A Poem: Kindness and Caring

To be kind and to care

Is a gift I try to share,

It is difficult at times

To forgive others of their crimes.

My heart is big, brimming with love,

I come in peace, I fly the white dove,

I choose to be kind and nice

To both men and mice.

Some mistake my kindness

To be a great weakness,

Some think my sharing

Is something so daring.

These are my choices

To stand up for unheard voices,

This is who I am,

I wash myself in the blood of the lamb.

There is a joy in giving,

Service is the purpose for us living,

People fear giving,

For they often fear living.

Sometimes we become selfish

After being hurt by those who are devilish,

We close the doors to our heart

Keeping us apart.

There are those who take advantage of my kindness,

Often rendering in my mind and heart a huge mess,

I hope they learn and grow someday

Or else I fear their future is dark and grey.

Letting go of our egos

Loving our foes,

Are what religious books preach

For some these goals are so hard to reach.

I warn those who hurt me,

That I will give them a chance or will let them just be,

Cutting all ties,

I will not deal with lies.

I do not have swords or guns

And about me and my heart you may make fun,

I may be struck down,

But on my face you will never find a frown.

I'm not perfect, for I do falter,

But my shortcomings I always try and alter,

I try hard to keep my word,

I try to not let my anger be spurred.

My strength lies in my heart,

Which is wide as an ocean, and warm as a hearth,

My strength lies in my mind,

I realize to be sharing, caring and kind.

Breathe.

The Wall - Jon's Lament

"You know nothing, Jon Snow." Yigrette
She would tell me many a time,
Then she betrayed me like I would never forget,
She did what she knew, I forgive her of her crime.

The wall it stands there,
Looming,
Just thick ice reflecting the sun's glare,
Throughout the North, where it is forever gloaming.

Shall we place the wall between us?
With you on the cold side
Me on the South side
It freezes our love and trust.

I was always true,
To my black brothers and to you.
Then there was that moment,
When I had to choose, and it was sealed in cmement.

I chose to forgive,
I chose mercy and honor,
For the old man to live,
We had him in a corner...

You killed the old man,
For what? He begged for mercy.
Then you shot me in the leg, woman!
I know all women are crazy...

You know nothing Jon Snow!
That's all you said,
South of the wall I knew all there is to know,
I loved you for more than just to take you to bed.

I knew we could have had a different life,
We could have started afresh,
Without sticking the man with the knife,
You went ahead and created a mess.

I know you would blame me,
Saying "you know nothing, Jon Snow",
I am not as naive as I seem to be,
You just didn't see the entirety of the show.

Now you are gone,
I shall miss you,
Remembering always all that was done,
However, everyday is begins anew.



For Jon Snow, of the Night's Watch, on the Wall...

Vacation and Limiting Social Networking

I went on vacation this past week. My friend challenged me to go this week with viewing and checking into facebook only twice a day before 9 am and after 9 pm only. Only two likes, statuses, and I wanted to keep the picture uploads to the minimum also. I deleted my facebook app completely from my phone, I kept myself signed out from facebook in general. The hardest part was not liking a lot of different stuff, however it has lessened a lot!

I didn't post any pictures, except two or three, and mostly I emailed or texted them to the near and dear people. Sorry if you weren't one of them, but you gotta earn it! Yep it's a new elite club of getting close to pree. Wasn't it that way before the boom of social media, myspace, facebook, and instagram? No one knew you got married unless you were super rich and had the biggest wedding the town ever saw or if you were in with the people big time, but now EVERYONE knows thanks to facebook, if you or your spouse remembers to update. And usually someone does, or someone posts the pictures, its like your own personal  paparazzi... I get it, I was super excited about the whole thing, until recently. Until I realized how it was affecting me. So it's a good thing and a bad thing, right now am so glad I am keeping it to a minimum.

I kept my statuses to a minimum, and texted, or emailed if I had to communicate with someone. I think mostly my friend and Ryan posted most of the pictures. Oh I had fun though, and was able to be present more because I didn't worry about other stuff. We caught up with news, weather and the world on tv at night, and well Mandy and Ryan checked Yahoo! everyday. It's popular and a favorite for both of them! At times I did look over their shoulders when they facebooked, but I was mindful! Laying on the beach and doing nothing, not even texting, or scrolling through endless nonsense on the phone. If I needed to know something I would wiki it or wait till I got home, or actually think about it. I got a book to help me with things I was interested in.

My holiday was a success, and my rehab is going pretty well. It's just the beginning, and I have a long way to go. I hope to make it through and become "NORMAL" with the help of family, loved ones and friends. To a more healthy living!

Breathe!

Cleaning

Struggling with Addictions

Remember the blog I wrote about social networking addictions? Well I suffer deeply. I was just spending time with my boyfriend this weekend, and he was like put the phone down, and then we can commence cuddling. So I did, begrudgingly, but I knew he was pointing something important out. I have about a 1000 friends, and sometimes I feel the pressure of having to check it. One knows who are the frequent posters, the unfrequent-facebook checkers, some people go through phases, of checking it for a week... I don't know how or why I got so consumed by this. I am known to be a frequent fb user, so I feel pressured when I don't post something. It's been only one month since my facebook hiatus in February. I have a problem.

