31 years is a long time, but not really that long, its about perspective. I just realized it is my birthday this week, and I had nothing planned. I have been so busy with life, work, changes, health, that I totally forgot my flipping 31st birthday.
Oh boy! I've crossed over the 30 hill, and I will say this whole "grownup, non-college student, real life, responsibility is all over-rated. Kids don't know how good they have it, despite having their sugar limits controlled, etc. They need to chill out and enjoy life, moments, when they have the time, because as we grow time flies by faster, and we don't pause and enjoy the moments, and life as much. C'est la vie!
31, what have I accomplished? A couple of degrees, this job, and another job... but they don't seem as important to me as other amazing things I have done. I learned to rock climb, I climbed half way up a mountain and then felt pretty sick, so had to come back down, but I tried, I got half way up. Next time it will be all the way! I learnt from this that Climbing isn't about brute force, its all about the mind, overcoming it, coming to terms with it, and using the brain to figure out how.
There was a spontaneous trip. I went to Yosemite, although just for a day, I went there with my sister. It was our first adventure together! This was a place I had heard about, read about, dreamed about since I was a child. Just being present there was awe inspiring. You can read my blog about it
here.
Realizations have been arrived at in my 30th year: I'm a pretty badass, hardworking, strong, and passionate person. Somewhere along the way I stopped believing in myself. Maybe the lack of enthusiasm and optimism from jaded seniors rubbed on to me? Maybe it was that the hard times or the reality that a fancy degree does not mean you land your perfect job. In fact it takes a lot of searching to find that. Finally I remembered why Pree is so awesome! I first quit eating meat when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. I couldn't deal with the cruelty. I was able to give up caffeine, meat, dairy, alcohol this past year. I did not miss a single Yoga teacher training class, this girl who tries to wiggle out of most commitments, made a commitment that i would keep all my commitments, or be utterly honest about why I was backing out, (even if it was just because I was tired and just needed "me" time).
I am a badass, and always have been. an amazing example is when I was 17: I shaved off my hair (before Britney did)! This was in the 12th grade about Jan or Feb, my senior year, kind of right before the farewell party (kind of like prom). I just didn't want my hair to define me. I was tired of being judged by the way I looked, girls disliked me, guys objectified me... so off the hair came. This experience taught me alot about hair: it grows back, hair on our bodies make so much difference, yet so little. This taught me a lot about people: many people who were my friends, disappeared into the woodwork. I found out who my true friends were, I learned that hair is so easy to have, we hide behind it, it takes so much confidence to be bald. Walking into school was so tough the first day, everyone stared, people asked me dumb questions, like if I had cancer. I told them all to Sod off. Some people don't care how you look, they love you for you, others are all about judging on outward appearances... hmm! Remind you of the millionaire who dressed up like a bum? So many stories...
Being bald is tough, carrying yourself with a bald head is tougher than with hair: more reason to be self conscious... or does societal norms make that happen? Days passed by and each day became easier, not because the hair was growing back, but because I learned to carry that head, I knew I was more than just my hair, and looks.
The Olympics, the world cup, yoga, the grand slams of Tennis: I love sports, and have always taken part in sports. A lot of my passions always lay in athletics because it seemed so real to test the human spirit through our bodies, thus mind and soul. Being an athlete takes immense discipline, it has nothing to do with race, genetics, gender... its about your state of mind. I wanted to be a "Yogi", and I am slowly getting there. It's not unattainable. I want to be a runner, I am runner, I might not be Usain Bolt, but I am closer than I was yesterday. It's not about losing weight, its about setting goals, being healthy, and becoming the Pree I want to be. This year I'll be blogging on my journeys through running, hope you'll check in on it! Hope to run a half marathon by September!
Who Moved My Cheese, it was the wake up call, that 'hey changes happen'. However, actual growth is a conscious decision. Of course one could succumb to the societal norms of growth, its the easy way, but every now and then there are those, like me, who chose to grow differently in life. I picked a different path, and I am brave enough to go down it alone, and with loved ones. It takes more conscious of a "I will grow" factor. It's different from going from job to job, it definitely requires getting out of all your comfort zones, making sacrifices... etc. C'est La Vie!
Online dating does work: I met my boyfriend online, it was a long process, we lost touch, and reconnected, met in person. We clicked, and it's been a wonderful 3.5 years getting to know each other. :-) I will say it did take a lot of men who didn't match what I wanted in life before I met Ryan, but I am glad I waited, and tried. In fact I had almost given up hope with the male kind when I met him. I love him deeply, and dearly. We make such a good team - tandem kayaking, biking, hiking, camping, travelling, moving, gaming, cooking... and most of all just being!
Pursuing Dreams: it can be done, just takes a lot of growth, mental awareness, and mentally, physically being able to digest that "Wow that's a heck of a mountain, but I can climb it. *gulp*" - it's OK to be overwhelmed, scared, but once you take the first step. You know you can do it. I've been writing my first book, half way through I realized how huge this is, how difficult, tiring, and complicated, but at the same time so simple. So its really about building blocks, taking one step at a time. Phewie - Breathe!
I had no idea what my "dreams" / goals were until I created a vision board. First I stuck pictures that I wanted on there, then pictures I liked, and things which I wished I would / could become. A year and a half later, encouraged by a friend, I finished my Yoga Teaching Studies Certificate, I received a raise at work... it was happening just like the stuff I stuck on my vision board. Now looking to further improve, am creating a new vision board.
My spiritual path, learnings, studies, reflections, and teachings have all deepened while on this journey. I have been able to meditate for an hour a more at least once a week, and practice a daily meditation/ yoga practice. Although my daily practice may range from a short 15 minute to an hour, I make sure i touch upon some form of meditation, yoga or Pranayam. My self discipline has increased, and I impress myself with my abilities daily. On weekends I am a little more laid back, or else I would be burnt out.
I think on writing this I reflect on what brings value to me and my life, especially since I panic after crossing 30. I say, measure yourself in experience and growth, and not in "accomplishments". If we live from one goal to the next, we forget to be, and the journey is the important part. So keep sight of your goals, let them free flow, but always remember to be true to yourself, to be present in each moment, and most of all be happy in what you do.
