Vacation and Limiting Social Networking

I went on vacation this past week. My friend challenged me to go this week with viewing and checking into facebook only twice a day before 9 am and after 9 pm only. Only two likes, statuses, and I wanted to keep the picture uploads to the minimum also. I deleted my facebook app completely from my phone, I kept myself signed out from facebook in general. The hardest part was not liking a lot of different stuff, however it has lessened a lot!

I didn't post any pictures, except two or three, and mostly I emailed or texted them to the near and dear people. Sorry if you weren't one of them, but you gotta earn it! Yep it's a new elite club of getting close to pree. Wasn't it that way before the boom of social media, myspace, facebook, and instagram? No one knew you got married unless you were super rich and had the biggest wedding the town ever saw or if you were in with the people big time, but now EVERYONE knows thanks to facebook, if you or your spouse remembers to update. And usually someone does, or someone posts the pictures, its like your own personal  paparazzi... I get it, I was super excited about the whole thing, until recently. Until I realized how it was affecting me. So it's a good thing and a bad thing, right now am so glad I am keeping it to a minimum.

I kept my statuses to a minimum, and texted, or emailed if I had to communicate with someone. I think mostly my friend and Ryan posted most of the pictures. Oh I had fun though, and was able to be present more because I didn't worry about other stuff. We caught up with news, weather and the world on tv at night, and well Mandy and Ryan checked Yahoo! everyday. It's popular and a favorite for both of them! At times I did look over their shoulders when they facebooked, but I was mindful! Laying on the beach and doing nothing, not even texting, or scrolling through endless nonsense on the phone. If I needed to know something I would wiki it or wait till I got home, or actually think about it. I got a book to help me with things I was interested in.

My holiday was a success, and my rehab is going pretty well. It's just the beginning, and I have a long way to go. I hope to make it through and become "NORMAL" with the help of family, loved ones and friends. To a more healthy living!

Breathe!

Cleaning

Struggling with Addictions

Remember the blog I wrote about social networking addictions? Well I suffer deeply. I was just spending time with my boyfriend this weekend, and he was like put the phone down, and then we can commence cuddling. So I did, begrudgingly, but I knew he was pointing something important out. I have about a 1000 friends, and sometimes I feel the pressure of having to check it. One knows who are the frequent posters, the unfrequent-facebook checkers, some people go through phases, of checking it for a week... I don't know how or why I got so consumed by this. I am known to be a frequent fb user, so I feel pressured when I don't post something. It's been only one month since my facebook hiatus in February. I have a problem.

I spoke to a friend who told me "try to avoid confrontational situations, just chill." When I explained further, he said " you just sound vexed". So he commented "first of all facebook is stupid. Stop fucking commenting on random shit that doesn't affect you leave FB alone. All it will do it annoy you later." We have helped each other through tough times, and continue to do so, he was one of the few who recently helped me figure out that whole "shoulds" and "is" issue. He diagnosed me after listening to how "wired" I am. He said "You have it worse than a alcoholic or a druggie!!! A person who is constantly distressed by her accomplishments and shit and is on fb every 3 hrs connected via phone, laptop... !!!! Close your fucking account!" (Sometimes harsh language helps jolt stuff into your head, subtlety is at loss.). Strangely my sister advised the same, so after much gerrymandering I accomplished (due to spotify now being connected to faceboo, so annoying!).

 My friend went on to point out "Do a poll of all your friends.The most chilled out dudes, I'm sure barely ever get on fb.Getting on fb is a choice YOU are making!" Which is kind of true, live life more, internet less, fall less in the "busy trap"... busy doing what? Rule of thumb, and when joining any any any social network remember "you can not post stuff on fb and not expect to see peoples opinions on it, then some idiot will say something that bugs you." Which is true, which we forget. Election times are the worst, all other times are pretty tough too.

About idle time he suggested "if you are bored find healthy stuff to surf." To prevent me from re-activating it in a day he said "I know you will reactivate it in a day... every time you check facebook an animal dies a painful death ok!!!! That should help you." And it does, I remember the same tactic used to curb children from masturbating which is actually healthier than other stuff kids do today (Steubenville, Ohio)!

