Vacation and Limiting Social Networking

I went on vacation this past week. My friend challenged me to go this week with viewing and checking into facebook only twice a day before 9 am and after 9 pm only. Only two likes, statuses, and I wanted to keep the picture uploads to the minimum also. I deleted my facebook app completely from my phone, I kept myself signed out from facebook in general. The hardest part was not liking a lot of different stuff, however it has lessened a lot!

I didn't post any pictures, except two or three, and mostly I emailed or texted them to the near and dear people. Sorry if you weren't one of them, but you gotta earn it! Yep it's a new elite club of getting close to pree. Wasn't it that way before the boom of social media, myspace, facebook, and instagram? No one knew you got married unless you were super rich and had the biggest wedding the town ever saw or if you were in with the people big time, but now EVERYONE knows thanks to facebook, if you or your spouse remembers to update. And usually someone does, or someone posts the pictures, its like your own personal  paparazzi... I get it, I was super excited about the whole thing, until recently. Until I realized how it was affecting me. So it's a good thing and a bad thing, right now am so glad I am keeping it to a minimum.

I kept my statuses to a minimum, and texted, or emailed if I had to communicate with someone. I think mostly my friend and Ryan posted most of the pictures. Oh I had fun though, and was able to be present more because I didn't worry about other stuff. We caught up with news, weather and the world on tv at night, and well Mandy and Ryan checked Yahoo! everyday. It's popular and a favorite for both of them! At times I did look over their shoulders when they facebooked, but I was mindful! Laying on the beach and doing nothing, not even texting, or scrolling through endless nonsense on the phone. If I needed to know something I would wiki it or wait till I got home, or actually think about it. I got a book to help me with things I was interested in.

My holiday was a success, and my rehab is going pretty well. It's just the beginning, and I have a long way to go. I hope to make it through and become "NORMAL" with the help of family, loved ones and friends. To a more healthy living!

Breathe!

Cleaning

Struggling with Addictions

Remember the blog I wrote about social networking addictions? Well I suffer deeply. I was just spending time with my boyfriend this weekend, and he was like put the phone down, and then we can commence cuddling. So I did, begrudgingly, but I knew he was pointing something important out. I have about a 1000 friends, and sometimes I feel the pressure of having to check it. One knows who are the frequent posters, the unfrequent-facebook checkers, some people go through phases, of checking it for a week... I don't know how or why I got so consumed by this. I am known to be a frequent fb user, so I feel pressured when I don't post something. It's been only one month since my facebook hiatus in February. I have a problem.

I spoke to a friend who told me "try to avoid confrontational situations, just chill." When I explained further, he said " you just sound vexed". So he commented "first of all facebook is stupid. Stop fucking commenting on random shit that doesn't affect you leave FB alone. All it will do it annoy you later." We have helped each other through tough times, and continue to do so, he was one of the few who recently helped me figure out that whole "shoulds" and "is" issue. He diagnosed me after listening to how "wired" I am. He said "You have it worse than a alcoholic or a druggie!!! A person who is constantly distressed by her accomplishments and shit and is on fb every 3 hrs connected via phone, laptop... !!!! Close your fucking account!" (Sometimes harsh language helps jolt stuff into your head, subtlety is at loss.). Strangely my sister advised the same, so after much gerrymandering I accomplished (due to spotify now being connected to faceboo, so annoying!).

 My friend went on to point out "Do a poll of all your friends.The most chilled out dudes, I'm sure barely ever get on fb.Getting on fb is a choice YOU are making!" Which is kind of true, live life more, internet less, fall less in the "busy trap"... busy doing what? Rule of thumb, and when joining any any any social network remember "you can not post stuff on fb and not expect to see peoples opinions on it, then some idiot will say something that bugs you." Which is true, which we forget. Election times are the worst, all other times are pretty tough too.

About idle time he suggested "if you are bored find healthy stuff to surf." To prevent me from re-activating it in a day he said "I know you will reactivate it in a day... every time you check facebook an animal dies a painful death ok!!!! That should help you." And it does, I remember the same tactic used to curb children from masturbating which is actually healthier than other stuff kids do today (Steubenville, Ohio)!

