The Best Year Yet!

Two weeks ago it was the 1st day of the New Year, and I realized a lot of things. On social media everyone was saying Happy New Year, this will be the best year yet, but I couldn't feel that excitement or joy. Why are people so excited for the New Year? Or are they just happy to be at a party? Life flows, I never really see any clear demarcations, some events stand out more than others. From a financial stand point, sure the Newish fical year begins, but hey we still have to pay bills from last year, etc. So what are we really celebrating?

My boyfriend, Ryan, and I had a quiet New Years Eve together, and we watched Space Balls. In the middle we watched the ball drop in Times Square, New York City. It was another year beginning for sure. He played Auld Lang Syne for me on the guitar, which was lovely, as I felt the frenzy and rush to text everyone I know. Highly overrated. I felt the need to drink copious amounts of liquor, cause that just seems the thing to do on holidays.

I was trying to help me feel excited but deep in my heart I knew the truth. If I thought 2013 was tough, 2014 will be tougher still, it maybe my toughest year ever! There are decisions to make, big changes and let's not forget taking risks. So, here I am trying to feel excited like everyone else, but it was not going to happen. I have this enormous task at hand, which is my path, my life, it's no one else's, and it seems really daunting, if not overwhelming. I have so many goals set forth this year- improving my health, losing weight, running more, climbing more, yoga-ing more, writing more, maybe changing my job, maybe starting a business, maybe switching careers...

This year I turn 31; So far I've gathered I'm not a normal human being. Yep, I'm 31 and haven't "settled down", at all, not even in life. Let's say normal is the net in a tennis court, I'm a little past the service court boxes, the weird and outlandish are at the baseline and the crazies are like where Nadal hits his awesome shots from with those grunts, way back near back-screen where the ball boys await. (anyway in tennis, Olympics and football mode since the Australian open is upon us, and World Cup and Olympics soon to be!) Anyway, I dunno why I can't just settle down, maybe cause there's still so much to see, learn, do, experience, live, explore...

So far I think I've been dealing with what this tough year has thrown at me pretty well, I had to give up drinking, cause it was a major downer, and I need me to pick me up! I was overwhelmed, anxious about this new year, I felt bad that I could not say this will be the best year yet. All I thought to myself was this will be a tough year, and I found myself facing the Moguls skiing; hitting each bumps, gaining speed rapidly heading down hill, obstacle after obstacle looming, and me losing control. I should quit right now, I thought, but it was no solution, I knew, and as I tried to take a turn I crashed. Yep no more drinking for me, I picked up the pieces and realized if I don't flip my attitude it would be the worst year yet, if not just the toughest.

This year has been challenging and will continue to be so, and I am ready for it, although I did shed a tear or two, I know I can handle it. I will drive forward into midfield, maneuver through the defense and kick that goal! It will be a long game, so need to build my stamina, strength, and willpower, not to forget motivation and determination, and I know I will see myself through. And tough does not necessarily mean worst, flip that negativity to positivity. Flip that attitude, kinda like a flip in Aerial skiing, always landing on your feet! Bring it!

I hope everyone else has a lovely year! And I know I will too, now, I know I will.


Breathe!

The Wall - Jon's Lament

"You know nothing, Jon Snow." Yigrette
She would tell me many a time,
Then she betrayed me like I would never forget,
She did what she knew, I forgive her of her crime.

The wall it stands there,
Looming,
Just thick ice reflecting the sun's glare,
Throughout the North, where it is forever gloaming.

Shall we place the wall between us?
With you on the cold side
Me on the South side
It freezes our love and trust.

I was always true,
To my black brothers and to you.
Then there was that moment,
When I had to choose, and it was sealed in cmement.

I chose to forgive,
I chose mercy and honor,
For the old man to live,
We had him in a corner...

You killed the old man,
For what? He begged for mercy.
Then you shot me in the leg, woman!
I know all women are crazy...

You know nothing Jon Snow!
That's all you said,
South of the wall I knew all there is to know,
I loved you for more than just to take you to bed.

I knew we could have had a different life,
We could have started afresh,
Without sticking the man with the knife,
You went ahead and created a mess.

I know you would blame me,
Saying "you know nothing, Jon Snow",
I am not as naive as I seem to be,
You just didn't see the entirety of the show.

Now you are gone,
I shall miss you,
Remembering always all that was done,
However, everyday is begins anew.



For Jon Snow, of the Night's Watch, on the Wall...

Will the Real Guru Ji Please Stand Up

"What's the best kind of Yoga to learn?"
"Which Yoga studio/ashram/guru/type of yoga is the best?"
"Do you have to be a Hindu to do Yoga?"
"I am not flexible, how can I do yoga?"
"What is real yoga?"

These are questions people ask me a lot as an Indian and as a Yogi. Often times I am not equipped to answer them.

