Looking Back On Life, Achievements, Career... At 31

31 years is a long time, but not really that long, its about perspective. I just realized it is my birthday this week, and I had nothing planned. I have been so busy with life, work, changes, health, that I totally forgot my flipping 31st birthday.

Oh boy! I've crossed over the 30 hill, and I will say this whole "grownup, non-college student, real life, responsibility is all over-rated. Kids don't know how good they have it, despite having their sugar limits controlled, etc. They need to chill out and enjoy life, moments, when they have the time, because as we grow time flies by faster, and we don't pause and enjoy the moments, and life as much. C'est la vie!

31, what have I accomplished? A couple of degrees, this job, and another job... but they don't seem as important to me as other amazing things I have done. I learned to rock climb, I climbed half way up a mountain and then felt pretty sick, so had to come back down, but I tried, I got half way up. Next time it will be all the way! I learnt from this that Climbing isn't about brute force, its all about the mind, overcoming it, coming to terms with it, and using the brain to figure out how.

There was a spontaneous trip. I went to Yosemite, although just for a day, I went there with my sister. It was our first adventure together! This was a place I had heard about, read about, dreamed about since I was a child. Just being present there was awe inspiring. You can read my blog about it here.

Realizations have been arrived at in my 30th year: I'm a pretty badass, hardworking, strong, and passionate person. Somewhere along the way I stopped believing in myself. Maybe the lack of enthusiasm and optimism from jaded seniors rubbed on to me? Maybe it was that the hard times or the reality that a fancy degree does not mean you land your perfect job. In fact it takes a lot of searching to find that. Finally I remembered why Pree is so awesome! I first quit eating meat when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I couldn't deal with the cruelty. I was able to give up caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol this past year. I did not miss a single Yoga teacher training class, this girl who tries to wiggle out of most commitments, made a commitment that i would keep all my commitments, or be utterly honest about why I was backing out, (even if it was just because I was tired and just needed "me" time).

I am a badass, and always have been. an amazing example is when I was 17: I shaved off my hair (before Britney did)! This was in the 12th grade about Jan or Feb, my senior year, kind of right before the farewell party (kind of like prom). I just didn't want my hair to define me. I was tired of being judged by the way I looked, girls disliked me, guys objectified me... so off the hair came. This experience taught me alot about hair: it grows back, hair on our bodies make so much difference, yet so little. This taught me a lot about people: many people who were my friends, disappeared into the woodwork. I found out who my true friends were, I learned that hair is so easy to have, we hide behind it, it takes so much confidence to be bald. Walking into school was so tough the first day, everyone stared, people asked me dumb questions, like if I had cancer. I told them all to Sod  off. Some people don't care how you look, they love you for you, others are all about judging on outward appearances... hmm! Remind you of the millionaire who dressed up like a bum? So many stories... 

Being bald is tough, carrying yourself with a bald head is tougher than with hair: more reason to be self conscious... or does societal norms make that happen? Days passed by and each day became easier, not because the hair was growing back, but because I learned to carry that head, I knew I was more than just my hair, and looks.

The Olympics, the world cup, yoga, the grand slams of Tennis: I love sports, and have always taken part in sports. A lot of my passions always lay in athletics because it seemed so real to test the human spirit through our bodies, thus mind and soul. Being an athlete takes immense discipline, it has nothing to do with race, genetics, gender... its about your state of mind. I wanted to be a "Yogi", and I am slowly getting there. It's not unattainable. I want to be a runner, I am runner, I might not be Usain Bolt, but I am closer than I was yesterday. It's not about losing weight, its about setting goals, being healthy, and becoming the Pree I want to be. This year I'll be blogging on my journeys through running, hope you'll check in on it! Hope to run a half marathon by September!

Who Moved My Cheese, it was the wake up call, that 'hey changes happen'. However, actual growth is a conscious decision. Of course one could succumb to the societal norms of growth, its the easy way, but every now and then there are those, like me, who chose to grow differently in life. I picked a different path, and I am brave enough to go down it alone, and with loved ones. It takes more conscious of a "I will grow" factor. It's different from going from job to job, it definitely requires getting out of all your comfort zones, making sacrifices... etc. C'est La Vie!

Online dating does work: I met my boyfriend online, it was a long process, we lost touch, and reconnected, met in person. We clicked, and it's been a wonderful 3.5 years getting to know each other. :-) I will say it did take a lot of men who didn't match what I wanted in life before I met Ryan, but I am glad I waited, and tried. In fact I had almost given up hope with the male kind when I met him. I love him deeply, and dearly. We make such a good team - tandem kayaking, biking, hiking, camping, travelling, moving,  gaming, cooking... and most of all just being!

Pursuing Dreams: it can be done, just takes a lot of growth, mental awareness, and mentally, physically being able to digest that "Wow that's a heck of a mountain, but I can climb it. *gulp*" - it's OK to be overwhelmed, scared, but once you take the first step. You know you can do it. I've been writing my first book, half way through I realized how huge this is, how difficult, tiring, and complicated, but at the same time so simple. So its really about building blocks, taking one step at a time. Phewie - Breathe!

I had no idea what my "dreams" / goals were until I created a vision board. First I stuck pictures that I wanted on there, then pictures I liked, and things which I wished I would / could become. A year and a half later, encouraged by a friend, I finished my Yoga Teaching Studies Certificate, I received a raise at work... it was happening just like the stuff I stuck on my vision board. Now looking to further improve, am creating a new vision board.

