama 2008 t-shirts he threw out. We stood there as the band played on through the night, as we all stood in the rain. I think the show finally ended at around 1 or 2 am. It was so worth it!

Adi's friend took a while getting to the parking lot, so we sought to see the band leave, but we couldn't find the right bus. Maybe we saw Modest Mouse or The Nationals, I don't remember. At this point I was beat, soaking wet from head to toe, and crashing. Finally Adi's friend picked us up and took us to his place. Strange how there were still special buses running back to the train station at this hour! We got to the friend' place ate, and fell asleep. The next day we parted ways on the LIRR. It was a night to remember! We had so much fun - A musical adventure of its own.

:-)

Before the concert, we enjoy the beach. My second time to the Atlantic Ocean, my first few times were when I was too young to remember! This is my close childhood friend Adi! What silly T-shirt was I wearing :-/

We were almost the first people there!

The Nationals and Modest Mouse opened for R.E.M.

This was Modest Mouse, until it began to storm so bad, and lightning hit the stage and they had to get off the stage.

Finally R.E.M. after the rain kind of cleared out and it was safe for them.

Adi was grumpy cause he couldn't bring his camera into the concert!

This was when we all had to evacuate the amphitheater. But check out the guy behind us! Lol!

Here they perform Orange Crush. One of my favorite songs!

Michael Stipe! He was awesome! I love this guy!

R.E.M. rocks!

Breathe!

6 O 7

I ask my dad what time his flight is...
Dad: 6 O 7 (I hear it as 6 or 7)
Me: what?
Dad: 6:07
Me: 6:07? What kind of time is that?
Dad: I don't know. It is strange. I guess 7 minutes after 6 am?
Me: uhuh.

Almost 30, Unmarried and Undeniably Happy

If I want a white dress, I'll buy myself one, and wear it! Wedding or not.

I never dreamed of my wedding day, dress or anything. In fact I don't even know if I wanted to marry. Babies? Well they drool and puke. Really! Maybe I was wrongly born as a girl. I have always fantasized about sex!


I think I realized I was different when I was a kid and realized at times I had strange thoughts. For example, I was probably 7 or 8 and I was on a swing with my friends, we were all laughing hysterically. I remember this moment so well, because I had a profound thought 'I'm so happy I could die right now, and I would be satisfied not having seen the rest of what life holds.' Then suddenly I realized my spirit self would see my parents crying. I never like seeing my mom cry, it breaks my heart, she is such a wonderful woman and deserves all the happiness in the world. So although I was OK with dying, I decided it was not right. I asked a close friend during a sleepover what she thought and she told I had some strange ideas and I should not think that way.

As a child of 9 or 10 years I was heavily influenced by my mom and my aunt. Both very strong Indian women, they showed me what it was like to be a modern woman. A woman who goes beyond being just seen and not heard - a woman with a voice. A woman who isn't just a pretty face but a brain as sharp as a sword. I was encouraged and pushed to branch out my knowledge base, to research, to hold opinions on issues... they helped me grow.

Another girl (now woman) who inspired me was a fellow class mate. She was always head-strong, down to earth, logical and practical; her solutions to problems/situations were simple yet it was the truth. We would sometimes talk about what we wanted when we grew up and we discussed at a small age that "marriage" was not really our thing. It might be other people's thing, but we had a different path, although we would definitely like to have a life partner. I forgot about this discussion until recently when she reminded me of it once again. WE had many such profound discussions on religion, atheism, agnosticism, spirituality, life, death, children, women, the world, careers... we were just children then. I wish we could sit and talk now and see if our perspectives have changed. We definitely decided to be as open minded as possible.

Anyway here I am almost 30 and not married. Everyone keeps asking me why I am not married yet, when I plan to marry... And I ask so want to ask "Why should I?" I do not, because I realize getting married and having children is a societal, cultural norm of the world. It is not always pushed upon a man, as much as it is expected of a woman. Most people would not understand my point of view, because it is what we women want, correct? To get married, settle down and have children.

