Have you ever had that feeling, when your putting on your favorite pair of slacks and suddenly your ass is in the way, and you're like "What! Where did this globulous-blobness come from?" And suddenly life is different and the wake up call to make a change has rung loudly in your ear.
Struggling with weight... ever since my hormones and ovaries went wacko, my life style changed, and my body changed. Since I fell off the "workout" wagon it was hard to get back on. Finally I've gotten back to the gym, and oh my, it's been tough!
Everyone is always like it doesn't matter what size you are, you must love yourself. Heck ya, I do love myself, my curves, my multiple spare tires, the love handles bla bla bla... but really, I have standards for myself. I rather not buy a new wardrobe with larger clothes sides. I know that my body type, my bone structure and I know there is only so much my bones can carry. There are things I want to do, I must lose the adipose tissue, the fat.
What happened? As I said I had health problems, and after a while I just had a hard time going back to the gym, my hormones were off, I was depressed, and it just kept layering on, the fat that is. Until I felt bad going to social events with friends, but still had to, but I was still to ashamed and embarrassed that it had come to this, pushing me into more depression. Thus the vicious cycle, so someone had to help me break it and that was me. People told me while I went through extreme self loathing, and mental/ emotional pain and agony of being unable to love my "curves" that I should accept myself and love myself, and we all come in all shapes and sizes. I get that! I won't be Kritsten Dunst skinny, or like Jessica Alba... those are not my body types. I can accept my body type and hold myself to standards... So I will work towards it in a healthy way.
So yes I love my body, I know I can be better, and no not cause I want to look like a skinny catwalk model, (although it might be nice), I just want to be healthy for me. I want to be attracted to me, I want to do child's pose again and not have my tummy come in the way. I want to look "athletic" to me again. I want to be athletic again. I have goals! Yes I am pretty hard on my self, let alone, family and loved ones telling me I am chubby, need to lose weight etc. I am so hard on myself, to the point it was scary to see myself naked. Now after 4 or 5 weeks of hard work outs, hours at the gym, I feel and see the difference, oh and some muscular injuries too... but results are really in the inches and not the number on the scale.
It's been pretty painful emotionally, mentally, and physically. Next time you see an obese person, think twice about making a rude comment. We don't know their story. Age, medical condition, genes, food availability, access to exercise, information and so many more issues can be the reason for obesity. Yes, sometimes there's pure gluttony, and laziness, but there is also depression, binging on comfort foods, so on and so forth. Sometimes sadness is something that can consume us to the point that we lose ourselves... to eating and sitting. So chubby people need help, kindness and encouragement.
Emotionally, I've had to motivate myself, overcome how I look in shorts and a t-shirt, overcome exercising in public and knowing that my jelly is bouncing around... dealing with my body unable to do what I could once do. It hurts and demotivates, but it takes a lot to just keep going, as Dory in Finding Nemo would say "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming swimming".
Mentally, I've had to just make myself go, shut of my mind, tell it to shut up. I had to shut up my internal critique, my self loathing, my self doubt... and just go through the exercise like I am a robot. However, in the end all the blood is in my muscles, so there is less thinking, and the endorphins just keep pumping out, making me feel better. So hush mind hush, this is a meditative practice.
Socially, I've had to turn down everything, just so I have 4-6 days of work out a week, 2-2.5 hours each day. Yeah at 30 more time is required to burrrrnnn the fat, and get tht metabolism going, unless you're one of those hyper metabolism people, who are magically thin no matter what they eat. Oh my! Anyway the good thing is, it's fall / winter so there aren't too much stuff going on, and it's perfect time to train for summer outdoor activities. Also winter is the time we tend to eat and sit around more, due to lack of stuff to do outside due to cold, snow and whatever inclement weather Ohio throws our way, so gym is great.
Physically, soreness, aches and pains, and initial injuries before the muscles get stronger. Stretch before exercising, warm up its easier on the muscles- basic important rules. Sometimes forgotten, but stretching is so important and yoga helps me so much too. So I go from being tight from working out, to stretchy in yoga... it's a tough body change to deal with. I love both though, eventually though one could almost only need yoga. Balance is always important though even in the yogic world. Listening to my body, not pushing myself too much, or not under-doing it was a challenge, and of course not even being able to do it, and finding modifications was another obstacle to overcome.
Diet: Eating healthy is another big lifestyle change one has to make initially to lose fat. Later we may reintroduce the unhealthy stuff in small amounts, however with thanksgiving it was kind of tough, yes Cheese was consumed. Recently a vegetarian, gave up all meat except fish, how do I get my protein? Oh fish, lentils, beans, chick peas!!!! Yeah so much more. I gave up dairy due to lactose issues, but good cheese in small amounts is ok, gluten gives me instant heart burn, and other problems the next day, so that is to a minimum too. Lots of grains, nuts, and veggies for me, let's not forget fruit. I eat an apple everyday. Caffeine is ZERO! Yes because it slows down metabolism although hypes you up, its the sugar, and whatever. I drink herbal teas like tulsi, and rose. Alcohol is the tough one, but since its mostly gluten I am left with ciders, and I am bored of apples, so wine it is. But it is only on weekends, as a result I am a lightweight! Processed foods and sugars are of course out of the question, especially soft drinks, etc. OUT! So although I have been eating healthy for about a year, exercise is key to inch-loss.
Why do we call it weight loss when muscle actually weighs more than fat, and fat is actually all inches! We should call it Inch Loss! This entire thing has been such a mind job, and I have to keep going. I have goals that I want to reach, ie. running a race with my bestie next year, running a lot, biking alot, climbing alot, yoga-assana-ing alot, and who knows what else! Most of it is looking at my bi-weekly semi-naked selfie which Ryan helps me with, and saying I love you, and hey we can get through this!