Why is this a problem? Often time it leads to a difference of opinion, ego bruising, and even confrontations. I know among kids it could lead to break ups, bullying etc. Personally I've lost friends, and its the worst thing to lose friends over, the silliest of arguments blow up into a volcano. I think social networking, facebook, meme's increase the likely hood of ruined friendships. Often times one can successfully show another person "hey you can look at the issue from this perspective", and that person acknowledges. Then you think you can take it further and change the world. Which leads to worse stuff. Social networking is now used to push ideas, products, political parties, etc. etc. *sigh* What happened to good old friendship? It's a tough world, and facebook, the internet and media, bring that world into your place of solace. Yikes! We can't fight it, but we can choose to let it not affect us. I know I let it affect me, just as my friend said. I need to distance myself and let it go. Seeing things for what it is and not getting wrapped up in the chaotic allure of it all... so difficult to do sometimes!

There seems to be increasing effort and research in studying the use of technology as an addiction, in fact there is a program now which focuses on internet, electronics addictions.

Other helpful links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html
http://sobercollege.com/2012/social-media-young-adult-addiction-treatment
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/032210p8.shtml
http://socialtimes.com/fight-social-media-addiction_b4552
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933810708464
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/troubling-social-media-addiction-statistics

I realize not everyone has this issue. Most people are able to balance things in their life for the most part right? So I just need more help than others! It's my problem, am helping my self!

:-)


Breathe!

Dualities of life... finding the balance
Picture courtesy Piyali

Nomophobia

Everyone has it.

Nomophobia - this new term that describes an affliction which ails most of us in this modern age of  the 2000s. "No Mobile Phobia" = Nomophobia - fear of being without your cell phone for a period of time being a few minutes, or an extended period of time due to whatever reason. It causes anxiety and stress in the person. It also might just be even needing the phone, having to check it not out of compulsion/fear/anxiety, but out of habit... 

Friend and you decide to meet. It's been a while. Say "Hi's" walk into restaurant sit down. Look at menu. Talk a bit. Silence. Order food. Talk some more. Then one of the phones buzzes or plays a quirky ring tone. The friend checks their phone. It's taking a minute. So you decide to take your phone out too, and then it become dinner, talking and texting.

Even if the phone was on vibrate, we have the urge to check our phones... maybe if you have kids, or are "On Call" at work, or a loved one is in the ICU. Those are good excuses. But it comes down to respect? Who do we respect more the person infront of us or the person on the other end of the cellphone-3G-Internet - ness (whatever)?

1- Addiction/Habit

My father thinks my sister and I text too often. He is a classic type A personality, Workaholic... so he's always checking his email on his laptop, or on his phone. He reprimands us when checking the phone while driving, or being distracted while driving, but when he drives, he allows himself to check his phone every now and then. So I pointed that out to him, but his excuse to me was he runs a business.

2- Priorities

So when we are with someone do we make them the priority or family who is texting or calling the priority? I think this is a major cultural change happening all over the world and worth thinking about. I dislike texting/emailing when with friends. I realize I disrespect them a lot. And I feel the same when it happened to me. So just like when in a movie, Please silence your cell phones and put them away. Even having it on vibrate is annoying.

3- Dependencies

So I was at a party and my friend forgot someone's name, so he quickly went on to the facebook party invite page on his phone to look up the person's name. What happened to using our God Given Brain and actually using it. Once again it comes down to respect and priority.

Even just simple things like you think you know the fact of a certain thing, and when in a discussion you realize you don't know your facts to the dot. So you look it up on your phone. That's plain laziness.
Do your homework.

4- Wired

Although we enjoy "freedoms" somehow staying connected ALL THE TIME, is a new type of freedom? How do we not get tired of knowing what everyone is doing all the time? Of everyone knowing what we are doing all the time and letting everyone know? I think one day we might realize this prison we created for ourselves and want to break free!

this is how we hang out!

let's stare into our cell phones on this romantic date

ofcourse there's the iphone... also - ibuddy!

 

Smart thing to do?

Anyway I googled "Texting Mania" and so much comes up!


http://www.stickmanweekly.com/Reader2007/reader4554.htm   ---> found this cute article!


Maybe we need a Facebook Rehab, Mobile Rehab and Internet Rehab?!?!?!?

Thoughts?