I do not think less of woman who want that. Yes, many older women including my mother, and women my age have told me that getting married and having children is so full-filling, I will regret it someday. However my life has not been perfect, and I do not regret any decisions I have made; I may look back and think I could have chosen wiser, but I am always grateful for the now, and not look back in anger or despair. I do wish people who get married and settle down all the happiness, sometimes I am almost convinced by their happiness that I want that too. Then I remember ME, and maybe it is selfishness in some people's eyes, but I remember that is not what I want. I want more.

People tell me I can have "more" being married, and having children. They do not understand that their road is not my road. I just don't want to take that route. I want to go this other route. I don't want pity, I have a healthy and happy relationship. Lately everyone is talking about the War on Men a rant by a woman by the name of Suzanne Venkar, who says men don't want to marry because women are not women anymore. If women want to get married they need to "submit to their femininity". Yeah well maybe those men need to change their attitudes, and maybe woman need to realize "stuff". And this CNN reporter states it the way I thought it "But she is actually arguing that if men aren't happy, it's women's fault -- for seeking the very same exhilarating sense of autonomy and selfhood that men claim as our natural entitled birthright. How dare they?" (See the full article at The Mythical 'War on men'). Well am so grateful for this guys article, because pretty much states in a round about way, that if men don't want to get married, neither do women.

I am lucky to have a caring boyfriend who wishes me to be strong, to be highly motivated, in fact that is what he wants in a woman. We balance each other out, we share chores whether they are "feminine" duties, or manly duties. We communicate clearly, and cultivate trust and honesty. I now know I have male friends who want more "feminine" women. In fact maybe they are scared of bold woman such as myself. Women like us can not be "controlled". Most men like control... come on man up and admit it! Anyway, although I have this lovely man in my life, I don't see other than financially, what other good marriage will do for us? Will it stop either of us from cheating? Will it prevent illness? If you have a very good logical and practical answer which differs from everything anyone has told me, I would like to hear it.

Concluding as my relatives, elders, and society can not plainly see that for me growing, doing good for the world, having a healthy loving relationship with my man, and just being happy, are enough. I don't know how to explain it to them or make them all see, so I have given up trying to explain. So this is why I am writing this. On the other hand I would like some respect... from society. Quit it! Stop it! Stop with all nagging, the pressure, the questions, the wondering if I am lesbian (and even if I am - SO WHAT?), worrying if I will be OK or happy... There's war in Palestine and Israel and you are worried about me getting married. There's an economic crisis and unemployment and you are worried about the man I am dating. The world is about to seize existing on Dec 20th and you want to worry about MY future! Laughable! It's my life!!! I'm not telling you how to live yours, stop telling me how to live mine!


Breathe!

In a country, in a world where we can be whoever we want to be... I want to be ME! Happy!

So Adding this after I read what George Takei wrote about marriage equality and same sex marriages:
"The core value of marriage is two people who love each other and are committed to each other. It isn’t necessarily defined by gender… You want security for your spouse, whatever may happen, and our laws do not provide that. We want security for when we should pass. I can give you an example: we had friends—it’s past tense now—in Washington, D.C. They’d been together for over a decade. One partner went out of town on a business trip, came back, opened his apartment door and his partner was on the floor…died of a heart attack in his absence. The deceased partner’s relative was a lawyer-brother in Boston from whom he had been estranged. He came and took everything. The laws were against the one that spent more life…They shared their lives and their fortune, yet he lost it all. So this grieving partner lost not only the love of his life, but everything they had built together. There’s that kind of injustice. And this kind of legalistic barrier that we insist on putting up is, to me, unfathomable. In the case of our being incarcerated during the Second World War, we looked different—visually identifiable. But in the case of homophobia, we are literally members of a family. We are sons and daughters of heterosexual parents. We are brothers and sisters. We are literally kin, blood kin. And yet to deny the LGBT member of a family the same legal protections and rights that they enjo…It’s irrational."