I just watched Kumare, and I totally felt Vikram Gandhi's strife - growing up in the USA, with Indian values. Wanting to break free from these ancient seemingly nonsensical stuff yet people of this western world- America- are moving towards it. The absurdity! So seriously I was enthralled by Buffy, Friends, and X-Files. I really wanted to be an FBI agent. And here there are people dreaming of becoming a Yogi, of enlightenment, happiness, peace and calmness.

As an Indian I was taught to value education, education, achievement, career, achievement, normalcy, and success. What does that mean? Well it means - get super educated, get a career that you can make the big bucks from, settle down, make a family, and then live in the luxury that pre-independence Indians could not dream of. This didn't make sense to me, because I wanted more than just that flow. I like a different sun salutation everyday. Why should I do the same one, when my body tells me to stretch this way! I became a rebel, death metal, the goth culture, etc. so alluring, especially cause it freaked "normal" people out. I matured and looked deeper, and like Vikram I studied religion, as well as psychology, cultural geography etc.

I began listening to the guru inside me, because I never could connect with an external guru, I did have people I connected with, empathized with, and listened to their advice or their words of wisdom. Worship never sat well with me. I think of all things I believe in the Universe, nature, and the powerful energy that runs through us all the most. Call it God? Ok! I don't have a name for it, and it has no rules for me, except I must be a good person, cause hurting others just don't feel good.

Yoga has always been a part of my life, cause 1- I'm Indian, and my mom's grandad taught her, and its a cultural thing for most of us. 2- My mom was really into it all her life 3- My mom made my sis and I go to the Sivananda Yoga Ashram in Chennai back when we were itty bitty, against our will may I add... we had no idea what this "Yoga" was going to be. We liked it. We liked yoga cause we could become animals and hop around - a crow, a dog, a cat, a cow, a lion, a tree, a upside down person, a peacock... and then we made up our own animals.

Fast forward 23 years, I am finally working on my Yoga teacher certification, which I should have gotten years ago from the center, but as mentioned before, I wanted to be Buffy and not Yogi! I get to USA and everyone is Yogi, and I am Buffy! Ha! My journey through life, its pains, joys, taught me much, and the time was ready for this deeper learning of Yoga. It was still the ability to turn into other animals, however NOW it was something much deeper.

Through this learning of Yoga, I connect better with people, better myself and skills (slowly but surely, such a tough process and I often stumble), and understand the world, universe and life with a clarity previously unfound. Then again my boyfriend Ryan, is a Kumare, traveling his on path. It's amazing how people understand the same deep truth which is right in front of us through different journeys. Some of us need a mirror, some of search in other cultures, religions, practices, traveling, and others just see it as it is.

It's not about education, accomplishment or achievement... it's about putting all that aside and seeing the truth. It's harder to do than it seems to be. Something so simple yet so difficult for so many to achieve? It' kind of like Einstein's works, it makes so much sense, and so simple yet he put it all together.
Definitely watch Kumare if you haven't. It's on Netflix. Stop searching externally, and seek within... (he's not saying worship yourself and inflate your ego). Yoga helps introspect, as well as so many other benefits. Find your own path, read, definitely study the old Hindu scriptures, there is much wisdom and truth there.

Guru's are great for being guided, growing and taught, which not able to understand a process. Gurus are not made through certifications, PhDs etc. although some people think they are...  but anyway are / should be spiritual friends who help you wake up. We must share our paths to grow. I am so lucky to have an amazing set of gurujis!

I'm not great guru... I'm just me, Pree. I might not be right but these are things which I have learned and know. So here are my answers to the questions asked

What Yoga school is good/ real/ correct? It depends on what you are looking for! Google is a great tool to research yoga. However in the end Yoga is Yoga is Yoga. Just like which Christianity is the right/true/real Christianity?  Baptists? Protestants? Catholics? Lutherans? It just depends on if you want an asana focused practice, chanting focused practice, or service focused practice. Within the Asana focused practice there is so many different types of practice concerning asana... etc.


There are many awesome Yoga studios in Ohio! Go to different classes at different places and find out which yoga class suits you! I like slow restorative yoga to a good vinyasa flow.

One does not need to be flexible to do yoga. Everyone can do yoga. Only lazy people can not do yoga. You also don't have to be Hindu to do yoga. Also being Hindu doesn't mean worshiping multiple Gods... those who think so are dhakkans. Read!

What is yoga... real yoga? Well you have to learn to find out!




Breathe


and

Live.

An article about chanting in sanskrit

Can You Take Criticism? Learn How to Handle it Gracefully...

This blog is a repost of an article I read and fell in love with. I just had to share it with my readers!

25 Reasons to Embrace Criticism

--by Lori Deschene


“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing to do with all the things I’ve done.

It’s not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of cardiovascular laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.