I know I need to wean  myself off of Facebook and my Smartphone... focus more on me.






Breathe!

Social Networking and Friendship

Social Networking, when the concept first came out... especially via internet, was amazing! We could now find our friends of childhood past at the click of a mouse.

As long as they had internet and access to the website.

Before which Social Networking was an art form, and one had to be typically extroverted to be able to network, collect phone numbers and addresses in a handy little book, and keep in touch via  visits, phone calls, and letters. Yes snail mail and actual voice phone calls. No voicemail. No caller ID.

Can you imagine a world without smart phones, geotagging and facebook?!

It's almost like blasphemous!

God forbid we ever live that age again!


At first I remember connecting with my highschool and childhood friends, everyone was thrilled to find each other.

I recently found myself with over 1000 friends.

People I barely knew commenting on stuff on my facebook wall.

Suddenly it struck me where are my real friends? The one's I see weekly and contact day to day? They are busy living life. So who are these people? Why are they even on my friends list? So future me can contact them at a future date when I am in need?
But if they are commenting the comments right now, and I really am not close to them now, will I want to hang out with them? I think not. Why did I add the annoying girl from highschool? Why did i add the stalker boy from college? Why am I still friends with my ex? and my ex's best friend?

If we were meant to be friends it will happen on its own.

Another scenario: I need to contact friend who lives in California because I want to catch up with an old high school friend. I try desperately to contact her on Facebook, the email listed on her FB and her cell listed there. All to no avail. All this over a couple of months. Yeah I am a fool.

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

I decided to do some weeding. Yes I took out the weeds, and am still doing so.

Facebook feed, facebook ticker, privacy settings... for 1000+ people?

I just want my good friends to be in touch with me NOW. Future me can fend for herself.
Past me needs to leave the childhood, and highschool stuff behind.


Present Me is happy for the people in my life now, and for the ones in the past and the ones to be there in the future... but I don't need to label everyone, and I don't need to "friend" everyone.

What has Facebook done to the term "Friend"?

This is an email I sent out to my nearest and dearest, when I got so frustrated with trying to track people down, despite "facebook", "geotagging" and the rest of the social networking mumbojumbo.

so lately realizing that the term "friend" is so watered down.
thanks to Facebook especially.
when you "friend" someone you are just collecting a person.
how many of those people are "friends". does being a good friend matter?
what does "friend" even mean?
it's either very simple or very complicated... however everyone has their own definitions now.
own rating systems... so how do you even know where you stand?
I found it tough to keep in touch even with social networking and thus no use for adding people or even trying.
what happened to "let bygones be bygones" I found my self still holding on. Is this healthy?

Just had these random questions recently and was wondering what you thought and/or experienced.

I have friends who will be my friends even though we haven't talked in years and I know they are my friends despite time and space.
I know they will reply to my email/text/call back eventually.
We know how to each other that intimately.

I have acquiantances who I talk to everyday might hang out with, but does that make them my "friend"? Privy to my life details? Must we categorize all the people in our lives in a filing cabinet?

Am I over analyzing?

The School KFI (I was lucky to have gone to a school founded and based on the philosophies of J. Krishnamurti - Indian philosopher. Please look him up if you have never heard of him) taught me to question, so I am questioning! Or is this a totally wrong approach? :-P

I guess ultimately my question is: Dear friend! if I am to reach you what is the best method?
phone? text? email? letter? facebook? twitter? Honestly tell me so I don't get frustrated and give up on our friendship (if it even exists) due to waiting for a reply from the wrong mode of communication!

Funny because my friend finally got a texting plan and an iphone... I had no idea! But phonecalls just work way better between us. However I can still text her!

I have another friend who texts, but she often keeps her phone in her bag and doesn't hear it. :-P Annoying but we learn to live with it. These devices, connections have helped us make life so much more convenient, at the same time annoying for those who don't succumb to the culture of it all.

Then again meetup helped me find the awesomest group of climbing friends in the world!They reply to my texts/ calls and put up with my autocorrect issues!

I don't know... we are at a strange time in the world.

What are your thoughts on this issue? I am so open to hearing ideas, opinions, solutions...



Breathe!!!!

Becks

Shelbs

Manders

Alice

My friends from climbing!

Ry