It's the only pros/ benefits I see of getting married. Personally I can find the value between two people who love each other and be committed to them despite Jake Gyllenhaal throwing himself at me, without marriage. (Whoa two celebrity references). Yes though in the case of disease and death this marriage goes hand in hand with the law, and thus is handy.

Sunday Work Out

This was a super busy weekend, but ate healthy the whole time.

We went out and got some semi healthy groceries - Jewish Rye Bread, cold cut turkey, pepper jack cheese (probably not the healthiest), fruits (grapes, pomegranate, strawberries - too ripe), salmon, potatoes, onions, tomatoes, carrots, lemon and milk (rice milk and normal 2% milk). This would be our food for a few days.
We had a sandwich with the rye, meat, cheese and mustard that day, and shopped the rest of the day, walking fast through crowds since we wanted to get home soon. Although they say shopping does help burn calories but is not exercise, this was super exhausting.
We rested for a bit and then went to my dad's house for dinner. Later we played X box Kinect adventures which was super fun and a lot of exercise. I think we like the rafting thing a lot.

Sunday we went to the gym around 4 and worked out for 1 and a half hours- we walked a mile or so, and worked on our abs, legs and glutes.
Walking .5 miles first. Began slowly, then gradually picked up the pace.
We took a break and did stretches, by squatting. this stretched out the toes, feet, Achilles's tendon,Calves, and Ham. kind of like the guys below. yep they are worker guys in China taking a break. We also see this in India a lot. One wouldn't think it was an exercise, but it is great for the body. remember to keep your back straight, shoulders and neck relaxed, and use your legs.

 Then we did this stretch:

Side bends:

Hold each side for about 60 counts, then do the variation below.

Trikonasana

Side bends help stretch, but also help work out the side love handles... which all us women love so much :-/
Hold this pose for about 60 counts. So let's burn those love handles off and shape the body!

We then got down on the mat to do some abs:

Ryan stood on my feet to keep me stable, while doing the sit ups. From being on your back to sitting up positing. With a small twist to this boring old exercise, which gives amazing results. Then we got a 1 kg ball to pass back and forth while doing the sit up. This helps keep your mind off the work, the burn of the sit up and on the ball, which will otherwise smack your face. Great tactic. We did 3 sets of 10 reps (repetitions), and with the two types of sit ups working upper and lower abs. The second type of sit up was a smaller movement, just reaching directly up (instead of forward to sitting position):

This is kind of more straight up movement than forward to sitting up right. It is a small movement getting only your shoulder blades, upper back, neck and head off the ground, than a full sit up.

Then we did leg lifts. Yeah. those, however we made it interesting by changing it up. Ryan stood by my head, so I could grab his ankles to stabilize myself. Then when i would do a leg lift and my feet would be in front of him, he would firmly push it away in any direction, left, right, or forward. Keeping it random, this helps work out all the different ab muscles.


Then we set off to do legs. We went to this awful  machine, as below in the picture, and loaded it with 45 lb weights on each side (90 lbs total), but the bar itself. In the picture this guy has his neck and head raised, it should be relaxed. So this is like doing a squat, however in this position your back is straight, and gravity is pulling the ground toward you.

We 3 sets of ten reps. Ryan had to put on three 45lb weights on both sides (lifting 270 lbs total); now everyone does not have to be this macho to start off with! Remember what you do today you will feel and ache tomorrow.

Then I bench pressed a bar which was mighty heavy for me. I did 2 sets of 8.

We completed walking a little more than half a mile and called it a night. Yes we are both really sore today. All the sets I did, Ryan did with weights or some other advanced variation. When I am able to do that level again I will write about it. Till then I am taking it slow and steady.

Breathe!

Let's Get Healthy

It's time to get back in shape, for me, at least.

I have had some health issues for a quite a few months now, as a result I have gained weight, have high blood pressure, and haven't been able to do the active things I love doing. I don't want to go into details of the nature of the health issue, but I am sure many of you are aware, and dealing with a family crisis back in India. The weight gain has been due to hormonal imbalances, organs not working right, and depression as a result of pain, and hormones. In order for the body to function exercise is important, however if you are in so much pain you can't move (which I have experienced), exercise is difficult. So the hormonal imbalance, Pain, and lack of exercise (doing things I love), all result in inability to burn fat, calories. Also when you are in that state, you don't really want to eat healthy.