My spiritual path, learnings, studies, reflections, and teachings have all deepened while on this journey. I have been able to meditate for an hour a more at least once a week, and practice a daily meditation/ yoga practice. Although my daily practice may range from a short 15 minute to an hour, I make sure i touch upon some form of meditation, yoga or Pranayam. My self discipline has increased, and I impress myself with my abilities daily. On weekends I am a little more laid back, or else I would be burnt out.

I think on writing this I reflect on what brings value to me and my life, especially since I panic after crossing 30. I say, measure yourself in experience and growth, and not in "accomplishments". If we live from one goal to the next, we forget to be, and the journey is the important part. So keep sight of your goals, let them free flow, but always remember to be true to yourself, to be present in each moment, and most of all be happy in what you do.

I Have A Dream...

A long long tiem ago, when i was just a child, I went to this amazing school, The School- KFI, a school founded and based on J. Krishnamurti's philosophy. At this school we had something called The Drama Festival. Different schools would come over and perform plays, for the enrichment and education of the children. There were themes, and different types of plays. Some were abstract, some were entirely original, others were old plays done before. We had much fun at these drama festivals. It was not a competition but a learning experience, and we would write summaries on the plays, what it meant to us etc. The 11th and 12th grades would perform the plays.

One year, a guy who I was dating, my first ever boyfriend actually, was in one of the plays for the Drama Festival. He was to recite a speech. He told me I'm giving the "I have a dream" speech. I was young and history was never my strong subject.
Me - What?
He- the "I have a dream" speech, its from your America, only.
Me- never heard of it.
He- come on it's Martin Luther King! you should know this, you're American.
Me- Martin Lou the King?? I didn't know America had Kings!
He- I give up! You know nothing Priyanka

At least that's how I remember the conversation going.
It took me a while to learn who Martin Lou the King was... wow I had been ignorant! Or just in the wrong country? I only heard the speech years later when we were learning to unlearn hate, stereotypes, discrimination at an orientation. I didn't know the whole history of the civil war, until recently; My friend Jala encouraging me to attend an African music and dance festival, which happened to be about the emancipation of slaves, watching movies like Django Unchained, and Lincoln have educated me about the history of African Slaves in the Americas, about discrimination, abuse and human rights. Recent events such as the Trayvon Martin murder, have shed light on how much discrimination still prevails today and how this country works. How the world works.

So when and how will this dream come true?
When will we REALLY start educating our children, our people? When will we stop teaching hate, and teaching love?
When will we learn to share?

Breathe

The Rape of Shakti

A sister passed away today. She was a survivor of a more than brutal crime against her body, her womanhood, her femininity, her shakti. She was assaulted, and raped, she eventually died from her injuries. This is not the first case. This is just the first outright case of violence against women.

If you do not know what happened, Google Delhi Gang Rape, for more details. The gist: A 23 year old medical student was leaving the movies with her male friend at around 9pm. She was brutally raped by seven men, and it included an iron rod, on a moving bus. He was beaten, and also tried to defend her. They were stripped of their clothes and thrown out of the bus. She survived for 10 days, with so many injuries, and only 5% of her intestines left...

Before I go on, a few women have ruined the case of rape/sexual harassment for the rest of us, by making false claims. Now this has become a common excuse now for the rapists/harassers. Every rape is now questioned for validity, legitimacy... This case was legitimate beyond a doubt, although politicians and such never seize to make outrageous comments.

I always find it strange that in a land that worships Durga, Kali, Laxshmi, Saraswathi, just a few of the powerful Goddesses worshiped in Hinduism, that so many women can be raped. What is it that makes a man do this despite, laws, police, government? I have known for ages, and only recently my eyes have realized that it was the society, the culture. It is not only in India, but in many countries, cultures, and societies.

As a teenager, in India, I was never seen as a "good girl", I always lived on the edge, sought out danger, adventure and never listened to my parents, typical rebellious teenager ... a guy I was dating, his mom forbid me to date him for I was not Indian enough. Another guy's mom said I was too modern. The fact that I dated openly and had guy friends was bad as it is. I got in trouble once with the vice principal for "boys" being an unsuitable hobby (apparently, if I remember correctly, I was caught talking in chapel to my best guy friend, who also got in trouble a lot for being a smart ass with everyone). So she called my mom to come in. My mom obliged, and the vice principal told her "what do you think of your daughter having "boys" as her extracurricular activity?" My mom replied "P has many guy friends, and she is old enough to know what's good for her." Yes I wore jeans and other western clothes, liked hanging out with guys, I dated a few guys too, and liked going out a lot. There were rumours about me, as there maybe about any girl who is seen publicly holding a guy's hand.

I enjoyed dating guys, getting attention, the romance of it all, the fluttery feeling of "falling in love", heck! I was a youngen. I loved the magic I could share with a guy, I don't even know how to describe it, infatuation perhaps? I loved the feeling of being loved... So many reasons why young love is so lovely. However, it did come with many a heartbreak.

