My friend and I were discussing today about the difference between what we think we "should" be and what we "are" (the "is"). We found it very different from each other, we spoke about this in terms of Myers-Briggs personality test and life itself. Our personalities in term of the Myers-Briggs changes from year to year, so does our idea of what we "should" be.
Although I am ENFP (extroverted- intuitive - feeling - perception), sometimes I feel I should be more ESTJ (extroversion - sensing- thinking - judgement). Sometimes I find myself INTJ (introversion -intuitive - thinking - judgement)... so there are many different possibilities, and our lives are dynamic we change within. Our "should"s change to, what we think we should be at that time. Eventually we sort of settle down into one, maybe on or two aspects maybe so ingrained in us that we can't change it, like me and the "intuition" aspect, also i am more feeling than thinking, always have been! We eventually have to come to terms with the "is" and be ok with it, and let go of the "should".
My friend's blog about through hiking the Appalachian Trail this year helped me understand the aspect of coming to terms with the "is" and "should". She talks about her fears of not being able to complete the journey, but eventually comes to terms with what "is" or rather what might be. Either way if she completes it its a victory, if she doesn't there's always a positive side "... if I don't make it to Maine, I'll have some great stories to tell. And maybe I'll even lose a toe, preferably the little one. I never liked it anyway. Or, I could embellish a bear story and even possibly get some hippy trail name that I can change my Facebook alias to."
If its about "should"s "maybe"s of the future, it becomes about perspective and remembering that the journey is what matters, the goal or the peak is but a prize along the way.
Another part of the the blog that tackles "should"s and "is" is that everyone has this idea that we grow up with about what life should be, at least here in US who knows what it's like in war torn Iraq, Iran, Israel or Palestine or even Pakistan. The "should" is often the formula, the "American Dream", I don't know what else it's called, but I have written about it before. We go to school, go to college, go to more college, find a boy/ girl, get married, get a good 9-5 job of $50k preferably more, buy a house, buy a car, buy a lawn mower, have a kid, buy diapers... and then grow old, spend Christmas, thanksgiving and other holidays with your grandchildren. Alot of people follow this "should" and seem happy, some do and fail, some never do. My doctor told me I "should" to get married soon and have children by 31. She said we could take it out after that (refer to my previous blog), solving my health problems. I was polite and said, I'd rather wait. How does one tell another person that their "should" is not your "is"? A tough one, isn't it? It's good to see more people not follow the "should" but follow themselves!
I know a lot of people who talk about how they would be happy just leaving everything behind, and just going to a mountain retreat, to find happiness and peace, when they realize their "is" which was them following their "should" did not work. Do they ever go? Most of them don't embark on that journey and just stay stuck or find a different way with less changes, because they are scared of straying from the "should" and finding the new "is". However it seems more people are going out on the limb and finding and accepting the "is". I sure am. I am learning to accept other people's "is" as well!
Following and accepting your "is" can be in whatever for, from just taking off on a solo journey, to taking that class in martial arts or pottery you've always wanted to, or getting away from that toxic environment, basically it is finding what makes you truly deeply happy. That is your purpose, that is your being, That is you!
Breathe!!!
"Enlightenment is essentially waking up from the should's and looking at what is" - Tanjot
Although I am ENFP (extroverted- intuitive - feeling - perception), sometimes I feel I should be more ESTJ (extroversion - sensing- thinking - judgement). Sometimes I find myself INTJ (introversion -intuitive - thinking - judgement)... so there are many different possibilities, and our lives are dynamic we change within. Our "should"s change to, what we think we should be at that time. Eventually we sort of settle down into one, maybe on or two aspects maybe so ingrained in us that we can't change it, like me and the "intuition" aspect, also i am more feeling than thinking, always have been! We eventually have to come to terms with the "is" and be ok with it, and let go of the "should".
My friend's blog about through hiking the Appalachian Trail this year helped me understand the aspect of coming to terms with the "is" and "should". She talks about her fears of not being able to complete the journey, but eventually comes to terms with what "is" or rather what might be. Either way if she completes it its a victory, if she doesn't there's always a positive side "... if I don't make it to Maine, I'll have some great stories to tell. And maybe I'll even lose a toe, preferably the little one. I never liked it anyway. Or, I could embellish a bear story and even possibly get some hippy trail name that I can change my Facebook alias to."
If its about "should"s "maybe"s of the future, it becomes about perspective and remembering that the journey is what matters, the goal or the peak is but a prize along the way.
Another part of the the blog that tackles "should"s and "is" is that everyone has this idea that we grow up with about what life should be, at least here in US who knows what it's like in war torn Iraq, Iran, Israel or Palestine or even Pakistan. The "should" is often the formula, the "American Dream", I don't know what else it's called, but I have written about it before. We go to school, go to college, go to more college, find a boy/ girl, get married, get a good 9-5 job of $50k preferably more, buy a house, buy a car, buy a lawn mower, have a kid, buy diapers... and then grow old, spend Christmas, thanksgiving and other holidays with your grandchildren. Alot of people follow this "should" and seem happy, some do and fail, some never do. My doctor told me I "should" to get married soon and have children by 31. She said we could take it out after that (refer to my previous blog), solving my health problems. I was polite and said, I'd rather wait. How does one tell another person that their "should" is not your "is"? A tough one, isn't it? It's good to see more people not follow the "should" but follow themselves!
I know a lot of people who talk about how they would be happy just leaving everything behind, and just going to a mountain retreat, to find happiness and peace, when they realize their "is" which was them following their "should" did not work. Do they ever go? Most of them don't embark on that journey and just stay stuck or find a different way with less changes, because they are scared of straying from the "should" and finding the new "is". However it seems more people are going out on the limb and finding and accepting the "is". I sure am. I am learning to accept other people's "is" as well!
Following and accepting your "is" can be in whatever for, from just taking off on a solo journey, to taking that class in martial arts or pottery you've always wanted to, or getting away from that toxic environment, basically it is finding what makes you truly deeply happy. That is your purpose, that is your being, That is you!
Breathe!!!
"Enlightenment is essentially waking up from the should's and looking at what is" - Tanjot
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