For  the next couple of months I will blog about how to get back into shape to hike, yoga, climb, dance, and run. Get into that peak physical condition - shape, cardiovascular, muscular, mental level which I had but a year ago. I am starting from ground zero and with astounding high blood pressure (side effect of meds? Doc is working with me to narrow the cause). If you want to get into shape and do things like biking 40 miles etc. stick with me and hopefully by spring we should be in shape (hopefully sooner, for I long to go back country hiking and camping this winter).

First off I am totally cleaning up my diet - low sodium, which means mostly cooking at home, using fresh ingredients- VEGGIES! Researching (Wikipedia/Google) the nutrition of the ingredients, adding little to zero salt. Using spices for flavoring, and not eating out as much.
I will have some alcohol (beer, wine) on weekends. I never indulge in caffeine other than Earl Grey.
Eating lots of fruits.
Oh did I mention this miraculous but nasty thing called Oatmeal? It helps reduce blood pressure among other things, it is so good for weight loss, but after eating it for 3 years (when I lived at home) it just sounds kind of gross to me. Yes lots and lots of oatmeal.

Starting off these next few weeks: slow and easy Yoga and Pilates, walking or elliptical for 30 minutes to an hour, some light weights to get the arms and back, back in shape, and breathing exercises (Kapalbhati - I learnt it at the Sivananda Yoga Center, Chennai, Google or ask me to learn more and see if it is right for you).

During the work day: watch posture, walk as much as you can, drink lots of water (yes I forget this simple task) and let's not forget sneaking in some... OATMEAL!

 Breathe!

50 shades of Snarky

Due to health conditions I seem to find myself in a plethora of moods! One being utterly irritable, annoyed and snarky. This is not the usual Pree, and those who know me can vouch for that.
In light of this new snarkiness I present to you the best version of the "50 Shades of Grey" series by a gal called Jennifer. 50 Shades of Grey (snark snark) My dear cousin shared this link with me, she said this is the only version of the book she's read.

You can even play a drinking game to it. A shot for every time you see a clean curse word, not me, cause my medical conditions don't allow me to drink.

For those of you curious to read about this latest literary sensation, read this version instead if you do not want to revisit the mistake you made with the Twilight series. This is a great laugh based on crap. -____-

Pardon my tone, I will insist you believe this is my medical condition speaking.

Breath!

Mr. Grey

Scarf or Towel

I love fall and cold seasons because we get to bundle up and some of my favorite clothes can be worn only in winter, such as my favorite scarf!

I have a beloved blue and grey striped, wool scarf. I wear it from Fall to the end of Winter. It gets me in the spirit of the Halloween, Christmas and the magic of it all... all in the light of the wonderful world of Harry Potter. I say this because on one end it has the Ravenclaw house sign on it. I am a mega geek, however the scarf is functional, it keeps me warm, and has traveled with me everywhere. I bond with many a Harry Potter fan thanks to this scarf! Yes there are many Harry Potter fans, even though the the rage around it has sort of died down. I have lost this scarf many times, but it comes back to me through many miracles. I think it lost some length because of washing, it still has its utter softness though! Yes I picked Ravenclaw because I was in the blue house in school (Hogan House in AGCS Kolkata), also because I do find myself more intellectual and goofy geeky like Luna Lovegood! Pottermore's sorting hat put me in Griffindor, go figure! At least, I'm not a muggle! Anyway, I wear this scarf everywhere in the cold times, so I even wear it to work. Here's what happened.

My dad got back from India, and we were on our way to work together. On our way into the office, he asks me: "Do people see how you come dressed to work?"
Me "Yes!"
Dad "Don't they say anything?"
Me "Why would they? Is there something wrong?"
Dad 'The thing is, you are wearing a 'Gamcha' (a simple cloth towel in Bengali)!"
Me "It is not a towel!"
Dad "It is a towel. In India they would say it is a towel."
Me "People in India wear scarves, do they call it a towel?"
Dad "yes! and you are wearing a towel to work!"

