The Two Towers

Remembering...

As my heart breaks,
I feel the pain of thousands again.
Remembering the fear, the shock, the pain,
The anger, and all the emotion this day takes.

Remembering the lives lost,
The war it cost,
More lives were taken,
The whole world shaken.

Remembering the strenght of the masses,
Even though the two towers lay in ashes,
The city lived, and lives on,
The spirit will shine on forever, on and on.

Memories of Younger Years with My Sister Dear

Today is my little sister's birthday. She isn't little anymore... but I do recall that I called her "Baby" for many a year. I switched between calling her Baby and Bontie through the years, until per chance, me and a close friend of ours began calling her Pig. This blog post is dedicated to my lovely sister - Piyali.

Dearest Bontie, Pig, Baby, Piyali... 
I just want to wish you a happy birthday, but those are cliched words, I really wish you all the joy, love, success and laughter today, this year and forever! I love you so much, and I am so grateful to have you in my life for 28 years! Ok I think we didn't see each other between 2001 - 2002 but after that we have seen each other once every year. It's unhealthy and unnatural for us to be apart... we have some weird familial, historical dynamic... something from our childhood, genetic, and spiritual bonds us. We are telepathic and you know it!

28 years! we've fought, hugged, cried, grown, argued, silent treatment, tickled, giggled, pulled hairs, played, slept, ate, read, wandered and wondered, lost ourselves, found ourselves... we've been through so much, and here we are sharing stories and growing even more. Some memories of our childhood which only we know, secrets, gross stuff, sparkly stuff... locked away in our hearts. Playing with you was always so much fun - imagining castles, our flying horses, and our light sabers... what wonderful adventures we had together, what awesome world's we lived in. Running barefoot in school, playing at the jungle gym, waiting for our car together under the tree and observing those red-diamond bugs, the powder -puff tree, the tamarind tree, climbing the mango tree, Tennis with Raghu, then later with Sundar, Mrs. Menon's singing class, Hindi tuition with Motoraj! Bengali clas,s french, class, German, class, dance class, swimming class... I almost forgot the naughty things we did - put on ma's make up, clothes, and shoes, skipping class, feeding the dog our breakfast under the table, cuddling with the bunnies at night, sneaking and eating all the chocolate, our search for stick-em-stones, the war over the trolls, the "i'm-gonna-be" game... 

I lead, being the older sister, and you followed. You always tagged along on my birthdays, and got gifts on my birthday! But strangely I never got gifts on your birthday, or was allowed to tag along. Some double standard! Anyway, I remember approving of your crushes, and was always wondering why you fell for the geeks! It was because I was a geek! Which I had learned from our uncle first hand.

I remember you being fussy with food, the curly head of hair, the big innocent eyes-oh god- heart wrenching, and you were always a skinny little thing. You always said the cutest things, and the most absurd dreams, oh pig although I never told you then... you were always my best friend. The whole time... even when you were hurt, and they called me from class to go take care of you, I acted resentful, but when I saw you I thought- aww that's my sister (I didn't know the word "aww" back then though) I need to hug her if at all anything. I remember I would just hug you. Heck the whole school thought you were so cute though, they would all tell me how cute you were! Maybe I was a little jealous, but hey I got to tell you stories at night from the upper bunk, and share adventures with you on the weekends!

We were scolded together, and then we grew up and played politics and got each other in trouble. All in all I'm glad we've grown and aren't playing those games, but I do miss the imaginary games we played. Sometimes I think I described things to you as I saw it in my head, and only you know what worlds are in my head! You are my best friend, you are my secret keeper, my sister, my angel, (also ma's angel), my play time friend, my motivator, and inspiration. Thank you for the talk we had the other day, I really needed it.

You always protected me; once we were walking through new market and some guy did what any ingrate low-life would do: brush against my body. And you asked me: did that guy just touch you inappropriately? I confirmed your suspicion, and you were enraged and said no - one touches my sis like that. You grabbed the guy and asked him - aren't you ashamed? don't you have a mother, or sister? you should be ashamed of yourself. You tried to cause a scene, but as we know Calcutta did not and does not care what happens to its women. You were and are my hero pig! Thank you for being there, for standing up for me, and having major balls! I love you!

