An Autumn Blessed with Many Life Lessons

This month has been one of many many lessons.
Through grief and sorrow, pain, stress, caring, sharing, loving, many a tear, hugs, goodbyes, prayers, loneliness and togetherness; I have made it through.
The sky has been much grey, of late. The sky weeps many tears down to earth.
The trees are naked, all unclothed.
Fall has always been majestic, dreamy, eerie, and even dark.



Looking back:

My grandmother gets progressively ill, and makes no sense on the phone. The sound in her voice says she was crying out for help and mercy. My Father leaves to India, fearing it may be too late. She holds on and he gets there, and she barely recognizes him. He takes care of her and spends much needed time with her, as I balance spending time with my mother who is a little ill due to a cold, and with my boyfriend, who has some health issues himself. After a few days, my dad gets burnt out, and needs back up, as he is at a loss when it comes to geriatric care, however he is managing and is so humbled to be doing so. He emails my sister and I often with notes on how he feels, and the entirety of the experience.

It is the weekend of Durga Puja, the celebration of the Divine Feminine and we celebrate it reluctantly with cousins here. Durga Puja is the main reason my father decided to go to India, to spend it with his mother and celebrate with her.She is unable to celebrate, but he find time to go back to our remote village of Kudra, to observe the festivities there. He tells us in an email, that the people there have so little, but have the biggest hearts, and their warmth is overwhelming. That's the best type of people right?

My mother departs for India and reaches their safely. She is strong and gets on top of things, but the conditions are harsh, and one can get burnt out quickly. I have health issues of my own, which I had been putting off for a long time, and finally I get my appointment after a month of waiting. This doctor is amazing, thorough and personal. She goes over everything with me, my entire history of health to get to the bottom of this problem, this pain, once and for all.

I speak to my uncle, my sister, my grandparents in New York everyday. I don't realize how often I call my mom and dad, until now. Facing these health issues alone, really suck, but it is something we learn to do, or don't. Hurricane Sandy comes and blows through the East Coast... I lose touch for two days from my sis, uncle and grandparents. Anxiety levels rise. I really miss them, and I am in utter pain, it is rather crappy. Who do I reach out to? I have no energy to laugh, love or even pray... I finally was able to cry myself to sleep last night, and what a relief it was to let go. oh what a heavy burden was lifted. I realize that happiness and satisfaction is not through material things or wealth... but the decisions we make in life regarding, loved ones (family and friends), health, awareness and growth in spirituality and truly caring and sharing.

Today I sang some lovely songs to myself and I felt much better, and I was finally able to pray. Praying is something new, I been learning to accept the possibility of a Higher Power, thanks to "The Artist's Way". It is slow but steady progress, and it's so good to be able to love again. There was a drought due to the sadness I feel through empathizing for my my grandmother in India, my dad's feelings as he is present for her, my mother's feelings as she goes to make peace and forgive a demented little old lady, and ask for her forgiveness in return.

A deep reminder that Karma does exist... the decisions you make today weather big or small, will come back to haunt you later in life. Be mindful, be patient, and value the people in your life, more than anything else in the world.