Vacation and Limiting Social Networking

I went on vacation this past week. My friend challenged me to go this week with viewing and checking into facebook only twice a day before 9 am and after 9 pm only. Only two likes, statuses, and I wanted to keep the picture uploads to the minimum also. I deleted my facebook app completely from my phone, I kept myself signed out from facebook in general. The hardest part was not liking a lot of different stuff, however it has lessened a lot!

I didn't post any pictures, except two or three, and mostly I emailed or texted them to the near and dear people. Sorry if you weren't one of them, but you gotta earn it! Yep it's a new elite club of getting close to pree. Wasn't it that way before the boom of social media, myspace, facebook, and instagram? No one knew you got married unless you were super rich and had the biggest wedding the town ever saw or if you were in with the people big time, but now EVERYONE knows thanks to facebook, if you or your spouse remembers to update. And usually someone does, or someone posts the pictures, its like your own personal  paparazzi... I get it, I was super excited about the whole thing, until recently. Until I realized how it was affecting me. So it's a good thing and a bad thing, right now am so glad I am keeping it to a minimum.

I kept my statuses to a minimum, and texted, or emailed if I had to communicate with someone. I think mostly my friend and Ryan posted most of the pictures. Oh I had fun though, and was able to be present more because I didn't worry about other stuff. We caught up with news, weather and the world on tv at night, and well Mandy and Ryan checked Yahoo! everyday. It's popular and a favorite for both of them! At times I did look over their shoulders when they facebooked, but I was mindful! Laying on the beach and doing nothing, not even texting, or scrolling through endless nonsense on the phone. If I needed to know something I would wiki it or wait till I got home, or actually think about it. I got a book to help me with things I was interested in.

My holiday was a success, and my rehab is going pretty well. It's just the beginning, and I have a long way to go. I hope to make it through and become "NORMAL" with the help of family, loved ones and friends. To a more healthy living!

Breathe!

Cleaning

Struggling with Addictions

Remember the blog I wrote about social networking addictions? Well I suffer deeply. I was just spending time with my boyfriend this weekend, and he was like put the phone down, and then we can commence cuddling. So I did, begrudgingly, but I knew he was pointing something important out. I have about a 1000 friends, and sometimes I feel the pressure of having to check it. One knows who are the frequent posters, the unfrequent-facebook checkers, some people go through phases, of checking it for a week... I don't know how or why I got so consumed by this. I am known to be a frequent fb user, so I feel pressured when I don't post something. It's been only one month since my facebook hiatus in February. I have a problem.

I spoke to a friend who told me "try to avoid confrontational situations, just chill." When I explained further, he said " you just sound vexed". So he commented "first of all facebook is stupid. Stop fucking commenting on random shit that doesn't affect you leave FB alone. All it will do it annoy you later." We have helped each other through tough times, and continue to do so, he was one of the few who recently helped me figure out that whole "shoulds" and "is" issue. He diagnosed me after listening to how "wired" I am. He said "You have it worse than a alcoholic or a druggie!!! A person who is constantly distressed by her accomplishments and shit and is on fb every 3 hrs connected via phone, laptop... !!!! Close your fucking account!" (Sometimes harsh language helps jolt stuff into your head, subtlety is at loss.). Strangely my sister advised the same, so after much gerrymandering I accomplished (due to spotify now being connected to faceboo, so annoying!).

 My friend went on to point out "Do a poll of all your friends.The most chilled out dudes, I'm sure barely ever get on fb.Getting on fb is a choice YOU are making!" Which is kind of true, live life more, internet less, fall less in the "busy trap"... busy doing what? Rule of thumb, and when joining any any any social network remember "you can not post stuff on fb and not expect to see peoples opinions on it, then some idiot will say something that bugs you." Which is true, which we forget. Election times are the worst, all other times are pretty tough too.

About idle time he suggested "if you are bored find healthy stuff to surf." To prevent me from re-activating it in a day he said "I know you will reactivate it in a day... every time you check facebook an animal dies a painful death ok!!!! That should help you." And it does, I remember the same tactic used to curb children from masturbating which is actually healthier than other stuff kids do today (Steubenville, Ohio)!

Why is this a problem? Often time it leads to a difference of opinion, ego bruising, and even confrontations. I know among kids it could lead to break ups, bullying etc. Personally I've lost friends, and its the worst thing to lose friends over, the silliest of arguments blow up into a volcano. I think social networking, facebook, meme's increase the likely hood of ruined friendships. Often times one can successfully show another person "hey you can look at the issue from this perspective", and that person acknowledges. Then you think you can take it further and change the world. Which leads to worse stuff. Social networking is now used to push ideas, products, political parties, etc. etc. *sigh* What happened to good old friendship? It's a tough world, and facebook, the internet and media, bring that world into your place of solace. Yikes! We can't fight it, but we can choose to let it not affect us. I know I let it affect me, just as my friend said. I need to distance myself and let it go. Seeing things for what it is and not getting wrapped up in the chaotic allure of it all... so difficult to do sometimes!