Ok now that I'm done being utterly honest... I can get the rest my body needs.
Breathe!
Struggling with weight... ever since my hormones and ovaries went wacko, my life style changed, and my body changed. Since I fell off the "workout" wagon it was hard to get back on. Finally I've gotten back to the gym, and oh my, it's been tough!
Everyone is always like it doesn't matter what size you are, you must love yourself. Heck ya, I do love myself, my curves, my multiple spare tires, the love handles bla bla bla... but really, I have standards for myself. I rather not buy a new wardrobe with larger clothes sides. I know that my body type, my bone structure and I know there is only so much my bones can carry. There are things I want to do, I must lose the adipose tissue, the fat.
What happened? As I said I had health problems, and after a while I just had a hard time going back to the gym, my hormones were off, I was depressed, and it just kept layering on, the fat that is. Until I felt bad going to social events with friends, but still had to, but I was still to ashamed and embarrassed that it had come to this, pushing me into more depression. Thus the vicious cycle, so someone had to help me break it and that was me. People told me while I went through extreme self loathing, and mental/ emotional pain and agony of being unable to love my "curves" that I should accept myself and love myself, and we all come in all shapes and sizes. I get that! I won't be Kritsten Dunst skinny, or like Jessica Alba... those are not my body types. I can accept my body type and hold myself to standards... So I will work towards it in a healthy way.
So yes I love my body, I know I can be better, and no not cause I want to look like a skinny catwalk model, (although it might be nice), I just want to be healthy for me. I want to be attracted to me, I want to do child's pose again and not have my tummy come in the way. I want to look "athletic" to me again. I want to be athletic again. I have goals! Yes I am pretty hard on my self, let alone, family and loved ones telling me I am chubby, need to lose weight etc. I am so hard on myself, to the point it was scary to see myself naked. Now after 4 or 5 weeks of hard work outs, hours at the gym, I feel and see the difference, oh and some muscular injuries too... but results are really in the inches and not the number on the scale.
It's been pretty painful emotionally, mentally, and physically. Next time you see an obese person, think twice about making a rude comment. We don't know their story. Age, medical condition, genes, food availability, access to exercise, information and so many more issues can be the reason for obesity. Yes, sometimes there's pure gluttony, and laziness, but there is also depression, binging on comfort foods, so on and so forth. Sometimes sadness is something that can consume us to the point that we lose ourselves... to eating and sitting. So chubby people need help, kindness and encouragement.
Emotionally, I've had to motivate myself, overcome how I look in shorts and a t-shirt, overcome exercising in public and knowing that my jelly is bouncing around... dealing with my body unable to do what I could once do. It hurts and demotivates, but it takes a lot to just keep going, as Dory in Finding Nemo would say "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming swimming".
Mentally, I've had to just make myself go, shut of my mind, tell it to shut up. I had to shut up my internal critique, my self loathing, my self doubt... and just go through the exercise like I am a robot. However, in the end all the blood is in my muscles, so there is less thinking, and the endorphins just keep pumping out, making me feel better. So hush mind hush, this is a meditative practice.
Socially, I've had to turn down everything, just so I have 4-6 days of work out a week, 2-2.5 hours each day. Yeah at 30 more time is required to burrrrnnn the fat, and get tht metabolism going, unless you're one of those hyper metabolism people, who are magically thin no matter what they eat. Oh my! Anyway the good thing is, it's fall / winter so there aren't too much stuff going on, and it's perfect time to train for summer outdoor activities. Also winter is the time we tend to eat and sit around more, due to lack of stuff to do outside due to cold, snow and whatever inclement weather Ohio throws our way, so gym is great.
Physically, soreness, aches and pains, and initial injuries before the muscles get stronger. Stretch before exercising, warm up its easier on the muscles- basic important rules. Sometimes forgotten, but stretching is so important and yoga helps me so much too. So I go from being tight from working out, to stretchy in yoga... it's a tough body change to deal with. I love both though, eventually though one could almost only need yoga. Balance is always important though even in the yogic world. Listening to my body, not pushing myself too much, or not under-doing it was a challenge, and of course not even being able to do it, and finding modifications was another obstacle to overcome.
Diet: Eating healthy is another big lifestyle change one has to make initially to lose fat. Later we may reintroduce the unhealthy stuff in small amounts, however with thanksgiving it was kind of tough, yes Cheese was consumed. Recently a vegetarian, gave up all meat except fish, how do I get my protein? Oh fish, lentils, beans, chick peas!!!! Yeah so much more. I gave up dairy due to lactose issues, but good cheese in small amounts is ok, gluten gives me instant heart burn, and other problems the next day, so that is to a minimum too. Lots of grains, nuts, and veggies for me, let's not forget fruit. I eat an apple everyday. Caffeine is ZERO! Yes because it slows down metabolism although hypes you up, its the sugar, and whatever. I drink herbal teas like tulsi, and rose. Alcohol is the tough one, but since its mostly gluten I am left with ciders, and I am bored of apples, so wine it is. But it is only on weekends, as a result I am a lightweight! Processed foods and sugars are of course out of the question, especially soft drinks, etc. OUT! So although I have been eating healthy for about a year, exercise is key to inch-loss.
Why do we call it weight loss when muscle actually weighs more than fat, and fat is actually all inches! We should call it Inch Loss! This entire thing has been such a mind job, and I have to keep going. I have goals that I want to reach, ie. running a race with my bestie next year, running a lot, biking alot, climbing alot, yoga-assana-ing alot, and who knows what else! Most of it is looking at my bi-weekly semi-naked selfie which Ryan helps me with, and saying I love you, and hey we can get through this!
Ok now that I'm done being utterly honest... I can get the rest my body needs.
Breathe!