Somewhere along the line I began hanging out with some college girls, who introduced me to some of their male friends. We went to the disco many times. Most of the girls my age went to discos (Kids were allowed in on weekends). One night one of the older guys, who I had gotten close to, took advantage of me, while I was under the influence. My naivete got the better of me, and I had no idea what constituted rape, at the time. I thought rape was only when a man beat the women, and he was unknown to her. After a few months I finally told someone that I thought I had been raped by this man. I was blamed for it... I shouldn't have gone to the club. I shouldn't have been drinking (although I had no idea there was alcohol in the "Pepsi"). In the end, we did press charges, I don't think the case went anywhere because someone paid someone else off to have the charges dropped. So was it rape? Not according to the law. It was on me. Yes I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I was to blame.

I was a minor, I knew I did not want to have sex, but he raped me while I was drunk and I had no strength to defend myself, and saying "no" many times, obviously meant nothing or meant "yes" to him. He wasn't brutal, but it was still forceful. I may have liked him as a person, but it didn't mean I wanted to have sex. It did turn out that I wasn't his first or last victim. There were many girls, younger than me, older than me. He never got into trouble for he was rich and married. No rich, married business man can ever do any wrong. My virginity was taken from me that night. Will I ever get it back? No! My first time ever having sex, was very awful, I will never be able to undo those memories. At least I have my life, and health and body. It could have been worse. I feel deeply for that dear girl, it could have been me; but we have survived.

I went through major therapy, psychologists, counselors, and a lot of growing up really quickly. However, the general attitude always was- don't drink, don't go to clubs/discos, and stay away from guys. I was a modern / western girl living in India. I felt like I was such a scar to my family. Even "friends" would kind of say, that I pretty much did it to myself. These friends told friends, and I am sure there were awful rumours about me! I know they did. I shaved my hair off in 12th grade. I didn't want to be pretty anymore. I thought it would make me invisible; I remember girls being nasty to me before, maybe they would stop. They all thought I was a "slut", and they didn't have the best intentions I thought, for I heard rumours of what they talked about me. Now they all thought "wow she really is damaged. Something is wrong with her." Every now and then someone would reach out a "friendly" hand, but it was always hard to know if it was genuine, or a ploy to get information. I don't think the closest of my friends knew, and if they did, they doubted me. I doubted me. I was 16!

I traveled to USA to start college and a new life! I went to a conservative christian college, instead of going to one in New York, because my family decided it would be safer. In New York, I risked getting into drugs, pregnancy etc. The Midwest would be safer. So here I am... everything was going well, and then one night at a party on campus, I got drunk (maybe New York wasn't such a bad idea after all). My friend let me pass out on his couch. When I came to, a guy was on top of me. I was so drunk off of tequila shots, I could not even protect myself. Finally I got strength to push him off, and I ran away. My memories are still fuzzy from that night. I kept it all to myself, once again I did not know if this was rape! No one tells us young girls WHAT IS RAPE. It is such a difficult subject to talk about to young women. All of us think, it will never happen to me. It festered in me for a long time, and I messed up. Again it was my fault for going to the party. It was my fault for drinking too much. It was my fault.

The dean called me, since it affected my studies and my behavior, and asked me what was wrong. I kind of told him since I knew I was wrong for having been drinking on campus. I was more scared of being punished for that. I did what any good Christian would do, forgive the "rapist", it felt more appropriate than having him expelled. Besides it was my own folly. Although it did turn out he was an obsessive, stalker, and creep. It was still my fault. I didn't learn from the first time. I shouldn't have been drinking, I shouldn't have gone to a friend's party. These things are just not safe for anyone. Although I have been to parties where my female friends do get drunk, there are boys around, and we take care of each other. My friend took care of me, but had no idea what his room mate was. Anyway my young self got me in such a mess, and I landed up having to see a therapist again, doing community service, and going to a class for being on academic probation. I just couldn't tell the authorities his name for I thought it WAS indeed MY FAULT, and he didn't need his whole life ruined by me having him expelled. I look back, and realize I wouldn't be here writing this if all this didn't happen the way it did. I was 19, and now I am almost 30... if I knew what I know now about being a woman, things would be different. I am not the only one, there are so many other girls, sisters, survivors like me, who just did not know what to do, and for years they blamed themselves.

My own sister was raped, here in the US, brutally, with a gun to her head. When appearing in court, everyone advised my sister to dress modestly. She would dress formally in a suite, but she did have "high lights" in her hair. Some people thought this would reflect badly on her. Why should she undo her high lights, you ask... because girls who have blonde high lights are usually more partying type I suppose? Anyway he got off not guilty, because he did not take the stand, and therefor his priors were not brought up. My sister lost the case not solely due to her appearance, but for other reasons too. However the defense brought up her appearance as a reason why she was likely raped, as if tempting men, lying to parents, smoking weed all means you deserve to be raped, or that you could be lying about being raped. Luckily because this guy tried to kill one of his baby mamma's baby while it was still in her, he is now on death row. Justice however was not served in the case of my sister, not directly at least.

My sister's case was more brutal than mine, but rape is rape. The med student raped in Delhi, India, was more than brutally raped, it is still rape. She survived, and fought till her last breath. We are survivors, not victims. Did we deserve it? NO! Was a crime committed against us? Yes. Will we get justice- Maybe. But we are survivors. We grew stronger and now we know what we can do to help change things. 