When I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backwards trying to win everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback I’ve received, and I’ve lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.

I work at minimizing this type of behavior—and I’ve had success for the most part—but admittedly it’s not easy.

I remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She couldn’t get through a single sentence without me offering some type of argument.

After a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, “Stop talking. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Looking back, I cut myself a little slack. You’re vulnerable in the spotlight and the student’s reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as condemnation.

I realize criticism doesn’t always come gently from someone legitimately trying to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesn’t come from teachers—or maybe all of it does.

We can’t control what other people will say to us, whether they’ll approve or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.

If you’ve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:

The Benefits of Criticism:

Personal Growth

1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. It’s not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if you’re willing to try.

2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.

3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.

4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.

5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.

Emotional Benefits

6. It’s helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelings—generally not a great idea!

7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isn’t always easy when you’re feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.

8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues.Maybe you’re sensitive about your intelligence because you’re holding onto something someone said to you years ago—something you need to release.

9. Interpreting someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking—sometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.

10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, there’s no stop to how far we can go!

Improved Relationships

11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.

12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like ego—bad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.

13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies.Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. It’s liberating to let people think whatever they want—they’re going to do it anyway.

14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, “I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didn’t raise your voice.”

15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher “wrong.”

Time Efficiency

16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.

17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspective—criticism as a time saver—it’s hard not to appreciate it!

18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.

19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.

20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if they’re negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.

Self Confidence

21. Learning to receive false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.

22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that you’re lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe that—and what can you do about it?

23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you don’t feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams.Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes what’s useful, leave the rest, and keep going!

24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you don’t drain and sabotage yourself!

25. Receiving feedback well reminds you it’s OK to have flaws—imperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.

We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.

Somehow accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.

Breathe!

and 

Live!

Bicycles, Accidents, and Meditation

IIt has been over three years since my bicycling accident in 2009 (read about it here), and I had no idea how much it still affected me.
I took up riding again, well even looking at my bicycle a little less than a year, after it happened. It took a lot of courage to start riding again by pedaling down the drive way. Since then I had biked only on the sidewalk or the Towpath trail, and most of it was flat or very gently sloping... never any paved area like those hills.

This past weekend, Ryan and I decided to explore the All Purpose Trail, that runs through, connecting all the Cleveland Metroparks. This is the "Emerald Necklace" of Cleveland; we were at the Redford Reservation of the Necklace. We had never biked here before, the only one we have biked is Hinckley, and the Towpath part of Brecksville. Both are very mild when it comes to hills. We began at Hawthorne Parkway and Richmond Road, and biked West towards the main reservation.

We biked the eastern portion of the Bedford Reservation, which was mostly flat, and ever so slightly sloped, enough to get that little uphill workout; entering the main reservation with a sharp turn to the right, and the trail here is all shady! The trail here was a bit more hilly. With wide curves that hugged the road.

When we finally neared the "Bridal Veil Falls" parking lot, I had a panic attack going down the hill. The hill here is steeper than the previous ones with a sharp curve almost. The trail touches the road here. Ofcourse the hill is steep here, this is where the river cut through the land. I didn't peddle, and the bike sped up, building up momentum. I checked my speedometer, it read 23 mph, the trail and the road were one at this area, and the cars were flying past. The situation made me recall that day, the feelings right before the crash, I stopped midway up the second hill, and began dry heaving as nausea and something ugly tied my stomach up in knots. I kind of froze, and could not stop tears from running down my face. I walked the rest of the way up, as Ryan had already reached the top of the hill, using the momentum from the ride down to get easily up the other side.

I couldn't ride anymore. I was having a hard time breathing, like asthma but something else was crushing my chest. I don't want to remember that moment, cause it was like utter fear had clutched me... and it was JUST A HILL. The accident back then in 2009 was funny now, so WHY was I so afraid?

Ryan talked me back on my bike, and helped me calm down. We decided to turn around, for we had 5 or 6 miles back to the car. So I took the ride down the hill slow, and by the time I was half way up the crest of the next hill I threw up. Ryan says it was like out of a movie... I threw up as I halted. I can see it being funny, but my lungs, my muscles and my mind were still writhing in fear. I felt sick. Ryan made me drink some water. He talked me somehow on to my bike again - reasoning, logic, calming me, going over a strategy to get over and around the fear. Whatever he said helped, and we biked a few hills, and went down a few, until we came to a place where there were monkey bars. I love monkey bars, so we did a few rounds of them.

While swinging, and moving across the monkey bars using only my arms, I remembered why I loved to climb. I also realized what I needed to do to get over this residual stress caused by the traumatic accident (also known as PTSD- Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome): Meditate on it. I got over my fear of heights by climbing, meditating on it and taking it slow. However biking, can't really take it slow, so I have to meditate on speed and control.