I spoke to a friend who told me "try to avoid confrontational situations, just chill." When I explained further, he said " you just sound vexed". So he commented "first of all facebook is stupid. Stop fucking commenting on random shit that doesn't affect you leave FB alone. All it will do it annoy you later." We have helped each other through tough times, and continue to do so, he was one of the few who recently helped me figure out that whole "shoulds" and "is" issue. He diagnosed me after listening to how "wired" I am. He said "You have it worse than a alcoholic or a druggie!!! A person who is constantly distressed by her accomplishments and shit and is on fb every 3 hrs connected via phone, laptop... !!!! Close your fucking account!" (Sometimes harsh language helps jolt stuff into your head, subtlety is at loss.). Strangely my sister advised the same, so after much gerrymandering I accomplished (due to spotify now being connected to faceboo, so annoying!).

 My friend went on to point out "Do a poll of all your friends.The most chilled out dudes, I'm sure barely ever get on fb.Getting on fb is a choice YOU are making!" Which is kind of true, live life more, internet less, fall less in the "busy trap"... busy doing what? Rule of thumb, and when joining any any any social network remember "you can not post stuff on fb and not expect to see peoples opinions on it, then some idiot will say something that bugs you." Which is true, which we forget. Election times are the worst, all other times are pretty tough too.

About idle time he suggested "if you are bored find healthy stuff to surf." To prevent me from re-activating it in a day he said "I know you will reactivate it in a day... every time you check facebook an animal dies a painful death ok!!!! That should help you." And it does, I remember the same tactic used to curb children from masturbating which is actually healthier than other stuff kids do today (Steubenville, Ohio)!

Why is this a problem? Often time it leads to a difference of opinion, ego bruising, and even confrontations. I know among kids it could lead to break ups, bullying etc. Personally I've lost friends, and its the worst thing to lose friends over, the silliest of arguments blow up into a volcano. I think social networking, facebook, meme's increase the likely hood of ruined friendships. Often times one can successfully show another person "hey you can look at the issue from this perspective", and that person acknowledges. Then you think you can take it further and change the world. Which leads to worse stuff. Social networking is now used to push ideas, products, political parties, etc. etc. *sigh* What happened to good old friendship? It's a tough world, and facebook, the internet and media, bring that world into your place of solace. Yikes! We can't fight it, but we can choose to let it not affect us. I know I let it affect me, just as my friend said. I need to distance myself and let it go. Seeing things for what it is and not getting wrapped up in the chaotic allure of it all... so difficult to do sometimes!

There seems to be increasing effort and research in studying the use of technology as an addiction, in fact there is a program now which focuses on internet, electronics addictions.

Other helpful links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html
http://sobercollege.com/2012/social-media-young-adult-addiction-treatment
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/032210p8.shtml
http://socialtimes.com/fight-social-media-addiction_b4552
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933810708464
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/troubling-social-media-addiction-statistics

I realize not everyone has this issue. Most people are able to balance things in their life for the most part right? So I just need more help than others! It's my problem, am helping my self!

:-)


Breathe!

Dualities of life... finding the balance
Picture courtesy Piyali

Try Love Instead

What do you gain from hate and war?
Nothing, Nothing at all.
Why do you hate, what is it for?
Question deeply before you fall.

Hate leads you to a dark deep pit,
Where your heart will sink and sit.
You lose your light, you lose your friends,
You lose every hope of making amends.

Why do you hate and cause unrest?
You lose all peace of mind to stress.
If anything this is a test
To free your soul, your heart from this mess.

You bear a grudge, and close off your mind,
Do you know that is very unkind?
Unkind, not to others, but to yourself
Because in the end, you're the one that needs help.

Open your eyes and see
The beauty in the world through diversity.
Open you heart and feel
That circle of love will grow and heal.

You miss this chance when you hate and fight,
To love everyone with all your might.
The more you give the more you get,
Just change your heart and your mindset.

Try love instead,
Get negativity out of your head.
Let the toxic out of your heart,
Make room for a fresh and positive start.

Its really not difficult to do,
All you have to let go of what's bothering you.
Look deep inside and see,
The person and things I hated, were in me.
Learn to grow and be strong,
And then with other's you will find no more wrong.



I know all this is real and so true,
What I know even more, is that I love you!

Rise

Struggles:

Sometimes just to get out of bed in the morning
To smile when the sky is grey
The driver that cuts in front - steer away from frowning
To talk when you have nothing nice to say.

To love when anger envelopes your being
To find compassion when you scrape through the day
Find the light when darkness is all you are seeing
Fighting the winter blues even though it is almost May.

Being motivated even when there is so much to do
To discipline yourself against all temptations
To run, to move, exercise and to even just get up and go
Patience for all those slow moving situations.

To find beauty in the ugliness
To taste the sweet in the most bitter
To remember our pureness
To turn a bad moment into something better.

To spare your loved ones the brunt of frustrations
To find a peace amongst the chaos
Feel warmth among cold companions
Within the millions to find the "us".

Rise:

We will overcome these and be higher souls
We will be our own warriors
Sing louder than the bell tolls
Breaking all our barriers.


We will strive to day to be better than yesterday
Love endlessly
To be warm and shine: be a brighter ray
Smile continuously.

Smile - For everyday is a new day

Remember -The beauty of life itself

Breathe.

(I wrote this because I was having a hard time being motivated, and a colleague said he had a hard time getting the day started, a friend having a hard time getting out of bed and getting on with life, a friend letting go of the old and embracing the new... Let's remember we struggle with little things everyday but need to overcome them to be stronger and the higher person. Some of our struggles might be bigger than petty everyday ones, but we have to rise above be our own warriors!)