I grew up with the ideas and these are the thoughts WE NEED to change:

- if you are dress skanky/slutty you probably deserve something bad happening to you

- it is usually your fault for leading him on

- drinking is bad, if you are drunk and something bad happens to you it is your fault

- pretty girls are more likely to be raped

- rape is only when the person is unknown, and there is tearing of clothes and utter brutality

- sexual harassment is only when things get physical

- if a girl hits or wrongs a guy she deserves to be raped

- if she was a bad person she deserves to be raped

- its ok to rape a girl who sleeps around with guys

- its ok to rape a stripper, prostitute because they sell it anyway right?

- a girl who is raped is damaged goods

- a girl who is raped is outcast

- girls should not go out late at night

- cleavage = rape

- shorts = rape

- one can rape a cousin, neice because they are related

- if a girl is passed out from alcohol, drugs/ fainted/unconscious it is ok to have sex with her

- if you are a wife or girlfriend of a person he may force himself on you

- when a women says no, she actually means yes

- if girls dress provocatively they probably want to have sex and be raped

- its ok to rape people of a certain race/ nationality/ religion

- its ok to rape lesbians / gay men

- its ok to rape a girl who has already had sex

- it is ok to rape a girl who has been raped

- sinners deserve to be raped

- if you are raped God probably is making it happen

- rape and other bad things happen because of karma

- forcing oral sex, or other things is not rape

- rape is only when the women is beaten

- it is not legitimate rape when the women gets pregnant

- women can not get pregnant from rape

- women mostly lie about rape

- its ok rape women when we are at war with their country

...

It goes ON!

Is it really our fault? Is brutal rape more "real" of a rape than party rape? Is molestation less of a crime than brutal rape? Really why do we accept ANY of these? In India getting felt up in a bus, or while shopping at New Market was tolerated, put up with... it was just what happened. Why should we, as respectable women, no matter what our life story, no matter if we are a princess, nun or a stripper, have to put up with this abuse? It's not just in India. It's not that one country's laws is better than another... its the attitude we all have in general toward women. The worst is women judging women.

We need to change the way we think, our attitudes, our beliefs, our laws, our standards for human rights. We need to reverse these ideas, for they are all archaic.
How: Just starting from "Oh my, Leanne is dressed in such a short skirt! What a slut!" We can stop that thought right there! Because that's the thinking, the judging of who deserves what that's the birth right there. If Leanne did get raped, would you think? "Oh that's not surprising, she shouldn't have dressed like that! She was asking for it." The thought should have been "She didn't deserve it."

Instead of thinking: Yeah girls who go clubbing and dress in those skimpy clothes , are sure asking for trouble. 

Think: Wow I am glad she has the confidence to go out in public like that!

Instead of: What did she expect she was getting drunk at a bar...

Think: Maybe if some real men stood up for her and helped her home.

So many such instances occur. We make comments. We have these ideas, and its not just us, but the law makers, the police, the rapists themselves... they use the same thoughts we do. We can not prevent every single rape, we can not change everyone, but we, as individuals, can be more mindful, conscious, and create awareness; tell your daughters, sisters, nieces... and help educate your sons, grandsons, nephews, brothers of how women should be treated equally, respected. Truly, ask yourselves what you believe/think and feel. It starts with you, You and I are society, are the culture, are the attitude. As we change, slowly but surely our policies and laws, on rape and other crimes against women/children, will change.

During this past election we heard some outrageous comments by members of the GOP on rape, and women. This archaic ideology and thinking exists here in the USA, today, and among many many people, not the majority luckily. The fact that it does exist though, is scary enough. Can we really blame India for being like this though? When so many people in this very great nation think the same way as many Indian men, think/behave? If your read a few blogs back, my sister shares her story, her very methodical analysis of how even four years ago we knew there was something wrong with this nations approach to women.

I am trying to figure out how to start this process of changing how we think. I think through Conscious Culture, and other means I can help. I also want to point out abuse and rape does not start and end there, molesting, groping women and children are also as bad. We need to definitley educate children from a young age so they can be aware and know. A child can not tell if they are just being adored by their uncle, or being molested. Also out of fear or respect they may never say anything. We have to start somewhere. I know I will start somehow and somewhere and I welcome ideas, and helping hands who would like to join. Although I feel my rape case was not legitimized by the law of the various lands, I still feel like my words, my story counts. I can help, I can make a difference. We need to keep passing the torch.

Ok I need to let this rest for tonight.

Until then...

Shakti in all her forms elegant, powerfule and terrible... none of them deserve this rape.

So let Shakti rise, and awaken, and her light shine on all to see... heal the survivors, and heal those who attack her. For this rape and rampage has to come to an end.

Breathe.

I finally feel okay sharing my story, and I am not looking for sympathy, but instead help everyone realize that we are all survivors, and more women should help share their stories to help spread awareness. So that we all realize that society, culture, policies and attitudes have to change.

Let's do this!

PS:

So apparently my story is not unusual... college girls get drunk at parties and get taken advantage of... should it be accepted? Should we just not go to clubbing, because it is just putting yourself out there at risk? Should we even go to the movies? Once we stop doing things because of safety, and accept that certain things aren't safe for women? Should we live in a bubble? She we never go out, not work, not go to college, not be near men? It's not just at clubs, it could be family, classmates or coworkers...