:-O

Perspectives!!!


Breathe!

 For the scarf search ebay or Scarves from Harry Potter

How does this look like a towel!?

I never liked Cho Chang, but she was Ravenclaw too!!!

Raw Materials for Lunch

Dad - What will you eat for Dinner?
Me- I dunno I'll figure it out later
Dad- Ok I will give you some materials for dinner, later on.
Me- What? Materials for what?
Dad- Materials for making dinner. It's all raw materials and you are the extruder.
Me- Why can't you just say food?


Oh My!



Breathe

Life with a Polymer Scientist

dad - start the dishwasher

me - you start it

dad - i dont know how to

me - its a machine!

dad - there's too much ... going on the soap etc!

me - seriously? you cna make really complicated materials using a hi - tech  twin screw extruder but NOT run a dishwasher?

dad - well i don't know, there's so many soaps!! and it's so complicated.

:-O

Breathe!

Vagina Dialogues

It's election day, and as I see it the outrageous archaic views of women in USA and the world is one the the main issues in my eye. The economy, everyone is worried about the economy... China! India! The economy! The world will all settle down... there's a huge shift going on in USA, from manufacturing jobs to more specialized jobs, as more people are educated. It will be so hard to bring manufacturing jobs back here, especially since the top 1% rather hold on to their profits than pay people full time with benefits, give women equal pay, when they can cut costs by manufacturing so cheap in China (this is a different discussion altogether). The economy will eventually settle down, in fact that last few months have shown an improvement in unemployment, but what we can't let happen is go take a step back in our ideas regarding women.

The outrageous and often time laughable comments, so called "facts", ideologies and policies the republican party/ conservatives support, talk about and wish to see passed some day are really backward for the "greatest" nation in the planet. Comments on rape, contraception, woman's rights vs. the rights of an egg! I honestly felt like I i had gone back in time pre-women's rights movement, or a different country, or that I was taking crazy pills.

I do understand all of these views come from religious standpoint and what religion interpret is right, holy, acceptable. However did we not decide not to mix religion and government when we created the USA? Isn't that the reason people emigrated to USA from England, and other nations, was freedom from religion of the king? I don't care what religion you practice, just do not force it onto my body and my choices. I respect your beliefs, but I won't subject myself to it.

What bothers me a lot is being a Woman is a preexisting condition.
What befuddles me is that contraception is looked at as a bad thing.
What shocks me is the notion that women should not get equal pay.
What  nauseates me is the new or old opinions of rape and the facts.
What angers me is old men thrusting policies on women's bodies.

What next?

It is so important to vote this election because people may say oh the liberals are saying these are the ideas of the conservatives, to fear people into voting for liberals. The fact though that conservatives HAVE said these things should be alarming to whoever believes we live in 2012, and not the 1800s.

I think it's important to vote for progressive ways of society because it's a message we send to other nations on how to treat women. We are no different from the people who rape women in India, Libya, Afghanistan etc. if we think its OK to classify different types of rape. I don't need to quote the various politicians who have said things, it has been all over the media, everyone has talked about it. If you haven't look ti up. "legitimate rape" is a term I heard for the first time. Who decides whether rape is legitimate or not? What happened to "No means NO". Rape is RAPE! Justifying it is once again looking for loopholes to take advantage of someone less powerful than you, to get YOUR means. Do we really need to reeducate women? Being a woman myself, perhaps even reluctantly so, wishing I was a boy my whole life, wishing to have the freedom and dominance that a man has... I know how it is to be a woman, have a vagina, and be taken advantage of. After many years I have come to realize it was never my fault, because I DID say NO. And I do not think God was making me go through it as a "gift". However God did help me survive through the dark time, and the evil.