Pig there's so much I still want to talk to you about, sometimes I wish we could go back and be innocent again and play, and make mud laddos, but we can only travel in our hearts, to relive those moments, revel in the nostalgia. However I want to make new memories and spend more time with you... but time flies so quickly now... Those 100 day summer vacations are gone, they flew by! I know sometimes it seems I don't make enough effort to be there for you... but if I could I'd be there with you making tents out of blankets on a rainy monsoon afternoon, so we could play monster - monster. Or I would be there for you when you called, but grown up life is so different... did we ever imagine this? You've found your prince, and will soon be wed... I never imagined that! I never imagined you being the New Yorker, and me the New Yorker, loving midwest suburbia!

To more adventures and journeys together!


I love you little sister and hope to see more of you!


Your Dedly deds/ didi ...

Forever!



 ps: loved doing yoga with you!

waiting at the dentist! 2013 July 19th

Breathe!

Falling for Fall

It's amazing how our energies change month to month, person to person, season to season... It is always in Autumn that my Chakras seem so activated and open. A sense of calm, understanding, love and acceptance sweeps over me. It's a dream world, these red, orange and yellow leaves; when the wind blows the trees gently shake their blessings of golden hued crispy dust onto me.

The trees themselves, so happy, they get ready for hibernating for the winter. They smile, they look dead to us, but they smile and lay their heads down to slumber through winter.

I remember as a kid I would go sit myself down in a huge pile of red, yellow and brown leaves which my parents would have so meticulously cleaned off the lawn. I would pick that spot to read a book, it just seemed perfect! Why sit anywhere else?! I think I got yelled at for sitting there and ruining the pile.

I remember being mystified by fall, the once green lawn turned red and yellow over night, blanketed in leaves. My parents would make piles and clean them off. The next day there would be yet another blanket of red, orange and yellow... the trees were shedding their next layer. The air wood get chillier and I would see dark shadows rise up in places I never saw them at in summer. The neighborhood dog turned into a wolf, the raccoons turned into vicious burglars, the pumpkin patch was vandalized, the squirrels turned into greedy little hoarders. The deer got braver and appeared majestically between the leafless apple trees. Once my parents brought us down in the middle of the night to show us a badger, badgering about the lawn. It was like catching the thief red handed! He scampered away into the darkness. I don't remember what the hue and cry was for, but it was fun.

Falls in India were much different, depending on where it was at. In Madras it meant Diwali/Deepavali, Kali Puja, Navaratri, Dashera and Durga Puja (Dashera and Navaratri are Durga Puja but in different names. They all celebrate Shakti). So it meant new clothes, sweets, fireworks, music, art and drama! The days do seem to get longer, and darker at least. The food at this time changes to the more satisfying kichudi, which warms you up to the core. This fall weather lasts through till about February and then it begins to heat up (not that it cooled down much). Fall in Madras meant to me a time of community, art and family. Sometimes a trip to Calcutta for Durga puja.

Calcutta falls, yes it gets chilly and we have to begin to wear our blazers toward the end of October. Fall means Durga Puja! 10 days of holiday in West Bengal. Crowds, road blockages, art, festival, large tents and "pandals" erected in every neighborhood. Shakti is dancing in everyone's hearts. The Mahalaya can be heard on loudspeakers everywhere, then children performing, grownups reciting poems... so much cultural activity. It all ends with drums, dance, and these lovely idols depicting the goddesses being submerged into the Ganges River. The idol is gone, but her spirit stays back with all the people. The arts is washed away, only to re-inspire another year of artistry and hard-work.

Fall in the above the tropics in the northern hemisphere, means bonfires, 'smores, camping, holidays are around the corner, the festivities of hallows' eve, horror movies, hiking weather, blessings of nature... utter beauty and acceptance of change which only nature can give us so freely with love.
Falling for fall: The last of the beautiful bright blue skies, and the last rays of the  warm golden sun, for a few months, until spring. Seems like such a long time from Fall to Spring. Fall colors, smells, the crisp air, warm clothes and the yearning to gather around bonfires and tell stories of Summer!