Or should we work on making this world a place where every place is safe for everyone except criminals? Of course not everyone will change, that would be too idealistic, however if majority changes, that would be enough. Respect; stricter laws on harassment, rape, abuse; we don't want to take advantage of the system we just want to protect our bodies; education; more research on rape victims, on why rape happens; teaching our children early...



I just found this amazing article. do check it out.

... On My Mind - By Piyali Banerjie

This was written by my sister on October 30th 2008 a few days before Obama was elected. She canvased for him back then and faced so many rude people... I love her so much!

Racism & Other issues in the United States of American, 2008

I moved back to the United States of America in 2002. I had been waiting for that moment all my life spent in India. I was anxiously waiting to come back to MY country finally. The country I was born in. The country I was so proud of. Through reading magazines, newspapers, watching Hollywood movies, listening to the variety of music made in America, and watching the news & media people in other countries learn that ANYTHING and everything is possible in America! Everyone’s dreams can come true in America! Francis Scott key included the phrase “the land of the free, and the home of the brave…” in the national anthem, that we sing with such pride and joy, which grants our citizens freedom.
I was so proud to be apart of a nation that made room for EVERYONE. People from all walks of life: race, ethnic origin, religion, and sexual orientation. To grant these people equal rights and freedom is something that other countries may lack. Living in India exposed me to the lack of freedom and rights given to people who had different beliefs and values than that of society. It was so wrong for a Hindu to marry a Muslim. Woman did not have the kind of support to stand up to an abusive husband, or their rapist. People don’t have too many divorces, and continue to live in their dysfunctional marriages. People are ostracized in their own homes if they ‘come out of the closet’, or police authorities can go to the point of punishing persons for being homosexual. These are a few examples of the lack of freedom that I talk about.
When I moved to the United States, I was happy to see how accepting people are towards other people (externally, they seem to leave others alone and mind their own business). I was happy to see that single mothers have the opportunity to make something of themselves, and give their children equal opportunities that a woman with a husband could. I was happy to see that people care for one another. I was happy to see that a homosexual couple could be seen in public holding hands. I was happy to see people of different colors, nationalities and religions live in harmony.

I witnessed a few different instances of racism, but didn’t think too much of it. But I think I clearly see a miniscule slice of racism in America now that we have a Black man running for President. I did not expect ‘race’ to be an issue, although the last two weeks before Election Day has shown otherwise.
Working for the Obama campaign in medina OH has been really hard, since I hear the ‘N’ word a few times each day. I have often gotten this response: “I am not racist, but I don’t know how good I feel about a BLACK person being our president, he was okay as a Senator though”. Also, the assumption that he is Muslim, or an Arab, or has a “Muslim”/”Arab” name, is both idiotic and sad at the same time. I have many Catholic and other Christian friends from Middle Eastern countries that have “Muslim” first and last names, who are Christian. Never have been MUSLIM, and neither have their Grandparents, or great grandparents or great great grandparents. What does a name mean? Hold? What is in a name?
Also, what if he was a Muslim? So what? What’s wrong with being an Arab? A Muslim? Lets address the Muslim aspect of this first. What about the American-Muslim child who aspires to be the President someday?? Is that not possible, in a country where they preach freedom and equality? On the account of being Arab…people seem to believe that Arabs look a certain way, and are most probably Muslim. Do anti-Muslim Americans know that there are Arab people who are Christian? There are Arabs who look like Caucasians? Also, that not ALL Arab Muslims are religious extremists and follow the words of Syyid Qutb (the man whose ideas would shape Al Qaeda. Please read his book ‘Milestones’ to learn more), or the Al Qaeda doctrines?? (With all due respect to Christians)I often wonder how these people who dislike anything arab would react if their lord’s son Jesus Christ were to descend from the heavens. Would they believe he were the son of god? Would they believe anything he says? Or would they condemn him for looking like an “arab”/”jew”/”israelite”? Because for sure, Jesus Christ was not a white skinned ‘Aryan’, with thin light brown hair. The chances of him having light eyes, let alone blue are quite slim (http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/basic/christ/physical_appearance.htm, http://www.thenazareneway.com/likeness_of_our_saviour.htm, http://www.jesuscentral.com/ji/questions/how/describe_the_physical_appearance_and_generally_how_174.php ) That reminds me, the Ku Klux Klan (the circle clan, founded in TN, 1865), was an all protestant, white cult which had a few leaders who were previously Reverends, who used the lords name to execute hatred, suffering and even death upon anyone who was catholic, black, Jewish and other foreigners. When members of the Klan would burn crosses they would play ‘amazing grace’. What a shame. Now, are these people ignorant? Uneducated? Or correct in what they believe?