I heard many a things about women this election time, about single parents, about single moms, about stay at home moms, about working/career women... Really? We are in 2012!!!! When we give these ideas power, and vote against our rights as women, we send a message to the rest of the world saying that hey it's ok to keep raping your women, its OK to not let girls get education, its OK to force women to stay at home and work. India is really having an influx of rape cases making headlines, all of them "legitimate" rape. However the trend seems to be with people who are not aware that women who go to bars, dress "western", have "careers", and are independent are women who are easier to rape. I see some parallels between both these countries and cultures and their "justifications" of rape. 

Being a woman is difficult, without even having to deal with rape. However being a woman is so lovely and beautiful, and yes we have the choice of baring children. Some women may choose to have many children, some of us women may not want to, may not be able to and some of us may have an unplanned child. Each woman is responsible for her own body, and abstinence will not work in a world where "sex" appeal drives everything. Why stop contraception, planned parenthood (which serves Women with more than just abortions, but choices, breast exams, ultrasounds, contraception, and education), why limit choices of women? What will they take from us next ... the right to work, and equal pay? Oh wait, that didn't exist to begin with. Well sisters, mothers, aunts, beautiful friends... what are we going to do about this to help each other?

Or do you just want to help you?


This is a choice that will affect the rest of the world.

Remember you have the right to vote today because sisters in the past fought for this right for us, amongst other rights. Let us not  go back to being treated as second class citizens.


GOBAMA!

People actually support and believe this guy... :-/ apparently his gynecologist gave him the facts.

(I don't know I wrote this out of pent up passion and emotion... I will have to read and edit it later, but this was over due. So glad to get this off my mind, heart and soul. Now just get off my body!)



Breathe!


Read this article Sex and the Indian Woman by Awanthi Vardaraj

An Autumn Blessed with Many Life Lessons

This month has been one of many many lessons.
Through grief and sorrow, pain, stress, caring, sharing, loving, many a tear, hugs, goodbyes, prayers, loneliness and togetherness; I have made it through.
The sky has been much grey, of late. The sky weeps many tears down to earth.
The trees are naked, all unclothed.
Fall has always been majestic, dreamy, eerie, and even dark.



Looking back:

My grandmother gets progressively ill, and makes no sense on the phone. The sound in her voice says she was crying out for help and mercy. My Father leaves to India, fearing it may be too late. She holds on and he gets there, and she barely recognizes him. He takes care of her and spends much needed time with her, as I balance spending time with my mother who is a little ill due to a cold, and with my boyfriend, who has some health issues himself. After a few days, my dad gets burnt out, and needs back up, as he is at a loss when it comes to geriatric care, however he is managing and is so humbled to be doing so. He emails my sister and I often with notes on how he feels, and the entirety of the experience.

It is the weekend of Durga Puja, the celebration of the Divine Feminine and we celebrate it reluctantly with cousins here. Durga Puja is the main reason my father decided to go to India, to spend it with his mother and celebrate with her.She is unable to celebrate, but he find time to go back to our remote village of Kudra, to observe the festivities there. He tells us in an email, that the people there have so little, but have the biggest hearts, and their warmth is overwhelming. That's the best type of people right?

My mother departs for India and reaches their safely. She is strong and gets on top of things, but the conditions are harsh, and one can get burnt out quickly. I have health issues of my own, which I had been putting off for a long time, and finally I get my appointment after a month of waiting. This doctor is amazing, thorough and personal. She goes over everything with me, my entire history of health to get to the bottom of this problem, this pain, once and for all.

I speak to my uncle, my sister, my grandparents in New York everyday. I don't realize how often I call my mom and dad, until now. Facing these health issues alone, really suck, but it is something we learn to do, or don't. Hurricane Sandy comes and blows through the East Coast... I lose touch for two days from my sis, uncle and grandparents. Anxiety levels rise. I really miss them, and I am in utter pain, it is rather crappy. Who do I reach out to? I have no energy to laugh, love or even pray... I finally was able to cry myself to sleep last night, and what a relief it was to let go. oh what a heavy burden was lifted. I realize that happiness and satisfaction is not through material things or wealth... but the decisions we make in life regarding, loved ones (family and friends), health, awareness and growth in spirituality and truly caring and sharing.