Ever since the accident I've been less sure on my bike, more shaky and full of self doubt. I was much better before, and I am getting better. Practice, meditation, and whatever other therapy it takes others to over come it, how can I forget, a little help from Ryan! This is something I must work on if my far fetched dreams are ever to be achieved. Which got me thinking is there any therapy for recovering bikers? There has to be since biking as an activity has increased over the last 10 years.

I've loved biking since childhood, it was always an integral part our daily activities for my sister and I. I was not and am not willing to give it up on account of an accident. Although before I was less inclined to wear helmet, and other protection, now I realize how a camelbak - back-pack and bladder can protect the spine, and those silly looking helmets can save my life. I hope to make more memories on my bicycle, as I remind myself with memories of how awesome bicycle has been throughout my life!


Breathe!

and meditate!

Celebrating a Birth through Strenght, Support, Serenity and Sobirety

A note on facebook from my sister, rocked my world today:

"I've learned from friends posts that an actor from Glee (not a TV watcher so not familiar with the show) recently passed away of an overdose. Today I am celebrating two years of sobriety from the same substance this individual allegedly died from. It's a reminder of how scary this (addiction) can be. As i celebrate my spiritual evolution to sobriety, I'm sending loving light to those struggling whether they know it or not. Many prayers and overflowing gratitude.♥" --- Piyali

I learned so much from my sister, and am so grateful she had the strength, support, and serenity to get over her addiction. I have learned that sometimes we take life, health, our bodies, minds, emotions and each other for granted... Today as she celebrates 2 years, I celebrate being able to hug her, have her physically with me for 2 years! I also hope other people find help the way she did. Alcoholics Anonymous, and other Anonymous groups helped her out through this tough time when she was high risk. Her healing process began, healing from inside out, past to present... now she is stronger, and sober for 2 years! I find that amazing.

I remember at first it was very hard for her to tolerate people who drank, but slowly her tolerance has grown. It is difficult as drinking, smoking and other substances have become such a popular culture... you're not cool if you don't drink. However thanks to her, I realized you can be cool without ANY of that stuff. She is the funnest, coolest, loveliest person ever. She spins, poi, does body painting, paints murals, has amazing friends, the list goes on and on!

I love her and I love this sober, reborn Piyali... she inspires me, motivates me, and is my teacher in more ways than I could ever have imagined.


Breathe

Lessons of Life and Law Learned from Game of Thrones

Most of us woke up to the news this Sunday that Zimmerman was found not guilty. But we all know that he shot an boy... innocent or not, whatever. There's is a problem with the system here, no doubt. No system is perfect, otherwise we would all be happy gold fish living in a bowl.
People turn to the bible, to family, at this time... I'm turning to A Song of Ice and Fire, or even the Mahabharata, however the Game of Thrones is fresh in my mind.

Remember when Lord Eddard Stark was tried, though innocent, the hand of the king, with solid proof... he was still found guilty by the "King" and beheaded. Sure the system then was different, and the justice a bit barbaric. However those were the ways of men back then. Our children's children's children will look back a 100 years from now and find our system of law and justice barbaric, just as our seniors today see us killing our bodies with food packed with GMOs etc, killing our world by various other means, and our minds with endless use of technology... So on and so forth. Patterns keep repeating, and we never learn from our past.

Eddard Stark had proof of the late King's wishes, but the proof was conveniently dismissed, torn up by the Queen. Although he was loyal to the previous King, who he served as Hand to the King, he was found a traitor, although he had only been traitor to the king previous to who he had served. HE was not a traitor, but the Queen and the Kings own son were the actual traitors. Instead of serving a life sentence of taking the black, and working at the wall, he was beheaded by the "merciful" king (note the sarcasm). Is this justice? No, but it depends on who's perspective. Is this life? Yeah it is sadly.

In our eyes, this new king is absolutely horrid. But in his mother's eyes, in his own eyes, he is correct. It's his pride, arrogance, power, hate, sense of entitlement being a High Born Lord that blinds him, his mother. Maybe there is the notion of survival, flight or fight, fear... its all human, and its one we at our point of evolution should overcome. I sometimes wonder how many people fear me for I live in suburban/ to rural Ohio, the "Midwest". I wonder do they fear me for I look different from them? Although I may believe the same things they do, talk the way they do... they won't see it for 1- We don't don our similarities as well as we wear our skin color 2- they will be blinded by fear/preconceptions/stereotypes OR 3- they may realize - "oh she's an Indian, my doctor is an Indian too she's safe". Ever since I was in Kindergarten I've dealt with some sort of racism, not terrifying, but still it's made an impact. In the eyes of a Caucasian/Anglo Saxon, what they think and see is right, they don't see it from the other POV. So in Zimmerman's eyes he was right in what he did... Trayvon is dead so we will never see things from his perspective; too often though we are stereotyped by the color of our skin, we may just look at pop culture, media, our OWN selves to know this. This is the world we live in: black shooting black is normal. Black shooting white is murder. White shooting black is self defense. White shooting white... they're on crack cocaine. Do we need to go into more colors? Yellow shooting Brown, Brown shooting Hispanic?