The term ‘nigger’ was historically used to describe people of African origin, but also means “an unlearned person”. If these people mentioned above were not ‘unlearned’, then what were they? I do not think that word should be a part of anyone’s vocabulary whether they are white or black. I am very sad to see that people have started using this word again as the election nears (in hatred). I do not think it is right under ANY circumstances. I was called an “N***** lover” last week for supporting Obama by two individuals who claimed that I was too ‘hot’ to support him. They went on to justify how it was okay for them to use the word so loosely. I may not be of African decent, but it does offend me. I do not take racism lightly. When my mother was a little child living in England she was spat on by Skinheads. They told her “Paki, go home!” As a child she didn’t understand, and when she learnt why she was afraid and felt less fortunate for not being ‘white’. That was not the only story that led me to my disappointment.
Isn’t there enough hatred in this world, why hate someone for being another color? Darker people have extra melanin in their skin that ensures protection from the sun as they live closer to the equator. Is that so bad? Can that not be understood?
I would be more understanding of this sort of hatred if racist people were from a third world or a less fortunate country. This is America!! This is a first world country!! This county grants citizen with free or affordable education!! How can educated people think like this?
I am also distraught on how there is a double standard in society. Talking “black” or in ‘Ebonics’ is looked down upon by middle class America. I think that most minorities have to work so hard to gain respect in society. Some examples of these double standards are: Laura Bush talking with a southern accent vs. (if) the Obama’s were to use Black Vernacular or have a “black” accent. Somehow people believe that having a southern accent is more acceptable than speaking in a “black” fashion. Therefore, “ya’ll” and Palin’s famous “you betcha’ (Wink)” is still okay!
Palin’s large family is looked at as “normal” or “average”. Most ‘average Americans’ are NOT known to have five children. Maybe a few years ago, but not today. I wonder if Obama would be considered to be a “typical Black person” had he had five children (?).
Also, if he had a 17year old daughter who was pregnant, would that have been seen as “typically black”? But people seem to be very accepting of Palin’s daughter Bristol’s pregnancy.
How about Cindy McCain’s drug addiction for three years? She lied to doctors, made up fake medical needs for prescriptions to attain pain killers to use it HERSLEF. Where is her penalty? We know that celebrities get lenient sentences,… what if Michelle Obama were to have tricked doctors to get drugs for her own drug addiction, what would middle class America think of that?

I cannot relate to this double standard. I cannot relate to “average Joe” or the “Joe six-pack” talk given by Gov. Sarah Palin. Why are we lowering our standard, the idea of conservativeness & the idea of an average American??? Do most average Americans have pregnant daughters? Do Average Americans believe that an eighteen year old is ready to be a mommy and a wife? Do Average Americans believe that it’s okay for an individual’s grandchild and child be a little over a year apart? Do Average Americans believe that they MUST buy designer clothes to LOOK GOOD?? Do they think that JC penny’s is not good enough? Really???

I’ll tell you what, the day I was informed that Palin made rape victims’ in the state of Alaska pay for their own rape kits, sent a cold chill down my spine. Who would support that?
I will now state why I am supporting Obama, and why I shall NEVER elect neither McCain nor Sarah Palin to office. A VP is a step away from being president, and if anything were to happen to McCain…Sarah Palin is not fit to be president. Also, McCain’s lapse of judgment caused me to question what other decisions he may make to satisfy certain requirements. She could not name ONE newspaper/magazine she reads. She was wrong at stating the JOB DESCRIPTION of the VP position (Chris Matthews, Hardball CNN). She cannot name ONE Supreme Court ruling she disagrees with. What about Plessey v. Fergusson!?!?!? That’s one we all learn in American High school. I went to American high school for a year and a half and learnt at least that much! Running for VP of the country? Sad !! How can we rely on her? It also does not help to know that their partnership in this race is not working out very well, considering that their aides have been having a hard time getting along with one another.

I have felt strongly about Sarah Palin, since she spoke of rape victims and how they must not be able to have an abortion, also they must pay for their own rape kits (about approx. $200). I do not think she shows ANY sort of support to victims, or to their suffering.

I am a rape victim. This had happened to me in 2003, shortly after I had moved back to the US (moved here Nov. 2002). I was a virgin. I was not dating the guy who had taken my virginity against my will. I was too small to fight back (I am 5’2”, and at the time less than 100 lbs). I was brutally raped, beaten, with a gun held to my head, later drugged (after I begged for my life). I was also threatened not to tell anyone. I came home that night thankful to be alive, having the opportunity to see my loved ones maybe for the last time, and to bid them farewell before possibly ending my life, before HE came back. I did not know how to tell my culturally conservative Indian family about what had just happened to me. Also, such incidents are not really heard of in the Indian community. “Sex” is not casually talked about in our culture. I did not know what to do. The many fears in my heart, one of which was possibly getting pregnant urged me to attempt suicide. So I did. The blow dryer gave out, it didn’t work. I lived. The next day, due to my sickened, sad, scared, disturbed state of my mind, I told two friends, which later led to telling higher authorities in the school. My mother was informed. I was taken to the Nord center, Lorain OH (rape crisis center), where the rape kit was performed and I had moral support too. That was a blessing to me. I had hope to live. I was given the day after pill. The evidence was gathered, and I had a victim’s advocate who was there for emotional support.

Now, what would have happened had my parents never found out? I would have probably killed myself, since I did not know about ‘planned parenthood’, the rape crisis center, or anything about the justice system or emergency rooms services, since I hadn’t lived in the United States for that long. I am not ashamed to tell my story. I would never want any woman, or anyone’s wife, mother or child to go through what I have been through. I also speak for many Indian, Arab, Muslim,…,woman from culturally conservative backgrounds. I know of some who have been raped by family members whose parents STILL know nothing about it. Fortunately they have not had to bear the burden of pregnancy since they were raped before puberty. Still that DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT OR OKAY.
I don’t think that a rape victim should have to bear the burden of being a mother to a child, if they had not intended to consent to sex. If sex had been enforced on them, there is no need for the victim to give up goals in life to be a mother. I believe that they must have the right to choose. This is one of the most compelling reasons why Republican Sarah Palin, the hockey MOM will not get my vote. Senator McCain has taken a ‘cheap decision” in choosing Sarah Palin without a detailed due diligence and that is certainly WRONG JUDGEMENT. Hence, he will not be getting my vote for President of this great nation. I respect Senator McCain for all the great things he has done in the past, but from the RNC – convention – he has demonstrated wrong judgment in more than one occasions.