Why is this a problem? Often time it leads to a difference of opinion, ego bruising, and even confrontations. I know among kids it could lead to break ups, bullying etc. Personally I've lost friends, and its the worst thing to lose friends over, the silliest of arguments blow up into a volcano. I think social networking, facebook, meme's increase the likely hood of ruined friendships. Often times one can successfully show another person "hey you can look at the issue from this perspective", and that person acknowledges. Then you think you can take it further and change the world. Which leads to worse stuff. Social networking is now used to push ideas, products, political parties, etc. etc. *sigh* What happened to good old friendship? It's a tough world, and facebook, the internet and media, bring that world into your place of solace. Yikes! We can't fight it, but we can choose to let it not affect us. I know I let it affect me, just as my friend said. I need to distance myself and let it go. Seeing things for what it is and not getting wrapped up in the chaotic allure of it all... so difficult to do sometimes!

There seems to be increasing effort and research in studying the use of technology as an addiction, in fact there is a program now which focuses on internet, electronics addictions.

Other helpful links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html
http://sobercollege.com/2012/social-media-young-adult-addiction-treatment
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/032210p8.shtml
http://socialtimes.com/fight-social-media-addiction_b4552
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933810708464
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/troubling-social-media-addiction-statistics

I realize not everyone has this issue. Most people are able to balance things in their life for the most part right? So I just need more help than others! It's my problem, am helping my self!

:-)


Breathe!

Dualities of life... finding the balance
Picture courtesy Piyali

The Social Networking Drug

Remember NOMOPHOBIA?

Well I am using this post as as my unofficial  FBA meeting (Facebookaholics Anonymous), I am admitting to overdosing, being addicted to and abusing FB to the point that my life is at risk - career, writing, mental health etc. Yes I admit. We all have addictions, examine your life closely.

Anyway I tried just lessening the use of, monitoring myself, but then my phone would show me I had comments! Or I would stalk the "frenemy" (The friend who is not a friend but an enemy). My writing was becoming into trolling around FB for information... whatever it was unhealthy, now I am stopping it. When i get back maybe I'll delete a bunch of people I keep around for good grief knows what! It's just not healthy. I know some people who are addicted to twitter, constantly twitter updating, or the text-a-holics, there are workaholics, adrenalin junkies... (maybe some of these are better than the rest of the addictions out there, but don't fool yourself, it IS unhealthy too).

Balance.

The Middle Path.

That is the keyword for all these addictions, if you can not balance, then eliminate it entirely.
I think I can learn to balance eventually. For now I am going into my own rehab and just letting go of Facebook. May I be more productive. May I live more. May I be more present.

Love.

Breathe

How many of us waste time on this? How many of us are addicted? Sure it helped the Jasmine revolution etc. but I suffer... do you?

So many people... so many people... so many lives... so much information...

Meaningful Snail Mail

2013 hmm... Facebook... hmm... Social networking... emails... friendships....

Checking my inbox and I see spam. Checking my mailbox I see spam fliers! Once upon a time I would get letters from friends, and then later when times changed, I did receive actual emails from friends. Recently this has become very rare. I mostly use email for work, or for buying stuff. When was the last time a friend sent you a long meaningful email? My sis and I have a gratitude email we send out each day. Everyone adds a short list of what they are grateful for that moment, that day. It keeps us focused on the positive.

Another thing I do is, I try to spark some meaningful emails among few friends, but with texting, facebook, twitter, whatsapp, email, etc. etc. No meaningful interactions are really made, or it is more rare. This just saddens me because I love meaningful conversations, I love good laughs with friends near and far. I treat each day like not a moment has past since we last met. Sometimes I get a reply, sometimes a few follow up emails... but then it dies down from one-side or the other.

This year many of my friends listed "keeping in touch with friends, better/ more often" as their new year's resolution. Does this mean you touch base with them once a year? Twice a year? Quarterly? Monthly? Weekly? I'm not saying we must all have a meaningful dialogue every second... but truly what IS the meaning of life without good friends to connect or re-connect with? I will be crude here: you are doing the same shit on a different day, day after day, whether it is work, partying, drinking, gym-ing, reading, watching t.v., doing hobbies... Or maybe you do not seek meaning in life. :-P Maybe you are already connected with friends in a meaningful way and in that case this isn't for you.