Today I sang some lovely songs to myself and I felt much better, and I was finally able to pray. Praying is something new, I been learning to accept the possibility of a Higher Power, thanks to "The Artist's Way". It is slow but steady progress, and it's so good to be able to love again. There was a drought due to the sadness I feel through empathizing for my my grandmother in India, my dad's feelings as he is present for her, my mother's feelings as she goes to make peace and forgive a demented little old lady, and ask for her forgiveness in return.

A deep reminder that Karma does exist... the decisions you make today weather big or small, will come back to haunt you later in life. Be mindful, be patient, and value the people in your life, more than anything else in the world.

Falling for Fall

It's amazing how our energies change month to month, person to person, season to season... It is always in Autumn that my Chakras seem so activated and open. A sense of calm, understanding, love and acceptance sweeps over me. It's a dream world, these red, orange and yellow leaves; when the wind blows the trees gently shake their blessings of golden hued crispy dust onto me.

The trees themselves, so happy, they get ready for hibernating for the winter. They smile, they look dead to us, but they smile and lay their heads down to slumber through winter.

I remember as a kid I would go sit myself down in a huge pile of red, yellow and brown leaves which my parents would have so meticulously cleaned off the lawn. I would pick that spot to read a book, it just seemed perfect! Why sit anywhere else?! I think I got yelled at for sitting there and ruining the pile.

I remember being mystified by fall, the once green lawn turned red and yellow over night, blanketed in leaves. My parents would make piles and clean them off. The next day there would be yet another blanket of red, orange and yellow... the trees were shedding their next layer. The air wood get chillier and I would see dark shadows rise up in places I never saw them at in summer. The neighborhood dog turned into a wolf, the raccoons turned into vicious burglars, the pumpkin patch was vandalized, the squirrels turned into greedy little hoarders. The deer got braver and appeared majestically between the leafless apple trees. Once my parents brought us down in the middle of the night to show us a badger, badgering about the lawn. It was like catching the thief red handed! He scampered away into the darkness. I don't remember what the hue and cry was for, but it was fun.

Falls in India were much different, depending on where it was at. In Madras it meant Diwali/Deepavali, Kali Puja, Navaratri, Dashera and Durga Puja (Dashera and Navaratri are Durga Puja but in different names. They all celebrate Shakti). So it meant new clothes, sweets, fireworks, music, art and drama! The days do seem to get longer, and darker at least. The food at this time changes to the more satisfying kichudi, which warms you up to the core. This fall weather lasts through till about February and then it begins to heat up (not that it cooled down much). Fall in Madras meant to me a time of community, art and family. Sometimes a trip to Calcutta for Durga puja.

Calcutta falls, yes it gets chilly and we have to begin to wear our blazers toward the end of October. Fall means Durga Puja! 10 days of holiday in West Bengal. Crowds, road blockages, art, festival, large tents and "pandals" erected in every neighborhood. Shakti is dancing in everyone's hearts. The Mahalaya can be heard on loudspeakers everywhere, then children performing, grownups reciting poems... so much cultural activity. It all ends with drums, dance, and these lovely idols depicting the goddesses being submerged into the Ganges River. The idol is gone, but her spirit stays back with all the people. The arts is washed away, only to re-inspire another year of artistry and hard-work.

Fall in the above the tropics in the northern hemisphere, means bonfires, 'smores, camping, holidays are around the corner, the festivities of hallows' eve, horror movies, hiking weather, blessings of nature... utter beauty and acceptance of change which only nature can give us so freely with love.
Falling for fall: The last of the beautiful bright blue skies, and the last rays of the  warm golden sun, for a few months, until spring. Seems like such a long time from Fall to Spring. Fall colors, smells, the crisp air, warm clothes and the yearning to gather around bonfires and tell stories of Summer!

Greenbrier County, WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier, WV 2007

WV - New River 2010

WV- NRG 2010

The Upper Gauley, WV 2011

My favorite Lothlorien tree at The Point, NRG, WV 2010