I am currently an agnostic. I lost faith, and was an atheist shortly after the incident mentioned above. Sometimes to the point to where it may have reached blasphemy (not in the literal sense, but I hated ‘god’ for not being there for me). I am trying to give the bible a chance since I am dating a lovely boy who has strong faith. Of course, I would ideally like to share the same faith or even a little close. Even if I were to be a Christian someday, I would always leave room for people of other religions. I don’t think it’s all about ME, and what I believe in. I’m sure there are other people who believe that the Koran or the Gita,…etc is the word of god. I am also sure that those people do not seek to be ‘saved’. Therefore, I disagree with the Christian fundamentalists who try to control the governance of this great country. I do understand how these people (with all due respect to Christianity—since not all religious people are the same) can support a war in a foreign country. Defense is different than WAR. Killing living people yet trying to save ‘unborn’ children? Makes no sense. (In no way do I support abortions to be used as a form of contraception; in fact I believe that it is an awful form of concealment, to cover up a mishap. Although I still feel that just because I FEEL it is wrong doesn’t mean that other woman who think different can’t make the choice to support it or have an abortion).

After much research I have come to the conclusion that racism exists, but it is a miniscule population. Even though it is disturbing and disappointing to be still present, I am thankful we have moved forward. More Americans are accepting of different racial, ethnic and religious citizens. I find myself grateful for the movement away from the past of emerging neo-Nazism and KKK groups. (44% of white voters are currently supporting Obama).

Just an observation: the crowd gathered to hear Barack Obama is beautiful, colorful, and full of character. THAT I BELIEVE is AMERICA. Blacks, whites, Hispanics, Indians, Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Europeans, Christians, Jews, Jains, Buddhists,…….Sikhs(with turbans), Muslims, homosexuals, the rich, poor, labor unions, celebrities,…. Yes, that’s the AMERICA I want to live in. That’s the America id like to see. That’s the America that has room for EVERYBODY.
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

I am not trying to tell anyone that this is the right way to vote. These are just my thoughts on issues lingering on my mind. I just thought I would share them with people, especially since I have voiced my strong opinions on this election on facebook. I respect how people feel, but these are my reasons for voting in this direction.

LONG LIVE – THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Crazy Love

what a crazy man!
maybe its for the best though.
maybe not.
maybe they'll come back?
maybe you don't even want them to?
who knows.
love is torture.
It should be covered under the Geneva conventions.


- From a chat with Scott on Love, Heartache, and Life.

Mallika

Dearest Mallika,

They say, 'all things happen for a reason'; And 'tis under these circumstances that I finally get to tell you

how special you are to me, and how much of an impact you have had on my life.

As we now understand that human relationships are fickle, I also understand how they can be, in fact, timeless.

For although we are not connected by blood, I have always considered you closer than that, and and dearer than those who are connected by blood.

I remember when we first heard you were going to marry our beloved uncle; We made room for you in our hearts, which was challenging to do for we only had room for our Uncle. The little room we had for you however, grew and grew. 

You were not only my aunt, you were my role model, some one I looked up to, you were inspiring. You were like a mother at times, others a good friend, a mentor, a guide, and a teacher.

I remember I always wanted to be as beautiful as you, as strong as you, independent, like you I wanted to have the same haircut as you. You are a very powerful woman.

I want to be like you, in my own way however, but I will be just like you!

You always talked about how to be a strong woman, and that we must break away from stereotyped roles of women. You made us think, analyze and open our eyes to the world.

I remember you taught me and my sister about sexual intercourse, something NO ONE had dared to tell us about. I was an adolescent, and Piyali was a little younger. Ma couldn't find the strength within her to tell us before, and they don't teach us about it until 10th grade in school. You said that hiding such information at this day and age was ridiculous, with all the violence against women, rape and what not going on. You took us to the park as ma cried. You taught us about love, marriage, boys, sex, rape, and dating. THANK YOU SO MUCH for that very important life lesson.

You taught us how to be strong women. I remember your stance when in argument, and always sought your clarity in though and strength of voice when in an argument.You taught me, through your toughness, how to be stronger and to get things done. TO DO IT. 

You have helped me WANT TO prove myself... to be a stronger woman. To NOT SETTLE for anything less that what I want. To seek the best, always.

Over the years I saw how I could be girlie and feminine while being a tomboy!

How to guard ourselves, our hearts. How to be passionate about what we do. You were always so passionate, and enthusiastic about your work. You work very hard, always.

You taught me so many things; thank you.

I am glad the last time I was there we shared such a close moment. I realized that underneath my aunt's tough outer shell, she has the most tender, caring and loving heart. Our connection ran deeper, close to spiritual bond. I learned about how you are deeply spiritual, and have faith in love.

I love you so much Mallika. and I hope a small hiccup in such silly relationships humans create, that ours wont be broken.

To me you will always be my most beloved aunt in my heart and mind. Always.