Funny - I'm brown on the outside, white on the inside (actually pink), spiritual in my heart, and sometimes I do stand up comedy as an Indian- American Teapublican! It is funny, but this entire post is not at all really. After living in rural America, one learns how life can be hilarious and scary when juxtaposing people of different cities, cultures, races, religions, ideologies, education, accents etc. What where the eff did the Game of Thrones connection go?

Back to "the law", or system, because it's not racism, its not the fact a young underage boy was shot, and killed, a lot of people are pointing out that "the prosecution could not prove beyond reasonable doubt (or whatever the eff) that this fool of a took was a guilty mo fo" (ok so it wasn't said like that but I digress and get carried away). Basically there was not enough proof only the words of the defendant, the killer, the hero...

What about the victims right to stand his ground? Did he not have the right after being stalked like a deer, followed by a tiger? The laws of this land / Florida can be so strange at times. Does a black boy not have right to stand his ground? Following this case only made me angry, because it was their words against a dead boys life. How many of us as kids have wanted to be tough, and bad ass? How many of us have slept through classes and said "we don't need no education!" How many of us have indulged in a little bit of pot smoking until we had better sense? How many of us have worn a hoody cause that was the only clothing around (also as a girl its nice cause then you don't really have to wear a bra :-P ). Proof or no proof, we can only dig up so much based on what HE said. Just like any part of ancient history - unless we were really there, during the Mahabharata, we don't know "beyond reasonable doubt" if Duryodhana was really that much of a jerk. So we have a system in place which work SOME of the time but not ALL of the time. A system that has immense, gaping loop holes. You shot a kid cause you thought he was a what? He took a swipe at you cause why? Maybe he thought you wanted to butt rape him or steel his skittles?

Law as we have studied is the law of the land, the people, and most of all belongs to those who have power. Call me jaded, but after watching Indian politics, American politics, how do we fool our selves with a democracy? What does it even mean? There are no more literal crowns, but it is a fact "crowns" metaphoric, or literal do queer things to the heads of men below it. We have put in place a law: a queer law that serves few, and suppresses many, however we believe that law gives everyone the freedom to become a king with a little bit of competition...

All in all, life isn't fair, it's just not fair: so teach your children that from the start. There are so many people on the planet that you probably will end up dead, hungry or obese. Eddard Stark DIED, and Joffrey the ruthless rules, so does his mother, and his father. They are liars, murderers, and thieves, but Arya, Sansa, Robb, Bran and little Rickon just have to deal with it. This isn't the only example of injustice, but although one tries to be a good person, sometimes evil wins over (Sansa's Lady was killed cause Joffrey needed to see a wolf dead). Does that mean we quit being good? Nope... Do we give up? No. Although life isn't fair, sometimes we get what IS fair, and that's when we count our blessings. Is this the ultimate verdict on the Trayvon Martin murder case? NO! If the law didn't get him, something else will get Zimmerman for sure... I hope it's the Gators or those Pythons. That would be a natural form of justice. But right now I will let it go, for the universe has a way of evening out these things.


Breathe...


PS: actually I realized Sansa being stripped and humiliated at Joffrey's command was kind of like a guy who is just angry attacking something that seemed like a threat. To Joff Robb was a threat so he took his anger out on Sansa: sweet and innocent Sansa. Because he could.

Eddard serving out justice at the Queens order by putting down Lady... all because of Joffrey

Justice for Eddard

Happier days for Sansa and Lady

Ode to My Father

Me on the, ground, and my sister on my dad's shoulders. Circa 1986, Whippany, New Jersey

His smell, is my strongest memory of him from my childhood. It was a distinct smell, which kind of matched my smell... and I couldn't sleep at night without him cuddling me, and I would feel safe, his smell would tell me so. When he would go away I could not sleep, so my mother would put his under-shirt in my bed. I would clutch onto it, and feel safe smell him there.

He traveled alot, to different parts of the world, and I would miss him, but he always brought back presents for my sister and I. He was and is an expert at 6 year old's shaky tooth extraction. He removed many of my sister's teeth. She decided to be his shadow for some reason, and when we went on family vacations she liked being the "model" and would pose for all the pictures he took. I sometimes would get jealous of their bond, especially since she was his "shadow". She followed him around everywhere. She wanted to be just like him, so they would wake up at 5 am and go to the market, go jogging etc. Looking back it was cute that she was his shadow.