Greenbrier County, WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier WV 2007

Greenbrier, WV 2007

WV - New River 2010

WV- NRG 2010

The Upper Gauley, WV 2011

My favorite Lothlorien tree at The Point, NRG, WV 2010

Inhale Nature, Exhale Love

Meditating these past few days have helped me renew my deep love and passion for nature. It starts with listening to my own breath, and feeling my heart beat gently in my chest. My engine that chugs, my fuel is what I give it, my love for me is how I maintain this little machine nature created.

While meditating I focus inwardly, yet vastly. I see myself, my life - remember the childhood and years passed, being in the present and sending intentions for the future; receiving the universe in its infinite-ness, I open my mind and heart to all.

Meditation complete, I open my eyes, and the world seems fresh, as though the monsoons have washed the world clean, and here I am to prance about in its fresh, squeaky clean newness! The leaves, the birds, the children laughing, everything feels good. Even the nuisances sound like a music in a different tone and melody. It hits me, I feel it and I let it go. It is the world, it is all nature.

I see the leaves on the branches of the great oak sway in the breeze. I am mesmerized. I realize how fascinating such a simple thing can be. I feel it.

I run, I run slowly, but mindfully. Running, feeling the wind in my hair, the earth under my feet, and the smells, and noises that fill the world. I feel the people. I feel the sweat roll down my forehead, neck and back. I enjoy the motion, and what it is doing for my health. I am mindful of how my body moves, and my feet fall, the natural biomechanics of it all, relearning the correct movements. I feel love, and smile. I breathe and run. It's a meditation in motion with the world!

This is me. I love me. This is the world, I love. This is life, I love. This is the nature, I love - forever present.

Breathe!

does time stand still as we go through life?

When I was a child I remember thinking I will never be a grown up, because a whole day took forever to pass. However days would pass on bye, and thus our childhoods seem as a shadow, barely in memory by the time we are 30. I held on to those memories for the sake of contrasting and better understanding of life. As a child I was very aware of my thoughts and feelings. I would question who I was and why I was who I was, and similar profound thoughts.

Now I find myself in my mid 20s and I wish I could go back to those years and wish Time would slow down. Now I find myself looking for time to do things I love doing, spending time with friends, time to travel. I blink my eye and another week flies by without me accomplishing things I wish too.

Is the human body so finite to be able to accomplish as much as we dream too? Or is it energy? How much can we handle? How much can we push ourselves?

I spent my teenage years pretending to be grown up, and now that I am here I wish I had the energy of my youth to spend now!

My earliest memories must be when I was 2. I remember looking at this book, which had pictures of sheep, very nicely drawn. It seems like a dream now, but sheep calm me down a lot.

I remember our backyard and the living room. I remember sleeping with my parents when I was an 2 or 3. I would wake up while they were sleeping and play with imaginary elves, pixies and fairies. Come to think of it, it was so long ago that perhaps they were real. They came out when my parents would be asleep, I would wake up because the pixies and fairies were so noisy.

I remember looking at plants and flowers. There was so much to see. Curiosity for all things. Grown up things were so plane. Children's books were so detailed, or perhaps their minds filled in a lot of things. When children grow up into people they paint details in words and other complications to make up for detail and richness in life.

As carefree as a child. What do we keep ourselves busy with now? Will we ever be carefree again?

Can we find a day where we can squeeze looking at a flower, dancing, running around the house for fun, jumping on the bed, going to the grocery store, the bank, and to playschool, gymnastics, drawing, listening to stories and watching cartoons, smelling the kitchen as mom cooks... and much much more in to ONE DAY? and then sleep as soundly as a baby listening to the fairies at night? WHY MUST WE RUSH THROUGH LIFE?

Images: Courtesy C. Deepti; Rebecca Chakraborty; and Aditya Banerjee