You will always be my friend.

My mentor, my role model.

Your loving niece

Priyanka

My Response to "Climate Change" Skeptics and Opposers

Sure people maybe skeptics about climate change... but there are those without voices who FEEL the climate change change. I'm sure if you had no voice and had "NO RIGHTS" things would be different in your mind and your perspective. 

However you are not in that unfortunate position. So you will write to "whoever" the pope or the president and make an issue of how the "climate change" is something we in the here and now shouldn't focus on. 

We don't live in the Poles, or in coral reefs, so delicate and sensitive to the slightest temperature changes. 

Most of us don't live in an area which is affected... extreme heat and drought in the tropics, or melting glaciers.

It's not just about climate. It's more than just climate, its OUR world. 
When we start deciding which species lives or dies based on OUR actions, then we should worry that in the future there is a possibility when humans decide which humans live or die. 

Or are we already there? 

It's more than science. Its understanding, empathy and compassion. 

Perhaps many in our country don't have it - empathy, understanding, compassion...

Many in our country don't know how much worse it can get - yes a warm winter is wonderful and welcomed, but to experience drought, or the loss of land due to floods...


We have it good so far.


Do we care about 10 years from now? 20 years from now? 50 years from now? 100 years? No. We live in the NOW and plan only for OUR futures.

Breathe!

The airs will get polluted, and there won't be fresh air to breath. We can pay for air like we pay for gas now.

Wrote this in 2009 10th Dec... Posting it now!
:-P

The Dilemma: Compassion to people ... compassion to animals

So the past couple of years I have been working as a Park Ranger for the National Park Service, then as a GIS intern at the Metro Parks around Akron, now the land planner at the one in Cleveland. I help conserve natural areas, for the enjoyment of people and to help save species of animals. Ohio, may not be a Sundarbans, or great barrier reef, it is a makeshift home to many migratory species. It's waters drain into the Great lakes which eventually drain into the Atlantic Ocean. The environment and the quality of the environment is a shared responsibility. Some of us work more actively in the field than others.

However what is the COST of conservation? In Northeast Ohio people are concerned we are taking away their land. The land which they rightfully own, for some dumb birdies. In India Medha Patkar and Baba Amte stood up for the tribal/village people who would be affected by the dam which was to be built across the Narmada River. Did those people really matter? Did that whole environment really matter? Is not renewable energy for the overpopulated cities of India more important than some people in a village, who farm, they could farm or do whatever they do elsewhere right? Do these peoples' sentiments really matter?

I have been reading this book called "The Hungry Tide" by Amitav Ghosh. I highly recommend it if you have any interest in Indian culture, environment, tigers, culture in Asia, philosophy or just really good piece of fiction. The story is set in the Indian section of the Sundarbans. This is a real area, and all the facts that follow are true. The Sundarbans are the largest mangrove forest in the world. A Mangrove forest is a special habitat created where the river meets the sea, the depositing silt creates temporary and changing landforms, this process gives birth to semi-aquatic flora and specialized fauna. This area is also the humble abode of the Royal Bengal Tiger. WWF, and other such organizations have listed the Tiger as a threatened and endangered species. This animal is subject to loss of habitat, and poaching.

The Sundarbans is also home to a very popular species that inhabits the earth: Humans. So two great predators occupy this dense jungle, or whatever is left of it. As the humans make way for more homes, the tigers fight for survival... the people who live here are mostly refugees, living in abject poverty, poor, fishing in the little streams and rivers that form this vast delta. Who has rights to this land? WWF and people from our class are all for SAVE THE TIGER. The tiger is dying. However, where will these people go? Do they matter?

Then again there are people like me who work hard but for no great compensation, to protect these areas, quoting the book (at this point two characters are discussing the difference between conserving habitats for animals and keeping animals in captivity): "the difference (...) is that is what it was intended, not by you or me, but by nature, by the earth, by the planet that keeps us all alive. Just suppose we cross that imaginary line that prevents us from deciding that no other species matters except ourselves. What will be left then? Aren't we alone enough in the Universe? And do you think it will stop at that? Once we decide we can kill off other species, it will be people next. Just the kind of people you were speaking of, people who are poor and unnoticed."

This made me think that perhaps preservation does draw the line from us killing off the earth and then killing each other for more of it. When we create preservations, reservations, conservation areas... It is because we acknowledge the fact that this is a place that must be shared not only with humans but reserved for animals who would otherwise have no home. WE as a species are selfish and greedy, taking the best and leaving the rest to the lowest. Some might call it survival of the fittest, but most of us are more than fit. So since we are the dominant species and class why not help the "less fit" more often.

However there is still the line between helping poverty stricken people and helping the environment. When the Narmada Bachao Andolan (Medha Patkar and Baba Amte's non-government organization) began a movement against the dam, it aimed at preserving habitat (trees etc) and people. Then there is an area like the Smoky Mountain National Park, which preserves a small portion of the smoky mountains and is home to the Cherokee Indians. So how do we find a balance in countries countries in Africa, South America, and South Asia to strike a balance between helping the poor, but helping the animals too. Maybe even separating the two. We can not afford to lose the earth's second greatest predator (being the Big Cats). However can not ignore poor people and cast them aside. However conserving the nature is my job at the moment. There are both sides of the coin, which can go hand in hand. Which side of the coin are you? and what have you done so far?