He would take us to the sports fields in various universities (Anna University - Madras, IIT-Madras, Elliot's Beach), and we would play basketball, football (soccer), jog, run, play with our Irish Setter dog - Butch, and enjoy every evening like this. Sometimes when we would get back from someone's house, or a dinner out, he would ask us "who wants to go for a drive at the beach?" and we would all say yes! We would just drive from Kotturpuram, down to Besant Nagar, and drive down the short Elliot's Beach drive. It was nice to just feel the cool ocean air. When we later moved to Besant Nagar, he my sister, and the dog, would all wake up to go see the sunrise on a morning walk. I missed out on these morning walks.

Everything I missed out on, I made up for recently. In 2001 my father came and dropped me off at college. That was the first time I saw him cry; he helped settle me down in my dorm and then he had to leave campus and go to Champagne-Urbana, Illinois, the "international-student orientation", which included parents was over. Our journey together from Chennai to New York, to Chicago, to Calvin College, had helped him slowly learn about me, and me about him. We bonded. I taught him how to use a computer, set up his email, and how to send emails, in the small computer lab in campus. This small act would lead him to learn more on his own, and be able to join this new world of entrepreneurs. He just learnt twitter, but he knows facebook is for social stuff, he's on linkedin, and totally dominates in email sending! He types with chopstick fingers (2 fingers on each hand), but oh what mighty speed!

Once, I was diagnosed with ADHD, (second year of college). My father had not heard of such a thing... "ADHD? What?! You will not take any medication for that. We will combat ADHD with natural solutions, meditation, yoga, gingko biloba, etc." So we began curbing the ADHD, and learning not to go on crazy spending sprees. He taught me how to save, just $5 a week, and slowly increasing it to $20 a week, etc. He also taught me how to take care of my car, work ethics, the good habit of waking up early, how to write good emails... Now I get to work with him, and learn so much. I got to travel the world with him and saw how he can communicate with anyone, how he is energetic even in the face of over-traveling, jet-lag, and being utterly over worked, Superman ain't got nothing... My dad is Superman, and my sis and I might be his kryptonite.

Recently, my father and I were listening to Mahabharata on audio book together, we share great time discussing the wisdom, applying it to our daily lives, and learning new things about ourselves from it. We enjoy lunches watching the news, the stock market and what not, discussing politics, economy and world affairs. We work together as a team in making lunch happen. He always surprises me with jokes, sometimes unintentional, sometimes corny, sometimes hilarious! You may have seen some of my blogs that talk about him!

Babi: We call him Babi, because as a child I couldn't say Baba. It just became Babi. My little sister just followed suit when she had to begin calling him by a name.

Other Nicknames:
We were once playing a game, my sister and I, and we were pretending we were camping in a forest far away. We were hiding from the bad guys at this time, and the leader of the bad guys was the "dirty filthy man". So we were imagining and pretending we were hiding behind a bush, however we were ambushed from the other direction. So we stood up and screamed, turning around pointing the other way "The dirty filthy man!!! Run!!!" For some reason my father was standing exactly where we were facing and pointing, in the distance, so he couldn't hear us. However, this changed things in our game, and we realized he was the bad guy and must run away from him all day. He didn't understand what was going on but when we had dinner together that night, we were still playing that game, and we were thought in our minds, 'the dirty filthy man has now captured us, and forcing us to eat radishes.' It was a random memory, but every now and then we remember it.

He is slightly bald, and actually I found out he has emotions about his lack of hair. He always says when we were born, he gave his hair to us. For that we are thankful. However at some point we joked and said his head was like a Tabla. That got shortened to Tabs and Tabby. We called him Tabby for a while, and ofcourse it morphed most unusually to La Tabs!
Once we were in school in Kolkata, and it was parent-teacher meeting day. Our half yearly results would be shared with only parents. So Babi volunteered to come. We were standing and waiting, and this was the teenage phase when we were both embarrassed by our parents. So we hung back although we saw our dad approaching. There were other random kids waiting for their ride home, or their parents. Some kid behind us commented "hey look at that guy he has a bald head. It's so round!" The two boys chuckled, and the other one commented "Yeah it's so flat and round, we can crack and fry an egg on his head!" They laughed at their joke, and my sis turned around and said "Areeeaaayyeee That's my father! How dare you!" They stopped laughing immediately.

My dad might be bald,
He might be pudgy,
He might have scolded me, lectured me, embarrassed me, annoyed me, frustrated me, angered me...
But in the end, he's my father.
And as much as I have been a delightful daughter, am sure,
I've also been quite the pain in the @$$,
I know he loves me so much.
He loves me so much,
He would move the continents of the earth for me (if he could, and knowing him, he would make it happen).
He's always been on my team,
Bailed me out of the worst situations,
Lifted us up when we were down,
Toughened us up when we were too soft,
Asked us to communicated when he couldn't understand us (women are different than boys).
He is an amazing man, he is my hero,
He is my superstar dad, and am so grateful that HE is my father, (but not limited to).
He is also my teacher, 
My boss, my friend, my supporter, 
My inspiration, my motivator.
He is superman, 
My lunch buddy, my yoga student, 
A colleague, partner in ideas, 
My educator, my benefactor, 
A lecturer.
He is my guru, and my sishya, 
He is also a contributor to many of my genes, 
He is an encourager of me following my dreams,
A simple guy from a village, and a world traveling entrepreneur, 
He is a leader, a soccer coach, 
My business school professor,  and the best every dirty filthy man ever!