There seems to be increasing effort and research in studying the use of technology as an addiction, in fact there is a program now which focuses on internet, electronics addictions.

Other helpful links:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/managing-your-social-network-addiction.html
http://sobercollege.com/2012/social-media-young-adult-addiction-treatment
http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/032210p8.shtml
http://socialtimes.com/fight-social-media-addiction_b4552
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0924933810708464
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/troubling-social-media-addiction-statistics

I realize not everyone has this issue. Most people are able to balance things in their life for the most part right? So I just need more help than others! It's my problem, am helping my self!

:-)


Breathe!

Dualities of life... finding the balance
Picture courtesy Piyali

From Blogging to Writing: Transformations

The transformation occurs:
from blogger to writer.

From singing in the shower to composing on the piano and guitar!

Dreaming of the dress, to being able to fit in the dress comfortably so!

From wanting to be fit, to feeling the muscles build and the fat burn.

Thinking healthy to being healthy - 1 french fry is yummy, 2 french fries reminds you of how gross that made you feel!

Planning trips and finally making them happen... even if it is just you, travel solo, the adventure is more amazing.

From accepting advice, and actually acting on it and learning from it.

This power to transform in a positive manner, is all yours.
You control it.
Find out how to do it, and do it!


Breathe!

Falling Water - PA, Frank Lloyd Wright

Egos, Opinions, and Arguments

This morning, in a meeting I witnessed one of the biggest clashes of personality, ego, and wit. It was amusing for a while, then it was hackneyed and I just wanted them to grow up and sort out their differences. The eye rolling, the use of wit, semantics, and what not. Grown Ups!

I miss the days when I could just pull my sisters hair, and she would slap and scratch me back, we would cry, and my mom would say sort it out. We would look at each other, say sorry and start playing again, together.

Things were simple then, how did it get so complicated?

The ego slowly develops as we grow and it becomes a source of comfort, the mental embodiment of that security blanket, or teddy bear we once couldn't live without. Holding onto our "ego" we actually miss out on a lot. As we grow we learn, and we often seek for approval of our opinions, thoughts etc. When we confront disapproval instead of seeing why and how, we say why not, and begin to stand our ground. It is important to learn how to stand our ground, but also see the other person's perspective and realize to them that maybe right. As we now learn after being around this planet for a while, and living with other humans for a little bit, that no one ever wins a fight, and no one ever is right or wrong (it's never as clear as black and white, and even then we found the 50 shades of Gray, different shades of white and black!).

If we are so educated, why do we still end up in conflicts?

Ego! The ego holds us back from seeing things from the other side, or multiple sides. When we hold onto it, (it's like holding on to pride), we can't see from anther's perspective. However when you can put things in perspective, then you range of vision, understanding, empathy, experience increases drastically.
Education, I feel, kind of hones that ego, rather than making us understand that we have it, and how it holds us back from truly being an "educated" human (with that statement I will say there's more where that comes from, a lot of ranting).

So how do we remedy this human nature called the Ego?

Let go of it. It is very hard to do, especially at first, because it always comes back, be aware of it, and notice the actions it makes you take. Its really easy to correct once you realize you are acting out of ego and not from your true heart. Realize the difference and make that change, it is good for the world. It is one of the things I have learnt from my boyfriend and my sister, is letting go of it, and being the higher person, not for pride, but to do the right thing, and realize I will be making the same mistake as the "offender" if I behaved in that fashion. Deepak Chopra, Sri Sri Ravishankar, The Dalai Lama, etc. and other philosophers and spiritual teachers have some useful advice.

Back to the argument this morning, it's funny thought both of the individuals involved have the above awareness, they went back to that nature since they thought they had to defend themselves against each other. Defense is a major part of protecting the ego/ error or a great way of hiding the fact you KNOW you did something wrong. So although I see where they were both mistaken, they both could have bowed and admitted, apologized and started working, building from scratch. However that seems like more work so they decided to take the messy path. As amusing as it was, it was disappointing, however I learned a lot and do plan to apply this further in my life.

Breathe!
 

The sign reads "we are not Human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience"!!! This lady (who drives the car) got it right!


Deepak Chopra - https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/view/744/selfesteem_and_ego

"Be mindful of how you release your negativity so that it does not reflect back into your reality."



Dalai Lama - http://www.dalailama.com/messages

His tweets are the best:

Affection is important because it counters anger, hatred and suspicion that can prevent our minds from functioning clearly.

Affection is important because it counters anger, hatred and suspicion that can prevent our minds from functioning clearly.

Don't blame others for your uneasy feelings; blame your own state of mind. This is why altruism  brings you greater peace of mind.

Don't blame others for your uneasy feelings; blame your own state of mind. This is why altruism  brings you greater peace of mind.