I have a dear friend here in Ohio. We live 20-30 minutes apart, however work, schedules, and sometimes weather keep us from hanging out. When we do hang out, it is deep, connecting, bonding time. We are honest with each other when we cancel plans; whether it is low on cash, or 'Hey i am sorry i double booked, please forgive me! but I planned with Becky before you' or 'something else came up' or 'I'm going to blow off our yoga time cause the guy I had a crush on finally asked me out!' or 'I just don't feel like driving', or 'I really just don't feel like it, can we reschedule?'. Being honest works, because you are being honest to yourself and to your friend. It brings you closer, plus friends are understanding and supportive of each other. Most of us can tell when a friend is being flaky, or when their excuse is really a "white lie" covering up for their 'I just don't feel like it'. Honesty increases respect for each other. try it sometimes! My point was that although being in the same state, neighboring cities, should not be an excuse for not hanging out. Same thing, don't forget to try to give your friend a call, or shoot them an email, or reply to their text. Sometimes life happens, it can get in the way, but like my friend and I, we make it a point to hang out, and make things we do together memorable, meaningful and most of all a type of fun we both enjoy! I wish we did it more often.

So, when you make that new years resolution to keep in touch with your friends, set some goals out, just like you would do if you were going to lose weight by eating healthy and working out more. Take this as serious. Who are your good friends? Who are friends that consider you a good friend but you haven't given them a shot at friendship, maybe try this time? How often will you keep in touch? Method of communication which is good for both of you? What are the new major developments in the person's life to keep track of? Remember to pace yourself because you can get stretched too thin.

Honestly, being a good friend comes naturally to some, but not to all. I noticed when reconnecting with friends they had significant others, husbands/wives/partners, and some even have children now! It's hard to keep track of names. So I try to remember by writing their names down together. I feel bad when I call a dear friend and I say "oh and how's the husband?" I want to be able to say their names. I don't know about some of you, but I do take friendship seriously.

Another facebook trend is a status message that says - 'this year I am practicing giving (or something to that effect), and the first 5 to comment on my status will receive something from me. Now please post this on your wall.' Last year I started writing letters to people I hadn't talked to in a long while. I reflected on our friendship, and wrote to them short notes, a card, a drawing, a long letter... It was one of the tasks to be done in the book/ course 'The Artist's Way'. So a bunch of people got letters, some replied, some emailed, some texted or called. I actually did not expect anything! However remember getting a letter in the mail from a friend? It's better than getting something from Amazon in the mail. It's a part of your friend, but on paper, just for you... written from the heart.

Now we type emails, it's faster, but how many do we really put effort into? Is the heart of your email inbox empty? Is it craving meaningful connection?

Let's catch up!


Breathe!

Lovely Letter from my friend Trina

Other letters I received from friends!

Wrote one to Ryan!

A letter to my sister!

A card for a friend!

A picture card from Mandy and David!

Raw Materials for Lunch

Dad - What will you eat for Dinner?
Me- I dunno I'll figure it out later
Dad- Ok I will give you some materials for dinner, later on.
Me- What? Materials for what?
Dad- Materials for making dinner. It's all raw materials and you are the extruder.
Me- Why can't you just say food?


Oh My!



Breathe

Nomophobia

Everyone has it.

Nomophobia - this new term that describes an affliction which ails most of us in this modern age of  the 2000s. "No Mobile Phobia" = Nomophobia - fear of being without your cell phone for a period of time being a few minutes, or an extended period of time due to whatever reason. It causes anxiety and stress in the person. It also might just be even needing the phone, having to check it not out of compulsion/fear/anxiety, but out of habit... 

Friend and you decide to meet. It's been a while. Say "Hi's" walk into restaurant sit down. Look at menu. Talk a bit. Silence. Order food. Talk some more. Then one of the phones buzzes or plays a quirky ring tone. The friend checks their phone. It's taking a minute. So you decide to take your phone out too, and then it become dinner, talking and texting.

Even if the phone was on vibrate, we have the urge to check our phones... maybe if you have kids, or are "On Call" at work, or a loved one is in the ICU. Those are good excuses. But it comes down to respect? Who do we respect more the person infront of us or the person on the other end of the cellphone-3G-Internet - ness (whatever)?

1- Addiction/Habit

My father thinks my sister and I text too often. He is a classic type A personality, Workaholic... so he's always checking his email on his laptop, or on his phone. He reprimands us when checking the phone while driving, or being distracted while driving, but when he drives, he allows himself to check his phone every now and then. So I pointed that out to him, but his excuse to me was he runs a business.