 ... So grateful for my father. in my life.




Breathe

Life with Dad - Jetlagged and Hyper

Dad - I had to take antibiotics for my cold, the same cold u have now, because I was travelling... right now I feel like sleeping, but I'm drivin'
Me- did you just say drivin' without the 'g'?
Dad- yeah that's American English! Southern english.
Me- When did you learn that?! :-/




Me- So how was your meeting, with the client in China?
Dad- it was very good very good. They made me drink so much.
Me- how much?
Dad- I don't know, it was too fast, tak tak tak - baam! That's how they do cheers... tap the glass three times on the table, and then baam!! you drink all of it.
Me- Wow! How's your liver?
Dad- Fine, it failed once... but much better now. Thank you.

(basically sounds like they made him do shots!)





Me- When did you become so hilarious?
Dad- Always! Don't you see I always make everyone smile, wherever I go?
Me- Where do you get your energy sheesh!?
Dad- In China they call me "Superman" now, because they see how i work so hard, and only sleep on the plane.
Me- wow!

Gyros with Dad... he's my lunch partner!

Patterns

"We hurt the ones we love the most"
Its a saying we always hear,
When we are sad, angry or in some difficulty
We lash out at the ones nearest
They are also the dearest.
By doing so we drive them away
In turn, they hurt someone else nearest
and dearest.


The pain continues
The hate increases
The egos engorge
The tears break.

They will cry alone
You will die alone
Cold and miserable
All because you wanted to be right.

They will appologize
You will stand up with pride
Assert your ego
You were always right!

They shake their head in sorrow
For you will never know tomorrow
You were blinded by ego
To see the simple beauty of a sparrow.

Don't be that person
Don't be the jerk
Tell your ego you're done with hurt
Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!

It's ok to love selflessly
It's ok to love unconditionally
Everyone loves a team player
No one likes the prideful selfish achiever.

When you are hurt or angry
When you are sad and lonely
Remember love
To love yourself first and everyone else.


So Fight back with love
Heal with time and patience
Confront with understanding
Calm the ego altogether.

Ruin the pattern
Break the cycle
Kill the ego
Meditate on being.

Breathe!

Every Now and Then

Every now and then
you help someone who needs help
Not knowing who, what or when
and suddenly you are the one in a mess - screaming help!

They suck you into their drama
They suck your life out too
They want you to scream for your mamma
They want to keep you in their zoo.

It all starts with your good intent
To help someone who calls out
Little do you think your energy is badly spent
Until they hit you upside your head with a clout.

Who would ever think helping a friend
Would lead to this
When all relationships end
Is a terrible icky sticky pile of a mess.

Lessons learned!

Breathe

My life is like a zen garden!

The Challenges of Aparigraha

Letting Go!

It's something which has been bugging me, forever, it seems.
Being so attached to not just material things, but also ideas (ideologies), opinions, identity, feelings, beliefs... it causes more pain, angst, frustration and suffering than being attached to thing or even to a person.

I am so attached to my opinions, ideas, and things I have to "say" whether it is oral or written because it defines who I am. Defining the "Who I am" is so important to because in a world full of people we realize we are so alike, but then again we are so different, but the fact that we are alike makes us need to define ourselves via our likes, dislikes, hobbies, opinions, ideas. I think these differences help us attract each other. It's funny because there seems to be a phobia, among some, of people/cultures that are different from us- ie. bigorty, homophobia etc. These people are very attached to their ideas and beliefs, so feel threatened by difference. I wonder if these people care to worry about defining themselves from others or prefer conformity.

For the most part there is a growing curiosity among people to explore the "different". This was maybe different 20 years ago, but time changes everything! These people are also willing to explore other ideas, opinions, perspectives, and beliefs. Sometimes being open to ideas/beliefs doesn't mean necessarily accepting them as their own, but accepting them  as a possibility. I try to be open, however sometimes my own ideas are so strong, and perhaps its the ego fending for itself... defending...

Letting all of it go is so difficult... it's strange because I am not indifferent I just wish to be more "Ahimsa" like, if not to avoid hurting another person's feelings with my opinion, to protect myself from their opinion. Also with sharing opinions and ideas, comes judgement, which can also hurt, cause relationships to sour. So what is the best approach? Did yogis, maharishis even think of this stuff back in the day?