False Emotion Appearing Real - FEAR

False Emotion Appearing Real - FEAR
Something my sister told me once, I don't know where she heard it, however it was her response to me expressing insecurities. She helped me through the process explaining that it's in my mind and not true, and once I realized that I was free. I was not captured by my own fear.

Truly what do we fear, it is an emotional reaction to help us preserve our selves, often unfounded. We make ourselves believe things, and we begin to protect ourselves. That could be good or bad, but realizing the process of this (metacognition) is utterly valuable, for it then opens doorways which we otherwise would not have been able to cross.

My fear: climbing. And yes I am a climber.
Every time I am up there, the fear that I will fall clutches at me. I can't make a difficult move, I over analyze it. I stop trying, because I am too busy thinking, and my hands begin to sweat, my mind thinks, ' now i will definitely slip and fall'... the circle of fear begins. The whole time I know that my belayer has me, and I truly have nothing to worry about. We check the gear, we double checked everything, so this fear is for the sake of fearing? Silly me.
I am working hard on mentally overcoming this. I can climb outdoors fine, I just can't deal with the exposure (example: a cliff, my bane Seneca Rocks, WV, and other such "structures").

So how do we work with our "FEARs"  and get over it?

1- stop thinking (distract yourself - read, draw, movie, friends, puppy... any number of things. use your imagination!)
2- when you are in that position of "FEAR" / scared/ anxiety/ stress - think about what it really is "False Emotion Appearing Real". Question it, logically, understand it, understand yourself.
3- Face it - if you are afraid of spiders - go to a petting zoo and pet one; dogs - go find a puppy and ask to play with it; being alone - go spend a day with your favorite person (yourself) and do it more often; the basement - put on the lights, take a knife with you and go downstairs and then realize how silly you are
4- there are things we are all afraid of, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. My silliest fears are clowns, balloons, thunder, and fireworks (they all go pop/boom which startles me, and makes me rather upset. the clown uses balloons to make pop sounds which are supposed to be funny? associated fear). So what I try to do is I expect it every second, and become less afraid. I Try. But once you accept your fear, face it, come to terms and understand it, it gets easier from there.

I'm still "afraid" of climbing up Seneca Rocks, but I will do it someday. I have to understand that although the exposure is pretty crazy, it is doable, and my belayer has got me (the thought still makes me sick). One key aspect of me overcoming this is me becoming a better climber and having more confidence. Once I can do "difficult" moves, I should think that the rock is no problem for me. Hearing 5.8 or 5.9 level climbing right now, does scare me a little. So I start small and dream big, and work hard to get there!

breathe

My sister spinning poi

From Groupie to Climber

Trying to become a better climber... some people are born with it, some people have to train more, not due to physical ability, but due to mental restraints. That's what holds me back a lot.

I have an awesome climbing Guru, who I have learnt to trust, and it has been hard because the line is not tight, and yet he tells me not to worry about falling cause he's got my back. The line is slack!

I'm not scared of falling to the ground, I'm scared of banging into the wall, or a few bumps or that initial fall... even though its just a few inches, or feet.

Motivating myself to climb, I love it once I start doing it and it's going well, but when I am stuck, and it's an indoor rock climbing gym, the humidity between me and the wall builds up, sweaty palms, the stench of my own sweat, and MY OWN inability to get to the top - frustrates me. Next thing I know I am in a grizzly mode. However I'm getting closer to the top, my arms are shaky, adrenalin and other hormones pumping through my blood; How can I give up now?

No way missy, we are going to follow the red route to the top (ok I might rainbow it, since I need to slowly perfect the technique).

My climbing guru told me "climbing is like a road, first few times you might get lost, it will take you longer. but the more you practice the route, the faster and easier it becomes"...

Thus my "projects" are born. From one project to another I climb, till perfection and I blossom as a climber.
The seeds of "being a climber" were planted, now I need to be cultivated and then finally harvested! What helps more with motivation is knowing that I will be learning more, and not just stopping at indoor, top rope climbing.

The next step of my cultivation was -  lead climbing. I have climbed outdoors, and depending on the difficulty level, I can do pretty well, or pretty terribly. I did terribly at Seneca Rocks, WV, mainly because I was NOT mentally prepared for the exposure. Lead climbing is great but remembering the rules of placing the carabiners, is important for safety. Then comes technique, strength and stamina, like any sport, and this takes practice. Down climbing is important for both lead, and training for strength and stamina (although torturous and often feels like a punishment). After down climbing, one realizes what a joy rappelling is. No wonder rappelling is more common than climbing in some places!

I am still learning, and there is no end to learning when climbing, there is a whole world out there to climb!

If you haven't climbed yet try it! If you are afraid of heights, try it! If you can't then hang out with climbing people they are awesome!

Climb on
 and

Breathe!

Climbing the Spantic peak 7027 m - Karakoram Pakistan

Tonsai - thailand

Bouldering in Big Bend

 

My climbing guru also says "Breathe! Breathe like you are having a baby! I can't hear you breathing!"