2- Priorities

So when we are with someone do we make them the priority or family who is texting or calling the priority? I think this is a major cultural change happening all over the world and worth thinking about. I dislike texting/emailing when with friends. I realize I disrespect them a lot. And I feel the same when it happened to me. So just like when in a movie, Please silence your cell phones and put them away. Even having it on vibrate is annoying.

3- Dependencies

So I was at a party and my friend forgot someone's name, so he quickly went on to the facebook party invite page on his phone to look up the person's name. What happened to using our God Given Brain and actually using it. Once again it comes down to respect and priority.

Even just simple things like you think you know the fact of a certain thing, and when in a discussion you realize you don't know your facts to the dot. So you look it up on your phone. That's plain laziness.
Do your homework.

4- Wired

Although we enjoy "freedoms" somehow staying connected ALL THE TIME, is a new type of freedom? How do we not get tired of knowing what everyone is doing all the time? Of everyone knowing what we are doing all the time and letting everyone know? I think one day we might realize this prison we created for ourselves and want to break free!

this is how we hang out!

let's stare into our cell phones on this romantic date

ofcourse there's the iphone... also - ibuddy!

 

Smart thing to do?

Anyway I googled "Texting Mania" and so much comes up!


http://www.stickmanweekly.com/Reader2007/reader4554.htm   ---> found this cute article!


Maybe we need a Facebook Rehab, Mobile Rehab and Internet Rehab?!?!?!?

Thoughts?




I know I need to wean  myself off of Facebook and my Smartphone... focus more on me.






Breathe!

The Droid in our Lives

I once wrote an essay of how "the time they are a changing", and now i really do feel the full effect of that statement. I began a new job, and with a new job comes $$$!  So i bought myself an early Holiday Season gift: the Droid X!So I have always been jipped on the technology front because the thought used to be that only the business man/ important person should receive/need/ use technologically advanced, and expensive items. However as technology becomes more affordable, everyone can get a cell phone, and not just any cell phone, but a smart phone, or an ipad. These aren't just normal electronics; these devices have changed our day to day lives.

Remember when there were only land lines through one and only one telephone company? Now we have more than one option, plus cell phones. So people can reach us anytime, anywhere. However, we have caller ID so we can easily screen our calls, so people really can't reach us anytime, anywhere. Irony! Now there is texting; Texting is preferred over phone calls because its quiet, less invasive to the person being contacted's life. We can do away without all the small talk, and get to the point, or we can have entire conversations with text messaging. It's quick and easy. Then there is picture and video messaging... the list goes on.

With smart phones we can now download apps, short for application. "There's an app for that too"; that advertisement really hits the spot, because there is an app for everything that you could download for you phone. It's almost ridiculous.

My droid has changed my life, because instead of spending hours checking email and replying at the end of the day, I can reply ASAP. Facebook, twitter, gmail, gchat, skype, all my networking is on there. My finances, my calender, my netflix list, the list goes on. My life is now dependent on this pretty big, but small computer. My parent's joke that I went from being addicted to my laptop to a smaller computer, before which it was a desktop. Plus side of it all, I can send email, and communicate from dance class, from the gym, and right before I go to bed, I can listen to music on my phone, and take HD video too. My cell phone camera is WOW! (check out my youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/pree1403?feature=mhum hopefully that is it).

Hope I'm doing a good job selling Droid/Android, they are paying me to do so. Just kidding; but they should, because I would recommend it to people who network a lot, and rely on their email, phone, text etc. to keep up with their day to day lives. Here's an example sometime the email reminder for dance class doesn't go out till the afternoon of. Working the hours I work, sometimes I don't have access to email right after work, and commuting 30 miles only to drive back for dance class is not conducive to keeping the carbon footprint down.
With the droid I get a flash reminder "email from Aya for dance class". I can also send out emails to my friends while planning my calender out. It is automatic, so every one who is invited gets the event reminder. Google Calender?

Did I mention the swype? It is an awesome was to type. I will suggest go to your nearest droid person and try it. I love touch screens.

Time to get back to my droid now.

See you later, maybe from my droid!

 

I forgot to mention: the droid and the pandora ap, make work somuch more bearable! (unless they play weird songs on the wrong channels! Example 3 doors down and aerosmith on my pop music channel. When I mean pop, I mean Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls type.)

My next blog shall be a blog about music!