I think the only answer is to search more in texts to find the answer. For now I find freedom in letting go of identity, although all that I have accumulated to define me in regards to ideas, hobbies, skills, beliefs, opinions, I have come to love myself that way.  So stripping me of all of that... letting it all go, it just leaves another soul in a human body shell. Can I love that?

This past weekend at yoga class I learnt that suffering is caused through being attached. And all these things - the mind, thoughts, the body, are all external... and external things can not being us happiness. Happiness is inside us all... just like the OM... These are just food for thought... healthy thoughts... enjoy!

Be Present

Breathe!

Kanyakumari, India - Dec 2012 Courtesy Piyali Banerjie and Chris Soria

Reflections on Grudges and Letting Go

Anger, hate, and other negative emotions we experience in life, hold us back from growth: spiritual, mental, emotional and even physical growth or well being. Letting these emotions go, gives us room to breathe and grow! Though hard to do, notice how buoyant, and loving you feel after you let it go. Even the most successful or brilliant person if holding onto these grudges, angers, hates, frustrations, will be stunted in their growth, life's work. Find the serenity in you to let go. Embrace love instead!

Mini Buddha...  By Piyali Banerjie

The One Heart Way

If you read my previous blog about what happened to me, you must have wondered, so what did she do after that? How did she go on? There would be many questions.

First off- I told someone, and that someone helped me find help. Especially since, abuse leads a women to lose self respect, looks for self-deprecation. This is because of all things the woman blames herself, and self worth plummets. She believes she deserves this abuse, and unknowingly seeks out more abuse. It is hard to break the cycle. I think once we identify victims of childhood molestation, abuse, and rape, we must intervene with confidence boosting therapy/ help to break the cycle. I was lucky to have a few great mentors/counselors along the way. Unlearn being the victim, and focus on building the self once again.

Second - I refused to ever feel helpless like that again. I promised myself I would never get "drunk" with anyone I do not utterly trust. So, honestly, I get drunk only if i am home, with my parents, or with my boyfriend (who would have had to earn my trust). Also I always make sure there is a designated driver (drinking and driving is so dangerous, please always have a DD).If I am ever at a club again I will always buy my drink from the bartender and watch him make my drink. Never accepting drinks from any guy I don't know, anymore. If you don't drink alcohol, good for you, but remember, roofies/other "date-rape" drugs, could be mixed with your non-alcoholic beverages too, so beware.

After my sister's incident, she and I both began learning Kwanmukan Karate. However as children we both  learnt basic self defense from Shihan Hussaini. This was my first introduction to Isshin-ryu Karate. Then I picked it up again in 2007 here. I practice it non-competitively since I do this for me. My Sensei is slowly teaching me how to spar. Isshin-ryu means a lot to me, because my Sensei not only taught us how to defend ourselves, but the history of Karate, discipline, helping out in the Dojo, being good to ourselves, becoming fit, reminding us to drink water, it is more than fighting...It's the meaning behind it all.  A meaning, a code that must not be taken lightly. The philosophy is the base of all forms of martial arts, including this form of karate, which stem from various regions of the East, for Isshin-ryu, it stems from the Ryu-Kyu Islands of Okinawa (Japan), are truly eye opening- simple but profound (like most eastern philosophy). Isshin-ryu stands for - The One Heart Way (literal), but meaning - the way of the one heart.. the story goes on to say we all have one beating heart. So I will fight you if I must, but the choice is yours. Although I may have mace, or some sort of self-defense tool, I now have my empty hands,for they are learned in "the way". I maybe no black belt, but the first rule is ... avoid conflict at all costs, run! I talk to my Sensei about this and many scenarios, and he is very strong, so I always think its the best way to practice.

Third - Always be alert when walking in an unknown place, or at night. Don't let your guard down even if it is in your own neighborhood (see Kitty Genovese). Be ready, be alert, remember what you could use to defend yourself.

Fourth - working on "ME" has helped mend me, my confidence, self esteem and my heart and soul. I learned to be more conscious, and give love, forgive, and let the light flow. I think this healing came from my sister, who has a crazier story than mine. Thought younger, she has learned so much in such a short time. She is my hero. Find a way to heal, spiritually. It is very important, for the spirit is what is ripped open, no matter what happens to the body. (I honestly wish I could refer my sister to people who need this help, she does have an awesome organization called Conscious Culture). Meditation, art, writing, music, yoga, dance... are all creative outlets to

I am glad though I can take care of myself, and I now know that "No means No". I know what sexual harassment is, and I let people know when they have crossed the threshold. I am glad I grew out of my drinking-partying-clubbing stage, and have grown up to be interested in a different type of night life (camping, star gazing...). However I never forget the things I learned, especially since I travel to different places.

I also never forget to breathe...

The Goddess/ Megami the symbol for Isshin-ryu Karate