The Should and The Is

My friend and I were discussing today about the difference between what we think we "should" be and what we "are" (the "is"). We found it very different from each other, we spoke about this in terms of Myers-Briggs personality test and life itself. Our personalities in term of the Myers-Briggs changes from year to year, so does our idea of what we "should" be.

Although I am ENFP (extroverted- intuitive - feeling - perception), sometimes I feel I should be more ESTJ (extroversion -  sensing- thinking - judgement). Sometimes I find myself INTJ (introversion -intuitive - thinking - judgement)... so there are many different possibilities, and our lives are dynamic we change within. Our "should"s change to, what we think we should be at that time. Eventually we sort of settle down into one, maybe on or two aspects maybe so ingrained in us that we can't change it, like me and the "intuition" aspect, also i am more feeling than thinking, always have been! We eventually have to come to terms with the "is" and be ok with it, and let go of the "should".

My friend's blog about through hiking the Appalachian Trail this year helped me understand the aspect of coming to terms with the "is" and "should". She talks about her fears of not being able to complete the journey, but eventually comes to terms with what "is" or rather what might be. Either way if she completes it its a victory, if she doesn't there's always a positive side "... if I don't make it to Maine, I'll have some great stories to tell. And maybe I'll even lose a toe, preferably the little one. I never liked it anyway. Or, I could embellish a bear story and even possibly get some hippy trail name that I can change my Facebook alias to."
If its about "should"s "maybe"s of the future, it becomes about perspective and remembering that the journey is what matters, the goal or the peak is but a prize along the way.

Another part of the the blog that tackles "should"s and "is" is that everyone has this idea that we grow up with about what life should be, at least here in US who knows what it's like in war torn Iraq, Iran, Israel or Palestine or even Pakistan. The "should" is often the formula, the "American Dream", I don't know what else it's called, but I have written about it before. We go to school, go to college, go to more college, find a boy/ girl, get married, get a good 9-5 job of $50k preferably more, buy a house, buy a car, buy a lawn mower, have a kid, buy diapers... and then grow old, spend Christmas, thanksgiving and other holidays with your grandchildren. Alot of people follow this "should" and seem happy, some do and fail, some never do. My doctor told me I "should" to get married soon and have children by 31. She said we could take it out after that (refer to my previous blog), solving my health problems. I was polite and said, I'd rather wait. How does one tell another person that their "should" is not your "is"? A tough one, isn't it? It's good to see more people not follow the "should" but follow themselves!

I know a lot of people who talk about how they would be happy just leaving everything behind, and just going to a mountain retreat, to find happiness and peace, when they realize their "is" which was them following their "should" did not work. Do they ever go? Most of them don't embark on that journey and just stay stuck or find a different way with less changes, because they are scared of straying from the "should" and finding the new "is". However it seems more people are going out on the limb and finding and accepting the "is". I sure am. I am learning to accept other people's "is" as well!


Following and accepting your "is" can be in whatever for, from just taking off on a solo journey, to taking that class in martial arts or pottery you've always wanted to, or getting away from that toxic environment, basically it is finding what makes you truly deeply happy. That is your purpose, that is your being, That is you!


Breathe!!!



"Enlightenment is essentially waking up from the should's and looking at what is" - Tanjot

I don't know where I found this, but it works for this blog! and it's cute!

The Call of the East

Firstly back by heightened interest, need and more participants is the 5 minute meditation project blog!

What amazes me, warms me, and makes me bubble up over flowing with love, is how i have come to find a mass of people who enjoy learning, living, loving the philosophies and teachings I grew up with (which I so rebelliously shunned as a teen)! I'm talking about yoga, meditation, chanting slokas, ॐ, Sanskrit (as a kid I thought - what is the use of this!), Bhagavad Gita, Mahabharatha (I watched the entire series in the 90s with my grandmom who fluctuates in and out dementia), etc. Being Indian, and growing up with the whole family, and mom sending me to Bhagavad Gita classes, Bengali classes, singing classes, made no sense then, and was a lot of learning, information (we thought the internet was full of information) overload! My mom always said, "you will thank me one day" with that all-knowing tone. I guess that day is today. I can pass on my knowledge which I acquired begrudgingly, but now cherish and nurture.

So recently I picked up (on kindle) Jaya by Devdutt Pattanaik, which is a version of the Mahabharata, to refresh my memory on the story. I forgot how complex it was, getting lost in the Maya of life; story within story within story, that you forget where the original story began. Perhaps that's how the movie 'Inception' was conceived.... dream within a dream within a dream... basically Maya. Will write more on this as I get lost deeper in the maya of this book.

Then I also found the old Srimad Bhagavad Gita by Swami Tapasyananada (Ramakrishna Mission Publishing) I learned from. I was in 6th or 7th grade when the Bhagavad Gita classes started. Every Sunday afternoon after lunch, when a kid just wants to snooze, heavy mind boggling Gita philosophy and the heavy Sanskrit, deconstruction, and just taking it all in. Our teacher was and is a historian but also a Sanskrit scholar. He is very learned, and I still ask him when I have any doubts, questions, and need help refreshing my memory. After that class, we had chanting class, so more Sanskrit, understanding slokas and deep philosophy (as a teen this wasn't fun, we just wanted to go out and play or take a nap as we were taught as a child). That was the heavy stuff, which helped me stay on track, and also helped me identify the things I needed to rebel against as a teen (because that's what teens do to be cool), but later on in life, helped me stay true to myself, beliefs and remain a good person. Something did manage to sink in despite all the rebelling during teenage years.

I'm so glad that I can read Devnagiri, Bangla, Tamil (this one I am a little slow at), and can understand it because of the combined knowledge of all four. They are so interlinked, so culturally founded, and the fact my family is so bong (slang for Bengali), this knowledge is passed down - Gayatri Mantra, the gotrams, lineage, connection to the whole shenanigans of the Sapta Rishis (yes I said that!), the mantras, the yamas and niyamas, even the eightfold path... I guess it is all taught, when I took Buddhism classes at CSU, I was excited to tell my parents about three jewels in buddhism - Buddha Dharma Sangha, and of course my dad knew all about it and recited it in Sanskrit with his Bengali pronunciation Buddho, Dhormo, Shangho! Maybe he's an exception, because he was lucky to have been sent off to Sri Ramakrishna Mission in Puruliya, and maybe that where all this knowledge was bestowed onto him, but often times parents try to teach their kids, but kids partially take it in?!?!

My point is, there is this growing desire in the west to learn all the above, and I find it amazing, and heart warming. When I came back to the USA in 2001, I was enrolled in a Christian college where I was told my birth religion was wrong, so were all other faiths. I was told that Christ was the only way to heaven. My argument was as long as you are a good human why would you be denied heaven, especially if the religion taught you how to live as a good human? I was told that was just the way, and God wanted us to find him through Christ and Christianity only. My idea of an open, accepting and appreciating America, was shattered. This is why I am happy to learn so many people accepting teachings of Hinduism, Buddhism, the Gita, Patanjali, the Upanishads, the Vedas, into their world. It restores my faith in mankind... To accept something so alien as Sanskrit into your life (it's a different script, and sounds like gibberish, hard to pronounce, thus alien), and recite the words with so much love and joy, its pretty amazing to me! Thank you all for inspiring me to appreciate the culture I come from. I see it with fresh eyes. I wish the rest of India would do the same... the beauty it came from has become twisted and dirty. If this group in Northeast Ohio can do it, everyone and anyone else can too!

Breathe!

Picture courtesy Piyali Banerjie

Picture courtesy Chris Soria

Picture courtesy Piyali Banerjie

Picture courtesy Chris Soria